You Want This
Aviana
Past ??
Age 16
Ryan was working longer hours at the tack shop. He said he was saving up so he could move out. When he told me that, it felt like a punch to the gut. I thought we had something—maybe not love, but at least friendship. I thought he wouldn’t leave. Not until I graduated.
Chloe and Mason went into town for a steak dinner—just the two of them. Ryan was still at work. And that left me alone.
With Liam.
I hadn’t seen him in a while, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t lurking somewhere in the house. I told myself I’d stay in my room, keep the door shut, get lost in my book until it was safe. But even as I read, my pulse was on edge, my ears tuned to every sound in the house.
Then—light tapping on the door.
The rattling of the knob.
I exhaled in relief. Ryan. He must have just gotten home. He always checked on me when he got back late. I jumped up, eager to open the door for him.
But it wasn’t Ryan.
It was Liam.
“Why hello, Little Screamer,” he drawled, his voice curling around me like smoke, thick and suffocating.
My stomach dropped.
“What do you want, Liam?” I forced out, already regretting opening the door .
“I’m bored.”
“Not my problem. Leave me alone.”
I reached for the door to slam it in his face, but before I could, his palm smacked against it, hard. The force sent it bouncing off the wall .
Liam stepped inside, a slow, deliberate movement that made my skin prickle.
“Now, now, Little Screamer. Is that any way to treat your older brother?” His voice was light, teasing, but there was something underneath—something dark.
My throat felt tight. “Get out of my room, Liam.”
I turned, pretending to be unbothered, pretending my hands weren’t shaking as I settled near the headboard, pressing my back against it before grabbing my book. If I could just act like he wasn’t there, maybe he’d leave.
“Come on,” he said, inching closer. “Let’s go do something.”
There was something in his voice that made every nerve in my body go rigid.
I didn’t trust him.
I never had.
And I was alone.
I try with everything that I am to focus on the pages in my book, the words blurring together as I pretend to be absorbed in it. It’s a good distraction, but not enough to block out Liam moving around the room. I can see him glancing in my direction, his eyes lingering longer than I care for. He fingers everything on my bookshelf, on my desk, as if he’s trying to find some excuse to start up another conversation. I am not playing this game with him.
“Fine, let’s hang out, Liam, but I get to choose what we do.” trying to make it sound like I’m not already planning my escape but already regretting my decision.
I glance at the clock, counting down the minutes until Ryan finishes work. I dread the time I’ll be alone with Liam.
“So, what are we doing, Little Screamer?” he asks, his voice playful.
“We can go downstairs and watch a movie,” I suggest .
“Sounds good to me,” he replies, then bounds down the stairs.
What’s with him? He’s usually so forceful and irritating. I have to stay on my toes—he could turn on me at any moment.
The living room is dimly lit, the glow of the TV casting shadows on the wall. Liam is sprawled out on the other couch as he pushes play on the movie The Bourne Identity, some action flick he put in. Normally I would be relieved he is distracted, but there is an unease crawling beneath my skin, a tension I can’t shake.
“Want to go make some popcorn?” I ask, trying to sound calm, trying to hide the tremble in my voice.
He doesn’t respond right away, and I look his direction. His eyes are fixed on mine but there is something unsettling in the way his jaw tightens, like he is making a decision. The air feels thicker, heavier and my stomach churns.
If he can get up and go to the kitchen for popcorn, I can make my escape. I can run and hide somewhere outside. Somewhere better than that Halloween night of hide and seek. I need to get away from Liam soon.
Finally, he gets up and walks to the kitchen grabbing a bag of popcorn from the pantry. When he walks to the microwave, he is hidden from the living room so I start making my way towards the door. But I wasn’t fast enough when his voice booms from the kitchen, “Little Screamer, where are you going?”
Shit! “Oh I am going to the bathroom before the movie starts, you know so you don’t have to pause it a gazillion times for me to take a piss.”
“You will make me do that anyway” he chuckles but doesn’t turn back to the microwave so I walk towards the bathroom. As I stare at myself in the mirror, I think to myself that an escape is better than no escape.
A knock on the door jolts me back to reality.
“Aviana? You fall in the toilet in there? Come on, the movie is starting.” but I don’t hear him walking away so I flush the toilet even though I didn’t do anything. I turn the faucet on and let the water run until he is knocking on the door again.
“Do I need to pick the lock to pull you out of there, Little Screamer? Come on, open up.”
I wrench the door open, nearly tearing it off the hinges.
“Geez, impatient aren’t you. I started my period, man. Lay off of me. It isn’t like you don’t take ten years in the bathroom yourself.” I retort.
“I have to look good for the ladies.” he laughs.
“What ladies?” I ask as I shove passed him bumping into him.
Crawling back on the couch, I watch him slowly walk towards me.
“Nope, other couch buddy.” and I scoot further towards the end of the couch I am sitting on.
At first, it’s fine. We sit in silence as the movie plays, my mind distracted by the flashing images on the screen, anything to keep from focusing on Liam. But then, slowly, I start to feel it—a shift in the atmosphere. It’s like the movie isn’t even there anymore.
Liam’s arm slides around the back of the couch, his fingers brushing against my shoulder. I freeze, but he doesn’t seem to notice. Or maybe he does. I didn’t realize he moved to the same couch I was sitting on.
Without warning, his hand slides down my arm, his fingers curling around my wrist. He pulls me closer, his breath hot against my ear as he whispers, “You know, I didn’t get to choose what we got to do tonight, but I always get what I want.”
I try to pull away, my pulse spiking. “Liam—” I start, but my words are swallowed by the sudden pressure of his body against mine.
His lips are on my neck before I can even react, and panic floods my system.
“No,” I gasp, struggling against him, my hands pushing against his chest, trying to create some space, but he’s relentless, his grip tightening around my wrist, forcing me closer.
“You don’t get to say no,” he growls in my ear. “You don’t get to tell me what I can and can’t do.”
A surge of anger rushes through me, but it’s quickly smothered by fear. “Stop!” I yell, pushing harder, but it’s no use. He’s too strong. His mouth finds mine before I can even register it, his lips crashing onto mine with a force that leaves me breathless.
I can’t breathe. I can’t think. My body goes rigid, my chest heaving as I try to turn my head, to break free.
“Let go of me!” I scream, my voice barely a whisper against his lips, but he doesn’t listen.
His grip only tightens, forcing me back against the couch. Every instinct in me is screaming to run, to get away, but there’s nowhere to go. The room feels smaller with each passing second, the walls closing in.
“No—” I manage to gasp, my voice muffled by his lips. I dig my nails into his arm, trying to make him release me, but it’s like I don’t exist.
“You’ll get used to this,” he growls, his breath hot and heavy against my skin. “You always run, but I always find you.”
My mind races, desperate for a way out, but I’m trapped. I claw at his arms, trying to push him off me, but it’s hopeless. His weight is too much, and my body is too weak.
The tears well up before I can stop them, burning my eyes. I won’t cry in front of him. Not this time. I refuse.
But my body betrays me. His hands roam, pinning me in place, and I’m suffocating under the weight of it all.
“Please…” I whisper, my voice breaking as I finally manage to turn my head. “Please, stop…”
He laughs darkly. “You don’t get a say in this.”
The tears fall, but I don’t make a sound. I just keep struggling, keep fighting, knowing it’s the only thing I can do.
***
I didn’t bother to shower. The water wouldn’t cleanse me of what just happened, of what Liam did to me. His touch, invasive and relentless, pressing against me when I screamed for him to stop. His laughter, echoing in my ears like it was some twisted game. I ran upstairs the moment it ended, curling into a tight ball on my bed. The sheets, tangled around me, felt like the only thing left that could shield me from the reality of it all. My body aches from the fight I put up, but the pain feels distant now—faint, like it’s happening to someone else. A numbness settles over me, like I’ve become disconnected from everything that just tore me apart.
Tears had long since dried on my face, but I didn’t care to wipe them away. I couldn’t even remember how long I’d been lying there, my mind numb, my heart shattered. I prayed for someone to walk in. Anyone. Just to stop him. But the only thing I could do was lie there, trembling, as Liam’s hands moved over me, as he stole everything from me. His weight was crushing, his grip suffocating. My clothes were torn away like they were nothing, my body a thing for him to take, to use. I could still feel his touch, the heat of it, searing against my skin.
I squeezed my eyes shut, wishing it all away, wishing for the world to swallow me whole.
I don’t know how much time passed, but then I hear the sound of the door creaking open, and I flinch. My body instinctively curls tighter, pulling the blanket up to my chin like it can protect me from the world.
“Avi?” A voice calls gently. It’s Ryan. His footsteps are soft as he approaches, but I can barely hear him over the rush of blood in my ears. “Are you awake?”
His fingers brush my hair away from my face, the gentle touch making my breath catch in my throat. I want to scream, to tell him everything, but the words won’t come. I can’t.
He leans over me, his face hovering just above mine, concern etched in every line of his expression. But all I can see is Liam’s face in my mind, his cold smirk, his hands on me. I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to block out everything, to force the memories to fade.
“Hey,” Ryan whispers, his voice soft, filled with an emotion I can’t place. “Avi, I know you are awake. Talk to me, please. I am sorry I am late. I know I promised we would read a book together when I got home.”
I had forgotten his promise. I want to reach out to him. I want to scream for help, for him to make everything stop, but I’m frozen. My body won’t move. My mind won’t clear. The only thing I can do is lie here, shaking, trapped in the aftermath of something that has broken me .
And I hate myself for it.
I wait for the door to close, expecting him to leave, to walk away like everyone else. But then I hear it—the sound of boots hitting the floor, the heavy thud that makes my heart skip. I flinch, the sound echoing in my chest, and my pulse spikes, but then it softens. The noise of his jeans unzipping follows, and my body tenses, remembering everything that just happened. But this isn’t Liam. This isn’t the man who made me feel small and broken. This is Ryan.
The difference feels like night and day, even though my body still trembles from what Liam did. Ryan will never hurt me. I know that. And that knowledge is like a balm, soothing the rawness inside me, even though it feels wrong to feel relief at all.
The blanket lifts, and I feel the warmth of him beside me. He slides in behind me, wrapping his arms around me in a way that shields me from everything. From the world. From the memories. From the weight of what happened. His body is solid against mine, a protective wall I didn’t know I needed but desperately do now.
He holds me close, like he’s trying to keep me safe from everything that wants to hurt me, as if he could block it all out with just his presence. My body relaxes against his, but my mind races. I should be crying, I should be screaming—but instead, there’s a quiet peace here, wrapped in his arms.
I start to drift, the soft sound of his breath a steady rhythm in my ear, when I hear him sigh, deep and filled with something I can’t place. Then his voice, low and so full of emotion, breaks through the silence.
“I can feel you, Avi. When you’re hurt, I’m hurt. When you’re happy, I’m happy,” he murmurs, his words just a whisper, but they hit me harder than anything. “Right now, I know something happened, and I don’t know what it is or how to protect you from it. But I vow, Avi… I vow to never let anything happen to you again. I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but I’m so in love with you. I can’t… it’s wrong on so many levels. I can’t even act on it until you’re 18. Dammit, Avi. Whoever hurt you will pay. They don’t hurt what I love. Please, talk to me. If not tonight, tomorrow. Plea se.”
His words hit me like a wave, and for the first time tonight, something inside me heals. But I can’t tell him. I can’t tell him the truth. I can’t tell him what his brother has done to me, what he continues to do to me. I can’t.
He presses me closer, his fingers brushing up and down my arms, and the sensation begins to lull me into a fragile sleep. My mind is too exhausted, too overwhelmed, to keep fighting. I feel him shift behind me, and I think for a moment that he’s fallen asleep. But then, just as my eyes start to flutter shut, his whisper slides past my ear.
“You will be mine. You are mine, Little Bird.”