Chapter 20
Trigger
I gently trace the purple line with black ink on Shayla’s shoulder blade, the angel wings for her mama turning out perfectly as the vibrating of the gun echoes, not that it centers me like it normally would.
I’m a fucking mess after our therapy session this morning, and had Shayla not waited five fucking months for me to be the one to do this for her, in her mama’s memory, then I would have canceled. Would have gone for a ride to try and clear my head before I did something stupid.
Five months, and I managed to get my suicidal thoughts to stop, five fucking months, and all it took was one heartbreaking, gut-wrenching confession, and I feel the itch again.
I didn’t get my questions answered after we bared our souls to each other, after I came clean and learned a fucking lot about all the shit that was going on.
College, hospital tests, and friends sending a message to the wrong friend.
Everything in my head was all fucking wrong, and instead of answering the question on where she sees us going, so I know which route to take, Dr. Chimes’ alarm went off.
Maybe I should just tie her to the bed and get it over with because, honestly, after this morning, I’m fucking scared, and I’m man enough to admit that.
“How’s it looking?” Shayla asks as I gently shade in the edges of the wings.
“It’s looking good,” I murmur as I dip my needle in some more ink, then carry on the shading.
I wasn’t fucking lying either, it looks awesome if I do say so myself. Angel wings with ‘MOM’ in capitals in the middle going sideways.
“You still married?” she asks, and I snort.
Shayla is a regular in the shop. She has also mentioned several times that she wants my dick, and every time I tell her the same thing, as I repeat for the hundredth time, “I’m married,” she sighs with disappointment, and I shake my head just as my door slowly opens.
I look ready to tell whoever it is to fuck off because, seriously, never interrupt a tattoo artist, when my girl's blonde hair pops in before our eyes lock, and I smile softly.
“Speaking of my pixie,” I say, and Shalya looks towards the door.
“I can come back?” Ash says, and I shake my head, so fucking happy to see her in this room again and say, “Get your sexy ass in here, baby.”
She nods and walks in, and Shayla grunts, “Of course your wife is absolutely gorgeous, and even pregnant, she looks fuckable,” and I snort as Ash’s eyes widen.
My wife is always fuckable…
I explain, “Shayla here is a regular and wants my dick.”
I raise a brow at her, watching to see how she handles it. Normally, she would have laughed it off before, but now I’m not sure how she'll react.
Fuck, for all I know, she may offer my dick up on a serving platter just to piss me off, though I would deserve it.
Ashley tilts her head, her eyes racing between mine as she leans against the counter, and she states, “All the women that come in here want your dick,” and Shayla snorts while I swallow hard.
“Does that mean I get some?” Shayla asks with hope, and I hold my breath, not looking away from my wife, keeping our eyes locked and silently plead.
Come on, pixie, fight for me, show me there is still that love deep inside. Show me I didn’t completely tear us apart to the point I’m going to have to tie you up…
“No,” Ash finally says, and I sigh with relief, the hope I was holding onto making me feel like we’re going to make it, and I continue to shade the wings so she can’t see the cheesy grin taking place as Ash states, “Tyler has been mine for seventeen years.”
“Well, what about a threesome then?” Shayla asks, and I lift the tattoo gun as I sit up and snap, “What the fuck, Shay?!” as Ash chokes on a laugh.
“What?” Shayla asks innocently, “Your wife is one fine piece of ass…”
I narrow my eyes and growl, “Stop checking my fucking wife out before I tattoo a dick in your angel wings!”
Shayla smirks, her hazel eyes twinkling as she reminds me, “You cherish your work too much to do that…”
I narrow my eyes before grunting, knowing she’s right, as I get back to her wings that are almost finished and order, “Stop fucking checking out my wife.”
“So that’s a no then to the threesome?” she confirms, and I snap, “Yes, it’s a fucking no! No one touches my wife but me!”
Shayla sighs with disappointment as she lies back on her chest, and I shake my head while my wife tries to stifle her laughter, loving my predicament, the little minx.
Twenty minutes later, I finish wiping down the tattoo chair while Ashley watches me.
Shalya left five minutes ago but not before pleading one more time for a threesome.
I threatened to send her over to my dad next time making her pout and leave claiming that she was going to pay just to piss me off for not letting her have some of my wife’s fine piece of ass – her words not mine though they are true her ass is fucking fine – and I’ve been cleaning up since, Ashley not saying a word.
Sighing at the quietness, I throw the rag in the bin before sitting on my chair as I look at my wife, who hasn’t taken her eyes off me.
We need to talk, I need that question answered, and she knows it.
Not taking my eyes off Ash, I do the only thing I can think of, the thing that always gets her to speak, and I remove my cut, throwing it on the counter next to her before I remove my shirt, pulling it over my head and throwing that next, and I lean back against the tattoo chair.
Her eyes water, but she still moves.
She heads to her cupboard, grabs her kit, which I keep clean and serviced, and some ink, then walks over to me.
It has been so fucking long since we’ve done this, just like it’s been so long since I saw her in my property patch which I fucking miss…
As soon as she’s set up, she goes to take a seat on my stool, and I growl as I lean forward, grab her hips, making her gasp in shock before lifting her, forcing her to straddle my lap.
“This is how you tattoo me, pixie, fucking always,” I remind her, and a few tears fall.
I quickly wipe them away and pushing my luck, I lean forward kissing her lips gently, catching her off guard but before she can react, I lean back and demand, “Finish your work, pixie, it’s well over due.”
She swallows, her throat that I want to run my lips over bobs as she nods, and the sound of vibrating echoes, and this time, it does center me as she touches the needle to my skin, finishing her poem off. I close my eyes as I grip her hips, ensuring she stays on me, stays connected with me.
I fucking missed her, I missed this, and if I could turn the clock back and beg her to tell me her two truths nearly three years ago, I would, fucking instantly.
I would have forced her to quit her job, had her escorted to college, I would have made sure she was fucking safe and not allowed her the freedom she demanded after looking after us for so long while I was making my club proud.
“Talk to me, pixie,” I plead quietly as I open my eyes and look at her, seeing her concentration, “Tell me what you’re thinking…”
“I’m thinking your idea of tattooing dick is a good idea,” she mumbles, and I smirk.
“I’m not the only one who takes pride in my work, pixie.
Your poem about us living happily ever after is your greatest work,” I remind her and she snorts knowing I’m telling the truth.
“Now if you want to tattoo dick on me, I won’t hold it against you, I would deserve it,” I admit quietly, and she lifts the needle off my skin as we lock eyes.
“Do you though?” she asks and I frown. Giving me a small smile, she reminds me, “If I had just told you, none of this would have happened, would it?” She sighs as she dips her needle, then continues as the buzzing echoes, and she murmurs, “Sure, you would have still wondered what ifs, but you wouldn’t have touched another woman.
I kind of realized I’m not as innocent in all this, Ty, but I just don’t know if I can forgive you for going that extra mile. ”
I squeeze her hips, my heart pounding so fucking hard in my chest that I’m scared it’s going to rip from my chest.
“How about instead of making big decisions, we start slowly,” I suggest, causing her to lift the needle and lock eyes with mine.
“We have a son,” I begin, “we have another one on the way. I love you, and even though you really don’t want to, you love me just as much.
So why don’t we begin slowly, don’t talk about divorce, slowly talk through what I did, how you felt, how I felt, have dinners together, spend time with Cole as a family.
Spend our evenings back in that gazebo I built for you talking about our day, and maybe you coming to the clubhouse every once in a while to see how you feel being inside there, allowing the brothers to show you how sorry they are for not standing behind you. ”
“I don’t know if I can, Ty,” she whispers, and I sit forward, cupping her cheek, my eyes racing between hers.
“I know it won’t be easy, Ash. I know I hurt you badly, I know I made a huge mistake, and I know without a doubt that I don't deserve your forgiveness, but I am begging you, please, just give me a chance, give yourself this chance. I’ve had to watch you date that jackass.
I had to watch you pull back from me, fuck, I thought you were carrying his child.
And now I have to live every day knowing what I did to you.
I’m being punished, Ash. But don’t punish yourself because you know I’m your forever. ” I plead and beg.
She sniffles as she cups the back of my neck and places her forehead against mine.
“I broke up with Talen,” she admits, and I swear to fuck, everything in my relaxes until she states, “and he hit me for it.”
“Motherfucker!” I curse.
He is dead, he’s fucking dead and right now, I’m making a mental note to get Dirty to find the fucker.
No one, absolutely no one puts their hands on my fucking wife!
Ash shakes her head, “It didn’t feel right around him, Ty, every time he tried to touch me, every time he kissed me,” I tense not wanting to hear this, but I don’t say anything, “It all felt wrong and when we slept together,” my jaw tenses with how hard I’m clenching my back molars but again, I allow her to speak, “I felt dirty and all I wanted to do was scrub my skin raw.” We lock eyes, “I know I belong to you and you belong to me, I know this, I just don’t know if I can move forward after everything, I don’t know how. ”
“By going slowly, pixie, that is how. All I’m asking is for a chance, please baby…” I beg before pressing my lips against hers softly, and she kisses me back, making my heart flutter, before I murmur, “Just think about it. While you’re finishing your work, because it really is well over due.”
She nods, and I kiss her again while wiping away her tears before lying back and swallowing. She dips her needle again and continues her work while I fucking pray she gives me a chance, provides the club with an opportunity because the brothers also miss her, just like me.
If I have to chain her to me, then I fucking will because I won’t lose her, and if she can’t handle the clubhouse, then we’ll just buy a property off club land, plain and simple.
Her happiness, that is all I care about right now, and I’m sure Cole won’t mind as long as I and his mama are together.