Chapter 16
Savannah
I shriek at the unexpected noise and shove Logan back like I should have done as soon as he got close.
When I catch sight of Cole leaning against the door frame with a quirked eyebrow, I want to melt into the floor and disappear.
It’s my first day on the job, and I just got caught getting cozy with one of the players.
“Evanson,” Logan says calmly. His body language is less calm, hands in fists at his sides and his jaw tight.
“Callahan.” With a glance between us, Cole smiles with amusement and gestures to the hall with his head. “Savannah. I’d like to close everything up for the night, if the two of you are done here.”
“Yep!” I squeak. Technically, the tray needs to be cleaned, as well as a few other utensils, but I’m too mortified to ask Cole to stay any later. I slip past Logan and sweep a few things into my giant bag, then heft the bag over my shoulder with a grunt. “Ready to go.”
Wordlessly, Logan tucks his fingers under the bag’s straps and pulls it from my shoulder, moving it to his own and giving me a heavy look that keeps me from complaining. We follow Cole down the hall and out to the dark and empty parking lot, and Logan walks with me to my car.
Though we’re alone again, I’m not about to linger.
I don’t know if there are rules against me dating a player if I’m employed by the team, but it’s better if I don’t find out.
Now that I’m out in the open air, it’s easier to remember that Logan leaving is a very bad thing.
More than a minor inconvenience. I can’t get attached and entertain ideas of being more than casual friends, no matter how tempting his mouth might look. Not if I want to survive.
“Um, most of this can go to your place, if you’re still cool with that,” I mumble as I stuff my hand into the bag on Logan’s shoulder and start digging for my phone and keys.
I’m way too close to him right now, my nose once again filled with his clean scent, but my keys are refusing to be found. It’s a conspiracy.
“Of course.” I can feel his heated gaze, but he keeps incredibly still during my search, which I appreciate.
It’s like any sudden moves from either of us will trigger something dangerous.
As soon as I finally locate my keys, he takes a step back and wraps a hand around the straps of the bag.
“Er, there’s something you should know about. A bet.”
I almost forgot about the bet. I was too busy thinking about how much I’d like to kiss Logan. “Oh. Yeah, Tink said something about it.”
“Yeah.” Logan grimaces and rubs his jaw, clearly uncomfortable. “A few lads on the team have a pool going. Winner is the bloke who stays single the longest. It’s mental, but Moxie got me to join in at the start of the season. I agreed for a laugh, but at this point…” His mouth shuts tight.
How was he going to finish that sentence before he chickened out?
Unfortunately, I’m just as chicken and can’t bring myself to ask.
“What do you get if you win?” I ask instead, while my thoughts spin enough to make me dizzy.
The only reason he would feel the need to tell me any of this is because he’s worried he might lose. Right?
He shifts his weight, dropping his gaze to the asphalt. “Bragging rights and a heap of cash.”
Tink said something about a money pool, so that makes sense.
“And you’re planning to win?” My words are breathless now, lacking any strength because I know what it means if Logan wants to win this bet.
It’s for the best if we don’t get involved, but that doesn’t make the indirect rejection sting any less.
If Logan’s planning to win the bet, he’s planning to stay single.
Stay away from me.
Sighing, Logan lifts a hand and brushes his knuckle across my cheek. His eyes meet mine, eyebrows low. “I’m not out to complicate things for you now that you’re on the up and up,” he says in a tone far gentler than what I’m used to from him. “You need stability, not a mess.”
The sentiment is insanely sweet. And that makes it hurt even more. “You’re not a mess, Logan.”
“But I’ve proven I have a knack for making them.”
So does my cat. “That’s not—”
“And since I don’t need the money from the bet, it could go toward your business if I win. Give you some room to breathe.”
“My…” His offer feels like drinking hot cocoa on a chilly morning, warming me from the inside out. Where’s the gruff and arrogant jerk who had no qualms about using me to get what he wanted? He was so much easier to dislike. “Why would you give it to me?”
His lips lift in a half smile. “Because it’ll take both of us to get it. I won’t be winning anything unless you put in some effort and stop looking at me like that.”
Indignation bubbles up inside me, and I purse my lips. “I’m not looking at you in any particular way,” I complain, even though I totally am. “You’re the one who pulled that whole hand move in the kitchen! How am I supposed to resist that?”
As his smile builds, he lets my bag slide down his arm and sets it on the ground.
“Which move?” he asks at the same time he presses forward, backing me up against my car.
“This move?” His hands rest against the car on either side of me, then make their way down at a glacial pace until they settle on my hips again, this time with some pressure. “Or this one?”
He’s practically flush with me, warm and solid and so very tempting, and my body is working hard to make sure my brain knows about every single point of contact.
I feel electrified, and I can’t decide if it means I’m coming alive or crashing out.
I want this. Him. I want his deep, searching looks, and to see his hard-earned smile as often as possible, and to experience the way he fully supports me without getting in my way.
It’s going to hurt to lose him. It’s why I have to keep fighting this.
“Logan,” I whisper, not sure what I’m going to tell him.
“Sav.” He seems to be waiting for me to decide what happens next.
“What are we doing?”
He swallows, bending his head down until his nose brushes mine. “Don’t know about you,” he says gruffly, “but I’m trying and failing to hold my ground. You make it…” He inhales deeply and closes his eyes. “…incredibly difficult.”
I know the feeling. “You’re going back to Australia at the end of the season.” I need to hear him either confirm that or contradict it.
His answer is a single pained word that hits me hard. “Yeah.”
“You’re only here for Lola.”
“Yeah.” Opening his eyes, he frowns as he studies my face.
I can barely breathe as I gaze back at him. “And turning this into more than what it is would make things really complicated.”
He sighs. “Yeah.” As his shoulders sink in defeat, he slowly slides his hands from my hips and takes a step back, giving me some space.
I wish he could have disagreed with one of those points. Just one, and maybe I’d be hopeful. “We can’t do this, Logan. It makes no sense.”
“Do you have to be so logical?”
“Logic is the only way we survive this. You have a team to get back to, and I have a business to run. That’s where our hearts should be.”
“Yeah,” he says one last time. It comes out soft, lacking any of his usual confidence. He glances over at the dark training facility, and when his gaze returns to me, he looks more sure of himself. “This is the right choice.”
“I wish it wasn’t,” I admit.
“Same.” Then his eyes drop to my lips, his expression turning hungry.
I groan. “You’re not allowed to complain about how I’m looking at you if you’re going to look at me like that, Logan Callahan.” I pull my hair back and lift it from my neck to try to cool down. “What is happening right now?”
“I don’t know,” he admits with zero hesitation. “My original plan went out the window the day we met.”
I gape at him. “What?”
He shoves his hands into his pockets and shrugs. “Play rugby, get some answers, go back home without having to say goodbye. That was it.”
Directly to the point. “And now?”
He shrugs. “Now, I’m a cat’s emotional support human and slightly addicted to you making my meals.
” He grimaces, cocking his head as he considers his words.
“I know how that sounded. Not how I meant it, love. I’m addicted to you.
Watching you. Er…” He shakes his head. “We made the right choice, and I’ll stand by it.
This is new territory for me, and I’m not used to mucking things up. ”
I’m enjoying flustered Logan; he’s always so straightforward and blunt, so this bit of rambling is more entertaining than it should be. And it’s also giving me a chance to breathe. “Because you’re the best?” I ask, adding a teasing edge to my tone.
He huffs a laugh. “At rugby? Sure. Anything to do with you, I bugger it all up.”
“Not all of it,” I tell him honestly. He’s done some pretty spectacular things lately. “So what now?”
He shrugs again, though this time he winces and rolls out his injured shoulder. “Now I heal, for one,” he grumbles. “As for you and me? I have no idea. And I’m not the sort of person who enjoys moving forward without a plan.”
Plan. Plans are good. If I keep my focus on True Fuel, I’ll be able to keep Logan in the friend zone where he belongs.
My business has been growing, and keeping this momentum is going to take everything I’ve got.
It’s not going to be easy. “Our jobs are connected now,” I say, “so we’ll have to see each other sometimes.
We just have to make sure we limit how much time we—”
“I’m going to stop you right there.” He narrows his eyes, but his expression is almost playful. “Limit? No.” That naur burrows under my skin, straight to my heart. “If I only get you in my life for a few more months, I’m not wasting any of it.”
“But—”
His hand moves to the car again. It’s only the one this time, so I’m not pinned, and he keeps his body away from mine.
But that does nothing to lessen the warmth that pumps through me with each heartbeat.
“Let’s get things straight, Sav. I’m into you.
I won’t pretend otherwise. But at the end of the day, if your friendship is the most I get, it’s already more than I deserve, and I’ll take every minute of it. ”
I should say something. He’s waiting for a response, and his honest admission might be the best thing I’ve ever heard a man say.
But my words stick in my throat, and I feel like I’m being torn in half.
Part of me wants to throw caution to the wind and dive headfirst into whatever this messy thing is between us.
The other part of me isn’t sure if I can give him what he’s asking, and I’m worried he’ll cut ties if I forge ahead my own way instead of the way he wants me to go, like my parents did.
None of me is ready to say goodbye to him. Not when I’m just learning who he really is behind the ego.
“Sav.” As worry wrinkles his forehead, Logan leans in. Not much, but enough for me to notice. “I can do a lot of things, but I can’t read minds.”
“What if we can’t do it?” I bite my lip, holding my breath as I wait for him to respond. When he doesn’t, I ask another question. “What if we can’t just be friends? This?” I gesture between us. “This doesn’t work. Not in the long run. Are we just setting ourselves up for failure?”
His expression softens, and he tucks a strand of hair behind my ear before standing up straight, dropping his hand from the car. “I reckon we’re trying our best. The last thing I want to do is hurt you, so if you want me to walk away and take my mess with me, then I’ll—”
“No!” As panic washes over me, I grab his hand and hold tight. “No, you’re right. I’d rather have you as a friend than not at all.”
He grins. “That’s a relief. It’d be a bother to have to leave my flat every time you’re in my kitchen so you don’t have to be around me.”
“You…you’ll still let me use my kitchen?”
He cocks his head. “Yeah, love. I gave you free rein, remember?”
“I know. I just wasn’t sure if you let me use it because you wanted…
” I don’t think I can finish that comment and have it reflect well on either of us.
It’s an awful thought, thinking Logan has only been doing nice things in the hopes of getting intimacy from me, but it’s still so hard to think he has actual interest in me.
This all started as a way to get to Lola, not because he wanted me.
I shrug, knowing he won’t let me leave it alone.
“I’ve seen what motivates a lot of men.”
I’ve never seen Logan hurt before. Not emotionally, anyway. But his eyes fill with pain as he furrows his brow and takes another step back, and it’s absolutely something I never want to see again.
Somehow, he turns the blame to himself, making it clear that he got it wrong earlier.
I don’t deserve him. “I’m sorry I ever gave you that impression.
” He looks down at the hand I’m still holding, so large compared to mine, and slips it free so he can put more space between us.
“Or that any man made you think you’re only worth something physical. You’re so much more than that.”
I exhale slowly, dropping my head. “You didn’t. I promise. I just… Now I’m the one mucking everything up. This is new for me, you know?” Looking up again, I grip my hand around my arm and hold tight. “Feeling this way about someone. I’ve always been alone.”
To my utter relief, a small smile lifts the corner of his mouth. “Me too. All I’ve ever cared about was rugby and my parents. I didn’t think I needed anything else.”
“I know what you mean.” And wow, I’m suddenly exhausted. Tonight has been a lot, and I run my hands down my face as the weariness of the day settles in.
“Go get some sleep, love,” Logan says so gently that I might cry.
Then he makes it worse by stepping forward and pressing the lightest kiss to my forehead, his hands on my shoulders holding me steady.
And as if I needed one final nail in my coffin, he slowly wraps me up in a warm hug.
As strong as he is, he’s somehow just as gentle, and I’m not sure I’ve ever felt so safe and secure.
I definitely haven’t since I left South Carolina and its comforts behind.
“Logan,” I whisper, burying myself in his chest. “This isn’t—”
“Friends can hug,” he argues.
Yeah, they can, but friends probably don’t think about staying in each other’s arms for the rest of their lives. Not like this.
I don’t know how things are going to go now that everything is out in the open, but I’m going to trust Logan and try my best; at this point, that’s all I can do.