Chapter 9
EVE
Maybe a snack or cup of tea would help my brain stop swirling long enough to actually get some sleep.
There were a few things on my mind, including the very unsatisfying conversation I’d had with Mitchell, my foster father, right before bed.
I’d been trying to get a hold of him and Karolyn for a few days, but they’d been out of the country on auction house business, assessing a large collection in Cairo.
When I finally got them on the phone, Mitchell had been about as useful as Andrew with information.
“I’m sorry, Eve,” he’d said, after I explained what happened.
Well, after I explained and convinced him not to fly out here and pull me from the school.
The fact that the gunman, whose name I still didn’t know, was dead, helped calm his panic.
“Your father never told us anything other than he needed to lay low, that he would send money to support you, but it was too dangerous for you to live with him for a while. When he didn’t return to collect you, we already loved you like a daughter and didn’t care to ask more.
I never expected the shooting had anything to do with him. It was years after he left you.”
It had been years, but apparently my father was still making enemies.
Or they’d finally caught up to him. So yeah, my lack of sleep was definitely that.
Oh, and maybe Andrew had a little to do with it too.
Mr. Straightlaced had crawled under my skin, and I couldn’t stop re-playing his words over and over in my mind again.
I want to throw you over my shoulder and take you back to my room.
I want to push you to your knees and feel your mouth around my cock while I tangle my hands in your hair.
I want to take you for ice cream and watch the fucking sunset.
I want you to smile at me the way you smile at Brodie and Ethan, and I want to hold you when the nightmares become too much.
The desperation and need on his face as he’d confessed was a memory that had my legs weakening as I stumbled down the last step to the living room.
He had unraveled before me, and I’d fucking wanted more of it.
I wanted everything. I wanted him when I already had two other boyfriends, and I didn’t know what to do with the feelings.
Not to mention Haze and Connor, who I refused to even think about, as I was confused enough.
On my way to the kitchen, I paused as a low murmur and a flash of light caught my attention.
Sneaking my way into the room, I immediately recognized the massive frame sprawled back on the couch, and even though I was fairly sure I hadn’t made a single sound, and he hadn’t turned around, Haze still called, “You okay, Eve?”
Finding my voice, I moved like a normal person for the rest of the way, heading to sit beside him—closer than he probably liked, but we weren’t touching, and he didn’t move.
“Couldn’t sleep,” I said with a soft sigh.
The television was on another of those true-crime channels, and I was brought back to the time we’d sat here and tried to solve the mystery together.
Or at least one of us had tried and failed, while the other one apparently had a mind that could unravel crimes like he had been born into the life. Which it appeared he might have been.
Haze turned and gave me his full attention, and I tried very hard not to notice the way his worn blue shirt was stretched across his massive shoulders, looking so soft and comfy.
He had on gray sweats as well, and they were definitely off limits for examining.
“What’s wrong? Still having nightmares about the accident? ”
I shook my head, throat feeling a little constricted. “I mean, actually yes, but they’re starting to calm already. When the guys are with me, I don’t have the same panic as I fall asleep, which really helps.”
Haze just kept staring at me, his gaze burning into the side of my face, and I finally looked completely away from the television. “I’m confused,” I admitted.
Why, here in the darkness, I felt comfortable enough to speak with him about my damn love life, I would never know.
But I could feel the need to spill rising up from my chest like a flood I couldn’t stem.
“Andrew has been such an asshole to me from almost the first day I stepped into this house. He made me feel constantly like a fuck-up, like a child, like I wasn’t damn good enough.
” My breaths heaved in and out of me. “I have trauma, you know. My mom died and my father abandoned me with virtual strangers. I mean, they turned out to be great people, but that’s not the point.
I’ve never felt like I was good enough, and he poked at the fucking deepest wounds in my soul. ”
Haze shuffled closer, and it startled me enough that I almost lost my train of thought, but when he didn’t touch me, I continued, “Then he goes and basically confesses that he actually doesn’t hate me at all.
He likes me. In a similar way to Brodie and Ethan.
In a way that means he would be in my life the way they are, and I just…
” I shook my head as the words “What the fuck?” wheezed from me in a huff.
Andrew had crawled to me. Over a dirty kitchen floor. Honestly, I wasn’t sure I’d ever get that sight from my mind, and it was weirdly a massive turn on. Not that I’d admit that to anyone, ever.
Haze’s silence went on for long enough that my introspectiveness faded and I gave him my full attention.
As if he’d been waiting to see my focus, he tilted his head.
“Andrew’s been through a lot of shit in his life.
We all have. We’re damaged and dangerous, and if there was any way to keep you out of our lives, I’d have taken it. ”
Those words felt like blades slicing through my chest. The sudden shot of pain had me visibly flinching away.
We’d been fairly close up until that moment, and he jerked toward me as if he understood how I’d interpreted that statement.
His hands closed around mine, and he hauled me close, leaving me half plastered down his side.
“No, Eve. No. That’s not what I meant. You’re maybe the best thing that’s ever happened to any of us, but it’d be a lie to say that you being involved in our lives isn’t dangerous to you. Which I hate.”
My limbs trembled in his hold, and it was about more than that jab of what I’d perceived as rejection.
It was our proximity and the way my body felt when I was existing in Haze’s orbit.
It was the fact that he was touching me, skin to skin, without anyone's life being at stake. This was huge! He didn’t even seem to be stressed out or ready to throw punches or anything.
Maybe I hadn’t dreamed him holding me close the other night.
“It seems I’m the one who brought the danger to you,” I managed to get out in a breathy rush, trying not to draw attention to the fact that he was touching me in case he stopped. “None of you were dodging assassination attempts before I showed up.”
He chuckled, and all of him relaxed except for his hold, which remained firm.
“Oh, but that’s where you’re wrong. All of us have our share of darkness, and Andrew is no exception.
You were one of the only good things he had in his younger years, with the rest of his time spent with bodyguards and nannies.
His mom isn’t a bad person, just a busy one, and some of the shit he went through had him desperate to control everything in his world.
As if control would keep him and the few true friends he has safe. ”
“You’re those friends?” I asked, trying not to react to the way Haze was sweeping his thumb up and down my wrist, making tingles race through my veins.
“We’re his family,” Haze amended. “We’re brothers, the five of us.
Our bond is unique—the same way your connection with each of us is unique.
I don’t think anyone would have any issue if you and Andrew decided to move forward in the same way you have with Brodie and Ethan.
There’s no real jealousy amongst us, even between Eth and Connor. ”
My tongue darted out to wet my lips. “What about with you?”
Holy shit. No, that’s not what I’d wanted to ask. I’d wanted to ask if I could trust Andrew, and if he thought he’d really broken up with Laura, but instead…
My face flamed, and Haze’s gaze softened.
I never even knew such a stoic, silent type of man could even make an expression like that, but it slayed me as effectively as Andrew’s confession yesterday.
“In case there’s any confusion, I want you,” he said with a breathy sort of moan, his lips so close to mine that I could feel the warmth of his skin.
My heart did an odd stutter that should have probably been looked at by a medical professional. Even though I already knew the cause.
Haze wants to kiss me. Am I dreaming?
Just when I was sure he was about to press his lips to mine, he pulled back and my heart sank.
“But I don’t think either of us are quite ready for that.
You need to sort yourself out with my brothers, and I need to sort out my touch aversion and current enemy list, to make sure that I’m not the one putting you in danger.
But I couldn’t leave you wondering if I was interested. I’m very fucking interested.”
Holy shit. I was going to combust. I really hadn’t had enough sleep for this conversation. But at the same time, it was…comforting. In an odd way.
“You need to go to bed now, Evelyn,” Haze groaned, his words rough. “I only have so much control, and I don’t want to fuck this up.”
“You couldn’t,” I promised him, but I took the underlying warning in his words seriously and slowly peeled myself away from his comfort. My body was chilled by the loss of his heat as I got to my feet, desperately wanting to rub at where the ghost of his touch still tingled on my wrist.
Haze screwed his eyes shut, his fists clenching tightly at the same time, and I decided to give us both a reprieve. As I turned to leave, I couldn’t help but say, “I want you too, Haze Michaels. Just in case there were any doubts.”
With that, I fled up the stairs, almost tripping and faceplanting in my haste.
It could have been my imagination, but I swore Haze snickered at my clumsiness.
Not that I was doubling back to confirm when things were already so tense.
When I finally scrambled onto the main landing, I took a few seconds to breathe, before remembering I hadn’t had a chance to grab a drink.
Heading for the bathroom to at least wet my face, I pushed the door open and entered, only to find I wasn’t alone in there.
Andrew was leaning on the sink, his head hanging down between his outstretched arms, and I could hear the harsh breaths as he fought whatever demon had a hold of him.
Unlike with Haze, Andrew didn’t hear me coming. He was so caught up in his own mind that I had to all but wrap myself around him as I managed to pry his grip from the sink.
He was shirtless, just a loose pair of silk pajama pants on, and his skin was icy under my touch. “Andrew,” I whispered. “What are you doing? Come on, let’s get you to bed.”
His gaze locked on mine, and he stared at me like I was a ghost manifesting right before him.
“I heard you,” he breathed as agony creased his face, “talking to Haze just before. You said I made you feel like you weren’t good enough, when the truth is you’re so much better than all of us. So much better than me.”
My chest tightened, guilt and regret flooding through me at the idea that he’d heard me venting my confusion and frustrations to Haze.
Tears pricked at my eyes and I stepped into him, hoping to share some of my warmth.
Regardless of how it might have made him feel, I wasn’t going to deny that’s how I’d felt.
“You did make me feel that way, Andrew, and I think you know it. That’s why you’re so worked up right now, because the truth hurts.
But in the last few days you’ve shown me a different side to Andrew Knightsbridge, which is blowing my damn mind.
I don’t even know what to do with that guy.
Fuck, you literally crawled across a dirty floor to grovel at my feet.
I don’t think either of us saw that coming. ”
He leaned against me as if he needed my support, but at the same time I wasn’t really holding his weight. If anything, he was holding mine. “I’d crawl to you over anything, Evelyn,” he whispered.
It was too much in one night, with revelations from two of the most reticent of the men in this house.
Exhaustion pressed on me, and without saying anything I led Andrew back to his room.
My intention was to see him safely tucked into bed, halfway convinced he was sleepwalking or something, but he grabbed my hand when I started to move away.
“Evelyn,” he said, his voice also laced in exhaustion. “Stay with me?”
Nothing was fixed or perfect between us, but I found myself crawling in beside him, and when he wrapped his arms around me, the warmth of his thick blanket and embrace enveloping me, I relaxed wholly.
Andrew’s breathing evened out as he held me, and for the first time in hours, my brain finally shut off, giving me the reprieve of blessed sleep.