Chapter 33
Oliver
New York was just as loud as I imagined it would be. The airport had been a nightmare, and the cab wasn’t much better. The only saving grace was that it wasn’t a metal tube in the sky.
That had been the real nightmare. If I could help it, I would never get on one again. Maybe I’d just walk back to Seattle.
“Are you okay?” Dean asked as we entered the hospital. He squeezed my hand, and I gripped his tighter in return.
“Of course.”
“You don’t have to put on a brave face for me. I’d actually prefer it if you didn’t.”
With a sigh, I pressed the button for the elevator. “It was just the plane.”
“It was a pretty smooth ride. Do you get motion sickness? You looked a little green.”
“Sure, I was a little green. I’d never been thirteen thousand feet in the air before. If humans were meant to fly, we’d have wings.”
The doors closed and he turned to me with wide eyes. “Wait, that was your first time on a plane?”
“Yup.”
“Damn, Oli. Why didn’t you tell me?”
I shrugged, wrapping my free arm around myself. “You didn’t need to worry about me.”
With a growl, he pulled me closer and ran his thumb along my jaw. “Don’t coddle me, okay?”
He didn’t give me a chance to answer. While the floor number ticked upward, he leaned forward to kiss me. It was gentle, without the heat that had coursed through us all week. In a way, it was more passionate in its simplicity.
“Are we just roommates?” I asked once the doors opened. It was something I should’ve brought up on the plane, but neither of us had spoken much. “For all intents and purposes, I mean.”
“Is that what you’d prefer?”
“Straight answers, Broku.”
He huffed. “Right. Well, I don’t want to hide it, but it’s not really a good time to drop that bomb, you know?”
“I get it.”
“But I don’t want to lie either.”
“It doesn’t bother me if you want to leave it undefined for now. We can see how it goes.”
He nodded, his shoulders relaxing. When the room number his mom had sent him came into view, he sped up. Both of us released each other’s hand before we stepped inside.
“Dean,” his mom exclaimed, rushing forward. They embraced tightly, swaying back and forth a little with the intensity of the hug. Just watching them made me shift on my feet, unsure what I was supposed to do.
When they separated, Mrs. Kennedy came up to me and grasped my hands.
Her eyes were a little lighter than Dean’s, and her hair had a reddish tone to it.
She was short, which made her look even tinier next to the two of us.
It was the severity of her eyes that made me swallow hard.
Not severe in a cutting way. They were severely . . . motherly.
“Thank you for coming with him, Oliver. You have no idea how much better I felt knowing that he wasn’t dealing with this alone.”
Awkwardly, I applied a little pressure to her hands. “He has a tendency to do that.”
She smiled kindly. “He got it from his father.”
Dean snorted, but there was an intense warmth in his eyes. “Coming from the woman who had to be forced to stay home when running a hundred-and-two fever. As a nurse.”
She waved a dismissive hand before she hooked it around his elbow. Leaning her head on his shoulder, she let out a sigh. “He was awake a little bit ago.”
“Really?” Dean stepped closer to the bed, bringing her with him. “Was he talking?”
“Yes. The doctors say everything looks good, but they’re going to keep him here until tomorrow.”
“Good. I’m sure he’s not happy about it.”
She grunted, sounding much like her son. “You know how he is.”
“Old man’s got no choice,” another voice said from behind me.
I turned around and moved to the side. In the doorway, there was a man who looked a lot like Dean but leaner. His hair came down to his ears, whereas Dean’s was cut short.
He looked at me, his dark eyes assessing. When he held out his hand, I forced myself to take it.
“Blake,” he said.
I smiled cheerily at him. “You’re Dean’s brother. I’ve heard about you. I’m Oliver, his roommate.”
“You must be pretty close. That’s a long flight to take for your roommate.”
Keeping my smile in place, I shrugged. “I like to be supportive.”
He hummed his acknowledgement before he moved away from me. His arms went around Dean’s shoulders in a brief hug, then he cupped both sides of his neck.
“Did you grow?” Blake asked with a laugh. “You’re huge.”
Dean shrugged. “Could have a few more years in me still. Jealous?”
“Nah, I don’t aspire to be a tank. Bet the army would kill to get their hands on you.”
“No,” his mom said immediately. There was a tightness around her eyes that hadn’t been there before. She looked from her sons to her husband.
“Just a joke, Mom. Besides, I did just fine.”
“I’ll stick with college,” Dean assured her gently.
She squeezed his arm, then excused herself. I watched as she left the room, still carrying the tension that had surfaced as soon as Blake entered the room.
“I didn’t know you were coming,” Dean noted.
“Of course I came. It’s Dad.”
Dean’s lips thinned, but he just nodded.
While I continued to casually assess Blake, I glanced at his dad. It was obvious Dean had gotten his bone structure from him. Even lying down, I could tell that he was tall. His shoulders were broad and his hair was cut short like his son’s. I was willing to bet he had the same timbre in his voice.
“What’s up with that dude?” I heard Blake ask.
My eyes shifted to the side as I inconspicuously angled my head slightly. I couldn’t see his face, but I didn’t need to. The way his arms were crossed as he stood ramrod straight told me enough.
Dean breathed a laugh. “Don’t make it weird. He’s cool.”
“You never once brought friends home when you lived here.”
“We didn’t have the house people gathered at, dumbass.”
“Hm. You fix things with your girl yet?”
I spun around, cocking my head. Dean’s eyes met mine, his brow furrowing. “Uh, no. I told you we broke up.”
“It was serious, though. Didn’t I tell you to talk through it?”
“It just wasn’t fixable.”
“Most things are fixable, D. You just have to care enough.”
“I think sleeping with someone else goes beyond caring enough,” I noted. There was a coldness in my voice I hadn’t intended, but I couldn’t help it. Just the thought of Sadie and what she’d done to Dean made my blood boil.
Blake looked at me, blinking a few times. After a second, he turned back to his brother. “You didn’t tell me that.”
Dean shrugged. “It wasn’t important. I’m gonna grab a coffee.”
Without looking at either of us, he walked out of the room. I ground my teeth together as I passed Blake. I felt his gaze, but I didn’t bother to acknowledge him.
When I caught up to Dean, I gripped his fingers to let him know I was there. I expected him to brush me off, but he squeezed my hand hard.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I didn’t realize he didn’t know.”
“It’s fine.”
“No, it’s not. Maybe we need to talk about all of this. I don’t want to make more mistakes and stumble over my words. It feels uncomfortable.”
“Oli, really. It’s okay.” He squeezed my hand again before he pulled it back.
“It was right before Christmas. I was supposed to bring her home to meet my family. They were super excited cause I’d never been with someone that long, and I’d been talking about her for a while. My mom even got her a gift.”
I glanced at him, noting the tightness around his mouth.
Turning my nose up, I led him into the cafeteria. “If lobotomies were still commonplace, I’d recommend her for one.”
He burst into laughter, his smile making my heart flutter. “That’s a bit extreme.”
“Cheaters are scum. Who could know you and still do something like that?” I shook my head hard, unwilling to back down. “Lobotomies all around.”
“For Brooks too?”
I tilted my head as I thought about it. “He didn’t know, right? Then he gets a pass, but just this once.”
Taking my hand again, he kissed me quickly. His cheeks pinked a little, but he turned away to grab a cup before I could really enjoy it. The coffee smelled burnt, and it was impossible not to wrinkle my nose.
“Are you sure you want that?” I asked. “I’m more worried about you catching something from it than the sick people.”
“I’ll be fine. My mom lived off this for twenty years and she’s healthy as a horse.”
“Good genes, then.”
“New Yorkers are better than Californians any day.” He winked at me as he poured creamer into his cup.
“I have no good memories there, so I can’t argue.”
He frowned as he brought the cup to his lips to take a drink. “None?”
“Outside of meeting Remi, no. Even then, we were in a terrible house, so . . .” I shrugged. “There’s nothing remarkable about my past, so I like to say my life started when I moved to Washington. Pretty boring, I know.”
“Guess we’ll make a bunch of memories here.” He smiled, and it was almost possible to forget that we were in a hospital.
We headed back to the room, which was now empty aside from his dad.
“Mom headed home to grab new clothes,” Dean said, looking down at his phone. “She hasn’t left since coming here.”
“I’m glad we came.”
“Me too.” He took my hand and sat with me on the couch against the wall. “I hate how she won’t ask for help when she needs it.”
“I can tell she’s an amazing person.”
“They both are,” he agreed. His gaze went to his dad, and despite the situation, he smiled a little. “They’re my favorite people in the world.”
My chest constricted, but I pushed past the ache. “Will you tell me more about him before I meet him? About all of them.”
He leaned back, still holding my hand as he sipped his coffee.
“He’s strong. Proud—too proud for his own good, really.
My dad was in the military until Blake was two, stationed at Fort Hamilton, so they just stayed in New York when he got out.
He’s been disabled since then, and my mom has been supporting us for as long as I can remember, aside from the shit payments he gets from the VA.
We didn’t take vacations, we didn’t eat fancy food, I wore Blake’s old clothes when he grew out of them, and we got candy from the Dollar Tree before going to a movie. ”
He met my eyes, and his expression softened.
“We had one Honda Civic between the four of us,” he went on, “which my mom usually had because she worked every day of the week. She missed birthdays and holidays, she couldn’t volunteer for school events, and she tried to make it to as many of my baseball and football games as she could, but it wasn’t many. ”
“That must have been hard for you.”
He looked down at the floor. “I respect the hell out of my mom, but I do wish she would’ve been around more when I was younger.
Me and Blake took care of my dad as much as he took care of us.
I saw the sadness in her eyes sometimes, like she was seeing a version of our lives where she got to raise us instead of my dad and grandpa.
She’d do anything for us. She has. So, I just want to make sure she’s not dealing with everything alone. ”
“Do you regret going to Seattle?”
“Yes,” he replied immediately. The conviction in that one word was absolute.
“Why don’t you come back?”
“I’ve thought about it a lot. They always tell me that I need to make my own life, though.
Carve it out with my bare hands, my dad says.
He said he grew the most after he went into the military and had to adjust to new places, new people.
He doesn’t want me living at home if I don’t have to, especially if it’s because I want to take care of him. ”
“Sounds like Kennedys are damn stubborn. Not that I needed you to tell me.”
He nudged my shoulder with his, laughing softly. “We’re survivors. Against all odds.” Looking at me, his eyes shimmered.
“What is it?” I asked.
“I’m tired of surviving, Oli. I know it’s not fair for me to say.”
“Why wouldn’t it be fair?”
“Because I still have so much more than a lot of people. I have love. Family. The most incredible parents. I think about Linc, who lost his mom and dad in one night, all because of a goddamn deer on the road. Or you, who grew up with nobody to teach you about life. Nobody to love you. God, Oli. What right do I have to feel slighted?”
I cupped the side of his face, catching a tear with my thumb.
“Sometimes, losing something is better than never having it. Sure, I never knew what a parent’s love was like, but I also never had to fear losing them.
I developed a sense for other people’s pain.
I learned the weight of emotional currency, and it made me want to fix what was broken in those around me.
It taught me to give the love I never had. I think there’s value in that too.”
“You deserve to feel love, Oli.”
“I feel love every day. I was just forced to find it within myself first. I get to spread that to other people.”
“Is that enough?”
“For now, yeah.” My brows pulled down. “I told you; I’m not a tragedy of my circumstances. I think my life turned out the way it did so I could become the light for others.”
“Like Remi.”
I swallowed hard. “There are worse things out there than being abandoned. Some people can’t escape what they’ve survived, can’t even look at themselves in the mirror. It’s only those who love them that keep them from falling apart.”
He slipped his arm around my shoulders. “That’s really sad. Nobody should feel like that.”
“You’re right. But no more dark talk. You look tired.”
“I am.”
“Take a nap, Broku. I’ll wake you if anything happens.”
“Mm. Promise?” I leaned away from him a little, not wanting someone to walk in on us cuddling.
“I promise. Let me take care of you this time.”
“Okay, but only because I think you’re kinda neat.”
I’d never seen anything as beautiful as him, but I’d accept being called ‘kinda neat’ for now.