Chapter 19
Nineteen
“Will it feel like the toy?” Rami couldn’t help but ask.
Skye glanced over at him, brow furrowed the way it always was when he was making sure he understood what Rami was saying. “Yes…but also no.”
Rami hated those ambiguous answers, even if they actually did make sense in the end. “Can you explain?”
Instead of looking annoyed, Skye’s face softened, and he walked around the side of the bed, approaching Rami, who was in front of his desk. He’d spent the last few minutes getting the camera angle right so they could do what they needed to do without giving their faces away.
It would be tricky, but he was getting better at stuff like that.
He’d been tense since they arrived at his place, and a small part of him wanted to call it off. He wasn’t sure he actually wanted to do this for the first time in front of all those strangers who felt entitled to those intimate parts of his life. But his hesitation had only lasted until he realized that this was having sex .
Making love…that would come after.
No, that wasn’t true. He and Skye had already done that.
They hadn’t said the words, but Rami felt it every time Skye touched him with tender fingers, careful but not patronizing. The way he was doing now. He rested both hands on Rami’s hips and met his gaze, though Rami’s stayed focused on Skye’s chin.
“It’ll feel full, like the toy. I’m a little bigger than the toy, so the stretch will be a little bit more. But it’ll be more alive,” Skye murmured. “No matter how pliant and soft and moldable a toy is, it won’t ever quite match up to an actual cock.”
Rami felt his own twitch in his boxers, and he palmed them for a second, letting out a gentle moan. “You make me horny.”
Skye chuckled slightly, the sound kind, not mocking, and he dipped his head in for a kiss. “You make me a lot of things, sweetheart.”
Rami shivered. He loved hearing Skye call him that. “How many minutes?”
“Fifteen,” Skye said. “I’d like to prep you before we turn the camera on.”
“Oh,” Rami said, feeling a little guilty. “I already gave myself an enema today. I kind of thought that was maybe, well, more private. At least until we’ve known each other long enough to piss in front of each other?”
Skye burst into a fit of laughter, holding Rami tight. “Baby, no. That’s…that’s not what I meant. If you want to use those, you can do that on your own for now. That’s fine.” He sobered, and the look on his face was hungry and dark. He ran his hand from Rami’s hip to the globe of his ass and squeezed. “I thought I might finger you. Stretch you.”
“Oh,” Rami breathed out. “Yes. I would like that a lot. I might come though.”
“Think you’ll have enough for a second orgasm for the live?” Skye asked him.
Rami nodded hard. “Mm. I’ve never been this turned on. It’s making me kind of nervous.”
“I’ll be right here. And hey,” Skye said, his expression turning thoughtful, “we could record this if you want. Save it for if you have a slow week and want to make some cash.”
“I—oh. I never thought about that,” Rami said. He glanced at his setup and realized it didn’t matter if their faces showed because with a recording, they could crop and edit. “Yes.”
Skye nodded, looking pleased with himself. “Let me get some lube. You get the recording set up.”
Rami got to work, listening to Skye rummage around in their supplies as he made sure the camera was pointed at the bed. He did his best to keep his usual angle so the editing work on the video would be less intensive. It would be new for him—but the idea Skye was presenting was taking all the anxiety out of his decision. He still wasn’t sure he was going to keep his channel, but the idea that he not only could but that Skye could be part of it meant something.
It left more secrets in the palms of his hands when it came to his relationship with his family, but having Skye with him took some of the weight off. He wasn’t shouldering the burden of what he was doing alone. He hadn’t realized that was part of the problem until now.
“Skye?”
He turned his head and smiled. “Yeah, babe?”
Rami took a deep breath, then lifted his hand, palm out, curling his middle and ring finger toward his palm.
Skye blinked. Then blinked again. Then shook his head a little. Then he cleared his throat, dropping the lube on the bed with a dull thud. His mouth opened and closed. Hands rose, then fell.
Rami felt a small surge of panic. Had he gotten it wrong? Was it too soon? He knew Skye felt the same way. They’d admitted it to each other without words or signs, and both agreed they needed a little more time before they were ready to say it. Rami was just waiting until the moment felt right, and for whatever reason, it was this one.
But what was about to happen was what always happened: he fucked up. He was too much—or maybe not enough, and he’d ruined this with Skye.
His heart felt like it was cracking in two, but before he could fall apart entirely, Skye was suddenly in his space. Warm arms wrapped around his waist, Skye’s nose shoving into the crook of Rami’s nose as he backed him up, and up, and up until he hit the closet door. His breath left his lungs in a short rush, but he barely noticed.
How could he with Skye all but attempting to crawl beneath his skin. Rami loved it. He had always been sensory seeking as a child, and that hadn’t changed much as an adult. Where others shied away from touch, Rami wanted more of it. More than what he knew most people did.
And Skye seemed to know when to give that to him. Almost like it was instinct, perfectly tuned in to Rami.
His fear was fading into joy as Skye began to kiss along his pulse point.
“You love me,” Skye was repeating over and over, a whispered mantra.
Rami eased him back so he could look into his face. His eyes were wide, shining, maybe even a little wet, though it was hard to tell in the dim light of the room. Rami nodded.
“Can you say it aloud?” Skye reached a finger up to trace Rami’s lips. “Just…I want to hear it.”
“I love you,” Rami repeated.
Skye laughed, though the sound was almost like a sob, and then he surged in and kissed Rami deep and almost desperate. He let it carry on for a moment, but his anxiety was back, and he was suddenly feeling unsure. Was Skye joyful because someone loved him or because it was right?
“What’s wrong?” Skye asked, responding to Rami’s stilling hands.
“You…do you feel…”
“Oh. Shit. Fuck,” Skye cursed, slapping a hand over his eyes. “Baby.” He curled his fingers around the back of Rami’s neck and squeezed tight. “I’m so in love with you it’s absurd. There are moments it kind of scares me because it’s so soon, and I don’t even know your last name?—”
“It’s Jaroudi,” Rami said automatically.
Skye laughed softly. “Jaroudi. Am I butchering that?”
“Yes,” Rami said, seeing no need to lie. Skye was not used to Arabic, and he wasn’t going to fault him for it. “I don’t mind.”
“Oh,” Skye said, still chuckling. “Well, good. But I’ll work on it. Rami Jaroudi.”
He shivered at the sound of his full name on Skye’s lips and tongue. He swallowed heavily. “Skye…”
“Balan,” Skye said. “Skylar Adam Balan,” he repeated.
Rami repeated his name slowly. It was simple, easy, and so very him. And it was only then that the weight of what Skye had said—all his words—hit him. He loved him. He was in love with him. It was the same powerful, terrifying feeling Rami had been both chasing and running from since they met. He wasn’t alone. It was a shared experience with the promise of so much more to come, so long as they stayed out of their own way.
“I’m in love with you,” he said.
Skye laughed and nodded. “Yeah. I’m happy.”
“Kiss me again. I won’t stop you this time,” Rami told him.
Skye’s face was as bright as the sun, and Rami had to close his eyes against it. But the vision remained behind his eyelids, growing more intense as Skye’s lips met his. He groaned softly, arching his body into Skye’s, hands running up and down his back, counting his vertebrae, tracing his hip bones, squeezing the globes of his backside.
Skye was his. Well and truly and completely his.
“Make me come,” Rami begged.
Skye pulled back. “Sorry, baby. I missed that.”
‘Make me come,’ Rami repeated in sign.
Skye’s cheeks pinked, and he nodded. “We’ll be late for the live.”
“I’ll post a message. I need to have this before we’re in front of everyone,” Rami told him. “Please. I need this for me. For us.”
“Anything you want,” Skye told him, meeting his gaze. He leaned in and kissed him once more. “Go hit Record, and then let me introduce you to God.”
Rami had almost made a sarcastic remark about being an atheist and how if he did believe in Allah, he wouldn’t believe he peeped into the bedrooms of humans because sex was the furthest thing God would care about. Sex was far too human to matter to the divine.
But he was glad he didn’t spoil the mood. Less than three minutes after their confession, Rami found himself on his back, legs spread, Skye between his legs. Right then, he felt a little bit like Skye was lifting him up to touch the heavens.
He’d started by kissing the insides of Rami’s thighs and gently stroking over his balls, and then Rami heard the click of the lube cap, and his world shifted. How had he gone this long without feeling some part of Skye inside him?
He couldn’t open his eyes, couldn’t form coherent words with speech or sign. He was a prisoner of his pleasure, thighs trembling as his hips bucked upward and his cocks twitched almost angrily against his stomach.
He was too close and too far, and the feeling was made worse when Skye finally found his prostate and began to gently stroke his fingers over it. It was too much.
Without words to beg for more—or for it to stop—he wasn’t really sure what he needed—instead, he took both dicks into his hands and began to stroke them hard and fast. It was the only way to make the feeling inside him make sense.
His orgasm rushed toward him without much warning, and between one breath and the next, he was coming. He let go with a sharp, loud cry, his whole body moving almost violently against the sheets. It was only when he felt the last pulse of his right-side cock that he realized Skye’s fingers were no longer inside him.
Instead, he was stroking a gentle touch over his hole, his backside, his legs.
Rami took several long breaths and wondered how he was supposed to go live now that he’d been through that. But he was profoundly glad he’d done this first because everything had been so…so raw. Almost primal. And that wasn’t something he wanted to share with an audience of strangers.
“Skye,” he said weakly.
Skye pushed up and laid his body down on top of Rami’s. The weight of him was everything. He was able to let out a full breath, and his thoughts became more coherent. “Tell me that wasn’t a bad idea.”
Rami shook his head and forced himself to open his eyes. He loved looking at Skye. He reached up and ran his finger over Skye’s thin, very manicured eyebrow. “It was the best idea. I wouldn’t want to do that on camera.”
Skye leaned down and took a kiss. “Will you be able to come again?”
Rami blinked and assessed himself. If the feeling of Skye’s dick was anything like his fingers, he wouldn’t be able to stop himself. “Yes.”
Skye grinned and kissed him again. “We shouldn’t keep your audience waiting. The sooner we get this done, the sooner I can hold you.”
That was the only thing Rami really wanted. It took more effort than he wanted to give to peel himself away from Skye, but he didn’t mind the few minutes alone in the bathroom to clean up. He felt loose and limber in more ways than one, and he was looking forward to feeling how Skye’s body was going to move as he took the last bit of Rami’s virginity that he’d been holding on to all these years.
It felt right. It felt like all that time he’d been rejected and mocked actually meant something good. It had been painful at the time—excruciating on nights when he was so lonely he wanted to wail into his pillow—but now, it felt like that pain was worth it.
He wasn’t a fool. He knew that this might not last forever. In reality, nothing did. They’d eventually die, and their energy would be spread out into the universe to become something else. But in that moment, life felt like it had meaning.
For a second, he understood why his parents and siblings believed in something bigger and higher than themselves.
“Rami?”
He blinked and realized he’d gotten lost in his thoughts. Reaching back, he opened the bathroom door. ‘I got distracted. Two more minutes,’ he signed with one hand, then shut the door again and ran the cloth under the warm water and cleaned himself up. His hole felt a little sore, and he had no doubt it was going to be worse in the morning, but he was looking forward to that ache. It would be like a constant reminder of what had been, and what was, and—if it all worked out—what would be.