4. Chapter Four
CHAPTER FOUR
T iffany, United States
I picked up my suitcase, my purse, and my stuffed pup, Hero, and went to give my last goodbyes to my parents. I had been planning this for a few months, allowing me time to get my passport, move all the money into an off-shore account, and say my goodbyes.
Inside their bedroom, I took in these last moments; committing them to memory. They held each other, looking very much like they were sleeping. They seemed happy in their passing, departing this world together. I would miss them more than I could fathom, but I could not bear to watch my mother and father suffer anymore.
My father had already been on his way to the afterlife before I even thought to poison them. My mother was dying of a broken heart because of it. She rarely left the bed anymore. She was by his side nearly 24/7, so great was their love for each other.
So for the first time in my life, or the second, if I count Hero, I killed for mercy. I could honestly say I had never done so for a human before. It was an interesting combination of plants that I had used to achieve this perfect demise.
“You know I love you both so much, right?” I had asked before I fed them the concoction.
“Of course, dear,” my mom had responded. “And we you. Your dad is too tired to say it, but he always tells me how proud he is of you, and that adopting you had been the greatest decision we ever made. You have been such a blessing to both of us.”
They died in a state of painless euphoria. I had watched as they giggled like teens, all cute and affectionate, before they fell asleep and quietly passed in each other’s arms.
The end to the perfect love story.
“Maybe one day,” I said to Hero. I lifted my childhood pet, taxidermized as he was, and looked into his fake eyes, then kissed his snout. “Maybe one day I too will have a love story.” I myself had preserved Hero, after I had to euthanize him due to old age.
I said my last ‘I love you’ and, on my way out, lit the pan of grease in the kitchen on fire. It would take a minute to burn, but once caught, the accelerants I had laid down in the rest of the house would burn hot and fast. I hoped it would throw the police off my trail, at least enough to get me out of town and, if luck was on my side, permanently. Maybe they would never check to see if my passport had been used.
After all, the firemen would find three people in the charred debris, one in my bed. It would take them a while to figure out that it wasn’t me, if they did at all.
That was the blessing of being an only child to adoptive parents. We had no family. Well, maybe I did back in the Dominican Republic, but collectively, we had no ties worth noting. And being that we were a modest, middle-class family, there would be no distant relatives sniffing for missing money.
I locked the door and got into the driver’s seat of the car that had belonged to my latest kill; the one dead in my bed. Were all men so rapey? It was a miracle I was still a virgin at all. If not for my father, I would think all men were trash.
But I knew there were good men out there, I just had to find one. Call me old-fashioned, but I wanted that traditional, bloody wedding night, just like my mom told me about when she and my dad married. I wanted that love. I wanted it consummated in blood.
And while I knew it was not the thing to do these days, I was saving myself for my husband. It’s partly why I spent so much time maiming and killing rapists. Fucking assholes always trying to put their penis where I didn’t want it. Women shouldn’t have to put up with that. And one day I might have daughters. Had to help make the world a better place when and where I could.
I also recycled. Can’t protect the planet enough.
I drove away from the only home I’d ever known, literally starting a new life with nothing but my dog and a small suitcase. I was sad to leave behind my collection of penises, especially since I started collecting them when I was seven, but I could always start a new collection. I did put a couple of my old favorites in my purse, as they were quite desiccated and wouldn’t smell.
I abandoned the car outside the airport at the nearest Walmart, and paid extra cash to some kid collecting carts to order me an Uber.
Check in was a breeze, and Hero got many compliments. He even got to play with another stuffed animal while on the plane, courtesy of a little girl in the row behind me. Of course, her stuffy was pink and fluffy compared to my furbaby, but the kid didn’t seem to mind.
I was on my way to Latvia, with a small layover in Frankfurt, Germany. The Baltic states weren’t my final destination, though I planned to do some traveling before disappearing into the country of my final destination…
Russia.