28. Emory
28
EMORY
I see the moment the dots connect in Nate’s head. He overheard my conversation with Jaxon, or at least part of it. Does he make you come? Bile rises in my throat when I think about Nate having heard that. And then what he just said to Luke.
Nate’s eyes ping back and forth between the two of us. “How long?” he asks, and I think he’s talking to me, but he’s staring straight at Luke.
When neither of us responds, he takes a step toward Luke. “How long have you been fucking my little sister?” he snaps.
Luke's face flashes with rage, and he steps up to Nate so they’re toe to toe. They lock eyes for a moment, and then something erupts. Nate throws a punch, hitting Luke square in the jaw. Luke stumbles backward, his lip split, and blood sprays across his cheek. I reach for him, but he pins me with a look. He raises his head, wipes his mouth with the back of his hand, and stands still, refusing to fight back.
“You get that one for free,” he says, spitting blood onto the floor. “Only because we kept it from you. But that’s it. Emory and I?—”
“I dare you to finish that fucking sentence, Collins.”
“It’s more than sex,” Luke says calmly. “You would know that if you took the time to understand your sister. Instead, you make unreasonable demands without asking what she thinks or how she feels. I don’t care that you’re her brother, I will not tolerate you speaking disrespectfully about my girlfriend again.”
“What the fuck did you just say to me?” Nate looks around in genuine confusion. “Your girlfriend? Did you hit your fucking head before you came in here?”
“I’ve never been more clear-headed in my life. She’s it for me, man. You can accept it or not. That’s up to you. It won’t change anything for us.”
“I swear to God, Collins,” Nate says, raising his fist up again, but Luke doesn’t cower. He just stands taller.
“Look, I get why you’re so protective, but you have to know I would never hurt her.”
“Then why were you fucking sneaking around?”
“Because of this exact reaction!” Luke throws his hands up in frustration as Nate closes in on him again.
“Stop!” I yell, and just like that, four sets of eyes are on me. “Can you both stop talking about me like I’m not standing right here for one fucking second? Or do I not get a say in any of this?” I march over, wedging myself between Nate and Luke, pointing a finger at Nate’s chest. “You’re done controlling my life. I’m not twelve anymore. I can date whoever the fuck I want to date.”
“Emory,” Nate starts, but I don’t let him finish.
“No. You made sure the whole school knew I was off-limits. You ensured I didn’t have a life in high school. You isolated me. You kept me so naive that when I finally got some freedom in college, I latched onto the first person who showed the slightest bit of interest. I didn’t realize what he was doing until it was too late. I hung on to his every word like the starved, pathetic little girl you made me into. I didn’t even realize that I deserved more. Maybe I would have realized. Maybe I would have stood up for myself. Maybe I wouldn’t have left with him. But you took the choice away from me. I thought he left me. All this time, I thought I wasn’t good enough for him . Not the other way around. You thought you were saving me from a toxic relationship, but you’re just as toxic as he is.”
Nate winces. It’s a low blow, but he needs to hear it. It has been a long time coming.
“And you.” I turn to Allie. “I trusted you with everything I have.” Her eyes are red and puffy, black tears streaking down her face from her mascara. “I know why you did what you did,” I say, walking to the bench where my purse is. “But you should have come to me first. It hurts that you didn’t.” She sobs softly as Ashton puts his arm over her shoulder. She initially shrugs him off, and he waits a moment before putting it back. When she doesn’t move away this time, he gently spins her into him, encircling her with his arms. She immediately stiffens, but then something cracks in her resolve, and she melts into him. My heart sinks. She’s being vulnerable with a man, and that never happens. I know I’m hurting her, but she hurt me too. For once in my life, I’m putting myself first.
“Emory,” Nate tries again, but I glare at him to signal that we are done here. I grab my clutch from the bench and stomp out of the gazebo.
My limo is idling by the side of the house with the other cars, and I rush to get in. The driver hears my door close and looks up from his phone, startled that I’m sitting in the back of his car.
“I-I’m sorry, Ms. Caldwell. I wasn’t expecting you so early.”
“I’m not feeling well,” I say curtly. “Would you mind taking me home now?”
“Of course, Ms. Caldwell. Will the others be joining?”
“No—” I start to say when a rush of wind rustles my dress. I glance over to see the door wide open. Luke slides in next to me, clicking his seatbelt into place.
“Just us two,” he tells the driver.
“Luke, I want to be alone right now.”
“Too bad.”
“What?”
“I’ve tried the gentle approach. I’ve been patient, Emory. But your brother almost killed a man. Allie is snotting all over a guy she would dropkick under normal circumstances, and I’m holding on by a thread here. It’s time for a little tough love. We’re going home, and you are going to fucking talk to me.”
My mouth snaps shut. He’s right—he deserves an explanation after all that. As we sit in silence, guilt begins to claw up my spine. I should have made sure he was okay before running off. I’m a nurse. It’s my duty to heal the sick and injured. Yet, I just left him standing there, bleeding. Even now I should check on him, but I can’t bring myself to lift my eyes from the floor.
The rest of the car ride is silent. Halfway through, Luke puts his hand on my thigh, and I don’t move it away. I want to be angry with him because I’m angry with everyone else right now, including myself, but the truth is he hasn’t done anything but be supportive. Still, when the car slows to a stop, I thank the driver and jump out of the car, slamming the door closed behind me. I start to stomp up my walkway, but Luke grabs my wrist, spinning me around.
“Nice try,” he says.
I narrow my eyes at him, then shake him off and turn to head up his walkway instead. I knew earlier what he meant when he said we were going home. We’ve been staying at his house lately so as not to disturb Allie. He thinks of it as our home . It’s probably for the best, anyway. I don’t think I can face Allie again tonight.
As soon as I get into his house, I completely lose it. It’s like when I was little and had a bad day at school. I would try my hardest to keep it together, but when I got home, I would run into Gram’s arms and sob. I needed to feel safe before I could completely let go. She was my safe place. And now…
I look at the football blanket draped over the side of the couch and my favorite Christmas mug—the one I use year-round—sitting on the coffee table. Luke must have used it this morning.
And I just…come undone. I fall to my knees, hot tears coursing down my face. Luke drops down behind me and wraps his arms around my waist. Violent sobs wrack my body as Luke holds me.
Suddenly, the dress that gave me so much confidence earlier feels like it’s suffocating me.
“Take it off,” I yell. “Please. Take it off.”
Luke looks confused for a minute, but then understanding crosses his face. He pushes me forward and starts to undo the buttons, but there are so many of them.
“Faster, Luke. Please,” I sob.
“Almost there, baby,” he says as his hands fly across the buttons, but it’s still taking too long. I’m heaving now, gasping for air between choked sobs.
“Fuck it,” I hear Luke mutter, and then I feel a pull at my back and buttons ping to the floor. My dress falls slack against my body, and I stand up, shimmying the rest of the way out of it. He helps me out of my shoes and I’m left standing in nothing but my sheer pink strapless bra and lacy underwear.
I wanted to look sexy for tonight. For after the gala.
I was such a fool to think this relationship would be easy.
Luke disappears down the hall and comes back with one of his gray T-shirts. He slips it over my head, and I put my arms through.
“Thank you,” I say, as I crumple onto the couch. He takes his jacket off and sits next to me, taking my hand in his. It’s warm and soft and makes my heart hurt even more. He’s too good for me.
“Tell me,” he says gently.
I shake my head.
He brushes some hair from my eyes and tucks it behind my ear.
“Tell me,” he whispers this time. His cornflower eyes are glassy, his expression pleading. I can’t hide from him anymore. I can’t hide from this. He moves off the couch and gets on his knees in front of me, placing his palms on my thighs.
“Tell me how to take the pain away.”
“You can’t,” I croak. He looks down, a single tear escaping and trailing down his cheek.
I'm silent for a moment, and so is he. The only sound is our breathing, echoing off the walls, as Luke buries his face in my lap, his lashes brushing against the skin on my bare thighs. A sense of peace suddenly washes over me. Luke won't hurt me. He might push me to feel, to live, and maybe even to love, but he won't hurt me. He deserves more, but I do too.
I tip his chin up and move his head to the side so I can see the cut on his lip better. The bleeding has stopped, but there’s dried blood around it. I start to speak as I lick my thumb and wipe away the blood.
“I met Jaxon when I was a freshman at Ellsmont,” I whisper, but it comes out raspy, so I clear my throat. Luke looks up at me, his blue eyes searching my face. I shift my eyes away. I can’t look at him right now.
“The first six months were amazing. He was sweet. He took me out to all these fancy restaurants. Showed up at my dorm room with coffee every morning. But then…”
I steal a quick glance at him. He’s still, silent, listening to every word.
“He would get mad when I would do things without him,” I go on. “When I would hang out with Allie, or when I had a lot of work to do for my classes. He would make me feel guilty, saying that I must not care enough about him. That I wasn’t putting us first. But aside from that, our relationship was still relatively good.” I take a deep, steadying breath. “But sophomore year, it got worse. He started to control every aspect of my life. Who I hung out with. What I ate…I knew that wasn’t normal, but it was too late. I loved him. Or I thought I did. I don’t know anymore…” I trail off.
Luke starts rubbing little circles on my right thigh with his thumb, and it makes me feel safe. So, I keep talking.
“It wasn’t until junior year that he started cheating on me. He didn’t try to hide it. He threw it in my face every chance he got. He wanted me to know. He wanted me to smell other women on him. One time, he got mad at me because I laughed at a joke his friend made at his expense. We were at some frat party, and when I got up to go to the bathroom, he followed me and locked me in. I banged on the door for an hour, but no one heard me. Everyone was downstairs, too busy drinking and partying to notice. Then I heard noises outside the door, and I realized it was Jaxon. He was hooking up with someone right outside. I could hear everything. The next day, he acted like nothing happened. Like we were a perfect couple again.
Anger flashes across Luke’s features. He grits his teeth but remains silent. He’s letting me tell my story on my terms.
“Then senior year…” I swallow. “Senior year was the worst. The last year of a nursing program is very demanding. I had final assessments, internships…clinicals. Jaxon didn’t like that. He started cheating more and more, and when I would confront him about it, he would tell me it was my fault. I was tearing us apart. I was the reason why we wouldn’t make it. I tried to make it up to him. I would stay up all night doing work, so I could have more time for him during the day. I even called in sick to my internship a few times to be with him. But nothing I ever did was good enough.”
Tears run down Luke’s face, and he’s moved one hand onto the blanket, white-knuckling it in his fist. His other hand is still planted firmly on my thigh, but he’s stopped rubbing it.
“One night,” I continue, swallowing down the bile that’s starting to creep up my throat. “I had to stay late at the hospital and canceled on him. When I came to see him later, he hooked up with a girl in his room and…he forced me to watch.” I grit out the words, but I still can’t bring myself to tell him about the sex afterward. About how I begged for it. How I needed to erase what I had witnessed. How I felt like my body was the only tool I had to fix what I had broken because I truly believed it was me who had broken us. I can’t tell Luke any of that. One day, but not now. Luke clenches his fist tightly, his sadness boiling over into white-hot anger.
“We were supposed to move to California together after graduation,” I continue. “But that night, he threatened to go without me. He said no one else would ever want me, and he wanted me to know what it would be like without him. So when I woke up the next morning and he was gone… I thought he had made good on his threat. But…”
“Nate got to him,” he finishes for me.
“Yeah. I had no idea until now. I don’t know how much Allie told Nate, but it was enough for him to make Jaxon leave without me and threaten him if he ever came back.”
“Emory…”
Shit. Here it comes. I can see it in his eyes already. The pity. The judgment. Why did you stay for so long? Why was he the one who had to leave you? You’re pathetic. You’re nothing without me. No one else will ever want you.
“Don’t,” I say, moving his hand off my thigh and turning away from him.
“Emory, look at me.” He rises higher up on his knees so we’re face-to-face, but I turn away again.
“No.”
“It wasn’t a question. Fucking look at me, Emory.” His voice is calm but commanding. He’s not losing his temper, but he is pushing me.
I give in, turning my head and letting my eyes rise up to meet his.
“I meant what I said. You are one of the strongest people I have ever met. You are kind and beautiful and smart as fuck. You deserve everything. You are worthy of…everything.”
My heart skips a beat. Was he going to say love?
“I don’t want a day to go by when you don’t know that. Do you understand me?”
I nod my head, but do I believe him? I guess only time will tell.
“I’m a mess,” I say, shrugging my shoulders.
“I want your mess. All of it. Just like the song. I want your good days and your bad days. I want to push you to open up when you're shutting down, and I want you to get mad at me when I’m being a smug asshole. I want your smiles. Your tears. Your laughter. I want to hear about your tough days at work, and I want you to be by my side when I finally work up the courage to call my dad. I'm not perfect either. I get possessive when you talk to other guys, not because I'm a jealous person, but because you drive me fucking crazy.”
I choke out a laugh as the tears continue to stream down my face. Luke wipes one away with his thumb.
“I’ll try my hardest not to act on it,” he continues. “Whenever you decide to give me your trust, I’ll guard it with my fucking life.”
I nod my head. “Don’t break my heart, okay?”
“Never. You’re mine, Emory Caldwell. And I’m yours. Nothing is going to change that. And Nate can go fuck himself if?—”
“I don’t want to talk about Nate. I don’t want to talk about anything anymore. I just…take me to bed, Luke.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes,” I say simply, because in this moment I’ve never been more sure of anything. I told him my deepest, darkest secrets and he’s still here. He didn’t run away in horror. He didn’t judge me. He’s just here. And I need him.
Luke leans down and puts his hands under my ass, lifting me off the couch. He brings me to his room and places me on the bed, gently parting my knees.
“I was angry with you earlier. I was going to tease the shit out of you for ditching me,” he says, pulling my panties down. “But I’d be punishing myself if I did that. I can’t wait another second.”
“Please, Luke. I need to feel you.”
“I love the way you beg so sweetly, baby. God, I’m fucking obsessed with you.”
“How obsessed?” I tease.
“You want me to show you?”
I nod slowly, not taking my eyes off him for a second.
So he does. He shows me how obsessed with me he is for hours, until I can barely feel my legs. Until sweat beads along my collarbone and my hair sticks to my back. Until I pass out from pure exhaustion.
Relaxed and sated and so fucking gone for this man.