Chapter Nine
Life felt peaceful in way Crisp couldn’t explain.
He ran his fingers through Jay’s soft hair, guiding the strands to where he needed them, and snipped.
Cutting hair was a skill he had developed over time.
His venture into being a barber had started with Field.
The jokester of their family was also very broken.
He had already been a fully programmed graduate of their spy training.
Sometimes his buttons got stuck in kill mode, and Field did things he hated.
He didn’t trust himself. There was no way he could go to a shop and allow a stranger to come at him with scissors.
If triggered, he might do anything. So Crisp had watched several tutorials online and taught himself to cut hair.
It was an arrangement that Crisp loved. Maybe being a hairstylist had been his calling in life.
But he didn’t think he would enjoy the process with someone he didn’t know.
With Jay, Crisp loved every second of complete focus.
The thought of Field brought up another line of thinking he hadn’t considered.
“Where did you learn to do this?”
Crisp nearly sighed in relief at the break from his thoughts. Jay’s question gave him an opening. “Online. I learned for Field. He’s never been fully deprogrammed.”
“Yeah. You wouldn’t want him going berserk in a barber shop.”
The opening just kept getting wider. “Exactly. Now that I think about it, I’m curious. That’s never happened to you. You’re fully programmed. I wonder why you don’t seem to have any violent outbursts.”
Jay didn’t respond right away. The more the silence dragged on, the more Crisp wished he would have left the topic alone. Thankfully, Jay didn’t leave him worrying for long. “Maybe you’re my outlet.”
Crisp froze. He wasn’t sure if he should be flattered or insulted. “How do you mean?”
Jay shrugged. “I don’t know. Sometimes I feel myself slipping away to the point where I feel nothing.
No emotions. I could kill anyone in my path and not blink an eye.
No regrets. Then I see you and emotions rush back to me.
I know I love you and could never hurt you.
That includes not harming anyone you care about. Maybe loving you is healing me.”
Crisp melted inside. He set his hand on Jay’s shoulder and squeezed. “I love you.”
Jay turned his head and kissed Crisp’s hand. “I love you too.”
He ran his fingers through Jay’s hair again. This time, he gave it a shake, trying to knock any loose stray hairs out. “There. I think I’ve—” His phone rang, cutting him off. Crisp glanced at it. “It’s Foster.”
Jay stood and gave him a quick kiss. “I’ll jump in the shower while you take your call.”
With a parting smile, Jay headed for the bathroom. Crisp answered and immediately switched it to speaker so he could sweep and talk.
“Hello?”
“Hey, man. How’s Hawaii treating you?”
A grin split Crisp’s face at the sound of Foster’s voice. “I’m actually loving it here. I miss you guys a lot sometimes, but you know…” He knew Foster got it. Hawaii was home now. As much as he missed his brothers, his life was here.
Luckily, Foster didn’t drag that conversation out for inspection. “How do you feel about me heading that way? There’s never really been anything holding me here. Maybe I can come stay with you guys for a while.”
Crisp knew Foster. Likely, he knew him better than anyone else.
Crisp saw behind the indifference in his tone.
“I’d love that. But if you need someone to talk to now, I’m here.
I have all the time in the world for you.
” As much as he wanted to jump in the shower with Jay, he was in brother mode now.
There had been many nights, even before their escape, that Crisp had spent entire nights talking to Foster.
Sometimes he missed that more than he wanted to admit.
“I guess I’ve been missing you a lot these past few weeks. Without you here—” Foster stopped dead, as if he worried he might say something that would upset Crisp.
That hurt Crisp’s heart because he knew Foster feeling that way was his fault. “I haven’t been a very good friend lately. Obviously, I’m always just a phone call away, but I know you. I should’ve reached out.”
“No, we’re not kids anymore. You shouldn’t have to drop everything for me.” Foster snorted. “Fuck, dude. I’m mentally spent.”
Crisp’s heart climbed into his throat. He hadn’t heard Foster like this in a long time. “Book your flight. First one out. I’ll pick you up at the airport.” He held his breath until Foster responded.
“Yeah. Okay. I’ll let you go, and see what I can figure out.”
Crisp was on full alert now. He needed Foster to get there so Crisp could see his face. Once he got a good look at Foster’s expression, maybe then he would know the right thing to say. “Keep me posted. You know I love you, right?”
“Yeah. You know I love you, right?”
Crisp chuckled. “Yeah.”
“Goodnight, Crispy.”
Crisp groaned, even though he didn’t mean it as the call disconnected.
For several minutes, he stared into space.
He held the broom but made no effort to sweep.
There was an invisible weight sitting on his chest. He hadn’t heard Foster upset in a while.
Crisp had been neglecting his brothers. Crisp needed to be better. But right now, he needed Jay even more.
He dropped the broom. The cleaning crew could get it in the morning.
Crisp made his way to the bathroom. This wasn’t about sex or seduction.
He needed Jay’s arms around him. Maybe he wouldn’t feel like such a bad person.
Foster obviously needed him. He could have missed anything in Foster’s life in the past year and a half, but he had been too wrapped up in his life.
When Foster got here, Crisp would make things better.
His phone chirped, pulling his focus the device’s way.
Foster: I’m taking Beau’s jet. He says a car will be waiting for me at the airstrip, so no reason for you to get out in the middle of the night.
Crisp: We’ll talk as soon as you get here.
Foster: Can’t wait.
Crisp’s eyes fell closed. He couldn’t wait either and now all he felt was depressed. His greedy heart needed soothing. He needed to be held. Crisp undressed as quickly as possible.
Jay watched him step into the wet room as if he waited for exactly that. He opened his arms and Crisp walked into them. In Jay’s hold and his face buried against Jay’s chest, he took a freeing breath.
“Tell me what I can do.”
“You’re doing it.”
Jay couldn’t know what he did for Crisp’s soul each time he held him. Everything went still, and Crisp’s every thought and worry vanished. He forgot the entire world outside Jay’s hold.
Jay pushed Crisp away from him just enough to kiss his cheek. “Tell me where your head’s at.”
Crisp already knew Jay would argue with the assessment of his life, but Crisp had no one else to talk to about this. “I’m being a terrible brother.” When Jay didn’t say anything, Crisp pinched him. “You’re supposed to argue and convince me I’ve done nothing wrong.”
Jay kissed his forehead. His lips lingered against Crisp’s skin as if considering his words before he spoke. Finally, he pulled away. “I don’t think you’ve been a terrible brother. You’ve been the hurt brother. But you can’t lick your wounds forever.”
Ouch.
Jay didn’t stop with the tough love. “It’s been long enough for you to decide if you’re in or out.
If you love them and want to hang on to them, you have to let those results go.
You don’t have to spend every second of your life with me.
It’s okay to have both, I would think. Would you want me to isolate myself for you? ”
That maybe wasn’t the example Jay hoped. “I mean, you kind of have.”
Jay shot him an annoyed look. “That’s different and you know it.
I don’t have a family. But say Jett shows up tonight and wants to hang out, would you be upset with me?
No, I think not. I think you are too kind for that.
Just let it go. They are your family. You wouldn’t be this upset if they weren’t.
” Jay reached for the shampoo. “Now let’s get you clean so you feel refreshed, and then you’ll be ready to spend all night talking to Foster. ”
Crisp’s brows snapped together. “How did you know that was my plan?”
A wicked smile stretched across Jay’s lips. “I am the knower of things. He is coming, is he not?”
Crisp rolled his eyes. Truthfully, Jay was that guy who always knew what went on around him. “Yes.”
Jay chuckled. “See? Plus, Beau will not let anyone in his circle fly like the peasant. He’ll be here much faster than anticipated, I should think.”
Crisp smiled and shook his head. “Seriously, how do you do that?”
Jay’s expression darkened. His gaze bored into Crisp. “Calculated deduction. I watch you always. I can see everything in your eyes. If I’m an expert on nothing else, I’m masterful when it comes to you.”
A sharp burst of laughter escaped him. “Masterful?”
Jay rinsed Crisp’s hair before crowding his space. “Do you deny it?” He reached between them and stroked Crisp’s already hard dick. “Go on. Tell me I’m not a specialist on the only topic that matters: you.”
While Crisp couldn’t recall how they ended up here, he wouldn’t balk. “Maybe you need to remind me.”
Jay shook his head. “It is always when the bed will soak.”
Crisp’s gaze never wavered from Jay’s stare. “Are you saying the shower is your kryptonite? Do you doubt your ability here?”
Yeah, Crisp purposely goaded Jay. He needed Jay’s aggravation to explode all over him.
“You taunt me.”
“Yes.” Crisp wouldn’t deny it.
His feet left the floor, and Jay’s weight leaned into him. “Choose your lube.”
Oh no. He hadn’t thought that far ahead. “Maybe we should dry off and stick to the bedroom.”
Jay shook his head. “You chose this path. Don’t back down now. Choose your lube.”