29. Luke
29
LUKE
I listen to her soft, rhythmic breathing and watch the rise and fall of her chest. I’ve been watching Emory sleep for the past thirty minutes, and as much as I know I need to, I can’t seem to rip my eyes away from her, as much as I know I have to. I look over at the clock. It’s two in the morning. Fuck. This needs to happen now.
Words cannot describe the blind rage that curdled my guts and splintered my bones as Emory told me about what that asshole did to her. The manipulation. The emotional abuse. He destroyed her. Made her think she wasn’t worthy of love. He doesn’t deserve to take another goddamn breath in her vicinity. Or at all…
I’m not a killer. I wish I were. That would make this so much simpler. Still, I have to make sure he never has any contact with her again.
I move over Emory, careful not to disturb her, and take her phone from the bedside table, swiping it open. I shake my head. I’ve been telling her for weeks she should have a passcode, but she keeps saying it takes her longer when she needs to send a quick text or look up something when she’s super busy at work. She says it doesn’t matter because all her important information, like passwords and saved credit cards, is protected with facial recognition. It worked out for me in this situation, but I still don’t like it. I make a mental note to insist she put a password on her phone tomorrow. It takes me a few minutes, but I find what I’m looking for and shoot off a text. I’m not all that surprised when I get an immediate response. She’s going to hate me, but I have to do this. I reply and put her phone back on the table, plugging it into the charger cable hanging off the side. Then I slide out of the bed, careful to avoid waking her. I throw on some clothes and step into my boots, then grab my helmet on the way out. I risk waking her by taking my bike, but I need the adrenaline and the wind in my face to clear my head. It’s a risk I’m willing to take.
I hop onto my bike, start it up, and peel off into the night. The ride does calm me, and by the time I pull up to the beach park, I’m ready. I see him leaning against a black Jaguar coupe, flask in hand, taking a swig. He’s staring at his phone, but he looks up when he hears me approaching. I chose this spot—a local late-night hangout for high school kids near the beach on the border of Emberfield and Baybridge. It's off the beaten path but not totally secluded. There are a few bonfires going, and I can hear the whoops and hollers of teenagers drinking and laughing in the distance. Nate and I used to host bonfires here almost every summer weekend in high school.
I take my helmet off and toss it on the seat of my bike. Jaxon immediately stiffens, pushing off his car and standing to his full height when he sees my face. At first, he looks like he’s about to make a run for it, but then he takes a step toward me.
“Where is she?” he stammers, and I don’t know if it’s because of the cold, the alcohol, or fear.
“You don’t get to know that,” I say calmly.
“Look, I don’t know what she told you, but Emory is dramatic. You know how girls can be. You slip up one time, and they never let it go.”
“No, I don’t know,” I say, keeping my voice steady, while inside, my blood is on fire.
He bursts out laughing and his whole demeanor shifts, his attempts at self-preservation tossed aside. Now he looks menacing, even diabolical, like the villain from a Gothic novel.
“You know, she bled a lot the first time,” he says casually as if he’s discussing the weather. “Not that I really cared. Just one of the inconveniences of fucking a virgin. The bleeding, I mean. You ever fuck a virgin, Luke?” he asks, but doesn’t wait for a response. “They cling to you. Like goddamn bacteria. Normally, it’s annoying as all hell. But when you’re trying to get someone to fall in love with you, it’s actually quite advantageous.”
Nausea rolls through my stomach, but I swallow it down.
“Anyway, she bled all over my sheets, and then she cried because she was embarrassed. And I told her it was okay. I told her I would get new ones. I told her it was worth it. I told her everything she wanted to hear. And you know what? She believed me. She trusted me. Some girls will believe anything if you look them in the eyes while you’re fucking them. Guess she didn’t know any better. But that wasn’t my problem, was it?”
I take a step toward him, but he doesn’t back away. He keeps talking like we’re two old friends catching up.
“I was her first, Luke. Her first everything. I broke her. And you know what that means? It means I’m the only one that can put her back together. You can profess your love to her. You can tell her you’ll never do the things that I did. But she’ll never love you. She’ll never trust you. She’ll never trust any man. I made sure of that.”
I know what he’s doing. I know exactly what the fuck he’s doing. I also know he’s lying through his teeth. He may have taken her virginity, but he definitely was not her first everything. And she trusts me. Regardless, I play into his game like a fucking dumbass. I close the distance between us and punch him in the face, the sickening crunch of cartilage echoing as he rears back, blood pouring from his nose.
He holds it, blood dripping out of the spaces between his fingers, but he doesn’t come at me or fight back. He lets out a low laugh. “That all you got?” he taunts. “I’ve been getting my ass beat since I was six. You’re gonna have to do better than that.”
He’s distracting me.
“You will stay away from her,” I bark. “You will lose her number. You will keep her name out of your fucking mouth. You will go back to California or wherever the fuck part of this country you haunt. You go near her again, and I won’t stop Nate. Next time, I’ll hold you down while he guts you like the piece of shit you are.”
He lets go of his nose and blood seeps down to his teeth as his lips curl into a macabre grin. “Okay, okay,” he says. “Just…calm down, man.” His tone doesn’t match the sinister look on his face, and I don’t know what game he’s playing now, but I said what I came here to say. Nothing good can come from engaging with him further.
I go to get on my bike, but he speaks again, his tone completely changed from before. “You think you’re better than me, but you went through her phone,” he calls out. “You waited until she was asleep and then you looked through her contacts. And when you couldn’t find my name, you looked through her conversations until you found one that looked like it was with me. Then you pretended you were her to lure me here. You went behind her back to threaten me. Just like Nate did. Bet she didn’t take that news too well, did she? Wonder how she’ll feel about what you just did.”
“I don’t have to wonder because unlike you, I won’t keep secrets from her.”
“Of course you won’t, Luke. You’re the perfect guy,” he taunts. “You may be what she wants right now, but you’re not what she needs long-term.”
Long-term? If he’s even insinuating what I think he is…I stalk back over to him. “Maybe I wasn’t super fucking clear before,” I say, grabbing him by the shirt collar. “If I find out that you have even thought about Emory, I will end your life. No one will be there to save you.” To drive my point home, I grab his shoulders and knee him in the stomach. He doubles over and falls to the floor, groaning. I kick him in the chest two more times and watch as he coughs and sputters blood. I have to stop. If I don’t, I’ll do real damage, and this isn’t me. I’m not violent .
I shove my helmet on, kick my leg over the seat of my bike, and peel out of the parking lot. I need to get home to Emory. I need to explain this to her before she finds out. I meant what I said. I’ll try my best to keep the jealousy at bay and not act like a fucking caveman all the time around her. But I couldn’t let this go. I couldn’t let him get away scot-free. And if she hates me for going through her phone, we’ll get through it.
We have to.
I can’t lose her.
When she ran away from the gazebo last night, I realized something. When she put on a brave face and told me her story, I felt it again. And when I held her and made her come repeatedly until she fell asleep in my arms, I knew it without a shadow of a doubt. It’s something I’ve known for a long time but have been too scared to admit to myself.
I am insanely and irrevocably in love with Emory Caldwell.