Chapter 34
Dean
“Dean.”
With a start, I opened my eyes. My neck immediately ached from the awkward position I was in. With a little groan, I sat up and looked to my left, but Oli was gone.
I was really considering that ankle monitor. Or a bell. Then, if he moved, I’d wake up.
Registering that someone had said my name, I turned and found my dad’s eyes open. I jumped to my feet and rushed to the side of the bed.
“Hey,” I said, taking his hand. He squeezed it, weaker than I would’ve liked. “How’s your head?”
He offered me a small smile that deepened the wrinkles around his eyes. “You don’t always have to ask me that, D. Let’s talk about you.”
“What about me?”
“I met Oli.”
I ran my tongue over the bottom of my teeth absently. “You did?”
“He’s a brilliant young man. Even insisted on checking my eyes to make sure everything was working properly.” He chuckled. “He’s a little odd, you know.”
“Yeah, he is. Where’d he go?”
“To sneak some fries in for me. This food they brought me isn’t fit for a dog.”
I glanced at it, wrinkling my nose. “Maybe you should’ve gone for some protein, though.”
“When we get home, you can be bossy.”
“Mmhmm. I’ll make you something better than this slop.”
“You?” He laughed. “Don’t pull my leg.”
“I’ve been learning to cook,” I countered, playing up how offended I was. “I was going to come in and impress you over the summer, but I guess I can bless you early.”
He whistled. “Wow, look at you. Never thought I’d see the day.”
“You’re just lucky I’ve gotten better. I almost made Oli puke when I mixed up the cayenne and cinnamon.”
Dad roared with laughter, making me smile. “How did you manage that?”
“They look alike at a glance and both start with a C. Taught me to pay attention, that’s for sure.”
“Christ.” He wiped underneath his eye. “Poor kid, but better him than me.”
“You read any good books lately, Dad?”
He hummed thoughtfully. “Not since that one we listened to last time you were home.”
“I’ve got this series you’ll love.”
Pulling out my phone, I loaded it up. Since reading triggered his migraines, I’d gotten him onto audiobooks when I was in high school, and outside of sports, it had been one of the ways we bonded.
“Want to listen?” I asked.
“Always.”
I set the phone on the bedside table and pulled a chair up beside him. He used the remote to sit the bed up straighter, and I helped him adjust the pillow until he was comfortable.
“This damned doctor says I have to stay here until tomorrow,” he grumbled.
“And that’s what you’ll do.”
“Yeah, yeah.”
I smiled as the book started. Propping my feet beside his on the bed, I tipped my head back to stare at the ceiling. We sat like that for a while, just taking in the story together. When I heard footsteps, I looked over at the doorway.
Oli grimaced and held up the fries. “Am I interrupting?”
Before I could respond, Dad looked at him. “Of course not. You haven’t missed too much, but we can start it over.”
“No need. I’ve read this one.”
“You have?” I asked.
He rolled his lips, then shrugged. “I heard you listening in the shower and grabbed it from the library.”
“Weird.”
He dragged a chair over next to me, then held a bag out to my dad, whose eyes lit up. The smell of the fries filled the room, and even though I’d told him to eat something better, I was just glad to see him happy like this.
Eventually, my mom joined us, then my brother.
We all stayed quiet, just listening to the story.
It was a peaceful moment that calmed something inside of me that had awoken as soon as I got that call from my mom.
Despite what the doctors said, I hadn’t been able to get rid of my fear that something would change.
Finally, I could draw in a breath that didn’t feel like it was full of glass.
I rested my elbow on the armrest of my chair, then Oli did the same. With our arms pressed together, I had to hold back my smile so I didn’t give myself away to the other people in the room.
In that moment, I decided that I would tell them. Not today. There was too much going on still. But when we were all settled at the house, I was going to shed this skin that had me sneaking touches and holding back.
Oli didn’t deserve to be hidden away. He didn’t have a family of his own, and I knew that if mine learned how I felt about him, they’d treat him like he was a part of ours.
That was enough motivation for me to make the easiest decision of my life. Fuck how early it was or how my stomach fluttered with nerves.
Fuck everything but me and him.
*****
“Mom’s staying at the hospital,” Blake said when we got to the house. He tossed his keys on the entry table and stretched. “I was going sleep here, but I can get a hotel if your friend needs a room.”
I glanced at Oli, who was wandering around, looking at everything. “I can sleep on the couch or something.”
Blake shrugged. “If you want.”
He started toward the room, but I grabbed his arm. “Actually . . .”
“What is it?”
“We’re going stay in the same room.”
Blake snorted. “We’re grown men, D. I’m not sleeping in a bed with you.”
“No, I mean me and Oli.”
Silence met my statement, and his eyes bored into me. It was impossible to figure out what was in his expression. I thought it’d be confusion or maybe even amusement while he processed it. Maybe he hadn’t picked up on what I was actually saying yet.
Oli was watching me from the kitchen. There was no hint of uncertainty or the lack of confidence that sometimes came around when things got real. He was just assessing.
“Well, if that’s what you want to do,” Blake finally said.
“We’re together,” I added, wanting to make sure he understood.
“Yeah, I gathered that.” He looked over his shoulder at Oli. I couldn’t see what was on my brother’s face, but the way Oli’s eyes sharpened made my stomach lurch. “Night, D.”
I watched him until he closed his bedroom door.
I’d figured it would be something of a shock, but I hadn’t expected whatever that was. While I considered whether I should go talk to him, Oli came up to me.
“I don’t think he likes me.”
I lifted a brow. “Don’t be ridiculous. Everyone likes you.”
“You didn’t.”
“It’s not that I didn’t. You just . . . weirded me out.” I laughed when he made a face. “Sometimes, I assume that people who are bubbly and helpful are fake. But you’re not. Once I figured that out, I didn’t have an issue with you.”
“Maybe he thinks I’m annoying, then.”
“You’ve barely talked to each other.”
He rolled his lips inward, then back out. Grabbing his hand, I pulled him toward the front door without a word. He followed, not even trying to protest.
When we were outside, I veered to the left and continued on the sidewalk.
“This city smells weird,” he said after a minute, wrinkling his nose.
I chuckled. “That’s the creek out back. Me and Blake used to dare each other to swim in it.”
“And did you?”
“Once. I had a rash for a week.”
He snorted. “Tragic. How’d you survive?”
“Lots of whining. Mom said she should’ve let me drown.”
“That explains so much about you, actually.”
I glanced at him, trying to read what was on his face. “You know, if you hate it here, we can cut this trip short.”
He blinked at me. “Dean, I don’t hate it. I’m just . . . out of my depth.”
“That makes two of us.”
For a second, the tension in his expression cracked, and I saw the uncertain but hopeful boy underneath.
“Then maybe,” I said, “we just learn how to swim in the same water.”
He breathed a laugh, nudging me with his shoulder. “That was corny.”
“Maybe, but you liked it.”
We continued until we reached a path that broke away from the sidewalk. Oli looked up at the sky, then at the trees.
“I’m not going to murder you back there,” I said before he could bail.
“That’s not what I was thinking, but now I am.”
“Come on.”
He stayed at my side as we made it to the break between two trees where the path continued. “We should go back to the house.”
“Scared of the dark?”
“No, but I don’t know what’s in there.”
“Will you just trust me?”
“Convince me.”
“Baby,” I murmured, touching his cheek. “I promised you starlight, didn’t I?”
His eyes snapped up to meet mine. “Say that again.”
“I promised—”
“Not that part.”
I hesitated, realizing exactly what I’d said. Putting my arm around his shoulders, I dipped my head close to his ear. “I’ll say it if you come with me.”
He made a disgruntled sound but let me guide him further down the path. It opened up, revealing a creek with moonlight shining on the water. Oli looked around, stepping away from me to explore. I just watched him, taking in the curiosity I’d started to love seeing on his face.
“Oli, baby.”
He whirled around, his eyes wide. When he broke into a smile, I stepped closer.
“You really must have luck on your side,” I noted, looking up at the sky. The clouds had parted, revealing just a few stars above. “It’s not much, but . . .” I shrugged. “At least they’re up there.”
I thought his curiosity was something to admire, but the wonder on his face was an entirely different beast. He was twenty-four, and he had seen the stars a million times, yet it looked like he was experiencing them for the first time.
Once again, I wanted to know not only what he was thinking, but what he felt at this moment.
Taking a seat on a large rock, I decided to simply watch him. With his head tipped back, the moonlight cast a shadow beneath his jaw, and it bathed him in a silver glow that made him look ethereal.
“You’re staring,” he pointed out without looking at me.
“I’m allowed.”
“You should be looking at the stars.”
“What if they aren’t the most mesmerizing thing in front of me?”
Turning to me, he cocked his head. “What’s with the romance?”
“Just trying it out. Should I not?”
He stepped up to me, putting his hands on my shoulders as he met my eyes. “You should be careful. I might get addicted.”
“Coming from the guy who won’t even have caffeine,” I laughed. Putting my hands behind his thighs, I tugged him closer so he was between my legs. “What’s that about anyway?”
“A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away . . .” His lips curved as he tipped his head back to look at the sky. “Remi made me promise to never do drugs. Not that I needed to be told, but he had a friend in one of his homes that got lost to them, plus his . . . Well, it doesn’t matter his reasons.
“I was lost as a kid, just trying to figure out who I was and how I fit in the world. Before Remi, I had nobody to guide me, and I saw all of the ways external forces pull us this way and that. I guess I just never wanted anything to influence me except what I had complete control over. I know caffeine isn’t like alcohol or anything,” he said quickly.
“It’s just that I like to have mastery over my mind and body, maybe to an unhealthy degree. ”
“Sounds like you think you’re better than the rest of us.”
He laughed, the sound seeming to get lost in the space around us.
With two fingers, I traced down the column of his throat. “You should be proud of who you’ve become,” I said.
“Do you think so?”
I followed his gaze. The clouds had started to move in, but I could still glimpse a few stars up there.
“Even with the best parents, with my brother, and my grandpa, it was hard figuring out who I was. That’s just a normal part of growing up. You’re not a mess, Oli. You’re a testament to the resilience of humanity, against all odds.”
“Well, now you’re just flattering me.”
“Good. There are a lot of years I want to make up for.”
“I’m all in.”
Tipping his chin down, I kissed him just for a moment. My dad’s words from weeks ago came back to me, so I stood, taking Oli’s hand. When I yanked him closer, wrapping my other arm around his waist, he looked a little spooked.
“What’s this?” he asked.
“We’re dancing beneath the moonlight.”
“Any particular reason?”
“We have memories to create.”
“Memories,” he repeated, his eyes softening. “Alright, let’s get to it, big guy.”
He leaned his cheek on my shoulder, and I put my arm around him as we swayed, neither of us seeming to know how to do it. It didn’t matter, though. Life wasn’t about doing things perfectly, and I thought the best memories might come from the most imperfect moments.