Touchdown

Chapter 34

We’re Back

Bentley

“Higher, Dada, higher,” Aaron squeals as I push him on the swing in the backyard of Zahirah’s house.

This place is nice, but I’m going to give them something nicer. I already have Garret narrowing down our options. I plan to sign my new contract on Monday.

It was rough and a ton of emotions came up, but Zah and I spent the night talking and saying what we felt. I think we made a lot of progress.

There’s still something she held back, I could feel it, but time got away from us and we both passed out. I’m letting her sleep in this morning. I brought Aaron out here to play.

I love the sound of his voice and laughter. He’s been proving all morning how smart he is. He’s so polite and sweet.

I’m going to find a football to toss around with him as soon as I can. There’s so much I want to do with him. I still have so much to learn about him.

“Hey, there you two are. I thought I heard squealing,” Erica says as she comes around the side of the house.

“Hey, what are you doing here?”

“I came to make sure my favorite boy wasn’t standing over two bodies crying,” she taunts. “Good to see you made it through the night. Where’s Zah?”

“I’m letting her sleep in.”

“Cool. Are we good, bro?”

I tug my sister into a hug. “Yeah, we’re good. Just don’t ever do anything like that to me ever again.”

“I won’t. I hated every minute of it.”

“Come on. Let’s go inside. I’ll wake Zah and make her breakfast.”

I grab Aaron from the swing and toss him up into the air. He squeals happily and begins to giggle as I tickle his stomach. His little giggles make my heart swell with pride.

“You’re great with him already,” Erica says.

“I love him already.”

We walk into the house as Zah comes out looking like she had a fight with the bed. I bite my lip to hold my laughter in. She looks at me and rolls her eyes.

“I need coffee. Lots of coffee.”

“Mommy. We play. Come back outside, Dada.”

I laugh. “I’ve got you, buddy. Let’s feed Mommy first. You want an apple?”

“No. Raisins, please.”

“He’s talking about granola,” Erica says.

“I know, Zah already gave me a crash course in Aaron speak.”

The doorbell rings as we all head to the kitchen. Zah frowns and turns to answer it. I stop her and hand Aaron over.

“I’ll get it.”

She shrugs. “It’s probably one of the moms.”

I peck her lips and go to get the door. I have a huge grin on my face until I open the door and find none other than Gilbert standing on the other side. I fold my arms over my chest and glare down at him.

“You need something?”

“I’m here to see my fiancée,” he growls.

“I don’t know why. No one by that title lives here.”

“Where is Zahirah? I’m here for her, not you.”

“Dada, up up,” Aaron comes running to my side with his arms held up.

“Hey, buddy. What happened to your snack?”

“Hey, son. I haven’t seen you in a few days. Come here, little guy,” Gilbert croons as he holds his hands out.

“No,” Aaron whines and hides his face in my neck.

The shit-eating grin I have on my face right now has to speak volumes. I couldn’t have asked for a better reaction. I rub my son’s back as I sway him in my arms.

“Where’s my fucking fiancée? I want you away from my family. You need to go,” he snarls.

“Watch your mouth around my son before I shove my fist down your throat. I already told you, you don’t have a fiancée at this residence. I know it was all BS.

“Zahirah is over it. It’s done. Stop pretending and leave my woman alone,” I bite out.

“What’s going on?” Zah asks as she and Erica come rushing to the door.

“We need to talk,” Gilbert snarls.

“You will never talk to her like that. Watch your tone.”

“Coswell, everything between us was fine before you showed up. Zahirah, I heard your mother was discharged from the hospital last night. That gives us plenty of time to get ready for the ceremony this evening.”

“Oh my God, what aren’t you hearing? Erica, can you please take Aaron back into the kitchen?” Zah says.

Erica takes Aaron from me and leaves with him. I pull Zah to my side, then fold my arms across my chest. Gilbert looks like his head is going to explode.

“Listen, you asked me to do you a favor. That favor blew up into way more than I bargained for. There never should have been a wedding planned with all those people you invited.

“None of this was ever what I wanted. I’m not marrying you today or any other day. I’m sorry and I’ll be happy to talk to your grandmother if you want me to, but this is over. I have my own life to get back to,” Zah says in frustration.

“I’ve been here for you and Aaron this entire time. Where has he been? How has he shown you he cares?”

“That’s none of your business. You’ve shoved your way into situations I really didn’t want you to be a part of more times than not. This isn’t a real relationship, you know that, right?”

“What does he have that I don’t?”

“Gilbert, please leave while we’re still friends. You’re making this really awkward. Tell your grandmother I’m very sorry.”

“In other words, we’re back and you don’t need to come back.”

“Bent,” Zah snorts.

I shrug as I give this asshole a warning glare. I told him a long time ago to stay away from Zahirah. Maybe his jaw needs a reminder.

Gilbert balls his fists at his sides, but he nods his head and turns to leave. Zah wraps her arms around my waist and sags into me. I wrap my arms around her and give her a squeeze before I close the door and lead her to the kitchen.

My sister is having a full-blown conversation with Aaron. Talking about a pair of shoes she’s thinking of buying off her phone, while he kicks his feet happily in his high chair. Eating granola and apple slices from his little bowl.

“So what’s the plan for today? We hanging out, or do you two need some alone time?” Erica says and wiggles her brows at me.

I rub the back of my neck. “I promised Mom I’d go change the flowers at the cemetery. I haven’t been since we buried Dad.”

“Oh, would you mind if I went along? I’d like to take some flowers to my dad. I’d also like to finish our talk,” Zah says.

She has that same hesitant look from last night, so I agree. The sooner we get through our shit, the sooner we can move forward with our lives. I need her to know I’m fully here this time.

“I’ve got the kid. I was supposed to have him for the weekend anyway. You two do whatever you need to do. Just promise me one of you will keep a level head and call for a moderator if things go south.”

I snort. “I think we can handle things like adults.”

Erica purses her lips and gives me a look. “Yet you’re the one always with your foot in your mouth.”

“Don’t you have a pair of shoes to buy? I’ll pay for them. Now get lost.”

“Love you,” she sings.

“Yeah, I love you too.”

Zahirah

“Hey, Mr. Coswell, it’s me, Zah. It’s been a while. There’s something I always wanted to say.

“I’m so sorry. I wish I never gave you and Daddy those stupid passes. I’m sorry, all of this is my fault. If it weren’t for me, you two would still be here.

“I didn’t mean to take you from everyone. I miss you guys so much. I wish you both could be here to meet AC.

“I named him Aaron Christopher after you and my dad. He’s such a good boy. I’m so sorry,” I sob.

“Zah, what are you talking about?” Bentley says from beside me.

I turn to look up at him. He’s looking down at me in confusion. I wrap my arms around my middle and shake my head. I’ve been wanting to get this off my chest since last night.

“It was my fault. I bought them those passes for Christmas. That’s why you couldn’t stand being around me. I’m so sorry.”

“What the hell? Shit, baby, are you serious?”

I nod, not able to speak. I have a lump in my throat that feels the size of a watermelon. When I look up through my lashes, he’s searching my face with his gaze.

“I never blamed you for anything. That’s not—”

“You may not have consciously blamed me, but I think subconsciously that has always been an issue.”

He opens his mouth to speak, then closes it and purses his lips. I put my head down, no longer able to look at him. A chill runs through me and I shiver.

“Are you done here?” he asks.

I already placed fresh flowers on my father’s grave. This was our last stop. I nod once again.

Bentley wraps his arm around me and leads me to the car. We climb in and ride back to the house in silence. I think I’m going to be sick.

Once we get back to my place, he parks in my garage, and we go into the house. I’m trying to think of the right thing to say, but my guilt is consuming me.

“I would like us to go to counseling as a couple and maybe even individually. I’ve already been seeing someone. I’ll get a recommendation for someone new here.

“It helped me a lot. It’s your choice. All expenses on me,” he says as we sit down on my couch.

I look down into my hands as I think his words over. I’ve been avoiding this topic and living my life without opening those wounds for so long.

“Okay,” I murmur.

“And for the record, I’ve never thought about those passes or placed any of the blame on you. Zah, you were never my issue.

“I was hurting so much, and I didn’t know how to be the man I promised your daddy and mine I would be. Every time I tried, I said the wrong thing or did the wrong thing. And I’d start a fight, it was my childish way of trying to pull my foot out of my mouth.

“Baby, none of that was on you. That was some shit I spent eight years working on. First alone, then I got some help—Garret, your mother, mine, and my therapist. They were there for me to work through my shit.

“I never even thought about those passes if I’m being honest. I can’t believe you’ve thought all this time that I was angry with you. I’m so sorry, Zah.”

“For what?”

“I’m sorry I wasn’t what you needed when you needed it. I’m sorry I couldn’t see past myself. I’m sorry that after doing all the work, I fell back into my own bullshit and fucked us up all over again.”

“I could have stayed,” I murmur.

“No, you were right to leave me. I’m questioning now if I deserve you. That’s why I want us to go to counseling.

“I can want you, but that doesn’t mean I deserve you. I’m here to do the work with you this time. We got a hell of a bad hand. We were kids and had the rug pulled out from under us.”

“You can say that again.”

“It feels like I’ve spent more of my life grieving than anything else. First, the loss of our dads, then the loss of you. I’m thirty-one, Zah.

“I want to stop hurting. I want you. I can’t have you thinking that the moment something gets hard between us, I’m going to bail or make shit weird.

“I also want to free you of this guilt. It’s not real. It has no root.”

“But—”

“No, baby. Our dads could have been going anywhere together. You remember how they would sneak out together for ice cream or milkshakes when our moms were on diets?”

I nod and smile. The memory hits so hard I almost gasp. We used to tease them about it all the time.

“See? The only person I used to blame was that trucker and I had to let that go and forgive him. That shit was eating me alive.

“Baby, I was a twenty-one-year-old kid watching his girlfriend’s world crumble around her, while losing his dad, his best friend. My dad meant so much to me. I felt guilty for not knowing how to be a shoulder for you to lean on when you were losing way more than I had.

“You’re so strong, Zah. I may not even deserve you today, but I’m going to make myself worthy if you will have me.

And once we’ve done the work—and we both know I’m worthy of your time, heart, and love—then I’ll do everything in my power to make the dreams we used to talk about come true,” he says like a promise.

“You know what’s crazy? In hindsight, I can see everything we did wrong. It’s like watching your favorite movie and yelling at them to get their shit together, but they can’t hear you,” I say into my lap.

“I know exactly what you mean. So many times, I’ve wanted to come back to you and say so much, but I knew I wasn’t ready. I didn’t have the right words.”

“Do you think we’ll find those words now?”

“Yeah, Zah, we’ll find them because I’m not whole without you. We have so much to fight for this time.”

I scoot closer to him and push my hand through the front of his thick locks. It all falls right back into place, bringing a smile to my face. He cups the side of my head and leans in to capture my lips.

I moan into his mouth and wrap my arms around his neck. It feels like coming home. This is where I’ve always belonged.

“I want you so much right now. If you want to wait, say the word. It’s your decision.”

“Thank you for acknowledging my feelings, but I’ve wanted you since you showed up. I’ve missed you so much, babe,” I say.

“Thank God,” he groans.

He stands with me in his arms, and I wrap my legs around him. Bentley continues to devour my mouth as he carries me to my bedroom.

It’s as if my soul sighs in relief as he kisses his way down my body. When he pops the button on my jeans, I start to panic. I’ve put in a lot of work to get my body back after having our son, but nothing is the same.

Bentley doesn’t miss a beat. He peels my jeans down my legs and kisses all over my skin. I sit up and lift my arms when he goes to peel my shirt off.

Unfastening my bra, he allows the fabric to fall into my lap, where I push it away. He eats me up with his gaze. I go to cover my breasts, feeling all types of self-conscious.

He shakes his head. “You never need to hide from me. You’re so fucking beautiful. I can see all the signs of you carrying my son.

“Thank you, Zahirah. Thank you for not—”

I cover his lips with my finger. “I couldn’t bear the thought of destroying something we created together. You don’t have to thank me.

“We made him together. I’m sorry—”

He takes my lips, cutting my words off. I’m breathless when he breaks the seal of our lips. He looks me deep in the eyes.

“No more sorries. Let’s reset the clock from this moment. We’re here, we have our son, and we’re going to spend the rest of our lives together.”

He drops his gaze to my neck. “You still wear it?”

I reach for the charm necklace and bring the bear to my lips. “I never take it off.”

“I have a ton of charms to add. Come here, beautiful. I want to make love to the love of my life.”