Chapter 16
Sixteen
Rami knew it was growing up using ASL with his brother that gave him the worst poker face of all time. Ahmed appreciated it since not everyone in their family used sign properly, but it made for some difficult conversations. Especially when Rami hadn’t seen his brother in months and he was trying to look happy to be at lunch with him.
Which, in reality, he was. He’d missed his family like they’d been a limb he’d lost, and even if it was just his brother, it was something. But Rami was distracted. Tonight was the night— the night. Skye had been working, his schedule fuller than usual, so Rami hadn’t seen him since their date. It had been nearly a week, and the night before, Skye sent him a text letting him know he was free and ready for the auction.
He sent over his request for Rami’s live that night—edging himself into oblivion with tingling lube applied to his nipples. Rami was both excited and terrified to play with himself because this was a little new, and it was also Skye. It was all Skye.
He was the only one behind the screen who mattered.
His feelings were throwing all of Rami’s plans into disordered chaos. He’d wanted to drag this out more, but with the money Skye had used to win the bid on the toy and then on this night, Rami was so much further ahead on his plans than he thought he’d be. And he knew with tonight—with the way the bid would climb for his virginity and the fact Skye would beat them all, he’d achieve his goal.
And then some.
He just wasn’t sure what came after. He still didn’t earn enough to support himself with his art, and while he knew Skye would jump in and offer to be his sugar daddy or his patron or something, Rami didn’t think he could be in a relationship like that. Not with the feelings he had for Skye.
Ahmed choked loudly on his swallow of water, his eyes going wide. ‘Did you just spell SUGAR DADDY?’
Rami’s gaze darted to his fingers, which had obviously betrayed him. His echolalia was worse when he was stressed, and he’d learned a long time ago that it translated to finger spelling random words over and over. He just hadn’t realized his brain had picked up on that one.
Wonderful.
‘Ignore,’ he signed.
Ahmed crossed his arms and stared pointedly, and Rami knew it was only a matter of time before he was going to crack. His first instinct was to lie, which would have worked in his favor because one of the stereotypes his brother believed about him was that Autistic people couldn’t lie.
Rami could lie. And well. Even with his shitty poker face. He didn’t often do it because he rarely saw the point, but he realized now was probably a good time for it. He didn’t think he was ever going to tell his siblings or his parents what Skye did for a living.
There was no point. His parents were open-minded and accepting, but he didn’t think they’d get on board for some Dante’s hell–themed brothel employee falling for their son. Especially their son they tended to infantilize.
‘My boyfriend is rich,’ he finally answered. That was the truth, which made the lie easier. ‘I was thinking about how different our lives are.’
Ahmed’s expression relaxed, and he leaned his chest against the table, signing lazily, ‘I want to meet him.’
Rami nodded. ‘I know. He’s nervous. He’s never met a boyfriend’s parents.’
Ahmed’s brows lifted. ‘No serious relationships?’
Rami shrugged and didn’t answer. The truth was, he didn’t know. He and Skye spent hours talking, but they both tended to avoid what was and focused on what would be. Or on the present, which Rami enjoyed the most.
‘When?’
‘As soon as I get everything with the house taken care of,’ Rami told him.
Ahmed looked annoyed. ‘Are you going to throw out all that old stuff?’
Another point of contention. His brother and his parents wanted him to renovate and sell the place. His sister was the only one on his side about keeping it the way it was. He knew it wouldn’t ever bring his grandfather back, but preserving bits and pieces of him felt…important. Rami struggled with remembering people who weren’t around, and he was terrified to lose the man who had one of the strongest hands in making him the man he was right there at that table.
A man he really liked.
A good man who was proud of himself, confident, and loved.
‘Sorry,’ Ahmed signed after a beat. He must have seen the look on Rami’s face. ‘I didn’t mean to upset you. I—’ His hand stilled, and his brows furrowed.
‘What’s wrong?’
‘There’s a man watching us. Watching you,’ he clarified.
Without really thinking much about it, Rami turned in his seat and ignored his brother’s waving hand of protest. His gaze scanned the patio, and then—to his both joy and horror—it settled on his beloved.
Skye was standing in the alcove that separated the indoor and outdoor seating with a very, very tall man behind him. Rami recognized him from the Tower data leak, but he couldn’t remember which one he was.
‘Your brother?’ Skye caught his eye and signed across the room.
Rami gave a slight nod, and then he heard Ahmed make a loud noise, and he turned back to him. He could lie again. He could say it was just a friend—just a guy he met. But he knew there was no way he could be anywhere near Skye and not touch him.
‘Is that him?’ Ahmed demanded. ‘Is he on a date with someone else?’
Rami heard Skye choke, and he knew it was all over. Rolling his eyes up toward the rolling clouds, he took a fortifying breath, then waved Skye over. ‘He’s not very fluent in ASL, so go slow. Don’t be rude.’
Ahmed had a glint in his eye that said he’d been thinking about it, but after he watched Rami’s face for a beat, he settled back with a small pout. ‘Fine.’
Skye was at Rami’s side in a moment, hovering a few feet away like he wasn’t sure what to do with himself. His tall friend wasn’t with him. ‘Hi,’ he finally signed.
Rami gestured at the empty chair between himself and his brother. ‘Skye,’ he said, spelling, then giving Skye’s sign name. He did the same for his brother, and then he turned to his love. ‘He knows.’
‘About…?’
Right. Yeah. That needed clarification. ‘You and me. Dating.’
Skye looked relieved, and Rami didn’t blame him. His biggest fear was having that conversation with his family, and he couldn’t imagine how it would feel if he’d had to do it with Skye’s. Turning, he extended his hand to Ahmed, then pulled back. ‘Nice to meet you. Sorry my ASL is slow. Rami told me a lot about you.’
Ahmed’s hands were still, his face unreadable. The moment of profound silence stretched on and on. Skye shifted in his seat, then fiddled with his hearing aids like maybe they were the problem. Finally, just before Rami kicked his brother under the table, Ahmed smiled.
‘Nice to meet you. You know my baby brother’s never had a boyfriend before.’
Rami’s face burned with embarrassment at both his brother’s confession and the fact that he used the sign ‘precious’ instead of ‘little’ when calling him the baby of all the siblings.
But Skye was very much himself. He just leaned over and snagged Rami’s hand, kissing his knuckles before letting go. ‘He and I have that in common. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before.’
Ahmed swallowed heavily as he stared at Skye, trying to search for the truth in his hands and face. After a beat, he nodded. ‘Come to dinner. Meet our family.’
Skye’s gaze darted over to Rami, and then he bit his lip. ‘I don’t speak any Arabic.’
Ahmed snorted. ‘Neither do I.’
Skye’s eyes widened, and then he burst into laughter. ‘I’m also bad at ASL.’
‘My parents are worse. You’ll be fine. They’ll like you.’
That might have been a stretch. Skye was as far from Rami’s culture as it got, really. His parents still struggled with the fact that Ahmed considered himself Deaf first and Lebanese second. They just couldn’t wrap their minds around the fact that he could belong to a group of people who hadn’t birthed him or raised him.
So bringing Skye into the mix?
It would be hard. But Rami was too in love to really care, and he had a feeling he’d have his brother on his side. ‘Soon,’ he answered for them both. ‘I’ll let you know.’
Ahmed nodded, then pushed to stand. ‘I’m going to give you two a minute. Meet me at the car?’
Rami realized their lunch was over. Somewhere in the middle of the conversation, Ahmed had paid the bill, and the server cleared away their plates. He was so absorbed in his own situation, and his ears burned with slight embarrassment.
“What’s wrong?” Skye asked aloud as soon as Ahmed was gone.
Rami felt a punch of relief at hearing Skye’s voice. It was soft and soothing and careful without being patronizing. He slouched in his chair. “Can we talk about it later?”
“Was your brother being mean? Did I miss something?”
Rami shook his head a little too quickly, making himself dizzy for a second. He leaned in toward Skye so he wouldn’t have to struggle to rely solely on reading his lips amidst the conversational din of the restaurant and the noise of traffic. “I think he’ll be really supportive.”
“But your parents won’t,” Skye said.
“It’s complicated.”
Skye let out a tiny sigh, then cupped Rami’s chin and pulled him in for a kiss. “I get it. One of my friends has parents a lot like yours. Immigrants, worried about losing their children to…” Skye paused and frowned like he was searching for a word. “What was it called in ancient history? Hellenization?”
Rami blinked, then burst into laughter, grasping for Skye’s hands so he could tug him into another kiss. “How do you know about that?”
Skye grinned and shrugged. “I noticed the books you like to read, so I’ve been doing a little study myself. That way, I’ll know what you’re talking about when we’re in bed after…everything.”
Rami’s whole body felt like it was suddenly too big for his skin. Like he was going to burst with joy and the disbelief that this was real. That this man could exist and not be lying to him. It took him a moment to remember Skye hadn’t come alone, and they weren’t supposed to see each other until after the auction.
Skye would be bidding at his own house since he had a late team meeting, and they weren’t going to do anything intimate until the next night when Rami did his possibly final live. He wasn’t sure about that either, and he wanted to be somewhere quiet and safe so he could talk through it.
“Hey,” Skye said softly, “really, are you okay? You seem unsettled.”
“I am. But we can’t talk about it here,” Rami told him. “Maybe later?”
Skye nodded. “I was going to see you in the morning, but why don’t I drive over after it’s done.”
Rami felt a punch of relief that was almost physical. “Yes. Please.”
Skye tugged him in for a kiss. “I should let you get back to your brother, and I have to get back to my coffee date.”
Rami stiffened. Had he been wrong about the guy? Was he not a Sin? “You…is he…a client?”
Skye snorted. “No, sweetheart. That’s King—Hen’s boyfriend. He’s one of my best friends. We call these our coffee dates. We drink too much caffeine and talk shit about our coworkers.”
Rami bowed his head. “Sorry.”
Skye lifted his chin, gaze on Rami’s lips. “Again.”
“Sorry. I don’t mean to be insecure.”
Skye knocked their foreheads together, then between them signed so only they could see, ‘Never forget I’m yours.’
Those were the words Rami needed. After tomorrow, everything was going to change, and he needed strength and hope to believe that whatever shape they took on the other side was going to be stronger. And better.
And would last forever.
Rami stared at himself in the mirror, his gaze fixated on the small dimple he had in the little wrinkle on the left side of his chin. It was only visible when he pursed his lips or smiled. His gaze tracked his jawline and his beard, which was getting a little too long for his comfort.
He scratched at his skin for a second, then made himself stop. If he continued, he’d get obsessive about it, then be unable to focus on anything except shaving, and he couldn’t afford that kind of distraction. He was about to start his live. The clock was ticking down, and there were ten minutes left.
He was freshly showered, his hair twisted high on the back of his head, and he was wearing a large tattoo cover patch over his ink because he wasn’t going to take another risk like the one that had given his identity away to Skye.
Not that he regretted that now, but he couldn’t help think about how wrong it might have gone if the situation had been different. If he’d never met Skye, he’d be doing this night alone, waiting on a stranger to take his last bit of virginity.
The thought made him feel…strange. Uncomfortable. And yet also profoundly grateful that a man had tumbled head over heels—literally—and landed in his front yard.
He lifted trembling fingers and ran them around his lips. They were dry and chapped, but he had no energy to do anything about his nerves. He’d used it all up prepping himself for what was to come.
Behind him, in the bedroom, his laptop was perched on the end of the desk. His setup was what Skye had asked for. He’d shifted his bed to the side, and there was a chair with the toy Skye had bought him suctioned to the seat. He was going to ride it and stroke himself with his legs spread so both of his cocks would be on display.
He was going to edge himself and edge himself until he saw Skye’s bid, and then…
Then it would be over. The long months he’d been doing this—using what he’d been given at birth to pull himself out of a rut—were about to come to an end. It felt…strange. Like he was about to mourn the loss, which he wasn’t expecting. He hadn’t loved being on display only because he wasn’t a huge fan of attention.
But it was easier when they were nothing more than screen names. When they hadn’t seen his face. When he was entirely anonymous, apart from his one defining feature that no one would ever see again apart from Skye.
He supposed there was a sadness to it because it was this platform that had allowed him to feel like he was special, unique, and wanted where he’d always been made to feel like a freak. Like a sideshow. Like some fulfillment of a random fetish that reduced him down to his cocks—a man whose personality and wants and needs didn’t matter because he had two dicks to fuck with, and that’s all he really should be.
He supposed that was one of the logical reasons he’d fallen in love with Skye: he wasn’t a freak to him.
He was just…Rami.
He was an Autistic artist with probably too many special interests and anxiety that was often off the charts. He was a man who cooked really good breakfasts and loved his family and hated the beach but loved the water. He was a man who grew up speaking Arabic and ASL but somehow still struggled to roll his R s on certain words and for whatever reason could never keep his pinky down when he was signing the letter D .
He loved caterpillars but hated butterflies. He liked maghmour for breakfast in the morning because it was savory and labneh and honey with dinner because it was sweet. He hated the feeling of sand between his toes but felt at peace when he had bits of dried clay in the creases of his palms. He preferred sunset to sunrise, winter to summer, and between the ages of four and six, he wanted to play tambourine in a folk band.
He was an atheist, and yet he still prayed when things felt like they were at their worst. And every now and again, he really did feel like Allah was watching over him.
He was so much and so little all at the same time, and somehow, the person he’d grown into was the perfect man for Skye. No adjustments, no compromise.
Just him.
They had a big, bright future together that was opaque for now, but he knew it would become clear soon enough. He wasn’t really sure he bought into the whole happily ever after thing because no one just stopped being sad or angry or scared once they fell in love. But he knew all those things would be easier to bear with a partner who let him deal the way that came naturally to him.
So this was both an ending and a beginning, and he supposed he was allowed to be a little melancholy about it.
His phone buzzed, and Rami nearly jumped out of his skin before scrambling for it. There was a text waiting for him on the screen, and the name alone allowed something in his gut to settle.
Skye: Can we call really quick?
Rami didn’t answer through text. Instead, he hit the FaceTime button and waited until Skye’s face filled the screen. When it did—with his squinting eyes and tiny smile that was for Rami and Rami alone—he felt his whole body relax, like someone pushed an Off button on his stress.
“Hey, sweetheart.”
“Marhaba, habibi,” Rami said very softly.
Skye laughed. “I won’t even tell you what my captions think you said. I’m glad I can read that off your lips now, though it would be nice to know if there was a sign for that.”
Rami snorted and rolled his eyes, signed hello, then used the sign his brother did for habibi—all four fingers brushing off his chin twice. It was kind of a catch-all for babe or sweetheart, but he liked it. And the way Skye’s face brightened, it was clear he did too.
“Are you okay?” Skye asked after a moment of silence.
Rami shrugged. “Nervous. It’s almost over. Tonight is the last auction.”
“Is that what you want?”
Rami had been asking himself that question, but he didn’t expect to hear it from Skye. He knew his lover was possessive. He knew he didn’t like sharing. He also knew Skye found it arousing to watch Rami play with himself, but he figured Skye would be celebrating that Rami would be ending his channel and that it would settle into whatever their new normal would be.
So it hadn’t been a real consideration.
“I…don’t know,” he admitted. “I mean, yes, I’m done with the auctions, but I’m not sure I want it all to go away. Is that wrong?”
Skye shook his head. “No, sweetheart. It’s not wrong. Maybe we can talk about it after the live tomorrow.”
Rami hadn’t known until that exact moment that was what he needed to hear. But the words grounded him because they were honest. “Yes.”
Skye’s smile softened. “Okay. Go get yourself ready. It’s almost time, and I have my bidding fingers all ready to go.” He wiggled the fingers of his left hand at the camera. “See you soon.”
“I won’t see you,” Rami pointed out.
Skye laughed. “But you can think of me.”
He could. And he absolutely would. He indulged in staring at Skye’s face for another long second, then ended the call without a goodbye because it wasn’t really that. It wasn’t a goodbye. It was a momentary pause until Skye was at his door and his arms were around Rami again.
He took a breath, then stared at his setup, and for the first time in a while, he felt like this was the right thing at exactly the right time.