Chapter 21
Chapter Twenty-One
HUDSON
T he winter winds and chilly days are officially here. And Addy is late for her Tuesday lesson. I flip my phone out of my back pocket on my way over to the barn to saddle up Sergeant. No texts. No calls. I barely use my phone, and Addy is the only one who has been lighting up my phone since the party. And it’s deathly quiet.
My gut sinks like a stone in stagnant water. Addy isn’t the fickle type—if she hasn’t arrived by now, she has good reason. Or good reason has her caught up.
With that thought, I stalk back to the house and call her phone. It goes to voicemail.
“Fuck.”
“Huddy, can you come here?” Ma calls from the study.
I pull off my hat and drop it on the kitchen table and make my way to the study. Ma sits at the computer. A video is paused on the screen. When she turns back to me, her eyes are narrow, her mouth is a little gap, and her hands are on her glasses.
“What is it, Ma?”
“It’s . . . It’s Addy.”
“What?” Heat floods my insides when I glance back at the screen. A video of Addy riding. Show jumping, by the looks of the colorful setup in the blurred background. “She’s riding; let’s see it.”
Ma doesn’t say anything. She swivels the chair back around and drags the little black dot on the bottom of the video back to the start. “I had to watch it a few times to make certain it was her,” she whispers.
Why is she whispering?
A stone develops in my throat. I move to stand next to her. She tilts the screen up and glances at me with an agonized expression. Her finger slowly clicks the mouse, and the video starts. Addy sits on an Arabian-type horse. She’s stunning. A real competition horse. Shiny, bay, her hooves polished.
Addy leans forward on her mare when the buzzer sounds, and Jewls takes off toward the first jump. They clear the first half of the course easily. She turns the mare to the hedge jump. And it’s like watching a car accident in slow motion, knowing what comes next.
Ma grabs my arm, her grip tight. I grind my jaw tight as they sail over the hedge. Jewls flinches. Addy heads her toward the next jump and they sail over it, but the mare shakes her head, faltering a little. The triple comes up.
I can’t help the choking sound that steals the air from my lungs with every breath. Ma hides her face with her other hand. Helplessness gutters through me. Jewls goes down, crashing into the jump. Addy screams for her. Poles fly from their cradles. The ruckus is too loud.
I grip the edge of the desk in horror as the horse falls. Addy’s hands fly above her. Her head bounces on the sand. The horse jerks and rolls again, squashing Addy under her. She screams and stills. That must be the moment her hips were smashed. Bile crawls up my throat.
Ma’s shoulders shake and I slam my eyes shut, trying to block out the god-awful sight of the woman I would sell my soul for being thrown around like a rag doll.
Sick to my stomach, I groan, low and heady. “Turn it off, Ma.”
She smashes a hand over the mouse. The screen goes black, and she pushes the chair back. I brace against the desk with both hands.
“I’m so sorry, Huddy. I thought maybe you’d seen it? That Addy had already showed you.”
I blow a long breath and wait for the dizziness that threatens to swallow me whole to subside. I knew her accident was bad. I wasn’t prepared for how I would feel watching it. I slide to the floor.
Ma sits back in the chair. “She is a tough girl, your Addy.”
I huff a strangled sound. My Addy.
Ma checks her watch. “Where is she? It’s five o’clock.”
“She didn’t turn up. No texts, either.”
“Why are you sitting on the floor? Go and make sure she’s okay. God, if that low-life Justin made her stay back late?—”
“Shit!” I bolt up from the floor and rush from the study. I swipe my hat up and jog to the truck. Starting her up, I slam the stick into drive. It takes ten minutes less than usual to make it into town. I head to the clinic, but the lights are off and the doors are locked. Reversing out of the parking lot on screeching tires, I head to Addy’s townhouse.
Her car is in the drive. Good start. I park beside her Cherokee and kill the engine and race up the steps. The last hour still running through my head, I knock. The house is quiet. I knock again, louder.
No answer. Ruby went back to the city after Ma’s party, and I wish I had her number now. Maybe Reed has it. I round the house and try the back door. It’s unlocked. I walk in and remove my hat.
“Addy?”
No answer.
I walk through to the kitchen and living room. Nobody there. “Adeline!”
Something moves upstairs. I fly to the stairs and bolt up them, taking two at a time. When I swing around the banister and head for her room, she stands, gripping the doorframe. Swaying. Her face is far too pale. Hair a mess, and she is in stained pajamas.
Fuck, sweet girl.
“Huddy?” she utters. Her eyes are glassy and strung out.
“Yeah, beautiful, I’m here.”
I press a hand to her forehead. She’s burning up. When I scoop her into my arms, she cries out. Shit, she must have the flu, aching everywhere. I lay her back in bed.
“Addy, where’s your thermometer?”
She points to the floor. Downstairs. “I’ll be right back, okay?”
“Okay,” she whispers.
She probably hasn’t been to work today, possibly not yesterday either. Jesus, I wish she had told me she was sick. She was unwell and all alone. Nobody here to take care of her. I hurry back downstairs and rummage through the kitchen cupboards until I find her Tylenol and thermometer and grab her a glass of water.
I pull out all the drawers until I find a tray and head back upstairs. Shivering, she reaches for another blanket. I take the blanket and remove it from her hands. She whimpers.
“You are burning up. You need medicine, not a ton of blankets.”
I set the tray on the bedside and sit beside her. “Can you sit up for me, darlin’?”
She moans and I help her up, cradling her body against mine as I rearrange her pillows.
“You smell nice,” she croaks.
I chuckle. I smell of horse and sweat. “That’s the fever talkin’.”
“No, you always smell like this. I love it.”
I lay her back on the pillows, slightly elevated, and take her temperature.
One hundred and two.
Fuck.
I peel another layer off her, and she objects, grabbing at it with trembling hands. Gooseflesh washes over her skin. I pop the pills into my hand and hold them out to her. She wraps fine, shaky fingers around them and slides them into her mouth. I raise the glass to her lips. She drinks enough to wash the pills down and then shakes her head. Probably dehydrated, too, then. I stand and close the curtains to block out the streetlights. She needs to rest.
“Huddy, don’t go.”
“Never, Addy.”
I sit back by her side, and she closes her eyes. I pull out my phone and text Ma. She will be worried. She texts me back a second later with a blue heart. Addy’s hand closes around my wrist. “Stay with me, please.”
“Do you need something to eat?”
She shakes her head no.
I slip off my boots and walk to the other side of the bed. A heartbeat after I lay down, she rolls over, nuzzling into my chest. “I’m so cold.”
I wrap an arm around her and dot a kiss into her hair. “Close your eyes, Addy. I’ll be here when they open.”
Her hand presses against my neck. Her breathing slows and steadies twenty minutes later. I feel her forehead. The heat has almost gone. I pull one layer over her. There is nowhere else I would rather be. And when I close my eyes, the sight of her trapped under her horse replays incessantly in my mind. I tighten my hold on her. This precious woman who has turned my hard heart on its head.
I have no idea where anything is in this kitchen, but I am making her breakfast if it takes me all fucking day. So far, I’ve found eggs and bread. So, I cut the crusts off and cut out a shape like Ma used to do for us boys when we were little. But a flower for Addy, instead of the star Ma did. It’s a little corny, but it might make Addy smile. And I will happily exchange corny, or anything else for that matter, to see her smile.
Butter sizzles as I drop it into the hot pan, and I spread it around before laying two slices of bread into the bubbling mix. I crack an egg and hold it over the flower-shaped cut out. It plops into it filling the space. I crack the second egg and it does the same. I wait a while before I flip them over and make coffee.
On second thought, juice would be better. Fuck it, I’ll grab both. I turn off the stove and pull a plate from the overhead cupboard and flip the toast from the pan onto it. Assembling the plate, glass, and mug on the tray, I make my way upstairs. She is asleep on her side when I sit on the opposite side of the bed, resting the tray on the duvet.
I touch the back of my hand to her forehead. Her fever hasn’t returned. Hopefully it has broken. Her eyes flutter open when I remove my hand, brown eyes finding mine. A small smile blooms over her face. “Hey, Huddy.”
The air leaves my lungs. I feel like it’s the first time I have seen her since I saw her fall on Ma’s screen. And the overwhelming emotions snag my voice, rendering it useless. I clear my throat. “Morning, Addy.”
She pushes up to sitting. “I feel better, thank you.”
“I didn’t do much, you?—”
Emotion clogs my throat, so I stare at the wall, and she frowns.
“What? Did I say something in my sleep?” She feigns a laugh.
I pick up the tray and place it in front of her and shuffle off the bed. Her gaze drops to the contents of the tray. “Wow, thank you.”
She runs a hand through her hair and tucks it behind her ears, leaning forward to grab a slice of toast. I have to leave. She’s so delicate, so small with her legs tucked underneath her, wrapped in a blanket. So fucking precious. Fire burns in my lungs, my breaths too shallow.
I walk into the hall and lean on the wall, head back, eyes closed. The image replays, her underneath that damn horse, the agonizing sound that filled the stadium when the horse crushed her. I slide down the wall, knees up, letting my head drop. I suck in every burning breath.
Something hits my foot then rubs the top of my socked toes. I rub the heels of my palms into my eyes, trying desperately to dislodge the horrific replay that has been haunting me from the moment I saw Jewls go down during that jump. Fine fingers pry my hands from my face. My legs part and Addy wedges herself between them. Her hands land on my face, eyes tortured and searching.
“Huddy?”
My face cracks. I fight the choking feeling crawling up my throat and fail.
“Oh no, what is it?” she whispers, hands searching my face like she can find what’s broken there and piece it back together. “You can tell me.”
Schooling my face back, I shift my focus to the wall behind her. I can’t look at that beautiful face if I want my words to have any chance of forming right. “I saw your fall. Ma found it online. She showed it to me.”
She stiffens and leans back on her heels, hands dropping from my face to her lap. I’m an ass for bringing it up when she’s sick. For watching the video at all.
Fuck.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t realize what I was watching until it happened.”
I know that’s not an excuse, but her reaction isn’t what I expected. Her eyes turn vacant.
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
Shit, I shouldn’t have said anything. I shouldn’t have watched it; that I knew even before I saw her reaction. Watching her fall and be crushed under a horse is not something I can unsee. “I’m sorry, Addy.”
She shakes her head, and her gaze hits the floor. “I?—”
I reach for her, but she doesn’t move. I drop my hands to the floor beside me. “Jesus, sweet girl. I had no idea,” I rasp.
She forces a small, sad smile, and my whole body aches to hold her. To wash that memory from her mind, to take away the pain that must haunt her.
“I let her down... ” She starts with shaky words. “I didn’t listen. I was so focused on our time...”
“It wasn’t your fault, Addy.”
She whimpers, tilting her head as her eyes crinkle. I lean forward and lift her, pulling her into my lap, folding her into my chest. She sobs, her grip tight around my t-shirt. God save me, I’m an ass.
“Seeing you underneath your horse?—”
I swallow past the stone in my throat that cuts off my words. She nuzzles her head into my neck, her breathing ragged through a constant stream of sobs. And I can imagine she is reliving it right now.
Because of me.
But still, the words pour from my ridiculous mouth. “The sound of your scream... It broke my fucking heart, Addy.”
Her breath hitches and a shattered cry crashes into my neck. I tighten my hold on her for the second time since I watched that goddamn video. It will never feel like enough. And the fact that she is back on a horse after a fall like that makes her the strongest person I have ever met. Hands down.
When she pushes away and her hands find my face, she composes her face and sucks in a breath. Her chin trembles as she traces a thumb over my lips before holding my face. “Thank you,” she whispers.
I didn’t expect that, either. Tears burn behind my eyes. The air in my lungs turns to lead. “What for?” I choke out.
She forces another sad smile. “For giving me back that part of my life.”
I huff a strangled groan, letting the tears run down my cheeks. “I don’t think bringing up your accident was the best thing I’ve ever done for you, Addy.”
She shakes her head and presses her forehead to mine, thumbing the moisture from my jaw. “For getting me back on a horse, Hudson. I thought I had lost that part of my life. That huge part that was like half of me.”
“I think Sergeant did most of the work...” But I have to know if she’s okay. “Do your hips still hurt from the injuries?”
“They ache a little when it’s cold, sometimes when I’ve been sitting too long in one place. But it’s not a big deal. It doesn’t stop me from doing anything.”
I doubt anything could.
She huffs a laugh and sniffs before pushing back and wiping her face. “Ugh, but now my head hurts.”
“You should be back in bed.”
“Yes, sir.” A cheeky smile curls up on her lips and she winks.
And when she stands, I push to my feet and pick her up, letting her wrap her legs around my waist. “Doctor’s orders, Adeline.”
“If you say so, Hudson.”
“I’ll even let you finish your breakfast before I take off.”
“You can’t stay?”
“I have to help ready everything for the roundup. And you need to rest before we start Monday.”
“What, are you my boss now, Rawlins?”
I stare at her. When I don’t respond, she rests a hand on my jaw. And I feel like a creep at that throwaway mention of being her boss and telling her what to do. How the fuck does Justin sleep at night?
“Nope, definitely not. But at the risk of having to share my tent with Morley for a week, I would really like you to catch some rest and get better to save me that particular torture.”
She giggles and drops onto the bed. The coffee splashes a little, and she turns and picks it up, taking a sip. “I’ll be there. Can’t have you rolling over and hugging Justin in your sleep instead of me, Huddy.”
I chuckle and dot a kiss to her forehead. “Absolutely not.”
She swallows her mouthful, and I tuck her hair behind her ear. My gut flips, like it hasn’t already done it a thousand times before when I get close to her. “Get some rest. Call me if you need anything, please.”
“Uh-huh.”
She puts the coffee down and pulls me down to her, but then hesitates. “I don’t want to make you sick.”
I turn my face and she kisses my cheek, then my jaw, then my neck. I might not catch her cold, but I definitely have a hard-on now. I groan, torn between not caring if I get sick and remembering she is and needs rest, not what’s currently occupying my bloodless brain.
“Bye, Huddy.”
I linger by the doorway as she settles onto the bed and bites into the toast. She looks so much better than she did last night. Walking down the stairs, I am fully aware I left my heart behind with her.