Chapter 17
Trigger
I glare at my wife’s fucking swollen stomach as my body begins to vibrate, the urge to tear this town apart until I find that fucker pulling me.
This is my fucking punishment, isn’t it?
Everything that I’ve done to her, all the pain I’ve put her through, this is my punishment, to watch her grow and give birth to another man’s fucking baby.
I squeeze my hands into fists where I have them crossed over my chest, trying my hardest to calm my anger, my eyes unable to look away from her fucking stomach.
A baby, she’s having another man’s baby.
The last time she was pregnant, while I found her hot a fuck, I never appreciated it because I was scared I was going to lose her.
That she’d resent me like I resented her for not being able to live a little first and now, I can’t even appreciate it yet a fucking gain because she’s pregnant with that dickheads baby. The man Dirty still can’t fucking find.
Fuck, I want to break something…
“You’re back,” Ashley says, her voice like fucking music to my ears, the hello’s I’d get when I called and her calling for Cole never enough and I look at her.
Our eyes connecting, her bright green ones full of pain, heartache, confusion and one she probably wants to hide – love and my stomach tightens at that emotion.
She still loves me and that is enough, even if I have to raise another man’s baby as my own, it is enough.
Five months and fuck, I finally feel at home again.
Don’t get me wrong, the guilt it is seeping through me, the pain I put her through consuming me but I can now look at her without wanting to put a bullet in my mouth.
I want to spend the rest of my life with this woman, no, fuck, I need to.
She’s the reason I breathe, which is something I already knew when I left, I just, fuck, I needed to make sure I could live with my guilt and I can, just like I can raise this baby as my own, for her, always for her and I’ll ensure I love it just as much as I love our son.
“You’re pregnant,” I state the obvious again, repeating myself, unable to say anything else.
Doc said she hadn’t been seen with the fucker, he swore Dirty had an eye on her, yet, here she is, fucking pregnant.
Karma, fucking Karma.
Ashley raises a perfect brow and replies, “Yeah, that tends to happen when you have unprotected sex, Trigger, you should know that already.”
My jaw ticks her calling me fucking Trigger and I squeeze my fists tighter.
I’m barely hanging on by a fucking thread and she easily says shit like that, seriously?
I know I had unprotected sex with that bitch, giving my own wife an STD, I know I deserve all this shit right now but fuck, I don’t want to hear about her having sex with that fucker when she is mine!
I eye her stomach again and I clench my teeth but my eyes shoot to hers when she speaks, pissing me off even further.
“Well,” she says, “now you’re home I can now move back out. I’ve found a two bedroom house for rent.”
Motherfucker!
I drop my arms and prowl towards her as I growl, “You take one fucking step outside of this house Ashley and I will fucking throw you back inside and tie you to the damn bed if I have to, even if I have to raise another man’s baby, you are not fucking leaving!”
“You can’t keep me here, Trigger,” she says softly only further angering me. She whispers, “We were done the moment you allowed that woman to touch you.”
“I made a mistake, Ashley, I’m not denying that,” I remind her, “Fuck, I felt like I couldn’t breathe when you told me the fucking truth but if you think I’m going to lose you now, after everything we have been through then you have another thing coming! You are not walking out of that damn door!”
Ashley looks at me for a few moments before she shakes her pretty head, turns on her heels and walks away from me, completely contradicting what I just said.
Dammit!
“Ashley!” I snap and rush after her but by the time I’ve got to the porch she’s already reversing out of the driveway.
Fucking stubborn beautiful, perfect, woman!
Did I expect her to jump in my arms after being gone for five months and forgive me? No, but I fucking hoped she’d come to the conclusion that she needs me just as much as I need her and not continue to be stubborn.
Fuck, hit me, scream at me, force me to raise another man’s child, don’t fucking drive away!
I grab my phone and quickly send out a mass text.
Me:
She’s driving towards the gate!
I put my phone back in my pocket and instead of getting on my bike, I jump down the steps and sprint down the dirt track road, Ashley’s crappy car lights still in view before she stops just past the clubhouse, her break lights clear as day and I know my brothers have my back, that they were already waiting.
As soon as I get behind her car where she’s stopped, she slowly climbs out to find not one, not fucking two, but the whole brotherhood standing in front of the gate, their arms crossed over their chests showing her she isn’t leaving.
That she is family and our son standing front and center just so she doesn’t run them over because yes, I’m asshole enough to convince our son to get involved knowing if anyone can convince her, he can.
“What the…” she whispers as I walk up behind her, closing her door so she can’t climb back in and try to ram the fucking fence but she doesn’t look at me, instead stares at the brotherhood.
“Like I said,” I breathe, my lips near her ear causing her to shiver giving me fucking hope, “you’re not fucking leaving me.”
“You all can’t seriously believe that standing there, using my own child yet again will stop me from leaving?” she says while pointing a glare at Doc who steps forward, determination on his face.
Fuck even Tank is here and he’s never here on a Tuesday.
“Actually we can and we will. This is your home Ashley and we’ve just gotten Trigger back home, we’re not losing him again,” Doc states firmly which in hindsight is the wrong fucking thing to say as Ashley tenses.
“See, this is what I’m talking about,” she scoffs, waving her hand over the brothers, “It’s always what the brothers want that come first, screw the people outside of the brotherhood and their feelings right?” the men flinch and I swallow hard.
Ash chuckles darkly, “Club will always be club, it will always come first.”
Doc growls and I see his eyes take on her stomach and his body tenses just like mine did seeing it before he looks at her face again and snaps, “The club nearly ruined me, Ashley, my role within it nearly destroyed my relationship. I nearly married a woman I didn’t want, hurting my love, nearly losing her.
The club has always come first for us brothers.
Everyone else, including family members have come second, something Brit was unfortunate to have the courtesy of feeling.
Just like you have, but we’re changing that, Ashley.
You are family and you are not going anywhere.
We messed up, we know this, we’ve been trying to fucking prove to you how much we all love you.
How much Trigger needs you and despite the fact you are standing before us fucking pregnant with that dickhead’s child who I thought you fucking dumped and didn’t tell us, we’re still staying where we are, still refusing to allow you to break your own fucking heart by leaving. ”
Ashley sighs as she looks at all the brothers shaking her head then turns to look at me and asks, “Do you really think I’m carrying his baby?”
I clench my teeth together before gritting, “Who else’s can it be, huh?”
“How about yours?” she questions softly and my jaw goes slack at her sincerity, my heart pounding.
Fuck please, please tell me this baby is mine.
“I only slept with Talen once Trigger,” she admits and I can’t even snap at her using my road name because fuck that was nine months ago meaning she’s having my baby again.
“The baby is mine?” I confirm with a plea and her eyes water with unshed tears.
“What, thinking maybe I should have aborted it?” she chokes quietly so our son can’t hear.
I step closer to her, not leaving her any room between us as I cup her cheek with one hand, her bump with my other, the baby instantly moving underneath my touch settling me and I rasp, “Actually, I’m kind of hoping you’re about to tell me we’re having twins so I never fucking lose you again. ”
“This doesn’t change anything, Trigger,” she whispers, “I’m still leaving.”
“No, you’re not,” I retort, “There is over twenty brothers ensuring you can’t including our own child. I won’t let you leave me, pixie, even before finding out we’re having another baby. I didn’t leave for five fucking months to try and learn to live with my guilt only to lose you now.”
“You’re being selfish,” she rasps, her tears falling and I nod because I know I am.
“Where you are concerned, I’m always fucking selfish,” I admit and she pulls away from me when Cole says, “Mama?”
We both look at him to see him ringing his fingers together looking nervous, my dad standing right behind him, his hand cupping his shoulder.
“I don’t want to leave,” he whispers and Ashley’s body trembles. “I-I know Dad hurt you. And I know the club helped him hurt you but, this is home Mama, please, can we stay?”
Fuck, I’m pretty sure I just heard my wife’s heart shatter right before me.
Where I’m selfish as fuck, my wife, she isn’t, and she will put what Cole wants first, case in point as she opens the door causing me to step back a little as she says, “Get in Cole, let’s head home.”
He nods as he looks at me and I give him a small smile as he makes his way over to her car and without looking at the sorrowful looking brothers or even glancing my way, she climbs in and turns her car around and heads back up the dirt track and I sigh with relief, the tension leaving my body.
“She’s never going to forgive any of us, is she?” Shadow, Brittany’s step father confirms and I answer honestly, “No, she isn’t.”
“The baby is yours, isn’t it?” Dirty confirms and I nod.
“She just admitted to it,” I admit before looking at the brothers and say, “Thank you, for doing this.”
“You don’t have to thank us, brother,” Ace says as he walks past me, “She’s fucking family and if it is the last thing we do, we will convince her.”
An hour later I watch as Cole swings in the yard, Ash sitting on the patio steps watching him with a hot chocolate in her hands.
“It’s another boy,” she says not looking my way, “I wanted to call him Tyson.”
I smile slightly, Dad’s middle name…
“I think my dad would love that,” I admit quietly before I ask, “Will you ever not hate me, pixie?”
She’s quiet for a moment before she confesses, “I don’t hate you, Tyler, I could never hate you.
I’ve loved you since I was ten years old but you broke me, you broke us and I know I should have spoken to you.
I know I should have confessed what I went through but I always knew you had a wandering eye and I always looked the other way believing you would look the other way until Virginia answered your phone. ”
“I never watched them, pixie, Dirty has the video as proof,” I instantly defend myself and she shrugs, “That may be so but at that point I was in pain, scared and I didn’t know what to think because of your actions and then you actually did hurt me.”
“I just need one chance. Ash, that is all I’m asking for.
” I plead but she shakes her head and mutters, “I’ll never be able to trust you again, never be able to not picture you two together and for now, I will stay, for Cole.
Until I can get him used to the idea of us moving out because our marriage is over and you really need to sign the divorce papers. This baby doesn’t change anything.”
Her hurt is talking right now. I know this, which is why I state, “I love you, Ashley and I will never let you go,” before I step down off the patio and go over to spend some time with my son who didn’t even want a birthday celebration because of me.
I won’t lose my family, I won’t lose Ash and it is time she understood that one way or another, whether it is tying her to our bed, I won’t let her leave me.