Chapter 11 #2
She darted back to the playground, leaving me breathless and bereft. How was that even possible? A day ago, I’d been going through life, having no idea she even existed, and now, it was difficult to no longer be in her presence.
“I’m a goner,” I mumbled to myself.
“Yeah?” Mazzy asked softly.
I pulled my knee up on the bench and shifted to face her.
There was wariness in her expression, a watchfulness that stirred the guilt in my gut.
When it came down to it, she had every right to be unsure about me.
We barely knew each other, and she was allowing me to know our daughter.
I understood how difficult this might be for her.
“She has my curls.”
“She has your everything.” Her mouth curved into a faint smile. “I’m adopted, and when I decided to keep her, I thought it would be nice to finally see my features in another person. Then I gave birth to your little twin.”
I chuffed. “Sorry for the powerful genes.”
She shook her head. “I’m not complaining. She’s perfect.”
I tore my eyes from Katty to look at Mazzy, and my stomach lurched. I had to do this right, but I didn’t know how. A huge part of me wanted to leap forward a hundred steps, but that wasn’t the way to do things—and Mazzy wouldn’t let it happen.
“Where do we go from here?” I asked.
“Where do you want to go, Ben? Do you want to continue getting to know her and becoming a real part of her life? Or did you just want to meet her, see she’s real, and go on your way?”
“The first one. Definitely the first one.” I lowered my chin, pinning her with my gaze. “I don’t know how to do this. I’m hoping you’ll lead the way.”
Her mouth pursed. “It’s my first time too, you know. I spoke with my boss about the legal side of things. We should probably work that out—”
“Can we take that slow too? I mean, I’m not going to steal her from you.”
She blinked hard. “I didn’t think you would. But I think it’s best if we have something official in place.”
“You sound like my brothers. Their knee-jerk reaction was to phone a lawyer.”
Her eyes darted between mine. “And you disagreed?”
I shook my head. “That’s not really on my mind. Meeting her as soon as I could was all I could think about.”
“And now?”
“Now…” There were a million answers. So many, they all tumbled forward, fighting for first place. Finally, I settled on the simplest one. “I just want to know her.”
“Okay. I want that too.” She pressed her lips together and took a long moment considering me. “Do you want to come over tomorrow? You can see our garage.”
I chuckled. “Yeah. I would love seeing your garage more than anything in the world.”
Me: She has tiny pink glasses.
Adrian: Picture or it didn’t happen.
Roman: Please tell me you took pictures!
Me: I did, but do you think I’m sharing with you bastards?
Nate: What did I do? Roman’s the only undeserving one.
Roman: I accept that.
Adrian: As you should. Let’s see the pictures I know you took.
I scrolled through the paparazzi shots I’d taken of my daughter running around the playground. She hadn’t been as wild as Jonah, but she was full of vim and vigor. Not shy at all. I captured one shot—her with her little finger pointed at a boy twice her size, telling him not to climb up the slide.
The kid had actually listened.
She was amazing.
Me: I’ll consider it.
Roman: Tell us about her. Glasses, huh?
Me: Glasses and curls. She’s small but mighty. I don’t know why I thought she might be shy, but she wasn’t. I tried to shake her hand, and she gave me a high five.
Adrian: You tried to shake your daughter’s hand?
Me: Look, no one’s ever versed me on the proper etiquette of meeting your four-year-old daughter for the first time.
Nate: Her giving you a high five confirms she’s your kid.
Me: One look, and I felt it. Like a rope burst out of my chest and tied around her.
Adrian: In other, less disgusting words, a connection. You felt a connection.
As Mazzy and Katty walked away, that rope stretched, going with her. I touched my chest over the spot. Katty was all the way on the other side of the city. But I was aware of her, like a tingle in my spine, a hitch in my heartbeat, a scratch in the back of my mind.
Me: Yeah. Is that crazy?
Roman: Not crazy at all. You’re a dad, Benny. Part of your heart is walking around outside your body. Of course you’re going to feel connected.
Adrian: Wild our own parents didn’t let that connection slow them down when they walked out the door.
Roman: To be fair, some people are pieces of shit.
Nate: Right. To be fair.
Me: Is it possible to keep the focus on me? Gather around me. Ask me questions about my daughter.
I wasn’t in the mood to think about the mother who had walked out on us and the father who had barely been there. I’d had a whole lifetime of that. Now, I wanted to bask in the discovery of my Kateryna, and for my brothers to be immensely jealous of how lucky I was.
Roman: When are you seeing her again?
Me: Tomorrow. I’m going over to their place.
Nate: So Mazzy is letting you in? That’s great.
Me: Doesn’t seem like she’s holding a grudge. Not against me, at least. She might kick Roman’s ass if I ever allow them to meet.
Adrian: As she should.
Roman: Really, Ade? As if you wouldn’t have had a similar reaction. Come on.
Adrian: Fortunately, we’ll never know.
Roman: I hope you told Mazzy how incredibly sorry I am.
Me: Meh, we didn’t talk about you, asshole.
Because I hadn’t forgiven him, there was no way in hell I’d be able to get Mazzy to understand his actions. I wasn’t capable of being that convincing.
Nate: Back to our niece. What’s her favorite thing to do on the playground?
Me: Slide, hands down. And get this: she counted how many times she went down it. 7 the first time around, 7 the second round. My kid is a verified genius.
Adrian: She must get it from her mom.
Me: That doesn’t even hurt my feelings.
Roman: Because you’re her dad. You’ll always want her to be better than you could ever dream of being.
Roman may have been wrong about a lot of things, but he was right about that. Kateryna was my girl, and she was going to have the best life. I’d make sure of it.