Chapter 5
Chapter Five
HUDSON
A week has gone by since Addy was here, and it may as well have been a month. Not sure why I’m fucking counting. And when her Cherokee pulls into the driveway, Charlie flies from the barn to her door. Apparently, I’m not the only one who is glad she’s back. Before she gets out of the car, I remind myself that she is here because of her job. And my father. Things have to stay professional between us. It’s better for her that way.
Her door opens and she jumps out, dropping to her knees to fuss over Charlie. He’s going to get used to that, and it’s going to break his little heart when she eventually leaves. They always do. For now, she rubs his belly and laughs at his overzealous enthusiasm for her affection. She is wearing a light blue t-shirt and dark jeans with riding boots, and her hair is up, but wisps of curly hair have already escaped.
She looks to where I stand, now leaning on the rake. And she stands, brushing herself off. Charlie prances at her feet expectantly. She walks to the barn and my little buddy follows. The moment she is inside, her eyes find mine. “Chores again, I suppose?”
I try to flatten the smile that plays over my mouth and shift on my feet, breaking eye contact. Anything to stop the heat that grows with every second she looks at me. “That all depends, Dr. Howard.”
“On what, the look on my face? And can you please call me Addy?”
With a grunt, I shift my focus back to her face. Her features are so soft in the muted light, her lips pink, the angles of her cheeks blush. Her brown eyes burn into mine, and I realize she is waiting for an answer. “Let’s go for a drive.”
Her eyes narrow a little. “Where are we going?”
I lean the rake against the wall and make for the truck parked at the side. When neither she nor Charlie follows, I poke my head back inside. “Come on.”
She gives me a quizzical stare but starts walking for the truck. I hold the door open, and she climbs in. Charlie whimpers on the ground by her door. “Sorry, bud, not this time.”
I climb into the driver’s seat and start the truck. As I reverse away from the barn, Reed comes trotting around the corner on Magnet, his steel grey gelding. But he claims to have called him Magnet because the ladies can’t resist a man on a horse. Still remember shaking my head at him when he came up with that name. He tips his hat at Addy, and she waves back. “Hi, Reed.”
Her eyes light up watching my brother ride past, on his way to the heifers in the southern paddock, if he knows what’s good for him. Pa gives out a list of work for us each morning; that one was on his list. The last thing we need right now is to lose cattle to the wolves. Addy glances back at me. “Are you going to tell me where we’re going, Hudson?”
My name on her lips never gets old.
“Nowhere particular. I have chores to finish before we start your lesson.”
But I am hoping that taking her into the mountains will help her open up and tell me what happened, why she doesn’t ride anymore. If I am going to help her into the saddle, it would be real helpful if I knew what got her out to start with.
“Oh, okay. Can I help?”
Absofuckinglutely.
“If you feel up to it, sure.”
“Okay . . .”
I shove the truck in drive, and we head to the northern fence line that Reed and I were working on last week. It’s started, and by no means finished. She looks out the window as we drive out. The higher we ascend, the more excited she becomes. “Oh wow, this is magnificent.”
When we finally reach the hilltop with the old fence line, I park and turn off the engine. Addy climbs out before I do, wandering to the front of the truck, turning in circles to take in the epic mountain view. I thought she’d like it. But the wonder on her face takes my fucking breath away. And like that, I’m hard.
Jesus.
In all honesty, we could have done her lesson first up. But selfishly, I wanted more time than an hour with her. Even if this can never amount to anything, I made her smile. It was worth it. Something hits the door, and I startle and turn. Addy is standing at the door, hands gripping the frame where the window is rolled down, smile permanently etched on her lit-up face. “You getting out of the truck?”
“Yup.”
She backs off the door and spins back to wonder at the mountains. I rearrange myself in my pants and push past the door, shutting it behind me. I come to stand beside her. She turns and looks up at me, those dark lashes fluttering upward. “You really are so lucky to live here. It’s so peaceful. Just stunning.”
I watch her mouth as she speaks. And every last ounce of blood rushes from my brain south. I run a hand over my face and think about taxes. When I don’t respond, she frowns. “So, did you need me to help you with something?”
I shake my head, as if clearing my thoughts. “Right, how are your fencing skills?”
“Nonexistent?”
I make my way to the truck and grab my tools—strainers and pliers. I turn back, and she is inches from me. “Sorry, I thought you might need me to carry something.”
She’s too close. Something like the scent of apples catches my attention. Her shampoo. The vanilla and spice of her skin. I force my focus to stay on her face and not drop to where her shirt hugs the swells of her perfect fucking chest. That is now rising and falling faster than it was a moment ago.
Putting space between us, I hand her the pliers. She takes them and turns back to the fence. I drag in a lungful of air, willing my body to calm the fuck down, and walk to the fence line to apply the strainers. Reed and I built the fence, but it has been a week, and it needs one last tightening before we leave it to the gods and the wandering cattle. Addy appears, pliers in hand. “Tell me what you want me to do.”
She studies the strainers, glancing to the mountains every so often. I snap the wire into the feeder and pull back the lever. “Here, crank this as tight as you can make it.”
Sliding the pliers into her back pocket, she takes over the lever, her hand brushing mine. She tugs at it, and her face twists with annoyance.
“Harder,” I offer.
She puts more effort into it, getting through a few cranks.
“Sorry, that’s as tight as I can go.”
I take the lever from her hand and pump it over a few more times with one hand. Her gaze drops to my cranking arm, traveling to my bicep. And she stills. As if something occurred to her. Something shocking. She turns and wanders toward the path of trees a little further down the fence line.
“Four more wires to go yet, Howard. Don’t slack on me now.”
She glances over her shoulder, giving me a small, meek smile. What’s that all about?
I fix the wire and release the strainers. Dropping them to the ground, I follow her to the trees. She leans against one, her eyes closed, arms folded. Her t-shirt has risen up, a sliver of her tummy exposed. When I am close enough that my shadow covers her, she opens her eyes. I hold out a hand, and she frowns, tilting her head.
“Pliers,” I grunt.
She holds my stare for a moment and pushes off the tree, closing the space between us. And once again I am enveloped by her vanilla and spice. I stifle the groan that wants to rattle up my throat at being this close to her. And she unfolds her arms, passing the pliers. “You don’t really need my help, Hudson. I can barely operate that contraption.”
I can’t help the smile that blooms over my face when she says my name. “You helped. A little.”
“You don’t have to be nice to me. It doesn’t suit you.” She pushes past me and walks back to the truck.
What the hell?
To be fair, I haven’t exactly rolled out the welcome mat. I guess the way I feel really is one-sided. That should make me happy. But my gut sinks like a stone. It’s better this way. I repeat the phrase all the way back to the truck. After straining the last four wires like a man on a mission, I toss the tools into the back of the tray and jump into the truck.
Addy stares out the window, lost in thought. I want to ask her if she’s okay. How the hell I managed to dampen her sunshine. But when she doesn’t take her attention from the mountains as I start the truck, I shift it into gear and head home.
Reed is unsaddling Magnet when we make it back to the barn. Addy chats away to him, bright and bubbly as usual. That gets under my skin more than it should. I find Charlie and head for the gelding paddock. Addy will meet Sergeant today, my first horse after Silver. He is old, experienced, and the calmest with unsure riders. He will take good care of her. And once again I am brought back to wondering what happened to her to make her stop riding altogether.
The way her eyes lit up when I was working the colt tells me everything. Horses are part of her. It must have been something terrible to keep her away from them all this time.
When I have Sergeant saddled, I walk him to where Reed is entertaining Addy with his dramatic retelling of something he has done. She laughs and asks questions. They get along well. I grind my teeth to stop myself from telling Reed off, to go find another chore and leave her be. But she turns when she hears us coming and her mouth gapes.
“Have fun, Addy,” Reed offers and walks to the homestead. She glances at his retreating back for a moment before turning to face Sergeant and me. The bay gelding rubs his face on my back, pushing me forward. She huffs a small laugh, but her face falls.
She’s scared.
Fuck.
“Dr. Howard, meet Sergeant. The oldest gentleman on the ranch.”
She takes a tentative step forward. She wasn’t like this with any of the other horses. Maybe it’s because she thinks I expect her to ride this one that’s making the difference. Making her nervous.
“It’s alright, he knows how to take care of his riders. You will be more than safe.”
“Uh-huh.”
She holds out a hand for Sergeant to sniff. He nudges her hand, and I lead him to the round yard, Addy following at my side. Her hands shift from her pockets to across her neck to her pockets again. When we reach the gate to the round yard, she darts forward and opens it.
I walk Sergeant through and come to a stop in the center of the yard. The sun has reached its apex by the time I double-check the girth and walk the gelding in a few circles. Addy stands by the gate, stiff. Her usual sunshine is clouded by a storm, visible in her eyes.
I hang the reins over Sergeant’s neck and walk back to the gate where she stands. Her cheeks are pink in the heat of midday. I take off my hat and plop it on her head. “Can’t have you getting burnt,” I say, my voice gravel.
“I don’t know if I can.” Her eyes are glued to Sergeant.
“I’m right here; take your time. Even if you only mount and dismount. That’s okay. Sergeant isn’t going anywhere. He has all day.”
She nods, but her pulse thunders in her neck. Her breaths have turned shallow.
Dammit.
All I want to do right now is fold her into me. To take away the fear and that desperate look on her face that is tearing at my heart. Instead, I clear my throat and walk back to Sergeant and gesture for her to follow.
She takes tentative steps to where we stand, eyes studying the gelding as if hunting for any sign of danger. I extend an arm, ushering her closer. She steps into my space by my side, as if I am all of a sudden safer than the horse in front of her. I’m not too sure about that.
She drags her gaze from Sergeant and finds mine. “You will be right here? You won’t step away?”
“Right here, Howard. Not going anywhere.”
She blows out a low, shaky breath. And nods.
I resist the urge to tell her how to mount. She knows what to do. Sergeant nickers, and she pauses. Her hand waves to the side, hunting. I grab her hand, and she forces a wobbly smile. A stone lodges in my throat. I push air in and out of my lungs. Sergeant shifts on his feet, resting a back leg. Bored already. Good man.
She releases my hand and takes the reins and a handful of his mane.
So far, so good.
“You’re okay. Nice work.”
She hovers from foot to foot and her eyes close. As if she is hyping herself up to mount the gelding. As if being on a horse is akin to the worst experience on the planet. Fuck, Addy. What the hell happened to you?
The breeze rustles through my hair, and she turns back, studying my face. Maybe gauging whether she really trusts me to do this.
But when she lifts her foot and slides it into the stirrup, I move forward, ready to catch her if she bails. She grabs the back of the saddle with her other hand and goes to push up into the saddle. But her body trembles, and she shakes her head violently. “No,” she chokes.
She is out of the stirrup and backing away before Sergeant even knows she’s gone.
“I’m sorry, Hudson. I can’t do this.”
Her face breaks as she turns and shoves through the gate with a breathy moan.
Fuck.