Chapter Sixteen #2
I hear Ryann’s soft voice, clear as if she were actually in the room, sitting in the spot right beside me. Tatiana doesn’t even stir though, so this must be a dream.
My baby girl has already found her soulmate in someone you raised, and that makes me eternally happy.
If the young man Taryn has become doesn’t tell you what a good father you are, then I don’t know what could ever convince you.
The help you got broke that cycle of abuse you were caught up in, and I am incredibly proud of you for that.
Gordy, if you won’t listen to my brother, then listen to me.
You have been through so, so much. You think, because of that, you don’t deserve to be loved.
I told you back then, and I will remind you again, you…
are not… him. You are not a monster. Deep within that tortured soul of yours, is a kind and loyal man—capable of giving and receiving love.
You blame yourself for what happened to me, and you carry that guilt around everywhere.
You also carry the guilt about Evan around too.
Let all that shit go. I sealed my own fate when faced with doing what I had to to protect Morgan, that is not on you.
Evan now has some insight about why you did what you did to him, and he has forgiven you.
Sharing your story with him, regardless of how painful it was to do so, helped. Remember that.
I don’t get a second chance, Gordy, but you do. Don’t squander it by closing yourself off to everyone.
Let someone in. Accept help when it’s offered to you. Rejoice in making connections, Gordy, because you don’t have to face your demons alone.
Let Gannett in. I wouldn’t have sent him your way if I thought he would hurt you. He comes with baggage, sure, but you and I both know we had our fair share of baggage too. Trust him to carry yours for you, because he’s capable and he will. Miranda is certain of it, and I trust her.
I feel a whisper-light, warm sensation curl around my pinky finger. However, when I look down there’s nothing there. Whatever it is, though, it squeezes.
I promised you I’d help you no matter what, just like you did for me. Gordy, I know it won’t be easy, but just try. For me. Please.
On that request, I feel the sensation around my pinky disappear, the couch cushion next to me returns to normal, and the hum of strange energy in the room fades away.
All that’s left is the sound of the movie quietly playing, the racing of my beating heart, and the deep breathing of the girl sleeping soundly cuddled up on the other side of me.
What in the ever-loving hell just happened?
“You pour the batter on the griddle, you flip it when it starts to bubble a little, you pull it off the griddle,” I hear Gannett murmuring in the kitchen, and immediately my eyes pop open. When I rub the sleep from my eyes, he’s hovering over the stove, apparently giving himself a pep-talk.
Tati stirs, lifting her head from my lap. Sitting up slowly, she takes stock of the situation. She peers up at me and giggles. “Uh-oh. Daddy’s tryin’ to cook again.”
I chuckle. “Uh-oh is right.”
He whips around, eyes narrowing on both of us. “Oh, you’re up.”
“Yep,” I hum. “Damn good thing, too. Someone’s got to have the fire department on speed dial. You sure you weren’t to blame for setting your last apartment on fire?”
“Ha ha,” he deadpans, spinning back around and flipping something with a spatula. “Booyah! Pancake!” he cheers, shimmying a little and drawing my attention to his ass.
The ass he called flat but is most definitely fuckin’ not.
That friggin’ ass that I have spent way too much time trying to get out of my goddamn head, and that I’m having serious second thoughts about putting a stop to the continued touching of.
The bedroom door to Taryn’s old room creaks open, and a bleary-eyed, crazy haired Terra comes out stretching—followed by the pitter-patter of webbed feet.
She scans the room, face scrunching in confusion when she spots Tatiana on the couch with me.
“There you are!” she yelps, dashing across the room and flopping on the couch next to her twin. “You slept out here?”
Tati nods. “Mr. Gordy and I watched a movie, and we had chocky milk!”
Gannett looks over his shoulder, cocking an eyebrow up at me. I shrug. “What?”
“Not fair!” Terra huffs.
I chuckle, flashing a look at Tati. “I thought that was going to be our secret. More for us, remember?”
“Ha, nice try!” Gannett says. “Now you owe the sassy one a cup of your special midnight cocktail. Wait—scratch that. That just sounds wrong…”
As I pad into the kitchen, I lean in close and whisper. “The real sassy one here already got a taste of my midnight cocktail, and it seems as though he liked it, given his rather explosive reaction. But I’ll be more than happy to make your daughters a fresh round of chocky milk.”
He stills, side-eyeing me for a beat. Likely trying to figure out why I brought up last night again, when I distinctly told him not to ever expect anything like that to happen again.
Call me crazy, though, but that dream I had last night was so fuckin’ vivid—so fuckin’ real—that it’s still stuck in my head this morning.
“Girls, why don’t you go let Gulligan out so he can do his business? I’ll fix you both a glass of milk, but I need to talk to your dad for a second.”
Both girls scurry into their bedroom. I step behind Gannett, slipping the spatula from his hand while he’s still stunned, and flip the pancake before it burns to a crisp. My other hand comes to rest on his hip, right above the waistline of the sweatpants he’s still borrowing from me.
“What’s going on here?” Gannett asks, whirling around to face me. “Because, for someone who doesn’t want to continue doing, you know, that, you’re the one bringing it up again today.”
With my hand still on his hip, I slide him out of the way so I can take over on the pancakes, because I highly doubt he can multitask having this conversation and creating something edible at the same time.
It’s not lost on me just how—I don’t know—fuckin’ domestic this all feels this morning.
Maybe it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world to let myself continue to have this…
I’m about to tell him as much, when his phone rings from my bedroom—well, our bedroom—and he makes a dash for it, cutting me off. I finish up the last of the pancakes, stir up a couple glasses of chocolate milk, and get the girls started on breakfast while Gannett chats in the other room.
“Sounds great,” he says into the phone, stepping out of the room. “Give me a half hour or so to get changed, and I’ll be right over. Mmmbye.” He hangs up and glances up. “Oh good, thank you for finishing those up for me and getting them fed. Hey, can you do me another favor?” he asks me.
“Sure.”
“Could you keep an eye on the girls for me? Just for, like, an hour or so. My landlord just called. They finished up the reno. My apartment is finally done. He’d like me to come do a walk-through before the girls and I can move back in.”
He breaks into a broad grin, and my gut sinks like stone.
He’s leaving. That smile on his face is one of pure excitement. He’s excited to leave.
He’s happy to be rid of me. I fucked up the one chance I had.
I fuck everything up.
I deserve this.
Confusion lines his brow. “What’s that look for? I thought you’d be happy. You finally get your apartment back.”
I clear my throat, trying to loosen the knot that’s formed there. “It’s fine. Yes, I’ll hang out with the girls. Maybe we can get their things packed up and ready to move home. Won’t that be fun? You’ll each have your own beds again.”
“But you promised…” Tati murmurs quietly, frowning over her plate of pancakes. Knowing I caused that frown—that disappointment that there won’t be a next weekend here for her dad’s birthday—rips me to shreds.
I am that asshole. I am nothing but a harbinger of broken promises.
Last night’s "visit" from Ryann was just a dream—a crack in my subconscious mind that guided me towards a flicker of hope that has now been snuffed out. I earned that glimmer of excitement in Gannett’s eyes at the prospect of leaving here, because of the way I went off on him last night.
I deserve to be alone, where the only one I can hurt anymore is myself.