Chapter 14
Fourteen
Skye was set up in the living room on the sofa with the blinds closed and most of the lights off. He was too far away to hear the noises coming from Rami’s bedroom, even with his hearing aids all the way up and the background filter turned on. But that was fine.
He had a view of his lover on the screen, and that was enough.
Skye had no idea what Rami was planning to do with the toy. He hadn’t asked. Rami asked him to set up his laptop and log in to the live so he could bid, and that’s exactly what he’d done. All of this was a surprise. All of this was…
Hell, it was perfect.
Rami was sitting on a folding chair, legs spread, both cocks hard and thick. His thighs were trembling, and although Skye couldn’t hear anything after turning his speakers all the way down, he knew his beloved was gasping and moaning as he slowly lowered himself on the dildo.
He’d stuck it to the seat of the chair, and it had taken him a full four minutes and nineteen seconds to take it down to the hilt. Skye had almost come twice, able to keep himself from shooting off only because he had practice doing it. But he wanted to wait. He wanted to hold back because after the live was over, Skye had plans.
Big ones.
His cock jumped against his thigh as he thought about being able to take Rami in his arms and slowly pump the toy in and out of him as he played with his cocks. Fuck.
He shuddered, keeping his eye on the screen because Rami leaned over, and Skye knew he was typing. Then, text appeared on the screen:
BIDDING FOR YOUR CHOICE: HOW DO I MAKE MYSELF COME NEXT? YOU CHOOSE ANYTHING. NO RESTRICTIONS
The bid count shot up faster than Skye could get his fingers to move over his trackpad. There was no point in putting in a number now. He was going to blow them out of the water, but he wanted to wait. He wanted to see how high he could get Rami’s count before he put in his own. He wanted Rami to understand how much he was desired by total strangers—how much they all thought he was worth.
His gaze remained fixed on the timer as it counted down. Rami began to fuck the dildo harder, and Skye recognized the line of tension in his body. He was afraid Skye was going to miss it. That he wasn’t going to bid enough. That he was going to have to give this up for someone he didn’t know.
Skye would never let that happen.
At forty-five seconds to go, the bidding ground to a halt at seven thousand dollars. Skye knew it made him some kind of asshole that it was chump change to him, but he wasn’t doing this to show off. He was doing this to take care of the man he was pretty sure was the love of his life.
It was time.
He wasn’t going to risk playing games, so he started his own bid at ten thousand, but the number didn’t move.
Shit. Someone had bid higher.
He put in fifteen, and the bid changed with ten seconds on the clock.
Holding his breath, he typed twenty into the little box, poised to hit Send in case the person vying for his beloved decided to try again…
And then the timer ended, and he got the notification that he was the winner. His name showed up on the screen, and he could see Rami’s hands shaking as he grabbed himself and finished himself off for the audience.
Skye knew the live would go on a bit longer, but that was enough for now. He exited out of the site, closed his screen, then tiptoed down the hall, hoping to God he was quiet enough so the camera didn’t pick him up.
He stood a few feet from the door, watching the glow from the laptop screen and the ring light flicker beneath it. His mind played a thousand different scenarios in his head. He was hard, but the feeling of being turned on was starting to wane. He knew in that moment he’d give Rami anything he asked for, but a piece of him was hoping his lover would just want to be held.
They could play with the toy tomorrow or the day after. Any day because this was one thing ticked off his list now. One thing that belonged to Skye from here on out.
His breath caught in his chest when he saw the lights dim, and a beat later, the yellowish overhead light in the room came on. That was his signal. He opened the door very slowly and saw Rami standing in front of the closed laptop, his bare ass exposed, perfect, round, and lush.
Skye cleared his throat, and Rami didn’t startle, which meant he was already fully aware of his presence. He stared an extra few indulgent seconds. Rami had lube smeared along the crack of his ass, the light catching it just right. His hands were loose at his sides, though his fingers were as restless as ever with his stimming.
Skye wished he could see his face. “Tell me what you need.”
“I—” Rami went quiet.
“Anything, sweetheart. Anything at all.”
Very, very slowly, Rami turned the upper half of his body, twisting just enough for Skye to see his profile and make out most of his lips. He gestured to the chair where the dildo was still stuck to the seat. “Can we not tonight?”
“Of course.”
“Did you come?”
Skye bowed his head and shook it. “No. But I don’t need to.”
“Skye—”
His body finally snapped into action. He closed the distance between them and curled his body around Rami’s, chest to his lover’s back. His arms wrapped around his waist, lifting one hand to drag a careful touch through the coarse hair on his belly.
“I don’t need it,” Skye assured him.
“You wanted to…to use it on me after I was done here.”
“I wanted to be with you. I wanted to make sure that you felt good in case the whole thing with the toy went bad. I don’t need to come. I do that for my job. The only thing that matters is you.”
Rami swallowed heavily. “Are you sure?”
Skye glanced over at the chair, the dildo still shining with lube. It looked odd then—alien. Skye turned his gaze away and kissed Rami on the side of the neck. “All I need is to be here so you don’t have to be alone after all that. It was your first time.”
Rami swallowed thickly. “It was different than the other things I’ve done.”
“I know,” Skye whispered. He gently tugged Rami toward the bed, pulling back the covers and mussing them the way he knew Rami liked. He caught a smile on his lover’s face—sort of surprised and yet also resigned. “Lie down. I’m going to get something to clean you up with.”
“I…oh. Do I need that?”
“You have come on your thighs, and lube can feel kind of gross when it dries. Trust me, yes?”
“Yes,” Rami murmured as he settled into the sheets.
In the bathroom, it only took Skye a second to find a washcloth, and the water didn’t take long to heat up. He added a little soap, then let out a happy noise when he found some witch hazel under the sink. It was still in date, so he soaked another cloth with it, then made his way back to the bed.
Rami wasn’t under the covers, so Skye used the soapy cloth to clean his thighs and his cocks. They twitched a little as he mopped up the last traces of what he’d spilled, and then he carefully eased Rami’s left knee toward his chest.
“Hold for me. Just like that,” Skye told him.
Rami’s eyes squeezed shut as Skye cleaned off his hole, then took the witch hazel cloth and pressed it against him. Rami hissed and squirmed. “Feels…weird.”
“Painful?”
“N-no. Yes. I can’t tell if it’s pain or not.” Rami took a slow breath, in and out. “It’s sore though.”
“This is witch hazel. It’ll help,” Skye promised. He held it there a moment longer, then dropped both cloths on the floor in front of the nightstand and crawled over Rami’s body. It was easy to settle in beside him. Curling into his side felt like coming home.
Rami let out a lungful of air before turning into Skye and hooking a leg up over his hip. “Is this okay?”
“Yes. Anything is okay,” Skye told him.
Long, silent moments passed as Skye just held him, and bit by bit, he felt the tension leaving his body. After a while, Rami’s breathing deepened and grew more even, and Skye thought he might have been asleep.
Then he spoke.
“That was harder than I expected. It was…good. Very good. It felt…I don’t know. Different than I expected it to.”
“Good?”
“Very,” Rami said, but there was hesitation in his voice. “But it was also lonely.”
That’s what Skye had been afraid of. “I should have figured out how to stay close while I bid.”
Rami quickly shook his head and held tighter. “It was better that you didn’t. Safer,” he added. “I don’t want to get caught rigging the system.”
Skye went to argue that he wasn’t rigging the system. Skye was bidding fair and square. Anyone could outbid him if they had the money and if they were quick enough. But he also knew that he had privilege most people didn’t.
“If I lose, what will you do?” Skye asked him.
Rami pulled back and met his gaze. “Cancel all the bids and claim it was a glitch. I hate lying, but I think I’d hate someone else touching me more now that I have you. I know it’s not fair.”
“It is what it is. You’re only taking bid money from me. People are getting exactly what they pay for otherwise.”
“I still feel guilty,” Rami admitted.
“That’s okay too. I think guilt is easier to bear than whatever you’ll feel if you let someone else win.”
Rami shuddered hard and held him tighter. “Yes.” Then, he gave a jaw-cracking yawn, and his body went a little more boneless. “M’tired, I think.”
Skye kissed the top of his head. “Let me take my hearing aids out, and you can hit the lights. You need rest, and I need to spend a few hours holding you. I’ll make you breakfast in the morning.”
“Let me cook for you,” Rami murmured softly as he loosened his grip so Skye could take his hands back.
Skye grinned at him as he reached for his hearing aids. “Whatever you want.”
‘You,’ Rami signed after Skye pulled them out. He took them from Skye’s hand and set them on the nightstand. The lights went out after, and Skye ignored the pulse of anxiety he always felt when his world went both dark and silent.
Then, a hand slipped around his wrist, and his fingers were guided to Rami’s chest.
He pressed down until Skye’s hand went flat over his beating heart. It was to that exact rhythm that Skye found himself drifting into one of the most peaceful sleeps he’d had in many, many years.
Skye woke a little disoriented and confused. He was in bed, but it wasn’t his bed. The smells weren’t the same, the sheets were softer than he used, and the pillow was all wrong. It took his brain far too long to catch up to the events of the night before.
He was at Rami’s. He’d stayed over and held him until they both fell asleep.
He felt a pang of regret in his stomach when he realized he was in bed alone. He’d wanted to wake up to Rami’s face. He wanted to kiss him hello. Instead, he reached out and touched the indent beside him, which was now cold.
Sitting up slowly, Skye let himself adjust to the world. His vertigo in the mornings usually took him out at the knees. His tinnitus was screaming like a billion locusts in his head, and he reached for his hearing aids, popping them in. It didn’t erase the buzzing, but it allowed the ambient noise in the room to become loud enough that it all blended together.
He wondered if it would be like that when he lost most of his hearing. Would the screaming persist when he couldn’t hear enough to equalize the never-ending ringing? That scared him more than silence.
But he didn’t want to think about that now.
Swinging his legs over the bed, he stood and took a few wobbly steps toward the bathroom. By the time he was done with his morning piss, the world was facing the right way up, and he washed his hands and face before venturing out.
He could smell coffee somewhere, which was a good sign that Rami hadn’t run from however he was feeling the night before. Skye kept his steps slow but louder as he made his way into the kitchen, and he smiled to himself when he saw Rami at the stove, his head bobbing, massive headphones over his ears.
Whatever he was listening to had his hips shaking, and Skye almost gave in to the urge to rush over and take him in his arms. But he didn’t want to scare him. He reached for the light switch instead and flicked it on and off. The sun was bright enough that it wasn’t super effective, but Rami turned his head at the flicker and smiled widely when he saw Skye.
He was dressed now in low-slung sweats and a thin T-shirt, and he had fresh specks of clay on his arms. He’d obviously been up for hours working, which settled something restless in Skye’s chest.
‘Morning,’ he signed.
‘Hi,’ Skye signed back. ‘What are you listening to?’
Rami waved him off. ‘Arab pop music,’ he spelled. ‘My dad’s favorite.’
Skye walked over and pulled Rami close, kissing him softly on the corner of his mouth. ‘Can I hear?’
Rami pulled the headphones off and winced before handing them over. ‘You probably won’t like it.’
Skye eased them over his ears. Headphones weren’t easy for him anymore. They never fit properly over his hearing aids, and as it was, he struggled to understand lyrics he didn’t already know. But he supposed it wouldn’t have mattered anyway since he didn’t speak a word of Arabic.
When the foam settled on the sides of his head, he was surprised at how much sound could pick up almost immediately. It was a lively beat with heavy drums and rapid strings. The person singing had a low, melodic voice, which, in spite of not being able to hear it well, made him smile.
He bobbed his head in time with the melody and felt a little rush in his chest when Rami’s mouth opened on a laugh.
‘You like it?’
‘Yes,’ Skye signed back. Fist-kiss . The look Rami gave him of surprise and joy made Skye wonder how many people were shitty about what parts of his culture he’d shared. He seemed convinced that at every turn, Skye was going to hate his food, or the words he used, or his music.
He understood. He’d seen it enough times and heard plenty of his clients speaking about it since he was sort of a priest of sin, taking his vow of confidentiality. But it hadn’t hit home like this outside of the Sins, and it felt even more profound with Rami because he knew then he was falling in love with him…if he wasn’t in love already. He wanted to wrap around him and protect him from feeling the pain of the world.
No matter how irrational the thought was.
‘Thank you,’ he signed, pulling the headphones off. It took him a moment to readjust to the quiet kitchen as Rami set them aside. “You can listen. I don’t mind. We can sign.”
‘We can sign,’ Rami repeated. ‘But I was only trying to keep myself distracted so I didn’t wake you.’
Skye grabbed him and pulled him close, kissing his neck. “I wish you would have. How long have you been up?”
Rami’s cheeks darkened as he glanced away. “A little while.”
“What does that mean,” Skye pressed.
Rami let out a sigh, his shoulders rising and falling almost dramatically with the force of it. “I don’t sleep well. I never have. I can only get a few hours at a time, and then my body gets restless. My parents tried everything to get me to sleep—medication, therapy, meditation—but I think we all gave up on a normal schedule by the time I was a senior on high school.”
Skye realized this was a tender point for him too. He cupped Rami’s jaw. “I wasn’t judging. I just wanted to make sure it wasn’t me keeping you awake.”
Rami didn’t look entirely convinced, but he nodded with the smallest smile, and Skye couldn’t help but think it was just for him. That it was a smile only a few people had ever seen. “Breakfast is almost ready. Do you get hungry in the mornings?”
“Eh, but I usually eat because I like to go on a run.” Rami pulled a face, and Skye burst into laughter. “Yeah, you’re going to get along with a few of the guys really well. The only one who runs as much as I do is Stone, and even he’s been slowing on that lately.”
Rami scoffed and turned back toward the stove. “I don’t like the way it makes me feel. I only like breathing hard for one reason.”
Skye lit up, and he reached out, curving his palms over Rami’s ass. “Can I take a guess at what that is?”
Rami looked over his shoulder. Skye had been half expecting a serious, unsexy answer, but Rami gave him a coy grin. “I bet you’d get it right.”
Skye’s heart beat a little faster as he dragged his hands up toward Rami’s waist and tugged him backward against his body again. He dipped his head and kissed his neck. “I bet I would. And I’ll skip my run this morning. I didn’t bring my shoes or my jogging clothes.”
“Next time, you can. I don’t mind. I like working in the morning, and as much as I like having you here too, I don’t…I’d…if it’s okay with you?—”
“Hey,” Skye interrupted after Rami began to stammer, “you can do whatever you need to do. I’m happy to hang around.”
“Yeah?”
Skye kissed his cheek before letting him go. “Yes. Now. About that breakfast.”
It ended up being more food Rami had grown up with. Baked eggs in tomatoes with more spices than Skye could name and more chewy flatbread with the yogurt, oil, and spices he’d been served before. There was also some haphazardly chopped fruit that Rami stared at as though it were full of poison and a silver carafe of coffee that his lover set in the middle of the table.
“Do…have…?” Rami asked as he sat.
Skye missed most of the sentence with Rami’s head tilted down and voice too soft, and this time, he couldn’t fill in the blanks with context. He always—always—hated asking people to repeat themselves. Nearly everyone got a look on their faces that made his stomach ache, like he was the worst burden for not being able to catch the words.
But Rami never made him feel that way.
“Sorry, sweetheart. I missed that.”
‘Caffeine,’ Rami spelled slowly on his fingers. ‘Do you have that in the morning? Coffee? Tea?’
The fact that Rami always switched to sign whenever Skye got lost instead of repeating himself ad nauseum did something to Skye’s insides. He felt safe and…and he felt okay.
He hid the smile he wanted to plaster across his face and settled for a smaller grin. ‘Love coffee.’ He went with the fist-kiss sign to emphasize how much he relied on it.
Rami’s eyes glinted as he pushed the carafe closer, and he kept his face up this time when he spoke. “I don’t like it.”
Skye only just heard the words, and as much as he enjoyed sign—and as much as he was enjoying it even more now with Rami, who so effortlessly slipped into the language—he also really liked the sound of Rami’s voice. Picking up his plate, he moved two chairs closer.
“Is this okay?”
‘To hear me?’ Rami signed.
Skye nodded his fist, then grabbed the carafe and began to pour as he switched to English. “I like your voice in the morning. It’s kind of hoarse and thick.”
Rami’s brows furrowed, but he didn’t look insulted. Maybe just a bit confused. Skye had a feeling he wasn’t used to compliments like that. “Why do you like that?”
Skye shrugged. “I don’t know. It’s…” He struggled to find the right words, but then he thought of something August always said that fit. “A friend of mine calls it a happy brain scratch.”
Rami’s eyes went wide, and he nodded. “Yes. I…yes. I have that with a lot of things. You have that with me?”
Skye reached over and cupped his face, running his thumb over Rami’s lower lip. “Yeah, baby. I do.”
Rami closed his eyes and leaned in. “You’re my happy brain scratch.”
Skye felt those words. To an outsider, they were probably ridiculous. Sappy and cheesy at best. But he didn’t care. They were almost better than I love you. Not quite, but nearly. He took in a deep breath and let it out slowly before he spoke again.
“Being with you makes me feel really good, Rami. I know our situation is…”
“Different?”
Skye laughed. “Mm. Complicated. Definitely unusual, and probably not for everyone, but I haven’t felt like this before with anyone.”
“Yeah,” Rami breathed out. Skye couldn’t hear that, but he could easily read the words off his lips. “I can’t wait for more.”
The words made sense to him in ways he wasn’t sure Rami meant, but then again, maybe he did. Rami seemed to be the only person who really got him. Except for when he was with the Sins, Skye had always felt very, very alone. Like a square peg with a round hole, only just too small for him to fit into. If he twisted, he could fit one, maybe two corners past the edge, but that was it.
With Rami, he was the perfect shape to take all of him. The soft parts, the harder ones. The easy bits and the sharper edges that sent most people running. Everything that had been a deal breaker for Skye’s relationships in the past seemed to be everything Rami needed in his life.
And the same was true in turn. Skye had never felt so content. The fact that it was happening so fast did have him on edge because what if it came crashing down? What if he, like Icarus, was flying too close to the sun? He didn’t want to lose his wings.
But he liked Rami far too much not to take the risk.
“One more kiss before we eat?”
“Probably best to do it now,” Rami said, then leaned in. “The onion in the shakshuka is going to give you bad breath.”
Skye laughed as he cupped Rami’s jaw to guide him closer, used his lips to part Rami’s, touched his tongue with his own to taste him. He was fragrant with the spices he’d used for cooking, and his mouth was warm and lush and pliant.
Fuck, Skye was falling so hard.
“Thank you,” he said when he pulled away.
Rami’s eyes were very soft, and he hunched his shoulders in pleasure, nodding like he’d lost his speech again. Skye loved his voice, but he also didn’t mind the silence. In fact, he decided on a little more. Reaching up, he took his hearing aids out and set them beside his plate before pulling the dish of eggs closer.
He caught Rami’s grin aimed down at his plate, but very visible. He felt content now. And he wanted to chase this feeling with Rami for the rest of his life.