Chapter 19 – Miles
NINETEEN
MILES
I see her bright red sweatshirt and her blonde hair before I really see Claire, but as I approach, my jaw goes tight. That's because she’s standing on the steps of the lifeguard house talking to Brad Baker.
The bane of my existence.
When she takes a step back, he mimics it, and something snaps in me when I see how uncomfortable she looks.
I move across the sand, my weight shifting in a way that if I didn’t run on this sand regularly, it might slow me down, but thankfully, I’m to her quickly.
Just in time to see Brad Baker reach out and brush a lock of Claire’s blonde hair aside. She tries to shift away as his fingers touch her face, but there isn’t much room on the steps.
“Hey, baby,” I say, too loud to be casual, but I’m fighting back a myriad of emotions in my gut that I refuse to look at too closely.
Because if I do, behind the simmering irritation, I might see I have a thing for Claire Donovan.
Both heads snap toward me. Brad gives me a dirty glare, while Claire looks at me with intrigue before a small smile that’s hiding a healthy amount of relief.
“You know him?” Brad asks, and Claire looks from me to Brad, clearly trying to weigh whether she’s more annoyed with my antics or annoyed by this dickhead.
She looks at my outstretched hand and at me before she reaches out and grabs it.
“Oh yeah. Miles and I go way back.”
I tug her down the two stairs and away from Brad, pulling her into my side. Her hand moves to my chest, heat burning there, as her body presses to my side, and she smiles at Brad. His jaw has gone tight, his eyes narrowing in on my hand that’s on her waist.
“Brought you your water,” I say, lifting her bottle, and she smiles genuinely this time.
God, she’s so pretty.
“You’re the best.”
I take a step away from the building, and she follows, hand in mine.
“Uh, Claire, I really need to talk to you about the lifeguards—” Brad starts, but I interrupt, ignoring him and directing my question to her.
“You’re on break, right?” It’s meant as a reminder that she is off the clock and thus not required to speak to him about work things. She nods. “Come on.”
“I was talking to her—” Brad starts, clearly annoyed by my interruption of his hitting on her.
“Helen is inside,” Claire says with a polite smile. “She’d be more than happy to talk to you about hiring some lifeguards.”
“But I—” Clearly, he’s not getting the picture, and suddenly I’m even more happy I came in to interrupt their conversation because he wouldn’t have stopped.
“Excuse me, Brad, I gotta talk to my girl,” I say, putting a hand around her waist and tugging her away.
“Miles, what are you doing?” she asks low, a hint of a giggle in the words, but I don’t respond. “Where are we going?”
“Far away from him,” I say through gritted teeth, spotting the shaded spot underneath the boardwalk.
“Oh? Why’s that?” she asks, a teasing lilt to her tone.
“That guy’s an ass,” I say, stepping away from her once we’re in the shade, crossing my arms on my chest. She looks at me with feigned irritation before mimicking the move. “And he made you uncomfortable.”
“You seem to be making quite the habit of saving me from unwanted advances.” I shrug, and she takes a step closer to me, a teasing smile on her lips. “You know, I don’t think you pulled me away because you don’t like the guy, Miles.”
“Then why else would I?” I ask, staring down at her.
“You did it because you were jealous someone else was giving me attention.”
I roll my eyes, hearing the footsteps and laughter overhead.
“Trust me, I am not jealous of Brad Baker,” I say, but it even feels like a lie on my tongue. When she says it, I realize it’s the exact feeling that was coursing through me. I was jealous of the attention she was giving him, whether she wanted to give it or not. I was jealous of how close he was to her, of the way he was about to touch her.
“Oh, you so are,” she says as she leans back against the beam of the boardwalk. The light filters in through the boards, moving over her face and highlighting her smile. “Just like at the Seabreeze when Sam was trying to dance with me.”
I roll my eyes. “That was not a jealous thing. It was because he wasn’t taking no for an answer. Why would I be jealous of either of those assholes?”
She shrugs. “Because you’re obsessed with me.”
I shake my head and let out a small laugh, taking off my hat and settling it back on my head. It’s a nervous habit of mine, and, god, does Claire make me nervous.
“You’re out of your mind,” I say.
“You’re so into me, Miles. It’s okay, I can’t blame you.”
“No, I’m not.”
“Yeah?” she asks, a teasing lilt in the words.
“Yeah.” I say with all of the false bravado I can conjure. She straightens up, then takes a step closer to me. “Then prove it.”
“Prove it?” I ask, lifting an eyebrow.
“Prove you’re not into me.” She takes a step closer to me until there’s barely a foot between us. “Kiss me,” she says, this time the words coming out in a breathy whisper.
My heart flips like I’m a kid with his first crush, but to be honest, that’s how Claire makes me feel: completely out of my depth, lost and nervous, and like she can see past everything I normally hide.
“No.”
“Because you’re chicken,” she says, crossing her arms on her chest, the sleeves nearly covering her hands. The huge lifeguard sweatshirt she wears makes me wonder if she asked for a size that would swallow her up or if the department ran out of sizes that actually fit her.
“I’m not chicken. I’m not going to kiss you just because you’re bullying me.”
She smiles at that, continuing to look up at me.
“Oh, this isn’t bullying you. If you want me to bully you, I can.” I let out a laugh without meaning to, and she shrugs. “Some people like that kind of thing.”
“You’re insane,” I whisper, and without meaning to, my fingers shift, touching a strand of her long ponytail that rests on her shoulder. It’s so fucking soft, if a bit knotted from the wind off the ocean. For a delusional moment, I think about how much I'd like to sit here for an hour, gently detangling her tresses with my fingers. “And you’re a deadly fucking flirt.”
“I’m so happy you noticed,” she says with a wide, gleeful smile like she genuinely is glad.
“Hard not to when you flirt with everyone you see.”
She pauses and then looks at me, a slightly puzzled look on her pretty face as I cross my arms on my chest. “What?”
“Oh, come on, Claire, don’t deny it. You’re a helpless flirt.”
She tips her head to the side, and a smile spreads over her lips as she takes a step closer to me. “Who do I flirt with, Miles?” she asks, and I stand there, rolling my eyes as I try and think of who to name and quickly realize…
No one.
“Well…”
Claire might be flirty with lots of people, but that’s because it’s her personality, but she doesn’t outright flirt with everyone. I would know: it would drive me insane, having to watch it.
But she sure as shit flirts with me.
“Are you trying to say you only flirt with me?” I ask hesitantly.
She rolls her lips into her mouth and gives me a shy smile.
“If I say yes, what are you going to do about it?” she asks, and the challenge in her words, the smile on her lips, the way she stands there in her sweatshirt, and her full lips…
Without thinking, I reach out, grabbing her around her waist and tugging her against me. Her eyes go wide, and her mouth parts just a bit, making her look even more beautiful, something I didn’t even know was possible, yet here we are.
I hesitate, terrified to cross this line, but then I press my lips to hers. At the touch, my hand tightens on her waist on instinct before I deepen the kiss, needing to savor every moment of it.
It’s an idiotic move.
Maybe the stupidest thing I’ve ever done.
I probably could have survived this entire summer with her. With her teasing and her toying and her flirting.
But knowing what she tastes like when I kiss her? The way she gasps when my tongue slides into her mouth and the way her hands shift, folding around my neck like she wants to get closer?
I don’t know how I’m ever going to continue to keep my distance knowing all of this.
We kiss like this, my tongue sliding along hers, her fingers digging into the skin at my neck, my hands desperately trying not to dig into the flesh of her hips, and I realize I’m totally screwed.
Kissing Claire is so much better than I thought it would ever be, like a part of me is snapping into place, a sense of calm taking over, battling with the consuming need that flares in my chest.
A tiny mewl leaves her, pulling a groan from my chest and fraying the last thread of control I have.
I want to get her home.
I want to get her naked.
I want to be inside her.
“This is a bad idea,” I say, my lips moving down her jaw and to the soft skin of her neck. I can feel her smile as her hands move under my shirt, caressing across my back.
“Is it?”
“Possibly the worst one,” I say, nipping her ear before sucking at the skin beneath it. She lets out a breathy laugh.
“Then maybe you should stop,” she whispers, the words breathy and going straight to my dick,
“In a minute,” I say.
“God, you’re so gone for me.”
“No, I’m not.” I lie, my lips moving back to hers and tasting her again, our tongues twining.
Her nails bite into my back, and it’s hot and untamed and strangely familiar somehow, like this was always where we were supposed to end up.
I break the kiss again, moving down the other side of her neck, wanting to grace every inch of exposed flesh I can.
“You are. You just won’t admit you want to be with me.”
Those words have me hesitating, reality crashing back in as I rest my forehead against hers. “I don’t have time for a relationship, Claire.”
Something curls in my stomach, canceling out the peace and excitement that was just dwelling in there.
“I’m a relationship kind of girl,” she admits, something that, despite it all, I knew.
It’s why Paul stayed with her instead of just fucking her and running once he got what he wanted.
I stand there, staring at her with her kiss-swollen lips and the dazed look in her eyes, committing it to memory.
Because I won’t ever see it again.
I can’t do the same thing my brother did to her, taking what she so willingly gives without thinking about what she needs.
“We shouldn’t do this,” I say, and her body goes tense.
“Excuse me?”
“We shouldn’t be doing this, Claire.”
“I don’t have time for…whatever you want this to be.” The words twist in my gut and taste sour on my lips, but I know it’s what needs to happen.
She steps back, anger playing over her face.
“Don’t make it seem like I’m forcing you into something, Miles. You kissed me .”
“I know, I know,” I say, running a hand over my hair. “Trust me, I know. And god, I fucking want to, Claire. I really do. But I can’t.”
The sad smile that moves over her face puts salt in the self-inflicted wound. She steps further back and shakes her head, disappointment clear on her face, hurt hidden beneath it.
“You don’t have to sacrifice everything all the time, Miles. You know that?”
“If I could have you, I would, Claire.”
She gives me a pitying smile.
“Except, you already do. It’s totally crazy, but I like you. And you like me too, but you’re so caught up in your responsibilities and what you think you have to do, that you won’t give yourself what you want . ”
She shakes her head and takes another step away from me, each one feeling like I’m losing something vital before she turns completely away. When she’s almost in the sun, she looks over her shoulder, giving me one last look.
“I do wonder, Miles, just how happier you’d be if you just let yourself .”
Then she’s gone.
And even though her words echo in my mind throughout the night and into the next day and the next, I make the decision that I’m going to keep away from Claire Donovan to the best of my ability.