Chapter 21
Ashley
I chew my bottom lip as my conversation with Ty yesterday, as I tattooed his chest, finally finishing the love poem I gave him for our first anniversary when I was eleven, comes back.
I stare up at the large clubhouse building where all the brothers are while church is in session, and my hands begin to sweat.
“I know it won’t be easy, Ash. I know I hurt you big time, I know I made a massive mistake, and I know without a doubt that I do not deserve your forgiveness, but I am begging you, please, give me a chance, give yourself this chance.”
He was so sincere, pleading for a chance while my head was all over the place, not knowing what to do, just like I didn’t know what to say when Dr. Chimes asked where I wanted our sessions to go.
It was so easy to walk out when everything was still so fresh. Believing he was screwing Virginia every single day, I didn’t think he would fight for us but he has and a lot has come to light and it makes it harder to walk away. It’s been seventeen years, it’s a long time to throw away.
But could I really forgive him?
Can we be a family?
Will I stop picturing them together?
Would I stop seeing that picture the bitch showed me of him between her legs repeatedly?
“You know all you have to do is put one step in front of the other and walk inside,” I hear behind me, and I huff.
“Easier said than done, Ice,” I mutter without turning around, knowing it’s Ace and Dirty’s dad standing behind me.
“It is really, the only way you can see if you can forgive everyone, me included, is if you walk inside and try,” he says as he comes to stand next to me, and I look his way.
Dark blue eyes, black hair. Dirty and Ace are the spitting image of him, and you wouldn’t even think Honey was their mama.
He gives me a soft smile before looking at the clubhouse and admits, “I know how you’re feeling, I know how hurt you are, how confused you are.”
“How?” I ask with confusion, and he sighs as he looks back at me and admits, “Because my old lady, the woman who I fucking love with everything inside me, cheated for about six months with a prospect.”
My eyes widen and my mouth drops not able to believe his words. Honey has an unhealthy, all-consuming love for Ice.
“She didn’t love him, or so she claimed, and yes, I killed the fucker, and I’m not even sorry for it.
He was a traitor and not just because he fucked my wife, but because he was trying to get club information for a rival group at that time.
My wife liked the attention that I wasn’t giving her because I was trying to help keep the club safe,” he says candidly, and I swallow hard.
“How did you find out?” I ask reluctantly, my interest piqued.
“She told me because she was pregnant with Ace,” he admits, and I gasp.
Oh god, but Ace looks…
As if he can read my mind, he states, “We had a DNA test done, and it confirmed he was my son, and the looks don’t lie either, but I never truly trusted her after that.
I always thought, ‘was she in love with him’ or, ‘would she still have fucked him if she hadn’t found out she was pregnant’,” he shakes his head, “Even now I question her.”
“Why did you stay then?” I ask because I can’t fathom living that way.
“Because she threatened to abort Ace if I walked away,” he admits, and I press my hand over my bump in shock.
I could never…
He smiles sadly, “I did what I had to, for my kids and well as the years passed I learnt to forgive her, I haven’t forgotten but I have forgiven.”
I look back at the clubhouse, swallowing the lump that's forming as tears build.
“I miss him so much,” I choke, and Ice wraps his arm around my shoulders.
“And that is where you are different from me and Honey, you miss him. I never missed her because of her betrayal. You knew what he did, it was out of stupidity, he didn’t love her, he only saw you…
” He whispers, “I know it is hard, but Ashley, that man is devoted to you to the point he tried to kill himself more than once.” I look at him as he squeezes my shoulder and asks, “What harm can giving him a chance do?”
“I don’t survive the pain, that I can’t stop picturing them…” I whisper, and his eyes soften again.
“But you’ll never know if you don’t try, sweetheart,” he whispers before he kisses my head and mumbles, “Whatever you decide, you are family, never forget that. We brothers fucked up because of our devotion to the patch, but you are our number one priority now.”
That said, he turns and walks towards his bike before climbing on. He gives me an encouraging smile, then drives off up the dirt road, and I look back at the clubhouse.
He’s telling me to forgive when, by the looks of things, he hasn’t really forgiven Honey.
Taking a deep breath, I slowly rub my stomach before biting the bullet and walking towards the door, opening it without second-guessing myself.
Everyone looks my way, and I notice Hazel smirking out of the corner of my eye, but I ignore her as Caleb shouts, “Auntie Ashley!” and runs towards me.
He wraps his arms around my legs, knocking into me as a hand quickly clamps on my arm before I can tumble backwards. I turn my head and lock eyes with my father-in-law, who chuckles.
“I think someone missed you,” he says, and I snort as I run my fingers through Caleb’s hair and reply, “I took him and Cole to the diner last week…”
“But a week was soooo long ago,” Caleb claims dramatically, and I roll my eyes with a smile and hug him tightly before he says, “Gotta go,” and runs after Cole, who shouts for him making me giggle.
“Cole was sitting in the kitchen, glaring at Ginger again this morning after the little shit pissed in his soccer cleats,” Scar states, and I groan, dropping my chin to my chest, and he laughs, “That is what you get for stealing him.”
I glare his way and announce, “Well, maybe I should convince Cole to allow Ginger to go to Grandpa and Granny’s house, and we’ll get a dog!”
His eyes widen, and he instantly shakes his head in denial. I grin wickedly and call, “Cole?!” but Scar quickly puts his hand over my mouth, causing the brothers to look at him with confusion until he snaps, “That delinquent cat is not staying at our house!”
The brothers laugh as Brit, who is still in her scrubs just like me, nearly falls off her chair laughing.
“Wait, Grandpa wants Ginger at his house?!” Cole instantly shouts excitedly, and I nod despite the hand over my mouth, causing the brothers to laugh even harder as Cole gets excited until Scar quickly says, “I thought Ginger sleeps with you, buddy? Wouldn’t be fair to take him away now will it?”
Cole freezes for a moment, then sighs, “Yeah, I guess it wouldn’t be fair to change houses, he’ll miss me too much,” and he nods like he’s made his mind up before going back to Caleb, both going to the garden, and Scar mutters, “Thank fuck, crisis averted,” while I notice Olive holding her stomach laughing.
Removing his hand, I shoot him a mocking glare, making him grin and I shake my head as my gaze then shifts to the hallway where the clubwhore rooms are, and my stomach tightens.
“Don’t think of it, sweetheart,” Scar whispers seeing where my attention is but I can’t help it, my mind wanders back to the photo of Virginia laying on her back, my husband between her legs eating her out like he was starving before the one of her sucking him off, his head thrown back in pleasure consumes me and bile rises.
I hear Hazel laugh, and my instinct is to turn and run because I really can’t do this.
How could he do this?
How could he sleep with someone else?
Was I not good enough?
“You know, it’s funny how she apparently had his whole attention for years, yet as soon as Virginia went after him, he fucked her hard and good,” Hazel gloats and I’m not even sure if she’s aware her friend is dead.
I flinch as Scar growls before we hear a commotion, and I look in time to see Rose throwing herself at Hazel, and my eyes widen as she lands a punch.
“Get off me!” Hazel shouts, “It’s not my fault she couldn’t keep her husband satisfied in the bedroom!”
Rose punches Hazel again, a crunch echoing as she screams before Brittany quickly pulls her back, only for her to jump on Hazel as well, while I stand back and watch the mayhem, her words swimming.
I didn’t give him what he wanted, did I? She wasn’t exactly lying.
What happens if I pull back again?
What happens if he pisses me off and I decide not to give him sex?
Will he cheat again?
My heart pounds so hard I can feel it in my ears as the screaming and shouting sounds underwater before the Church door slams open and Doc roars, “What the fuck is going on?!” before he notices his old lady being held back by her stepdad as she tries to get back to Hazel, Rose being held back by Olive.
“What the fuck, red?” he questions in shock as I lock eyes with Ty as he walks out of the room.
Elation radiates from him seeing me inside the common room, but his face pales as Rose snaps, “That bitch decided to gloat about Trigger cheating on Ash, that Ash couldn’t satisfy her husband, basically insinuating he’d do it again. Let me go, Olive, I’m going to kill her!”
Hazel screeches, and I look just as Rose lands another punch before I look back at Ty, who is shaking his head, fear shining in his light brown eyes.
I can’t do this. I don’t think I can forgive him, or move on, not as a couple.
“Pixie,” he rasps as Doc announces, “Hazel, you are on grunt duty only. If a brother so much as fucking looks at you like they want to fuck you, not only will they be demoted to prospect, but you’ll be out on your ass!”
“What? I was just telling the truth!” she screeches, but no one pays her any mind as Doc grabs Brittany, pulling her back by the waist as she tries to get out of his hold and Stone instantly takes his little fighter, smirking. While me, I feel like I’m about to throw up.
I look around the room and see every eye on me, worried gazes, and I lock eyes with Tyler again. I shake my head, and before Scar can grab me, I rush out of the clubhouse, Trigger shouting for me to come back, but I don’t. I run, not able to cope with the pain.
I’ll never be able to forgive him.