25. Grayson
25
GRAYSON
W ith Bliss safely in an ambulance and my heart pounding, I sank down on the battered clubhouse couch and put my head in my hands.
Any trace of earlier hostility gone, Hawk thumped me on the shoulder as he passed me by, his body jerky with leftover adrenaline. “Holy shit. I can’t believe that just happened.”
I lifted my head to watch him pace the room. “Me either.”
He grinned, eyes shining with a high I remembered from early days of my training, when every procedure was new and thrilling. “That was fucking awesome.”
I let the anxiety inside me go on a long exhale and sucked up some of his excitement. “You going to get out of your comfort zone and get the GED, so next time you can be the one delivering the baby? I just nearly shit myself. I haven’t delivered one since my residency.”
Hawk paused, as if he was mulling over the idea, even though it was clear to me he’d been wasting his life, spending it outside of a hospital. If he was this excited by the stress, the bodily fluids, the screaming of someone in pain, especially someone he loved, then there was no denying what he was supposed to be doing with his life.
Maybe he wasn’t supposed to be a doctor, but he wasn’t supposed to be a biker either.
Hawk needed to be saving lives. Not taking them.
I looked him in the eye. “I meant what I said earlier. I’ll help you.”
Hawk cracked up laughing and thumped me on the back again. “Deal. And Kara will get hers at the same time.” He scooped Hayley Jade up from the floor and tossed her into the air, catching her easily when she sailed back down into his arms. “Won’t she, Hay Jay? You’ll go to school and so will Mommy and me.”
Hayley Jade nodded her little head enthusiastically.
Kara laughed, watching Hawk and her daughter fondly. “I can’t think of anything I’d like to do more.” She sat on the couch beside me and put her hand on my knee, squeezing it. “You were amazing. Inspiring, actually.”
I didn’t deserve the praise. My fingers had been shaking the entire time, but half my job as a doctor was reassuring patients and keeping them calm. That was something I did daily. I was damn lucky Bliss’s baby had only had a minor complication. Anything bigger and we might have had a different outcome.
It only made me want to get out of psychiatry more. A feeling deep in my gut that more hands-on medicine, the sort I got to do today, and in the clinic, was where I really wanted to be.
But for now, I’d ride the high right through the weekend and the week of marriage counselling and other mundane appointments I had scheduled Monday to Thursday.
Hawk eyed me. “You need a drink.”
I wasn’t going to deny that. Delivering that baby had me reeling. Plus, it was Friday night and I wasn’t on call. A whisky or a tequila, or both, sounded pretty good right now. “I do.” But I wasn’t exactly sure where I stood with him now that the rush was over, and Bliss and War were on their way to the hospital with their healthy baby boy. I hadn’t forgotten Hawk walking in on me comforting Kara and threatening to beat the shit out of me. “You offering me one, even though you were ready to punch me in the face earlier?”
Hawk studied me, a darkness dropping over his expression. “Whether I punch you in the face or not is up to Kara. She’s the one you were all over.”
Kara rolled her eyes. “Stop it. If you weren’t so dramatic all the time, you would have heard me say he wasn’t hitting on me. We’re friends. He’s my boss, for goodness’ sakes.”
Sure. Her boss. Friends.
Fucking fabulous.
I shrugged at Hawk, brushing off the rejection of being so firmly in the friend zone. “So…drink?”
He pushed to his feet, brushing his hands off on his jeans. “Yeah. But not here.” His gaze rolled down my body, taking in the suit pants and shirt.
I’d ditched the tie and jacket and rolled my sleeves up, but it was splattered with blood and who knew what else after delivering a baby.
“You need a shower. Fresh clothes. Dress up and then meet us at Sinners.”
I frowned. “What’s Sinners?”
Kara opened her mouth, probably to explain, but Hawk cut her off, sniggering with a smirk. “You’ll see. You like to push me out of my comfort zone, Doc. Let’s see you get out of yours.”
As soon as I got home, I googled Sinners and found it to be a new, upper-class restaurant in Providence. The photos of the interior showed a stylish bar and restaurant, and Hayden’s name was listed as head chef. Which explained why Kara and Hawk were attending the grand opening.
What I couldn’t work out was why Hawk had said it was time for me to get out of my comfort zone. Nice clothes and fancy food weren’t exactly out of my norm these days. Though I sounded like a spoiled rich brat, even thinking that.
Which made me uncomfortable. I was no stranger to those nicer things in life now. But it hadn’t always been that way. I hadn’t forgotten that. I never would. The horrors of my childhood and teenage years were so firmly imprinted in my brain, there was no amount of therapy that could make me forget where I’d come from. Even as an adult, my past had kept coming back to bite me, until it had cost my wife her life.
I showered, finding that for once, my brain switched from memories of Annette to the present day quicker and easier than I ever had before. I’d spent years sitting in my grief over her death, waiting for something to break the spell.
Instead, it had been a someone.
Shame that someone already had two men and only saw me as the friendly neighborhood doctor, who delivered babies in his spare time.
Hawk had told me to dress nicely, so I pulled on a fresh pair of suit pants and a button-down shirt, cuffs rolled to the elbows. I slapped on some aftershave, picked up my phone, and locked the front door.
My phone buzzed on the way down to my car, and when I checked the message on my watch, I stopped.
Another body came in. Same cause of death. Strangulation. Cops identified her as the sister to the last one. Whoever this guy is, he’s escalating. Want to come check it out? I can probably only keep her another day or so.
It was my contact at the morgue.
This time, at least my blood didn’t run cold at the thought the victim could have been Kara. I’d seen her only an hour ago, so she definitely wasn’t the dead woman lying cold in the morgue with the life strangled out of her.
But it could have been.
If this guy was escalating, how long would it be before he got to her?
I pushed the thought out of my head, reminding myself that for now, at least, she was safe.
And she wasn’t mine to protect. No matter how much the urge was there to do so. If I continued to listen to it, it was only going to end with Hawk beating the shit out of me.
I’d probably deserve it.
By the time I parked my car down the street from Sinners, I’d convinced myself I could just be friends with her. Because there was no alternative.
But the minute I walked in the restaurant doors, and she looked up and waved to me from a booth in the back corner of the room, I knew I was full of crap. She had her hair down, brushed out and glossy, just begging for me to twist with my fingers. The deep-blue dress clinging to her tits and then falling softly around her knees nearly had me on mine. She was a world away from the sweet-faced woman who put on scrubs when she came to the hospital and worked her damn ass off.
“I’m so fucked,” I muttered to myself, raising a hand in return and pointing her out to the ma?tre d’, who waved me on.
“You made it!” Kara stood as I approached. She pressed up onto her toes and kissed my cheek. “Thank you for coming. I know it’ll mean a lot to Hayden.”
Despite knowing I shouldn’t, I took her arm, leaned down, and kissed her in the same spot. “You look beautiful,” I whispered gently into her ear.
I knew it was out of line.
But I couldn’t help it. It was the truth. The dress clung to her curves so damn enticingly it was impossible not to notice how effortlessly pretty she was. This darkened room, with all its black-and-red interior, low lights, and sultry music, only made me want her more.
I so needed a drink. I hadn’t had a crush like this since high school, and it was getting downright embarrassing.
Next I’d be having wet dreams about her like I was fucking fifteen years old with no control of my dick. Kill me now.
“Thank you.” Kara ducked her head, though it did nothing to hide the pink blush in her cheeks.
Had she liked me calling her beautiful?
A tiny seed of hope lit up inside me. One that whispered she noticed me too.
I dropped into the empty seat beside her and reached across the table to shake Hawk’s hand, feeling vaguely guilty for the feelings I was harboring for his woman.
He raised his glass at me. “Glad you made it.”
“You promised me a drink, so I figured it would be rude not to show.”
Hawk grinned and signaled to the waiter. “Can we get another round? Top shelf. Whatever our friend here wants. He delivered a baby this afternoon, so he deserves it.”
The waiter widened his eyes. “Seriously?”
I laughed uncomfortably. “I’m a doctor, so it’s not actually as impressive as it sounds.”
Kara shook her head. “Actually, it was. I was terrified the entire time, but you were so calm and collected. Even when the baby wasn’t breathing, you just got the job done. You were amazing.”
I swallowed thickly, accepting her praise awkwardly, all while wishing she was calling me amazing for any other reason.
I was a good doctor. I knew that. But I didn’t want that to be the only thing she saw.
I wanted her to see me as a man.
But then she turned to Hawk and gazed at him the way I wanted her to look at me, and I told the waiter to make mine a double.
I needed it if I was going to be the third wheel with the two of them all night. Watching him whisper in her ear and her laugh and lean into him suddenly seemed like the worst sort of torture. I struggled to remember exactly why I was subjecting myself to it.
When the waiter brought my drink, I downed it in one and asked for another.
Kara pulled away from Hawk and leaned into me as I set my glass back down on the table. “So we’ll have to reschedule Hayley Jade’s appointment. Any idea when you might want to do that?”
I stalled on my answer, realizing if I was in agony now, spending more and more time with them wasn’t exactly going to help. I couldn’t be her therapist when I wanted to be so much more.
I was saved by Kara’s gaze flickering to focus over my shoulder. “Hey! They let you out of the kitchen!”
Hawk overdramatically screwed up his face. “Oh, look who it is, here to wreck my mood.” But there was a renewed interest in his eyes, and he didn’t turn away from whoever was approaching the table.
I swiveled, relieved to be off the hook but then groaning internally at the sight of Hayden strolling across the restaurant in his all-black chef uniform, hair tied back in a messy low ponytail at the base of his neck, and a barely there beard covering his cheeks.
“Jesus Christ,” I muttered into my drink. “Could he be any more attractive?”
Hawk glanced over at me and snorted.
Red-hot embarrassment skated down my neck that he’d heard. I cringed. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to say that.”
Hawk eyed me. “You swing that way?”
I shook my head. “Doesn’t mean I’m blind though.”
Hawk chuckled quietly, his gaze too all-knowing for me to continue to hold.
Kara eyed us curiously, but then Hayden was at the table, gripping the edge of it and leaning down to plant a kiss on Kara’s mouth.
Jealousy surged inside me that both he and Hawk got to do that. Got to touch her all they wanted while everything inside me ached to do the same.
“Everything okay with you all?” Hayden asked. His gaze fell on me. “Grayson, right? We met when Kara was in the hospital. Heard you also deliver babies in your spare time.”
“Only on Fridays,” I joked lamely, desperate to change the subject. “Great place you have here. Opening night seems like it’s going well. Tables are all full. Food smells amazing.” I held up my half-empty glass. “Drinks are sweet.”
Hayden grinned and tapped the menus on the middle of the table that we hadn’t even opened yet because I’d been too busy drowning my sorrows in whiskey. “I recommend the trout.”
Hawk grinned across the table at me. “Nice and light. So you aren’t too full for…dessert.”
“I’m not much of a sweet tooth,” I admitted.
Hawk and Hayden both laughed. Kara’s cheeks were pink again.
I frowned at her. “What did I say?”
Hawk jerked his head at Hayden, his smirk firmly in place. “You going to invite him?”
“Invite me to what?”
Hayden raised an eyebrow, ignoring me, his question all for Hawk. “He’s your boss. You want to see your boss like that?”
“I’d like the earth to swallow me whole now, please,” Kara said quietly with a giggle in her voice, making me realize she’d clearly had more than one of the fruity cocktails she’d been sipping on since I’d gotten here.
“I’m not anyone’s boss tonight,” I assured them, literally no idea what was going on. “I’m not even on call.”
Hawk sniggered. “Go on. Give him a ticket.”
Hayden shook his head and reached over the bar, saying something softly to the bartender, who handed over a small slip of paper. Hayden thanked him and held it out to me. “Ticket to the after-party. It’s held in the room just down the hallway, past the bathrooms. But just be warned, it’s not your regular sort of party.”
I frowned down at the ticket, not knowing what he meant by that but not wanting to sound stupid either. “Sure. Okay. No problem. Thanks.”
Hawk sniggered into his drink again, thoroughly amused with himself.
Hayden tapped the menus once more. “Eat something, it’s all on the house. I swear the food is edible. I’ll catch up with you all later.”
I tucked the ticket into my pocket and turned my attention back to drinking. Hawk eased up on the teasing, and the three of us fell into conversation about work, the patients we’d seen recently, and the treatments we’d given them. It had been a long time since I’d had someone to teach, and it was nice to share what I did, especially with people who were so eager to learn.
But at the same time, it reminded me I never got to do this. I had no one to go home to at night and talk over my day with. I had colleagues, and gym regulars, but no real friends. I was attracted to Kara, but not just in a physical sense. I liked talking to her. She was curious. Asked smart questions, and it was clear her desire to help people aligned with mine.
Hawk was a different breed, perhaps more in it for the thrill, but it didn’t make him any less interested.
For the first time in as long as I could remember, I was just having a nice time, enjoying their company and conversation. Drinks flowed, all of us downing more than we probably should have, our conversation and laughter getting loud.
The food came out, and it was mouth-wateringly delicious. Kara moaned at the taste of her first bite, and I nearly choked on my mouthful of trout, drunk enough to imagine that moan coming from her lips because of a whole different reason.
Hawk seemed to have the same idea on his mind. His hand dropped below the table, and I was sure it was headed for Kara’s leg.
Or his dick.
The vibe in the room didn’t help matters. It was a soft seduction, the music mixing with the freely flowing alcohol and a buzz of anticipation I couldn’t quite understand but felt the effects of nonetheless. Our little corner of the room felt private and warm, and when Kara let out a tiny gasp, my brain conjured up an image of Hawk’s fingers beneath the tablecloth, creeping up the side of her leg, slipping beneath the hem of her dress and diving between her thighs.
I muffled a noise of need into my drink, but it wasn’t enough. I had to get out of here. Dinner had been nice, but the longer I sat here with them, the more I was just torturing myself. “I think I’m going to leave you to it,” I mumbled as Hawk leaned in and pressed his lips against Kara’s neck, no fucks given that I was still sitting there at the table with them. “Maybe go check out the after-party or something.”
If either of them noticed me leaving, they didn’t comment, too involved with each other.
The air was slightly cooler in the hallway as I searched for the bathrooms. At the bustling kitchen, Hayden caught my eye and raised a hand in greeting. I returned the gesture but kept moving, the alcohol taking its effect on both my head and my bladder.
I did my thing in the empty bathroom, washed my hands, and then splashed cold water on my face, trying to relieve some of the heat from my cheeks.
I needed to distance myself from Kara. If tonight had taught me anything, it was that. If I considered my behavior from an unbiased therapist point of view, I would have diagnosed myself with a clear case of infatuation.
One that wasn’t healthy, considering I was third-wheeling on a date with her and another man, and imagining it was me with my hand between her thighs, making her moan.
I leaned my head on the cool tiled wall of the bathroom and squeezed my eyes shut. I needed to stop this. Stop seeing her. Change my shifts around so I wasn’t in the clinic when she was. Recommend her a different therapist because I’d already crossed so many lines with her that we couldn’t come back from.
That I couldn’t come back from. None of this was Kara’s fault. It was all on me.
I couldn’t stand in the bathroom all night. That was weird when there were guys coming in and out to use the urinals. I slipped from the restroom, gaze catching on the heavy wooden doors at the end of the corridor.
Hayden had said the after-party would be held down here, and there was already a steady stream of people handing over their tickets and slipping inside the doors.
I didn’t want to go home and sit in my empty apartment alone. All I’d do was replay every interaction over and over again, and hate myself a little more for every stupid thing I’d said to a woman who was never going to see me as anything more than a friend.
I didn’t want a friend tonight. I wanted something more. Someone to take home. Someone who would make me remember there were plenty of other women around.
Curiosity got the better of me, and I followed a loved-up couple to the doors, handing over my ticket to the woman manning the entrance. Her long dress sparkled in the spotlight above her head, a long split up one thigh and another plunging deep between her breasts.
She scanned the slip of paper Hayden had given me, then gave it back, pointing at a number on it. “There’s a corresponding locker to your left as you walk in for your clothes and personal belongings. And showers just inside the doors if you want them at any time.”
I blinked. Showers? What on earth would I need a shower for? Lockers seemed like overkill too. I could just hold my jacket if I got hot.
My face must have displayed my confusion because the woman laughed at me. “Are you okay?”
I squinted at her, wondering if I’d heard her wrong. I’d had quite a bit to drink tonight. “I’m just wondering why I’d need a shower?”
She bit her lip, trying to hold back a laugh. “Do you have any idea what you’re walking into?”
I shook my head. “I’m starting to think I don’t, actually. Want to clue me in?”
The woman leaned in, nipples brushing against my chest, her lips at my ear so she could whisper into it. “It’s a sex club, honey. Welcome to the real side of Sinners.”