Chapter 6
Chapter Six
ADDY
I can’t do it. And I’m going to lose my job.
Sliding down the wall of the barn beside Hudson’s truck, I shove my head in my hands. Knees up. Body shaking. I can’t even mount. Why did I think I could do this? A strangled groan spills into my hands. Harry is going to be disappointed. And then it hits me—is he going to be angry at Hudson, too? He did assign this job to his son. And from what I gather, he is not used to being let down.
A wet snout hits my arm. I lift my head to find Charlie. I put my legs down and he makes himself at home on my lap. He nuzzles into my lap, and I rub his head and face. “I bet you’re not scared of anything, little man.”
“Oh, he is. His food bowl being empty.”
I look up to find Hudson’s worried face. His blue eyes are narrowed, his hair is messed up, and I remember I still have his hat on. I pull it off and hold it up to him. But he shakes his head. “You still need it, Howard.”
I lift Charlie from my lap and stand. “Hudson,” I say with breathy disagreement.
“This is how I see it. You need to ride. Something happened that makes you scared to. But Sergeant isn’t going to let you down, nor am I.”
“I—”
He holds up a hand. “Tell you what. You hop on that old man and take one turn around the yard, and I will take you camping on that mountain top you loved so much under the stars. Deal?”
I open my mouth to object but close it. Sleeping under the stars in the middle of the mountains. That would be breathtaking.
“But I couldn’t even get on.”
“It’s alright; it takes as long as it takes. I’ll honor my half of the deal if it’s today or next month. That okay with you, Howard?”
“Fine, deal. But I wish you would call me Addy.”
He huffs a laugh. “Maybe, one day.”
What is that supposed to mean?
He holds out a hand and I shake it. His hand is warm, his grip firm. And butterflies explode in my belly. Just a physical reaction. I ignore it.
“Good. Let’s head back to Sergeant before he thinks you stood him up.”
He winks at me, and I feel heat flood my neck and face. Shit. He walks in front of me all the way to the round yard. His Wranglers are tight in all the right places. His broad shoulders flex, the t-shirt he wears moving over his back muscles as he strides for the gate.
He holds it open for me, and all the humor that was there a moment ago is gone. Sergeant waits exactly where we left him, one leg still up, resting. Hudson takes the rein by his muzzle and tilts his head, gesturing for me to try again.
I suck in a breath and take purposeful steps toward them. Blood thunders through my veins and my heart flings in my chest, but I take the reins again and put my foot in the stirrup.
“Good job. You’re okay.” Hudson’s words are soft and sweet, and I glance at him. His face is calm, his stance solid. He really does have my back. I trust this man. I pull on the saddle and push up off the ground. The second I swing my leg over Sergeant, I know this isn’t going to end well.
Fear prickles up my spine and tears burn behind my eyes. Sweat pops over my brow as I grip the pommel of the saddle. Every breath is too shallow. Hudson’s hands rest over mine, those blue eyes looking up at me.
“You’re okay. Steady.”
Sergeant shifts on his feet. Visions of Jewls flood my mind. Her still body, trapping mine on the sandy arena. The fear in her eye when she shook her head and blood streamed from her nose. The moment my parents told me she was gone.
Bile rises in my throat, and I shake my head violently.
“No, no, please. Get me down, Hudson.”
His hands are around my waist a heartbeat later, and I fall into his hold and off the horse. His hat hits the ground. I cling to his t-shirt, and he stiffens. I choke through ragged breath, trying to hold back the sobs clawing up my throat. His arms fold around me and hug me tight.
“You did good, Howard. It’s the first time; I promise it gets easier.”
My chin wobbles. But I refuse to let him see me cry. I push out of his hold and swoop down to grab his hat. I hold it out to him, tears welling in my eyes. But I set my shoulders back, raising my chin, and he takes his hat. Sergeant stands, unbothered. “I’m sorry.”
Hudson shakes his head and pushes his hat onto his head. “Do you want to do this, Howard?” His words are kind, not harsh like I expected.
“I don’t know, I—” I swallow and stare at his hand that now runs behind his neck, his arm flexing. “Yes,” I finally say, almost a whisper.
“What happened when you sat in the saddle, what went through your mind?”
My hands tremble by my sides. And I shove them in my back pockets and stare toward the homestead. I saw Jewls, that’s what. I don’t want to make another bad decision and cost another beautiful horse their life. I trust Hudson. It’s me I don’t trust. Hell, I even trust Sergeant. And that’s the biggest problem. I’m the problem. “I?—”
But the air chokes from my lungs as I try to force out the words. Hudson lifts his hat and runs a hand through his hair before setting it back down. “You know, just because something happened once, doesn’t mean it’s gonna happen again, okay?”
I nod.
“I’ll give you two choices. You can either tell me the story that has you this way around the animals you clearly adore, or you can get back on and I will count to twenty before you get off.”
I open my mouth to protest.
“I ain’t askin’, Howard.”
After a moment, I groan and walk back to Sergeant.
He raises a brow. Obviously, he thought telling my story would be easier. I disagree. I’ll take my chances with Sergeant. I grab the reins and slide my foot into the stirrup for the third time. Third time’s the charm, right?
This time, I don’t wait for him to be beside me. I swing up and into the saddle like I have done thousands of times before. And when fear starts clawing at my insides, I force air in and out of my lungs like my life depends on it.
Hudson’s face lights up with the most gorgeous smile. “There you go.”
“Are you counting?”
“Oh yeah. One . . .” he drawls.
“Not funny,” I growl.
He chuckles. “Two . . .”
Oh god, this is going to take forever.
“Relax. And how ’bout some love for Sergeant here? He has been nothin’ but patient.”
Running a hand over his mane, my hand shakes a little. I slap it back to the pommel. Hudson counts, ever so slowly, as he walks around the back of the horse, adjusting my feet in the stirrups like I don’t already know where they go. “You want to send him ’round the yard?”
“No, absolutely not.”
“Okay, guess that camping trip will have to wait.”
I go to take my foot from the stirrup and dismount and Sergeant moves. Hudson has his hand on the reins by the bit. He clucks his tongue and Sergeant walks on.
Fuck.
I grip the saddle. “Please, stop.” The words are so breathy, stars appear in my vision.
He halts the horse and turns back. “You sure?”
I nod.
“Alright, probably too much for you, anyhow.”
He moves to the other side of the horse and holds his hands up, as if he is going to help me down again.
“I can do it.”
“Yeah? Okay. I’ll get the gate then.”
He walks away.
“No wait, where are you going?”
“Gate.”
Shit. I grip the pommel and remove my foot from the stirrup and swing my leg back over, dismounting with a wobble. The ground under my feet feels like a luxury. I take the reins and move them over Sergeant’s head to lead him. Before I have the chance to walk him away, his muzzle nudges my arm. He chews on the bit, and I rub his face and loose a shaky breath.
“You two comin’?”
I lead Sergeant toward the gate. He walks behind me, close. When we reach Hudson, he reaches for the reins, but I don’t hand them over. “It’s okay, I got it.”
He steps back and tips his hat. We walk through the gate, and he shuts it behind us. I make it back to the barn before I realize I have no idea where he unsaddles his horses or where the tack even goes.
“Behind the barn; you wash him down and I’ll pack away.”
I lead Sergeant around the back of the barn. There’s a concrete pad with a tie rail and three hoses connected to faucets. Hudson is by my side in the next heartbeat. He unbuckles the girth and slips the saddle and blanket off Sergeant before handing me a halter. Unbuckling the bridle, I move the browband down before waiting for him to give me the bit.
I slide the bridle over my arm, and Sergeant lowers his head for me to slide the halter on. I have missed this. So much. I rub his face and ear and lean my forehead on his for a moment. Tears well in my eyes. It has been so long. I breathe him in. That distinct horse smell. The grounding earthiness of him.
“You two need a room?”
I huff out a laugh, my eyes still closed, and rub my thumbs over the gelding’s jaw before leaning back and opening my eyes. Hudson is staring at me. His face is lit up with happiness and something else I can’t quite place. “I’m glad you guys are getting along. You should probably take it slow, though.”
I scrunch my face up and poke my tongue out at him. He hollers a laugh, low and hearty. It’s fucking gorgeous. My gut flips and my heart slams into my ribs. Oh no.
That is not, absolutely never, happening.
This is professional.
But deep in my gut, it’s like something else entirely. I’m sure Hudson Rawlins has no interest in some passing-through vet with horse baggage.
“Is that it for today?” I ask.
His face falls a little and he clears his throat. “Yup. Once you turn him out, you’re free to go.”
“Thanks.” I turn my back to Hudson and turn on the tap. The water spills from the mouth of the hose and I turn back to say something, anything. But he is walking toward the homestead. I shake my head and hose Sergeant off.
When he is clean of sweat, I wipe him down with the scraper that hangs by the tie rail. I lead him away and toward the paddocks that hold the horses. Their names are written on plates on each gate. We walk to the first one. Silver.
The old mare lifts her head from her grazing, and I smile. She appears healthy for an old horse. He really does love his horses, this man. The care and attention he takes with each one is impressive. I turn back and glance at the homestead. Hudson is talking to his mother. They both turn my way, noticing I’ve stopped at Silver’s gate.
“Come on, mister, which one is yours?”
He follows as we make our way further down the small lane between paddocks. Fifth one along, I find his name. I open the gate, walk him in, and remove his halter. He doesn’t walk away, though, and I give him one last rub before walking back out and securing him inside.
I lean over the rail and take in the place around me. I have seen a lot of establishments. Many horse farms and equestrian setups. This one is like home mixed with horse husbandry. It feels good. It’s not harsh or money-focused. It’s horse-focused. Like Hudson. Like I used to be.
As I wander back down the lane toward the barn, Charlie flies toward me. I drop to my knees and wait for him to jump into my arms. I chuckle as he licks my face like it’s a lollipop. “Hey, little man.”
This time, I stand and give him a little whistle. He trots behind me as I make my way back to the barn to hang up the halter. I walk into the barn and head toward the back where the tack room is. Stepping through the doorway, I find saddles on racks on one wall, bridles and halters on the other. I find an empty spot and hang it up. The doorway darkens, and I turn back. Hudson stands in the doorway, arms crossed over his chest, a frown twisting his face.
“What? It doesn’t go there?’
“No, it goes there.”
“Okay?”
“Ma wants to see you.”
“Oh, she does?”
He nods and walks from the doorway. I follow, jogging to catch up and fixing my hair. He glances at me before getting the small white gate that leads into the homestead yard. Louisa is sitting at a small outdoor café set. Something cold is in a jug with three glasses. She gestures to the seat opposite her, and I sit. “Hi, Mrs. Rawlins.”
She smiles and pours three glasses of what looks like cold juice. “Call me Louisa. How was your lesson?”
“It was good, actually.”
Hudson’s face flickers between surprise and confusion. It was. I know it probably didn’t seem like it, but I was glad to make progress. I can’t lose my job. And part of me is desperate to be part of the horse-and-rider dynamic again. Hudson drains his glass, and Louisa takes it back.
“Hudson, Reed wanted a hand with something. He’s inside.”
He nods and walks through the front door and inside.
“How was your lesson, Addy?”
I stare at her. She sent him away. Does she think I’m not telling her the truth because he was standing there? “It was good. I was on Sergeant for, like, twenty seconds?”
She takes a sip from her glass, studying my face. “I know my husband can be a hard man, but he knows what his family needs. What people need. Have you tried riding before now?”
“No.”
I sip the juice. It’s cold and refreshing, and I hope it takes away the heat that has flooded to my cheeks with this conversation.
“That’s fine. If anyone can help you back on a horse, it’s our Huddy. He has a way with horses.”
“He seems to.”
She smiles at me, then sits up in her chair abruptly, delight lighting up her face. “Tomorrow, Sunday lunch, you have to come.”
“Ah, I don’t want to intrude on your family time.”
“Nonsense. It’s no intrusion. And we all know Charlie will be happier if you’re here.”
I laugh at that, and she winks at me. I finish my glass and place it on the table. “Tomorrow, then, for Charlie. Can I bring something?”
“Just yourself. Or if you have a chance, something you would like to eat for lunch, a side dish?”
“I can do that.”
She stands and grabs the jug and glasses.
“Thanks, Louisa.”
“See you tomorrow, Addy.”
I wave and wander back to my car. Charlie is waiting for me. “I’ll see you tomorrow, buddy.”
He gives me some love and I climb into the car. I start the engine and wait for Charlie to move away before driving off. Reed stands by the barn, Magnet’s reins in hand. He salutes me with a hand at his brow, and I chuckle at the silly notion and wave. The only thing I can think of for the next forty minutes on the way back to town is the fact that I got on a horse today.
And the part of me that lived for horse riding swells as the biggest smile claims my face and happy tears blur my vision.