Chapter Five
Nestled beneath a cozy stack of blankets, on the floor and close to the TV, Jay still couldn’t see the screen.
It was just colored, hazy blobs moving around with the occasional flashing of lights.
Jay preferred cuddling with Crisp and staring at his profile.
There was no way Crisp didn’t know Jay watched him.
Every once in a while, a tiny smile touched Crisp’s lips before disappearing again.
Jay’s insides still shook. For too many reasons to count, the situation didn’t feel settled.
His mind screamed with unspoken words. Crisp had definitely walked away from this morning’s event thinking Jay couldn’t handle a sexual relationship.
When Jay had felt the fight bleed from Crisp earlier, the moment felt exactly like he had finally broken Crisp.
He loathed the knowledge that words had failed him again when he needed them most.
Incapable of taking another minute of this, Jay unzipped Crisp’s onesie about six inches.
The smile was back. “You’re not watching the movie.”
Jay unzipped the outfit another six inches. All it would take was one more quick tug. “I can’t see it.”
Crisp turned his head. His forehead was furrowed. “Why didn’t you tell me that sooner? I would’ve found us something else to do.”
A smile tugged at the corners of Jay’s mouth. “I’m content.” He yanked, unzipping the outfit the entire way. “You’re hot.”
Crisp’s eyes danced with laughter. “Wouldn’t it make more sense to remove the blankets covering me first?”
“I wasn’t talking about the temperature, even though it is way too hot in here for all this. My comment was about your looks. You’re way too handsome to be so hidden from sight.”
The humor in Crisp’s expression didn’t lessen. “What does that have to do with my clothing? You still can’t see me under all these covers.”
“True.” Jay ran his hand down Crisp’s bare torso. “But I can feel you and paint an image.” He massaged Crisp’s cock through his underwear.
Lust filled Crisp’s expression, but he still found a way to argue. “Why are you starting something you don’t want? Please don’t take this as me being a dick, but if you don’t want this kind of relationship, then leave it alone.”
Jay didn’t take Crisp’s admonishment to heart.
He had already known Crisp felt that way.
Jay dipped his hand inside Crisp’s underwear and palmed Crisp’s growing erection.
“I never said I don’t want this side of us too.
” He froze as too many thoughts poured in.
“But I totally understand if you don’t want me like this.
You know who I was now, and I don’t look anything like I used to.
I get that my head’s a mess and you’ll have to put up with me being in charge of how fast or slow we move so I don’t freak out unexpectedly.
Everything about me is hard work and exhausts you. It’s totally fair if you don’t—”
“Stop talking.”
“Want me now,” Jay said, speaking over Crisp, and finishing his thought. Panic mode had been engaged. He couldn’t stop. “I should’ve been a man earlier and found a way to talk about this and make sure you know that I want a real life with you. I want to stay and—”
“Stop talking.” This time, Crisp put his hand over Jay’s mouth. “Just stop.” His eyes were filled with silent laughter. That was the only reason Jay’s tongue stilled.
When Crisp obviously decided Jay would stay quiet, he dropped his hand.
“Three facts in less than thirty seconds. I’m fine with you taking the lead as long as you understand that makes us a monogamous couple because I don’t share.
This is real love. I never want to be with anyone else, no matter how much or how little sex is involved between us.
Now, I’ve made myself clear, and you can talk again. ”
Jay couldn’t stop smiling. “I’m not sure all of that only contained three facts, but I agree.” He sobered. Jay needed Crisp to know how seriously he took this. “Don’t move, okay?”
Crisp gave him a small nod.
Jay leaned Crisp’s way and touched his lips to Crisp’s mouth.
As promised, Crisp stayed still. Jay mimicked Crisp’s earlier kiss, using his skill of adapting to be whatever his lover desired.
Not everything about his training was useless.
He tasted Crisp’s bottom lip before diving in to play with his tongue.
There was so much unfamiliar affection suffocating him.
If all they ever did was this, Jay would have the best life.
Emotion overwhelmed him. Crisp couldn’t understand.
He had gotten out before their programming took complete control.
Meanwhile, Jay had been living that life—immersed in the thick of things.
No one had reached him through the brainwashing.
Crisp was all the way under Jay’s skin, fighting like hell for him. Just as Crisp said, this was real love.
Jay shifted position until he had Crisp beneath him.
He brought Crisp’s arms over his head and linked fingers with him.
They kissed as if they never had to move from that spot.
Jay’s body ached, but it had for months now.
He could take it. This kiss was more than he had yesterday. More than he deserved.
A loud banging on the door sent Jay flying to his feet. Crisp scrambled upright right behind him.
Crisp zipped his pajamas and frantically waved for Jay to get inside the bedroom. He didn’t make it. The door swung wide. Jay could only make out the outline of two huge figures but no distinct features.
“Let’s go. Both of you.”
For a moment, Jay considered making a dive for his closest gun. But Jay couldn’t see clearly any longer, and Crisp stood between the intruders and him.
Crisp headed his way. As his features came into focus, he saw how pale Crisp had gone. Damn. He should have grabbed that gun.
“What are we dealing with?”
Crisp spoke quietly, keeping the conversation between them. “Beau Bosi’s personal guard, Henry, and Jett.”
Jay had unfortunately already met both. They were the ones who had sent Jay’s already bleeding and beaten body straight into the arms of his torturer. He didn’t have time to process. Crisp took his hand and headed for the door, steering him around the hazards they had left on the floor.
“We’ll have to move slowly. He can’t see.” Jay might have snorted at the way Crisp made him look helpless, but Crisp’s voice actually sounded pretty deadly, and allowing everyone to underestimate him was a genius move.
Neither of the guards responded. Jay mentally prepared for anything except losing Crisp. They would have to kill him first.
This had been Crisp’s worst fear. He couldn’t let Jay get hurt.
Jay had suffered enough. Why had he gone against everything that had screamed inside him to run with Jay months ago?
If they survived today, he wouldn’t make that mistake twice.
When Henry led them into Beau’s office, Crisp’s stomach dropped.
While he had known Beau never went anywhere without Henry, he had still held on to a small hope Beau wasn’t there.
Crisp couldn’t let Beau speak first. “I didn’t know you were here for the holiday. Did my brothers come with you?”
Beau motioned toward Jett. “Get the man a chair.”
At the order, Jett grabbed a wingback chair from along the wall and set it next to a chair already at the desk.
Crisp helped Jay sit, playing up his loss of sight.
Kylo skipped into the room wearing an elf outfit. “Jay! You’re looking so much better.” He hugged Jay as if this were a family visit. Kylo sat on Beau’s lap.
Crisp’s shoulders relaxed a hair. Beau looked sort of human while holding Kylo.
Beau focused on Crisp. “Your brothers will be here in about two hours. It’s best we have this meeting now.
Austen has located a surgeon in Canada who he feels has the skill needed to help restore at least some of your guest’s eyesight.
If you’re interested, he can see you after the holidays. There’s a catch.”
Wasn’t there always?
“Um. Okay.” Crisp heard all the confusion he felt in his voice.
“As I said, your brothers are on their way. The plan is to stay here for at least three months.”
“Yay!” Kylo shouted, making Beau smile.
Crisp blinked at the sight.
Beau pressed on. “If you intend to continue on with this secret, you’ll need to leave in the next hour.
It’ll be up to you to make your excuses for missing Christmas with them.
Of course, all that is moot if you intend to let your brothers know you’ve been keeping the traitor as your pet who fully intended to murder Scout. ”
“I’m no one’s pet.” Jay’s growled words made Crisp jump slightly. He was in such shock he had nearly forgotten Jay was there.
“I love you two’s matching onesies. You look adorable.”
Henry barked out a laugh behind them at Kylo’s words.
“Whatever makes Crisp happy.”
At Jay’s statement, Beau gave a sharp nod. “As it should be.”
Crisp was so confused. He had no idea where to even start. He looked Jay’s way. “What do you say? Do you want to give this surgeon a shot?” The entire situation felt surreal as hell. How long had Beau known? Who else knew?
“I won’t be the reason you miss Christmas with your brothers.”
A loud huff left Crisp. Now things felt familiar. “It’s a damn date on a calendar, stubborn ass. They’ll still be here when we get back. If not, I’m a grown man—current attire aside—I can go see them anytime I like. So, let’s go. I bet it’s beautiful up there this time of year.”
The way Jay smiled at his tirade had Crisp melting inside. “You don’t always get to be in charge. You know that, right?”
The chorus of snorts that went up around them made Crisp blush. “We already had that discussion once today.” Crisp tried to say the words as quietly as possible. To his shock, Beau burst out laughing. He looked like a completely different person.
Kylo stood and held his hand out to Beau. “Come on, Daddy. The kids are all right.”
Beau allowed Kylo to lead him from the room. Right before they were out of sight, Beau swept Kylo off his feet and took off running. The sound of laughter followed them down the hall.
Henry shook his head at their antics. “I’ll go make the arrangements for your travel. Be ready in the next hour.”
“Okay.” Crisp didn’t move. He was still too stunned. His gaze automatically moved to Jett. “How long has he known?”
Jett scoffed. “Never assume Beau doesn’t know what goes down in his house.
Plus, you got Austen to help you. Austen.
Have you met Austen? He’s extremely loyal to Beau.
” Jett raised his eyebrows as he needed Crisp to see how serious he was.
“Everyone in Beau’s household is devoted to him.
I don’t know why you were worried. Your man’s a stray.
Take a look around. Beau is a collector of lost souls. Plus, Kylo, you know.”
Crisp nodded even though he still couldn’t believe this was happening.
“That said,” Jett said, continuing. “I absolutely get why you’re keeping this from your brothers. This likely won’t go over smoothly with them. If you weren’t under Beau’s protection, all of you would be dead right now thanks to him.” Jett tilted his head Jay’s way.
Crisp stood. “You sorely underestimate our ability to survive.”
Jett shrugged.
Crisp took Jay’s hand. He was too silent for Crisp’s liking. Crisp waited until they were out of earshot before he spoke again. “I hope you didn’t take any of that bullshit to heart. We’ve seen and done things that guy couldn’t possibly fathom. Nothing is ever black and white.”
Jay still didn’t speak.
Crisp panicked a little inside. When they were alone in their room again, Crisp turned to beg Jay to talk to him. He found Jay chewing his bottom lip and looking unsure in a way Crisp had never seen before. Considering how much they had been through together, that expression had him worried.
Jay focused on him. “Have I told you how much I love the way you always stay close enough that I can see you?”
Crisp smiled. He would never decipher Jay’s mind. Jay was never thinking anything he expected.
“That’s because I love being near you. Everything about you makes me want to lean your way: the heat coming off your body, the way you smell, and I don’t know. I just want to be as close as I can be.”
Jay was back to chewing his bottom lip. “Did he say an hour?”
Crisp nodded.
Jay nodded in response, as if he had come to a decision.
“I can make it.” That was all the warning Crisp got before he was on his back on their love pallet with Jay tearing open their pajamas.
Their kiss was on the verge of violent. Crisp had never gone so quickly from zero to ready to fuck as he did in Jay’s hold.
Jay jostled clothing just enough for him to have both their erections in his hand and stroking.
Crisp’s eyes rolled back in his head at whatever practiced move he pulled.
He couldn’t control the animalistic sounds leaving his soul.
Jay pressed his forehead against Crisp’s and stared down into Crisp’s eyes. Crisp had never felt so connected and seen. “Damn, sexy. There’s no way you know how beautiful you are to me.”
Crisp kind of wanted to cry at how much Jay obviously meant those words. He could see the truth and hear it. “There’s no way I look sexier than you do right now.”
Jay kissed him and pulled the same move he had earlier.
This time, Crisp’s body stood no chance against Jay’s skill.
He whined against Jay’s mouth while his body came apart.
Crisp swore he felt every molecule of his body and every single one sang with ecstasy.
He had wanted Jay too much for too long to hold out.
When Jay cried out, Crisp swore he orgasmed again.
Jay did something to his soul Crisp couldn’t explain.
He healed something inside Crisp that he hadn’t realized was quite so broken.
But there was no missing the way Jay’s love filled in all the cracks inside him.
It was a little crazy how far Crisp would go for this man.
He had already been ready to take on Beau.
When Jay was well enough, he would take on his brothers too.