Chapter 15
Fifteen
Even a few days off running had Skye struggling to find his conversational breath as he and Stone circled the park. It was an overcast day with the promise of rain, so he wanted to get his run in before he was relegated to the treadmill.
He certainly loved the gym at the Tower, but nothing beat fresh air in his lungs. They’d been running in silence for a while. Stone seemed to understand that Skye needed that for a bit, and all he’d done was cast the occasional grin as they followed the paved running path.
But about two miles in, Skye felt a little better.
“You, uh…you ever meet August’s family?”
Stone wobbled a bit before catching his stride again, and Skye felt a little bad because his friend was prone to falling when he lost his concentration. His prosthetic legs were a damn marvel with the current technology, but Skye knew they took far more effort than Stone made it seem.
“Mm, no. He doesn’t really…you know, talk to them, or even about them all that much. He ain’t close to anyone besides us.”
Skye was pretty sure none of the Sins had relationships with their biological families. Well, except Avan. But his parents had moved back to London when Avan was seventeen, so he didn’t have to really try and hide what he did. He flew back to visit once or twice a year, and they were none the wiser.
But while none of their stories were the same, all the Sins had pieces of shared history—and so did most of their lovers.
Rami was different. He was very, very different, and Skye was just now starting to become worried because eventually, Rami was going to stop his channel and go back to his life as an artist. He wanted his family to meet Skye—and that was great, of course. Skye wanted that. Badly.
But it also meant lying to them.
Skye personally had no moral qualms with lying about his job in order to keep the peace—and to keep people from being ill-informed dickheads about the reality of his own sex work. But he could tell Rami was starting to bend under the weight of deceiving his family.
And he knew damn well that they could never tell Rami’s parents or his siblings the truth about what he did.
Stone tapped him on the shoulder as they rounded a corner in the path. “Why do you ask?”
Skye let out a soft groan and rubbed a hand down his face. “I’m sure Hen had a chat with you about the guy I’m seeing.”
“Yeah. His big PSA,” Stone said, clearly trying to hide a smile.
Skye rolled his eyes, then spotted a bench and signed, ‘Stop now?’
It always took Stone a moment to slow his stride and halt without falling. He passed the bench by a few feet, then walked backward and collapsed on it, breathing a little heavier than Skye was. He was also older than Skye, and he’d been slowing down now that he didn’t have to keep up his physique in his retirement.
“Do you want to talk about him?” Stone asked when Skye eased down onto the bench, then turned to face his friend so he could see his lips. It was harder to catch all the words outside, even if the park was quiet this early in the morning. The ambient traffic noise always fucked him up.
He swallowed heavily. “I’d like you to meet him. But he doesn’t want a big thing. No barbequing with the guys.”
Disappointment briefly flashed over Stone’s face, but it was gone between one blink and the next. “I get it. I mean, how long did it take August before he could handle being around everyone for more than a few minutes.”
“Yeah. They’re a lot alike in some ways.” Skye twisted his fingers together between the gap his knees made. “Anxious artists. Virgins,” he added softly.
Stone’s brows lifted. “Oh? Hen said—well. Never mind.”
Of course he’d heard the rumors—which weren’t really rumors. It was all true. “The FanCore thing,” Skye finished for him. “He still considers himself a virgin for what he hasn’t done.”
“And you two haven’t?”
“We’re following his rules,” Skye said. “That’s not the issue I’m having. What he and I have feels good.”
“So what is the problem?”
Skye shrugged. “I guess there really isn’t one. Not really. I mean, except the fact that his life is pretty normal, and ours isn’t. At all. And I know I’m terrified of some crisis that probably isn’t going to happen, but I can’t help it. Some days, it feels like I’m about to self-sabotage because he’s the best thing that ever happened to me.”
Stone’s smile softened, and he leaned back, lifting his hand. ‘I understand,’ he signed.
Skye scoffed. “ Sure you do. Your perfect relationship and its happily ever after.”
Stone looked a little surprised. “It was the furthest thing from perfect, Skye. I know it was a long time ago, but the two of us almost didn’t make it. August was terrified of everything, and I was terrified of fucking him up because there are parts of my traumatic past that will never heal. Hell, I’m still dealing with my parents’ bullshit.”
Skye winced. Stone had been embroiled in a legal battle after his brother had come to the Tower. It had been two years now since Onyx had come into their lives, and while he wasn’t a loud presence at the Tower, he was starting to come around more. They’d cleared out the cottage that had been August’s paint studio now that they were closing on a property to both live and work in, and Onyx was officially in training as the next Lust.
And he knew how hard that was for Stone to take. Onyx wasn’t the baby of his family, but he was one of the youngest siblings. He’d come to the Tower full of stories about how their family had gotten even worse after Stone and Flint left, and Stone snapped.
He called child services to come do a sweep, and while he was never in the running to foster the little ones, he’d been paying a good chunk of his life savings to make sure they all went to decent homes that would be able to help them overcome everything.
And that was pain, Skye knew, that would never go away. Pain he’d never be able to relate to.
“Sorry,” he murmured.
Stone touched his arm and shook his head. “I’m just trying to say that I understand when you have something here”—he tapped his temple—“telling you that you don’t deserve good things.”
Skye nodded. “When I’m with him, I can’t hear that voice at all. But when we’re apart, I’m…I’m afraid. He’s really close with his family, and he hates lying to them. I don’t know how I can fit into his life without having to lie to them constantly. Or how I can ask him to do that.”
Stone let out a long, slow breath that Skye couldn’t hear, but he could see the way his chest expanded, then deflated. “I don’t have advice for that. I’m sorry.”
Skye waved him off. “It’s fine. Obviously, I should let Rami take the lead on this one…”
“Rami? That’s his name?”
Skye flushed. “Yeah, sorry. Rami…” Oh God, he didn’t know his last name, did he? Or if Rami was his full name or a nickname. Fuck, what were they even doing? “Jesus, I barely know him. How can I be falling this hard this fast?”
“Because when it’s right, it’s right,” Stone told him once Skye looked up again. “The rest are details you can figure out along the way.”
Skye wanted to believe him. He was desperate to believe him. But things had a habit of falling apart when he let himself get too comfortable. And maybe it was self-sabotage because where he would have rolled over and called it quits in his past relationships, right now, the only sensation in his chest was the desire to fight.
To keep this.
To wrap his body around Rami’s and hold on tight with all four limbs.
“Yeah, I know that look,” Stone said, grinning.
Skye rolled his eyes, but the reason he’d come to Stone in the first place was because he knew his friend got it where some of the others maybe didn’t. Jet and Taylor had become instant friends, and while they’d had their ups and downs in the beginning, their lives seemed to just fit perfectly without strain or adjustment.
King and Hen had been best friends and circling each other for years. Theirs wasn’t a question of if but when.
Flint and his two men had been a difficult road, only because Flint was still fistfighting his childhood trauma and struggling to let people close, but Tomás wasn’t a man who gave up on anything, and Luke was a ballast who was willing to be their port in the storm.
Everyone had their struggles, but only Stone knew what it was like to never feel worthy of love from a man like Rami.
“Just breathe,” Stone told him. “Take it one day at a time. Communicate. I wish someone had told me that when I first met August. Just breathe, then talk. And don’t underestimate what he’s capable of or willing to handle.”
Skye couldn’t help his laugh. “I could never underestimate him. He’s…shit, he’s never, ever been afraid to tell me what he thinks. And, I don’t know.” He paused to rub the back of his neck. “There are things that seem too good to be true.”
Stone quirked a brow and gestured for him to go on.
“He doesn’t want sex all the time. We’re both in sex work, but he’s happier just cuddling. Which…I suppose makes sense when you think about it.”
“Like two chefs living together who only eat takeout?” Stone suggested.
Skye wrinkled his nose, but yeah, that was pretty much it. “He knows ASL. He’s fluent?—”
“Wait, really?”
Skye bit down on his lower lip for a second. “His brother’s Deaf. Like fully involved in the community, you know? With the capital D ?”
Stone’s eyes went wide. “Damn.”
Skye couldn’t help a small laugh. “Yeah. The rest of it…it’s all little things. He lets me be possessive without expecting the same from me. He can see me in a very black-and-white way—like how my job is my job and it doesn’t affect where we stand with each other.”
“Keep him,” Stone said.
Skye’s laugh was a little tense. “I’m trying. It’s hard to remember that I deserve good things sometimes. I love this job, but sometimes it really does feel like we’re fallen angels. That at some point, karma is going to bite me in the ass for defying a god I don’t even believe in.”
“I get it. I’d say it gets easier with time, but it doesn’t. We just learn to handle those moments better—and rely on the people who love us to remind us that we’re good people and worthy of happiness.”
“Can you text me that once a week?”
Stone threw his head back and laughed. “Yeah, babe. Count on it.” He slapped his hands on his thighs, then pushed himself up. “Come on. Let’s get this run over with before I quit and head over to that new Tim Hortons.”
Skye groaned as he followed. “You’re a dick. I want a doughnut so fucking bad right now.”
Stone burst into laughter again, then seized Skye’s hand and pulled him toward the path that led to the main street instead of the rest of the park. Skye grinned and let himself be tempted into their own small, gluttonous sin.
‘You really like the ocean?’
Skye took a moment to make sure he understood the question Rami had signed. It seemed…silly, but he realized a second later that Rami didn’t seem entirely comfortable. They’d only been at the beach for a few minutes. Skye suggested a spot that was far off the beaten path—not much of a hike, but it only had street parking and no shops or restaurants.
Locals would visit, but most other people avoided the spot like the plague. And that was one of the reasons Skye loved it. The other was the small jetty made up of big, dark rocks that hosted the tiny signs of ocean life in their own little bubble.
It was like an aquarium, only the animals weren’t trapped behind glass, and he kind of loved that. He dreamed of retiring somewhere like this—somewhere that felt well and truly like his.
‘Do you want to leave?’
Rami looked startled. ‘No! Why do you ask?’
Skye gestured at him. Rami was tense, his legs pulled up to his chest, arms wrapped tightly around them, only loose enough to sign. He was normally not the most expressive man, but today was even worse. His face was completely blank, and Skye was starting to feel like maybe he’d done something wrong.
Rami stared at him for another long beat, his face still unreadable, and then his shoulders moved with a sigh. Skye couldn’t hear it—he’d taken his hearing aids out since the white noise of even the smallest waves tended to drown out words—but he could see the shifts in Rami’s body.
He felt finely attuned to them. Like he was a song only Skye could hear.
‘I’m having a bad day,’ Rami eventually confessed slowly on his hands so Skye could follow. ‘Sensory overload,’ he spelled.
‘Is there a sign for that?’
Rami shrugged. ‘I don’t know if there’s an official sign for it. My brother has a home sign, but I never use it with anyone else.’
One of the things Skye loved most about ASL was that—the ability to create a little sub-language within his circle of his most trusted friends and family. He wondered if he and Rami would have some of their own, one day. He liked the idea.
‘If it’s too much, we can leave,’ Skye promised him. ‘We can go back to my place. Or yours. Or we can do the date another day. Or?—’
‘Stop.’
Skye dropped his hands quickly, and for reasons Skye pretended not to understand, Rami’s cheeks darkened.
Rami licked his lips. ‘I want to spend the day with you. And I want to spend tonight with you.’
‘Yes.’
Rami’s eyes brightened, though he didn’t smile. ‘I want to spend time in your favorite place, even if it’s too much for me.’
Too much. Skye liked that sign. It was very…expressive, even with Rami’s currently blank face. But it came with a rush of guilt because Skye loved being at the beach, but his love didn’t need to eclipse Rami’s discomfort. Skye was happy to accommodate him. He was happy to twist their day into the shapes that were easy for Rami to fit into.
‘I have an idea.’ Skye stood up and extended his hand, but Rami didn’t take it. After a beat, he wriggled his fingers, but Rami remained firm.
‘We’re leaving?’
‘Trust me,’ Skye insisted. He could see then Rami’s resolve crack. Rami trusted Skye with an absolute faith Skye wasn’t sure he’d ever felt like he’d deserved before now. But he had promised himself weeks ago that he would never, ever abuse it.
Taking his hand, Rami let Skye haul him to his feet. He stood off to the side as Skye gathered up the beach blanket, then collected their shoes. Luckily, they hadn’t brought much, and it was only a few minutes before they were back up the dune and heading for the parking lot.
Skye turned his head when he felt a short tap on his bicep. Rami had stopped, and he looked almost on the verge of tears.
‘What’s wrong?’
Rami swallowed thickly and shook his head. ‘I ruined…’ Skye didn’t understand all of what Rami was signing. ‘Broken. Sorry.’
Skye tugged Rami along toward the car, his feet moving faster with an urgency he didn’t entirely understand. What he did know was that he needed to be somewhere quiet. Somewhere he could speak and understand when Rami spoke back to him. He needed the chaos to settle so he could comfort his lover because changing his plans to make Rami feel safe was not a hardship. It would never be a hardship.
And he needed Rami to understand that.
Dropping the blanket by the side of the back door, Skye unlocked the car and gestured for Rami to get in. He slid behind the wheel, then leaned back and took a breath before snagging his hearing aid case from the dash.
They were nearly charged and on when he put them in, so it only took a second for his world to adjust to a rushing of sound he hadn’t had access to before. The hitch in Rami’s breath, the little hum of his own, the creaking of the leather seats beneath them.
Turning his head, he licked his lips. “Can you repeat what you were saying out there? I didn’t understand all of it.”
It took Rami a second. It was obvious he was struggling with verbal speech. He lifted his hands and dropped them twice, and Skye hated himself for not being fluent enough to give Rami a break from trying to connect his brain to his mouth.
“I ruined today. Everything feels broken, and I’m so sorry.”
Skye leaned over, curling his hand lightly around the back of Rami’s neck, and pulled him in until their foreheads were touching. Rami hated eye contact, but Skye had come to learn he loved this. And it felt far more intimate than simply meeting his gaze.
“Nothing is broken. Nothing is ruined. I love the beach. It’s kind of a calming place for me. But I also take my hearing aids out and dull all the sounds. It’s less overwhelming that way, and I don’t have the same sensory sensitivities you do. I don’t mind leaving.”
“You seemed like you needed it,” Rami pointed out.
Skye shook his head, then dipped down and took a quick but possessive kiss. “I needed to be with you.” He let him go and sat back, and then something dawned on him, and he grabbed his phone from the console. “I have an idea.”
“What—”
“Let me see if it’s possible before I tell you,” Skye interrupted.
Rami nodded and sat back while Skye sent his text. As he waited, he stepped out to put the blanket back in the car, and the moment he was in the open, he could hear the crashing waves. Not as intense as they were on stormy days, but he understood why it would be too much for Rami. The sound was soothing to him, but it was also chaotic.
Getting back in, he saw his light blinking on the phone and picked it up, smiling. Rami gave him a curious look, and Skye tapped his fingers on the back of his phone. “Can it be a surprise?”
Rami’s eyes widened, brows lifting. “I…don’t always love surprises.”
“I think you might like this one,” Skye told him. He was pretty sure he knew Rami well enough to gauge, though he was now beyond nervous.
Rami worried his bottom lip between his teeth, then let out a breath and nodded. “Yes. I think I’ll like your surprise.”
Skye felt a rush in his chest as he started the car, backed out of the spot, and began to drive.
It was clear Rami had no idea where they were when Skye pulled into the small parking lot. He was looking around, clearly confused since they were right in the middle of downtown, and that was the last place Skye would have normally taken him.
But they weren’t going to the main street. Skye had a code on his phone and a plan.
“It seems…crowded out there today,” Rami said nervously. “On the street. A lot of p-people shopping.”
Skye turned to him and took his hand, kissing his knuckles. “We’re not going shopping. We’re going in through that door.” He pointed to the rust-stained metal door in the back of the building.
Rami blinked at him. “In…the building?”
“It’s not open to the public right now. And you’ll see right away where we are. Trust me?”
Rami hesitated, then nodded and got out of the car. Skye followed him and met him at the curb. He offered one hand out, which Rami grabbed, squeezing nervously, and he used his other to punch the code into the panel on the wall that disengaged the dead bolt. The lock clicked open, the sound heavy, reverberating against his palm.
He tugged on the handle, then held the door open with his foot while Rami stepped in ahead of him. When it shut, Skye glanced around, then found the alarm and typed in the same code to shut it off. There was a series of small beeps, just like August said there would be.
And then there was silence.
At least, he was pretty sure there was silence.
“It smells like paint,” Rami said.
Skye laughed and nodded, heading toward the lighted end of the corridor. “Yep. Come on.” Their hands met again, palms warm and soft as they touched, fingers grasping tightly. Skye felt a rush under his skin, and he wondered if he’d ever stop feeling this way when it came to Rami.
A part of him hoped so because this was a lot, and he wanted to get to the point where they simply just…were with each other. And a part of him hoped he’d always at least understand how lucky he was to know this man.
It only took a couple of seconds to reach the main open floor of the gallery, and Rami caught his breath, squeezing Skye’s hand before dropping it. August had been working there for years, and so much of his art was all over the walls now. There were a few sculptures he’d done in his past and a few paintings of the Sins that hadn’t made it onto the walls of the Tower.
And there were several of Stone—not his face, but in intimate poses that few people ever got to see him in. Skye’s favorite was him lying on his back on the deck of his hot tub, legs off, bare-skinned, eyes closed. He looked at peace. He looked in a way that Skye rarely ever witnessed, but he knew was more common now that he had August.
“I know this man. I saw him on the Discord when the Sins were leaked,” Rami said, walking over to the painting Skye had been musing about. Rami reached out and gently touched the frame. “His lover painted this.”
“How can you tell?”
Rami turned his head, and a smile played at his lips. “Because this is how I see you.”
Skye’s heart felt like it was going to beat straight out of his chest. He grabbed Rami by the wrist, tugging him close, kissing him deep and heavy, a little sloppy, but he was desperate to convey the way he was feeling with touch and taste.
Rami groaned loudly and surged into him. “Not here,” he said with a gasp. “Right? Not here?”
Skye laughed and shook his head, his whole body burning. “Not here.”
“And not yet.”
Skye knew instantly what Rami meant. They wanted each other in every way it was possible to have each other, and he had a feeling Rami was getting tired of waiting. Just like he was. “When?”
“Soon. Next week,” Rami said, his voice thready. “If you…”
“Yes,” Skye interrupted, not caring what Rami was going to say next. “Whenever you’re ready, I’m ready.”
Rami bowed his head and wrapped his arms around Skye’s waist. “The bidding will go high.”
“I have enough.”
“But—”
Skye tipped Rami’s chin up to look into his face. “I. Have. Enough.”
Rami licked his lips. “I feel like a sugar baby.”
“If I could have done that and saved us the trouble of you worrying whether or not I’d win the bid, I would have,” Skye told him with a small smile. He cupped Rami’s jaw and ran his thumb over his roughly shaven, warm skin. “But I also kind of like the idea of taking you in front of everyone who wants you.”
Rami closed his eyes, letting out a trembling breath. “Me too.”
Skye bent down and kissed him again. “Let me show you around here while we wait. It’s quiet.”
“It’s art,” Rami said.
Skye nodded, frowning. “Yes. Is that…bad?”
Rami snorted and rolled his eyes. “I love art. I love art in every form there is. This is…my ocean. It’s my beach.”
Skye was hit with a punch of relief. He’d gotten it right. “That’s why we’re here. Sometimes we’ll do my ocean, and sometimes we’ll do yours. And we can start here.” He picked up Rami’s hand by the wrist and laid a kiss to his palm.
“I think I—” Rami stopped.
Skye knew what he was going to say, but he was profoundly grateful that he didn’t finish his sentence. Not yet. Not with this one last thing hovering between them. He closed his eyes and knocked his forehead against Rami’s. “Me too.”
“Yeah.”
Skye kissed him one more time. “There aren’t words now, but there will be soon.”
“Okay,” Rami whispered. Skye barely heard it, but he felt the breath over his face and the motion of his jaw, and it was in that moment he realized he was absolutely and completely content.