Chapter 29
Chapter Twenty-Nine
HUDSON
M a stares at me over her coffee. Her face is tight, her usual smile nowhere to be found. I wait for Pa, Mack, and Reed to file into the kitchen after feeding out hay. I’m the only one who is on the receiving end of Ma’s scowl, if the smile she beams at Mack is any indication.
“Right, now we’re all here, we should talk ranch and business before we’re busy with the rest of the chores.” Harry pulls out the chair at the head of the table and drops into it, palms coming to rest on the shining hardwood.
Ma glances between him and Reed, to Mack, and then me. I run a hand through my hair, stirring the sugar in my coffee, if only to avoid her glare again. I know what it’s about. But she is way off the mark. This is how it was supposed to be. Even the old man thinks so. Why else would he have told me to stay away from Addy?
“Come on, Harry, I have chores to do,” Reed pipes up.
Harry continues. “Right. Hudson. The final numbers are in for the roundup and the contracts that have already come in from the sale of the first six foals. We have enough equity finally to buy out Justin, so that was sent over yesterday. And we are booked in to do a walk-in inspection for two other ranches next week. Without your hard work this year, Hudson, none of these things would have been possible. So, on that note...” He glances to Ma, and she suppresses a small smile, holding his gaze. “This ranch is officially yours. I will have the documents drawn up this week when we’re in town. And the company, which now consists of three businesses and six half shares, will be divided and managed between all four of you boys. Lawson, we have already talked to last night.”
I don’t know what to say.
Ma looks to me. “We were hoping you didn’t have to do this by yourself. But?—”
I hold up a hand, knowing exactly where she is going with this. She rests her coffee on the coaster in front of her.
“Thank you both. I will continue to earn what I have been given. But Addy’s life is not mine to influence. I won’t have her give up her life as an equine vet so I can be happy. Unlike all of you, I’m not that fucking selfish.” I push out of the chair but as I walk away, Harry gives Ma a look.
“Well, I for one am glad to be moving out,” Reed says. He is trying to lighten the mood. It falls on sullen hearts. Nobody responds. I push through the back door and stalk to the table under the weeping willow.
I didn’t mean to be disrespectful after all my parents have done for the four of us. But this team effort thing is grinding my fucking gears. Laying down on the bench seat closest to the tree, I shove my hands over my face, blocking out the dappled sunlight.
Ma sits by my feet a moment later. “Loving someone this much could never be selfish, Huddy.”
Charlie appears by my head and jumps up onto my belly. God, he’s a heavy little mutt. I sit up and he curls up in my lap the way Addy let him every time. So much for a working ranch dog. My sweet girl has spoiled this little man. The air lodges in my lungs and won’t budge.
Not my girl.
Not anymore. I grind my jaw shut.
“Oh, my boy.” Ma slides closer to me on the bench.
“Think I’m a bit old for that, Ma.” I rub a hand over the stubble on my jaw.
“Your children never outgrow what they are to you.”
I grunt. Words hurt. Everything hurts.
I usher Charlie from my lap and walk for my truck. “Later, Ma.”
“Hudson, I wasn’t finished.”
When I wave a hand, she mutters something under her breath.
At home, I sit in the truck for a moment. The quiet is too loud. Charlie paws at the door and I lean over and open it, letting him out. I kill the engine and walk inside. The house is all but finished now, the kitchen in and functional. The fireplace crackles behind me. The rooms are mostly bare, but more furniture should arrive next week. How much stuff does one man and a spoiled dog need, anyway?
I wander down the hall. Something yellow and small catches my eye near the bedroom door. I pick it up. It crumbles between my fingers. One of the flowers I spread around for Addy the night of Ma’s party. My back hits the wall and I slide to the floor, gaze stuck on the dried yellow petal in my fingers. It falls to the ground between my legs, and I grip my hands in my hair until it burns. Sobs chug from my throat.
I pound my head into the wall behind me and scream, long and raw. Dropping my face into my hands, I choke on the ragged sobs that crawl from the too-heavy space in my lungs. Charlie appears by my side and sits, whimpering. When he lies, resting his head on his paws, worried little eyes watching me, I lose it.
“I’m sorry, buddy. She isn’t coming back.”
Charlie whimpers, closing his eyes.
She isn’t coming back.
And I realize in this moment, that there is no coming back from Adeline Howard. My heart is in pieces. I wouldn’t even know where to start to find every last one to put it back together.
Pain floods my chest and steals the last of my breath.
If you had told me a year ago that Hudson Rawlins would find the love of his life, as well as his heart that had been stowed away forever after the last woman, I would have said you’re a fucking idiot. But the only idiot here is me. This... This thing between Addy and me, should have gone either of two ways, as far as I can tell.
One, it should have never happened. Not keen on that idea, to be honest.
Two, it should have eclipsed everything else, for both of us. But I screwed that up...
And here we are.
Miserable and sitting in the hallway, with a sleeping dog in my lap, contemplating every single damn life choice I have ever made. When tires crunch to a stop outside, I don’t even bother getting up. Charlie doesn’t stir. Maybe they will do me a favor and fuck off. Or burn the house down around me. The feeling in my heart wouldn’t change, that much I know.
“Hudson Andrew Rawlins, front and center.”
Ma.
“Do as your mother asks, son.”
Pa.
Charlie snaps his head up with a growl. The only person he has ever been happy with inside this house is Addy. I drag my weary body up the wall and pad to the kitchen. I don’t even care that I’m a mess. Or that Charlie is snarling at Harry, who is now leaning against the new center island.
Harry drops papers on the counter beside him. He wants to do this now?
“It can’t wait ’til tomorrow?” I say.
“Nope.”
Harry’s brows pull down as he taps the papers. I sigh and pull them across the counter and in front of me. Deeds, partnership agreements for the businesses. I flick through them and sign where my name is. I turn to the next bundle of papers. Partnership between Harrison John Rawlins Justin would have done fine. But you did. We didn’t need Addy to get back on a horse. She needed that for herself. We don’t need another business. But you two need a way to make this work.” He glances at Ma. “When I told you not to get involved with her, I needed to see for myself what you thought was worth fighting for, Hudson. I couldn’t care less who you fool around with. But Addy was different.” He swallows. “I needed you to show us how much you were willing to work for her. Every order I have ever given you, you followed. Every single one, except that one . You see where I’m going with this, son?”
He rubs a hand over his jaw. “Hudson, I am going to make this real plain for you. When you find your captain, you do everything in your power to keep them, because without them, you will wander the sea like a lost sailor, second-guessing every choice you ever make. Alone and bitter. Your mother is mine. And I wholeheartedly believe Addy is yours. Hell, even that mutt hound of yours knows it.”
“It was a test?”
“Bless your father’s cockeyed methods. And after Jemma...” She tilts her head, her mouth a thin line, silver lining her eyes. “We can all see who Addy is to you, Huddy.”
“But she still left.”
“Isn’t that what you told her to do? After everything, you were hell bent on not giving her a reason to stay?” Ma’s words are soft.
“She deserves to have her dreams. I’m not gonna be the person to take that away from her, after everything she went through...”
Harry shakes his head. “And thank god she did. Otherwise, you two never would have met. You never would have had reason to work together. Not one moment of this was coincidence, Hudson. But now, you can give her what she wants, what you both want.” He points to the contract with Addy’s name on it.
“What if she doesn’t want it?”
“I have a feeling it will all work out fine.” Ma pats my shoulder and walks out.
“Don’t just stand there, son. This ship ain’t gonna steer itself.” Harry winks at me and follows Ma.
I stand stunned in the kitchen. The fire crackles and pops, filling the space around me that the ringing in my ears miss.
Four days.
I have four days to figure out what to say to Addy.
To analyze every memory that I have of me and her.
No time like the present . . .
“Charlie, pack your shit.”
He chases his tail before faltering and tumbling with a whelp. His leg is probably still sore. Looks like he gets to pay his doctor a visit. Hope fills my heart, and I suck in a breath.
After a rushed packing job, one quick shower, and closing up the house, I pull out of my driveway and settle in for the long haul. This cowboy is going to New York City.