Chapter 15
Trigger – Two Weeks Later
“She won’t even look at me,” Doc grumbles over the line, and I roll my eyes even though the idiot can’t see me.
The fucker is lucky I’m hours away after what he told me, I want my wife back and he made things a lot fucking harder for me.
“Brother, you threatened to keep her son from her if she didn’t move back to a place I fucked another woman for a year behind her back,” I remind him for the hundredth time with a sigh, fucking fed up with the same conversation repeatedly.
I only called because I needed to talk to him about something and the fucker went straight into bitching.
His threat worked, Ash moved back home with Cole, handing in her keys for the shithole, but she has refused to step foot inside the clubhouse or even communicate with any brother.
Though apparently Rose and Brittany are around quite a lot, both becoming fast friends with my wife, which I fucking love.
She never really had friends growing up, only me and the boys, and that is mainly because every girl who tried to befriend her was because they wanted access to the MC. Fuck, the one girl she did allow in her life tried to kiss me, and yes, I pushed the bitch back before my wife broke her nose.
“I didn’t know what else to do, Trigger!” Doc snaps, “If I hadn’t used Cole, she wouldn’t be back where she belongs, would she?!”
I sigh, “Doc, I had a full-blown affair on club property, and while I never fucked Virginia in our marital home, I did in the clubhouse, and being there is probably hard for her.”
I really fucked up these past two years, and I know I will never forgive myself, but I can’t live without Ashley. Don’t get me wrong, I should have already known that, I claimed her before I hit eleven, for fucks sake.
I just decided to ignore all that shit, and honestly, deep down, I wanted to see what I was missing out on, which was fuck all.
All I could think about was Ashley, but the more she pulled away from me, the angrier I found myself getting, and she didn’t deserve it, she didn’t fucking deserve any of the shit I’ve done.
The urge to grab my gun pulls, but I swallow it down as I sigh and lean against the bar. Stone's little sister, Selena, is sitting next to me, keeping me company before I leave in an hour.
I’ve been at the Huntsmen MC for about two days, stopping by as a courtesy and to make sure Selena is staying out of trouble.
Stone’s ex-wife had gotten into her head over the years, and as soon as Stone found Rose and fell in love with her, Selena turned against her.
Tried splitting them up, even tried to attack Rose, but couldn’t go through with it and Rose had found out it was all because of Elsie talking quietly in her ear since she was a fucking kid, and don’t get me started with her climbing into Ace’s fucking bed naked when the man never even showed her any attention.
Rose encouraged her to leave for a little while, to get her head sorted, and she hasn’t left the Huntsmen since, finding herself a job at a school and even met herself a man, though he is a cop.
She’s settled, happy even and I’m proud with how far she’s come.
“Would you rather she still be in that fucking apartment?” he asks with force, and I clear my throat, knowing this is going to piss him off.
“Actually, I was going to look for houses off club property for her, Cole, and me,” I admit.
He denies instantly, “Fuck no! This is your home, it’s her home!”
“She doesn’t see it as her home, Doc, and aren’t you the one who mentioned the other day she’s disappearing during the day again while Cole is at school?
Even suddenly quitting her job at the convenience store, no longer having Mama watch him?
How do we know she’s not pulling back and deciding to move in with that fucker as a fuck you to us, to me.
Taking her away from the bad memories is the only fucking option I have right now so I don’t lose her. ”
“I haven’t seen her around that jackass, Tyler,” Doc says softly, “Cole hasn’t brought him up, and being off club property just ensures she stays with the fucker, even if you are back.
At least this way, she’s already here when you return and Dirty has promised to keep tabs on her phone until you return in a few days and sort the shit out. ”
I look at Selena, and she gives me a soft smile, her piercing blue eyes encouraging me, and I state, “I need to be gone for longer than I thought.”
“Explain!” he demands after a few quiet minutes, and I look at the wooden bar.
I’ve spoken to both Steal and Selena at length about this, about my guilt after I had yet another slip up. They both agreed I needed to stay away from the club for a little while longer, to learn to live with what I’ve done, otherwise I’ll just put my gun to my mouth for the third time.
“I need more time, brother. I need, fuck,” I drop my head, running my hand through my hair, feeling like I’m running away, and I choke, “I still feel the need.”
“Tyler,” he whispers, and I shake my head as Selena places her hand on my back in support.
“Staying away for a few months is needed. I broke her, Asher. I fucking broke her, broke us when she needed me. I allowed my resentment to shape my thoughts, to give me an excuse to see what I thought I was missing out on, despite my claiming Ashley at a young age. My guilt it-it’s fucking consuming me that I’m struggling to live with it and knowing that I’ve had to miss my own sons birthday who didn’t even want to celebrate it because of me…
Fuck brother, I need to stay gone for a while longer, to get my head straight so I can look at my wife and not fall apart and try what I tried again,” I sigh, “She had felt so fucking alone for a year and that guilt, it’s fucking killing me slowly. I need to ride brother.”
“Fuck,” he chokes, “She’s never going to forgive any of us, is she?”
“No,” I admit, “She’s tolerating the club because she knows what it feels like to have no family, no thanks to me, but she will never forgive any of us. I just have to hope and fucking pray that she still loves me enough to stay with me, even if it means giving up the cut.”
Doc’s quiet for a moment before he states, “You are not giving up your cut, we’ll fucking keep Ashley on club grounds if we have to.
” He sighs, “Take all the time you need, Tank will continue to do your role and his, and your dad has got the tattoo shop under control, but brother, fucking come home, I mean it, otherwise I will ride after you.”
I hum, knowing he means every word before replying, “Alright, brother, I need to ride out, just uh, no more threatening my wife, yeah? That place, while it holds some good memories, it also holds her most painful ones because of me.”
“As long as she dumps that fucker then we won’t have any problems. She loves you, she knows she does, and is being stubborn because of how much she hurts by staying with a man we have all tried to tell her is lying to her,” he replies.
I roll my eyes before he demands, “Call me at your next stop,” just as I hear Brit snap, “Stop trying to dictate Ashleys life Asher, the idiot had a full-blown affair and their relationship has nothing to do with you!”
Uh oh…
“Brother, I’ve gotta go and remind my old lady what my role is within the club, ride safe.”
He hangs up, and I shake my head as I put my phone away knowing he’ll be on his knees soon enough.
Sometimes Doc forgets when Brit is around when he speaks.
“You now off?” Selena asks with sadness, and I smile as I stand and take her in my arms and murmur, “I just need to call Cole, then I’ll head off. It was good to see you, Selly…”
She snorts before sniffling as she pulls back, and I nod at the twinkle in her eyes, something that was never there over the years.
She looks fucking happy, content even.
“She’ll forgive you,” she whispers, “That kind of love, the love I really wanted, it doesn’t go away, and your love, it is endgame, so she will forgive you. She won’t forget, but she’ll forgive. I watched her fall in love with you, I watched her make you her entire life, she loves you.”
I give her a sad smile as Steal makes his way over, and I shake the man's hand, fucking grateful for him.
“Thank you for putting me up for a few nights, and mostly, thank you for looking out for her,” I say as I nod to Selena, and he grins.
“Anytime, she’s been a doll even if she is now dating a cop,” he replies, and I chuckle as Selena’s cheeks redden.
Steal gets serious and states, “If you ever feel like you're down the rabbit hole, fucking call me. I know everything seems bleak right now, but your wife loves you. She just needs time to not get over your affair or her trauma but try to live with it.”
“Thank you, Steal,” I reply, gratitude filling me, and he nods as I give Selena another hug before grabbing my bag off the floor.
“Right, I’ll just call Cole then I’m off,” I state, and Selena nods as Steal says, “Ride safe, brother,” and I give him a nod before leaving, waving at the rest of the club as they shout their goodbyes.
I walk outside and over to my bike in their guest brother's parking spots and chuck my bag into the side saddle before climbing on. My eyes going to Ashley and Cole’s names on the tank, and I swallow hard, getting my phone back out of my cut.
Taking a deep breath, I bring up my wife’s name and press on it.
It rings a few times before Cole answers, instead of my wife, making me sigh.
“Hey, Dad,” he whispers, and I smile slightly.
“Hey, bud, how’s it going? How’s school?” I reply despite the disappointment that I didn’t get to hear Ashley’s voice.
Two weeks and nothing from her, radio silence, and every time I call, Cole answers, and if he isn’t there, she ignores my calls.
Hence, I message, I explain where I am, I explain if something has reminded me of her or if a memory hits me.
I’ll message and remind her of it, like when my bike broke down before we had found out she was pregnant, and it was pouring down.