10. Luc
10
LUC
IT’S CALLED BONDING
I wake in the dark to Billy stirring, her little body twisting in her wrap and her face readying to screw up. I’ve spent enough time with infants to know she’s hungry.
And she’s about to be pissed about it.
“I got you, Beautiful.” A long, drawn-out yawn wracks my frame and holds me captive, while remnants of a dream fade into the back of my mind. A first kiss. A challenge. Kari Macchio’s first ever attempt at being seductive.
And me, the idiot who could never say no, even when we both knew we shouldn’t be playing with fire.
I think of what came after that kiss. The hours we spent on the halfpipe. Talking. Skating. Laughing. She was able to relax because she’d gotten her way, and her nerves had subsided. But in exchange, my stress levels were at an all-time high.
Because I kissed my best friend’s, completely, totally, off limits, don’t touch or you’ll die , little sister.
And I was certain the next time Marc looked me in the eye, surely he’d know what I’d done.
You need to relax, she’d laugh, taunting me. It was just a kiss .
But it was never just a kiss between us. Ever. Not then, and not now.
I scan my bedroom in the dark, the streetlights outside casting just enough muted light through to make it possible to see where the bed starts and ends. Where the dressers are. Where the catch-all chair is, still, with Kari’s shirt draped over the arm. I search the bedroom for a bottle of formula and a chance to not have to leave the bed.
Though it’s futile. I haven’t made any bottles up, and doing so and leaving the mixed formula out all night would make my baby sick.
I know this.
But a tired brain needs a few extra seconds to click back into gear.
“We need milk, Bill.” I yawn again, my face aching and my jaw clicking from how wide I open my mouth. I toss my sheet aside and place my feet on the throw rug Kari and I had bickered over for hours.
She wanted a shag, so the long threads would be the first thing we touched in the mornings.
I wanted something lower cut. Something more sophisticated.
I dig my toes into the lush shag now and try to smile, knowing she won that argument. She won the argument we had about pillows. The one about live plants in our bedroom. The one about getting a dog—I wanted one, and she was entirely too sensible, citing our ridiculous shifts and the fact that the pup would be home alone a little too much.
Things have changed now, of course. Billy has arrived, and no matter the plans Kari and I made that led us here, my work commitments are going to have to change.
Because bad things happen to good people.
Assholes run red lights.
And best laid plans are always a magnet for utter devastation.
“Come on, baby.” I push up to stand and turn to scoop Billy into my arms. She doesn’t smell yet, so I have time on the diaper change situation. Instead, I hold her close and rest her ear over my heart. It’s what she’d find comfort in, right? She had her mom, and now… she has me.
A heartbeat is surely the next best thing in an otherwise fucked up situation.
Stepping away from the bed and using the streetlight outside to guide my way, I wander toward the bedroom door and into the dimly lit hall outside.
Tomorrow, I’ll sort out a solution to make bottles upstairs. Maybe boil and prep water, then divvy up the powder and ready it to be dropped into the bottle at the last second.
It could all be done without me getting up and wandering downstairs. Waking us both all the way up when sleep is where we could be visiting the woman we love .
The one our entire existences revolve around.
“Does it feel like you’re missing half of you, too, Bill?” I move down the stairs, one slow step at a time as the world outside is just… silent. Cool. Calm. “Does everything feel too quiet for you, too?”
“I’m down here,” a male voice rumbles through my home. Instantly, my head snaps up and my heart gives a painful knock. “Just be cool,” Kane murmurs. Slowly, he steps into view at the bottom of my stairs, the six and a half feet of tatted thuggery skulking around in the shadows. “I didn’t want you to get down here and panic.”
Anger beats in my blood, though it’s fleeting. Worry follows after, but Kane is a safe person for me and my family. Despite his criminal enterprises. Despite the danger his very existence poses. “Jesus, Bishop. Why the hell are you in my home?”
“Jess wanted to stay.” His eyes are on Billy, his almost-black stare seemingly threatening. But I know better. I know differently. He drops his tattooed hands into his jeans pockets and tilts his head as I come to a stop. Then he grins, boyish and playful when I push the baby toward his chest. He cradles her instantly. Protects her as I move off the bottom step and head toward the kitchen. “Your sister wanted to stay,” he repeats and rocks the baby, following me toward the kitchen. “But the girls wanted her at home, too. No way was I letting her or them sleep here on the couch, so I traded off. Jess is with the twins, Jay and Soph are staying with them, too. I’m here keeping an eye on you, since you’re clearly about to light this town up with your rage and an automatic weapon.”
“I don’t even own one of those.” I roll my eyes and snag an already half-filled bottle of water. My sisters have intervened. They’ve taken some of the work out of my hands, like they said they would. Then I turn to find the tubs of formula, just two feet away. “I’m too busy with Billy to embrace my anger just yet.”
“Seems I’m an overachiever then.” Kane wanders in and leans against the counter. “Because I can be pissed, productive, and get revenge on a guy, all at the same time. Sometimes, that’s what makes it extra fun.”
“Yes. But you’re a fuckin’ psycho whose rap sheet has not yet been shared with me.” I firm my lips and get to work mixing formula and water. “I’m starting to hear things about you, Bish. Concerning things.”
“Yeah?” His lips curl in my peripherals. His mischievousness, the very reason my sister fell in love with a thug in the first place. “The ink dried on my marriage certificate a while back, Lenaghan. Seems the return policy has ended.” He chuckles, his chest cushioning my daughter and bouncing while she half dozes. “What have you heard about me?”
“Illegal things. Marc said something about you.”
“Then Marc and I will talk tomorrow.” He lifts Billy and presses a kiss to her pert nose. “She looks just like Luna did when she was brand new.”
“Lenaghan genes were strong.” A lance of pain works across my stomach and almost takes my breath away. “Seems like a lot of work for a woman to carry a baby as long as they do, only for them to give birth and have it to come out as a copy/paste of their daddy. Doesn’t really seem fair.”
He strokes a tattooed finger along the bridge of Billy’s nose, providing a contrast most others would panic at. The hardened, dangerous, machine-like mercenary, and the sweet, innocent, days old infant. I should be worried. I should snatch my baby back and keep him away… according to society. But there’s this thing they say about judging books by their covers.
And Kane Bishop is nothing if not the epitome of a mismatched cover not representing the heart inside.
“She’s her own human being, Lenaghan. This is who she is, and this is what she looks like. Are you gonna look her in the eye and tell her she’s doing it wrong?”
“No.” I tip powder into the water and re-fasten the lid. “She’s beautiful exactly the way she is.”
“Would you change her, then?” He’s biased because he married a Lenaghan, then he created one that looks just like mine. “Would you swap her out for something else?”
I pinch the bottle nipple closed to avoid liquid spraying the counter and cupboards, then I turn and study my sweet baby, shaking my hand to mix her meal. “No. I’m not giving her up for anything.”
“So there you have it. Maybe you think it’s unfair, because Kari did all the hard work. But I assure you, if she heard you questioning this, she’d smack you upside the head for it.” He holds her in one arm and reaches out with the other hand. “Can I give her the bottle? I’ve missed her.”
“Sure.” I place it in his palm and head over to the dining table instead, a long yawn wracking my frame and bringing tears to the corners of my eyes. Pulling out a wooden chair and gritting my teeth when the legs scrape along the floor, I flop down and set my elbows on the tabletop, my face in my hands. “She’s supposed to be here with us, Bish.” I force my eyes open and my head around until I catch him swaying with a tiny baby in his arms. “This wasn’t the plan.”
“Sometimes plans change.” He places the nipple between Billy’s lips and grins when she guzzles instantly. “It’s not fair. It wasn’t what she wanted. And it sure as shit wasn’t nice that the universe wanted to punish you. None of that is your fault, though.”
“I feel like a shit dad on top of it all,” I groan, “because Billy’s here. She’s safe. Strong. Beautiful. She was allowed to come home, but instead of celebrating how amazing she is, I’m being a dick and thinking about all the things I don’t have.”
“Makes you human. You love someone enough to marry them, Lenaghan, you’re gonna miss them when they’re not here with you.”
“What would you have done if it was Jess?” Emotion balls in my throat, strangling me until I’m not sure I have the strength to stand again. “You’re married to the love of your life. She’s pregnant. Glowing and beautiful. Approaching full term with your babies. And then you just…” I exhale the welling, venomous poison bubbling along my esophagus. “Some asshole runs a red light and destroys every happy plan you ever made.”
“Well, personally, I would destroy his every happy plan.” Deadly serious, he glances across in the shadows and meets my eyes with a black stare. “He didn’t run it because he was momentarily distracted, Luc. He wasn’t tired from working hard. It wasn’t even a cellphone that had his attention, though that would also be a fucking crime. This asshole was drunk. Plain and simple. And it wasn’t his first rodeo. He’s been in and out of prison his whole life for far worse crimes. He gets out after the last stint, moves back into his trailer and drives around drunk every few days on his way to the liquor store to stock up on more. Sometimes the cops see him. Sometimes they don’t.”
“You have a lot of information about these people that I don’t.”
“Because Kari is my family. Because these babies are my family.” He taps Billy’s nose with the tip of his pinky finger. “I make it my business to research this stuff. And then I watch. When the time is right and you’re feeling up to it, I’d be happy to drive you over there and show you how I take care of my family.”
My eyes narrow, my brows pinching in suspicion. “Take care of them, how?”
He smirks. “Until you’re ready to ride with me, you don’t get the details. That’s just smart business.”