Chapter 19 #2
“But you stayed gone longer than planned,” she says, and he hums.
“I did,” he states, and she asks, “Why?”
“Because I still felt the need to kill myself after two weeks,” he chokes, and I squeeze my eyes tight.
He explains, “I was with a club that is affiliated with us, wanted to check on a brother’s sister to ensure she wasn’t causing trouble and one of their clubwhores tried to come onto me.
It didn’t go down well and I had to be dragged out of their club,” I look at him shock as he continues, “All I saw was Virginia and what she orchestrated, the rape she planned for my wife just because she couldn’t have me, and I grabbed my gun again remembering that I gave in because I thought I was missing out when I wasn’t…
Selena, my brother's sister, quickly got in between me and my gun before a Huntsmen brother tackled me.”
Oh god he, he… again …
“Tell me about the first time you slept with Virginia,” Dr. Chimes asks, and I flinch, trying to move away from Tyler, wanting to run, not wanting to hear this, but his grip tightens to stop me from moving.
“I was at the club,” he begins, and I tremble, not wanting to hear this, still reeling about the fact he tried to kill himself again.
“I was drinking, pissed at the whole world. It was about a month after her rape,” he admits and I flinch yet again, “I obviously didn’t know it at the time.
She was being cagey, having secret phone calls and messages, and I caught her in a lie.
She told me she was speaking to her old supervisor, Nat, and I checked her phone, but the number was unknown, and I-I got black-out drunk, could barely walk.
I went to my room at the clubhouse when I felt two hands wrap around me, and they didn’t feel right.
I had no fire sensation that I’d get whenever Ash would touch me, no tingling, but I thought, fuck… ”
I look to see his head drop, and realization hits me as I finish, “You thought it was me…”
He looks at me with tears in his eyes and chokes, “I fucking thought it was you.”
Damn…
“What happened when you realized?” Dr. Chimes asks, and Tyler looks down, breaking the connection, but I don’t look away from him as I watch disgust etch his features.
“I took her bare,” he admits, making my mouth part in shock, “The whole act, even though it didn’t feel right, in my mind she was Ash, so I took her bare and it wasn’t until it was finished that I realized what I had just done and I thought I was going to vomit.”
“Ashley, who were the unknown numbers?” Dr Chimes asks, and I don’t look away from my husband when I admit, “Hallows hospital with my test results after my rape and miscarriage,” and he looks at me, his tears trailing down his cheeks as I admit, “I didn’t let you touch me in that month because I didn’t know if I had contacted anything… ”
“Fuck,” he chokes and the room goes quiet for a moment, Dr. Chimes allowing our truths to sink in.
“Why did you continue to sleep with her if you felt that way?” I finally ask, needing to know because right now, he’s a man in pain, he’s a man disgusted with what he did after believing she was me.
After I spent a month ignoring him, not wanting to give anything to him if I had something like he did with me…
“Because you messaged that you were going to be later than normal as I was ready to throw up, and I, fuck, I made myself believe you were cheating, so I fucked her again out of anger, out of revenge that you didn’t deserve,” he admits, showing me his truth, and my tears fall.
Oh my god…
If I had owned up to what happened to me, this could have never happened.
“Don’t,” he bites, and I furrow my brows as he states, “Don’t go into thinking if you had opened up, I might never have gone down this road.
You shouldn’t have had to tell me fuck all.
I should have remembered your character, your fucking heart that I have held in my hands for seventeen years, I should have known no one would have compared to you, pixie, fucking no one.
You are not to blame for my fuck up, that is all on me. ”
I look down at his hand on his knee, my tears not stopping.
“Trigger, was your affair an everyday occurrence?” Dr. Chimes asks, clearly wanting to get every single hurt out in the open.
“No,” he instantly denies, and I wipe away some of my tears with my other hand.
He states firmly, “I slept with Virginia two, maybe three times a month, though the brothers thought differently because I disappeared a lot. Each time I slept with her, it was when Pixie pulled away further, when the four times she actually let me touch her, she showered instantly and wouldn’t let me touch her again, or when she was home later, claiming to be at work, it was those times I went to Virginia and thought about my wife during the act. ”
“And you don’t believe she was at work?” she confirms, and I wince.
I really should have told Ty about college.
“I know she wasn’t at work, at least not until five or six in the evening.
The times the brothers thought I was with Virginia, I was sitting outside the convenience store all day, waiting to see when my wife would show.
To see if she would have a guy with her and when she was at the clubhouse, while the brothers thought I was fucking, I was again, waiting to see if a guy would visit regularly than a normal shopper. ” He states, and I swallow hard.
Regret is building, which is exactly what I was scared of happening.
Don’t get me wrong, he is at fault in all of this, he still resented me and our son when he had no right, keeping his true feelings about our marriage and pregnancy from me. He still slept with her for a year, but a lot could have been cleared up if I had just spoken to him.
Not able to keep quiet, I look at him and ask, “What about the day Cole was sick? You were with her, right?”
Ty nods, clearly not willing to lie, and my heart shatters until he says, “You had a text and I, fuck, I read it.”
I shake my head and deny, “You were on a club run and said you would be at the clubhouse when you got back, that is what you messaged me, so how could you have read a text?”
“I came straight home, pixie,” he whispers, “I missed you, I missed Cole, and when I walked inside, he was watching TV and did not look ill at that point. Said you were in the shower. I was going to climb in with you, to beg you not to leave me, to beg you to stop seeing whoever it was you were seeing when your phone went off and you had a message from Natalie asking if the guy was better than your husband in bed. I walked out and back to the club. Stone interrupted Virginia on her knees for me, where I was trying to picture you, but was failing to get hard because I knew she wasn’t you when he told me about Cole.
She sprayed her perfume everywhere, wanting you to discover us.
It was also the last time I allowed her anywhere near me. ”
“Nat said she sent the message to the wrong person,” is all I can say, and my tears fall, and he drops his head in shame.
“I’m proud of you two,” Dr. Chimes says, gaining our attention, “This is the first time you’ve both sat down and spoken honestly, it’s the first time, Ashley, you’ve actually asked him questions.
This is a good first step, and the question that I want answered is; What do you both want out of this?
Do you want to be able to co-parent, or do you want to try again, have a restart of your marriage? ”
Well, hell…
Before this conversation, I would have said I want a divorce, and while he doesn’t deserve me, he doesn’t deserve a second chance, I can see where my involvement in this mess is. It has me second-guessing, but I don’t think I can forgive him.
“I want my wife back,” Ty instantly says, “I want her in my arms, I want to watch her sing and dance around the kitchen while our son tries some voodoo shit with the cat,” I let out a sob, “I want my family back and I know it will be hard, I know she will struggle to trust me but I’m willing to try because she is my life, and the question is, can she try? ”
That is a good question, indeed, because I’m not sure I can.