18. Luc
18
LUC
SINCE WHEN IS TELLING THE TRUTH THE SELFISH THING?
“ L uc?” Kari steps up behind me later that night, when bodies ache from skating, and throats tickle from a day of laughter. Today was the first in years that everyone has been back together. And not for a single second was anyone going to pass up the opportunity to bathe in the familiar.
It could be years before we get this again.
Or maybe never, depending on the things I tell Kari tonight.
Her sweet scent filters into my lungs, though I don’t mean to inhale quite so deep. Her soft, curly hair tickles my arm, since the Turners have good heating, which means I don’t have to wear a jacket inside. Her soft voice, though, that’s what undoes me as I turn from the television, a show I have no clue of the details, however anyone watching me from the outside would swear I was an avid fan.
I swallow and meet Kari’s eyes, her perfect green stare like aloe on a sunburn, and her hand, when it presses to my shoulder, like popping candy on a man’s tongue.
“I’ve caught up with everyone, I think.” Her nose twitches, oh so subtly. “Everyone except you. I was wondering if you’d like to go for a walk with me?”
“A walk?” I shoot a glance across the room. To Jess and Laine. To Marc. Scotch. Ang. Even Alex, and at the kitchen counter, Oz. Everyone is here, but no one pays a great deal of attention to anyone else .
Bringing my focus back to Kari, I repeat, as though her words don’t quite make sense, “You want to go for a walk? With me?”
Her lips curl, sweet and kind and just big enough to make my stomach jump. “If you would like to. It’s been a while since we’ve been in the same place. So I just…” The longer she talks, the less confident she becomes with her words. “I just thought?—”
“Yeah.” I bound up from the couch, too fast to be subtle. Too noisy not to draw eyes. But I’m Luc, and she’s Kari. This group of people have co-mingled since the dawn of time. “Sure. I’ll come for a walk.” I stride toward the door before she has a chance to change her mind. And swinging my coat on, I grab hers and head out until she’s forced to follow. “Here.” I wait for her on the porch, as she steps through the door and into the dark outside. Then I move in behind her and offer her coat.
She smells like home.
Like flowery shampoo.
She hasn’t changed a lot in the last three years. Still the same height. Same build. Her hair is still wild and long, and her eyes are still shrewd. But her face is a little leaner than I’m used to. Her freckles, less pronounced, as though college has kept her busy and out of the sun.
“Thank you.” She slips her arms into the sleeves of her coat and turns when I release the fabric, fixing her buttons and dropping her hands into her pockets. Then she glances up and holds my stare for a long, long minute.
The longest of my life.
“It’s been forever,” she breathes, her sweet breath like candy on my tongue. Her cheeks still warm when she’s embarrassed. And her eyes still dance. She’s as easy to read as a book laid out and open. “I’ve missed seeing you every day, Luca.”
“I mean…” I was the one who sent her away. I know. She knows. “No one said you couldn’t come home every weekend, Bear.”
“ Bear .” She sighs, happily and yet, in a way I know translates to heartache at the same time. Breaking away from where we are on the porch, she starts down the steps and moves slowly until I catch up. “I forgot you used to call me that.”
“It’s the only name that comes to mind when I think of you.” I dig my hands into my pockets and pace my steps to match hers, so together, we move out of the Turners’ yard and onto the street instead. “I haven’t stopped thinking about you since you left.”
“You told me you didn’t want me.” She cuts straight to the chase, slicing me off at the knees and peering up until our gazes meet. “You looked right into my eyes and told me that.”
“I looked right into your eyes and said what I thought was the right thing to say.”
“To make me leave,” she surmises, dropping her head back and wandering with her focus on the stars instead. “You dismissed me, so I would leave, and you wouldn’t have to deal with me anymore.”
“So you would leave and see what life is like outside of this town,” I clarify. “So you wouldn’t marry the only option you thought you had, settle down, and live a bored life.”
“Presumptuous of you.” She slides her tongue along her lips to moisten them in the cold air. “You just assumed my whole life, based on a high school crush? I asked to kiss you, Luca. I didn’t ask to be your date to our wedding.”
“I was trying to do the right thing.”
She scoffs, lowering her eyes and shaking her head gently from side to side. “I don’t remember ever living a moment where some guy wasn’t making choices for me, all in the name of doing the right thing. Marcus. You. Blake.”
Instantly, like my jaw is controlled by a fucking lasso, I turn and stare down at the side of her face. “Blake is your boyfriend?”
“I know you saw us last night.” She swallows, the sound audible as she exhales again and white fog races ahead of her. “I thought I was seeing a ghost, to be honest. You were completely out of context, so it made no sense to me. But I saw you, Luc. And you saw me.”
“I saw Blake.” Ten . The RN. “H-have you been dating long?”
“A few months.” She watches her feet as we walk. “He’s good to me. He’s a gentleman.” She tilts her head and eyes me. “But he considers himself the authority on what’s right for me, too. Seems I have a type, jumping from my brother, to you, to him. Everyone wants to take care of me, no matter if I have an opinion of my own.”
“Does he…” I frown and try, so fucking hard, not to assume the worst. “When you say he considers himself your authority, do you mean that in a cute, boyfriendy way. Or are we talking about Marc and I heading to the city to kill a man?”
She snorts, shaking her head and huddling into her coat. “Case in point. I’m a full-grown adult now, Luca. But you assume I’m in a controlling relationship, and the only way I can leave it is if you and Marc come and rescue me. ”
“So stop with the vague bullshit and just tell me what’s up.” I grab her elbow and pull us both to a stop, then tugging her around, I swallow when our chests clash and her breath races into my lungs. “Are you happy, Bear? Is this a good relationship for you? Is he…” I swallow the ache in the base of my throat. “Is this an I’m experiencing college kind of relationship, or are you marrying him and staying away forever?”
“Once again,” she murmurs, meeting my stare and firming her jaw, “you presume to have a right to that information. But that’s not how things work anymore.”
“So that’s it, then?” Anger surges in my blood. Pain. The regret of what I sent away, and the guilt for what I did last night. “All this history, and now I’m locked out? I don’t even get the benefit of being your friend? Because friends are allowed to make sure their friends are happy and okay.”
“Friends don’t tell their friends they’re not wanted.” She turns on her heels and stomps along the road. “Friends don’t show up unannounced, after three years, then disappear for the night, so that friend is left wondering where the hell they went to, and if they’re okay. Because for all I knew, you, my friend, saw me with Blake, then you left again and rode your bike off a friggin’ cliff. I had no clue why you were in the city in the first place, and I sure as hell didn’t know if you made it home safe, considering no one knew where you were all night.” She slows her steps and peers back over her shoulder. “Seems you’re not a good friend to any of the people who care about you.”
“I didn’t know anyone was waiting on me.” I grit words past my teeth and keep walking to catch up to her. “I don’t make a habit of sending good morning and good night texts to my pals, Bear. So I didn’t think doing so last night was required.”
“And yet, I sat up all night wondering where you were. Who you were with.”
“So we’re doing that, then? Comparing notes of who we spend time with?”
“No, I?—”
“Let’s start with Blake,” I bite out. “Because dating a dude for a few months kinda implies monogamy and feelings.” I grab her arm and swing her around again. “You’re in a relationship, Kari. Can’t say that doesn’t make me bleed.”
“And you had a one-night stand last night.” She smirks, though it’s not playful or sweet. “I can’t find it in my heart to feel bad for you. You think I’m stupid? That I don’t see you for who you are? ”
“What?”
“You’re still you, Luc! It’s like we’re still in high school. You have Sassy and Belle and Katie and whoever the hell else rotating on your roster. But you feel the need to comment on me dating one guy? One, consistent, trustworthy person.”
“I feel the need to comment on him because according to you, he controls you, and according to my fucking sisters, his nickname is Ten .”
Shut up! Shut up. Shut up!
“Ten?” I press. “ Really ? You sure as hell took my go see the world for everything it was, huh?”
She shoves my hand off and turns away with a scoff. “Jealousy is not a valid reason to throw a fit, Luca. You didn’t want me, remember? You chose this life.”
“I didn’t choose this dude! I sacrificed my own fucking happiness in favor of what I thought was best for you! I sent you away, so you could experience something other than small town life, so you could open your eyes and see what’s available. So when you came home, you could see me and still know I’m the best man for you.”
“Oh, sure!” she laughs, maniacal and mean. “So I was to toddle off and do as you asked. And in the meantime, you could still see your roster and have the time of your life.”
“I haven’t been sleeping around!” I lose my temper and shout too fucking loud. Brutally aware an audience is the last thing we need, I firm my jaw and bite down on my words, leaning in and grabbing her hip to keep her close. “I haven’t been with a single person since you left, Bear. Not one, single, fucking, person. Because I love you . I was waiting for you .”
“Not one?” Her eyes soften, flickering between mine as she searches for truth. “Three years, Luca. And you’re telling me you haven’t been with a single person?”
“That’s what I’m telling you. Until yesterday, I?—”
“Until yesterday.” She nods, accepting my words with pain slashing through her eyes. “Until yesterday, when you decided you were done proving a point you didn’t even tell me to pay attention to. Until yesterday, when you snuck into the city, spied on me out on a date with my boyfriend, then you… what? Raced back to town, picked up the closest, loosest chick you knew, and went crazy working through three years of frustration? Because poor you, Luca. You’re so fucking hard done by.”
“It wasn’t like that! It was?—”
“And then, what? This morning, you’re walking home from your hookup. And Britt is walking home from hers. And like a totally normal, healthy family, the two of you decide to?—”
But then her eyes widen. Her cheeks pale.
She gets it now. Her brain smashing her with the realization that makes her skin green. “Britt?”
“Bear, stop?—”
“Britt!” She presses a hand to her stomach and heaves. “Holy shit. Holy shit, Luc, you… and Britt?”
“Please, Kari.” I cup her cheek and try to bring her eyes up to mine. “Please just take a second to?—”
She slaps my arm away with a ferociousness that has the sound reverberating along the street, then she shoves me back when I try to charge forward. To stop her. To keep her here.
“You slept with Britt!” She snarls, low and poisonous in the back of her throat. “Are you fucking serious, Luca!?”
“Please, just stop and listen for a minute.”
“I can’t believe she would do that.” She brings her hands up and scrubs at her face until I’m sure she’ll leave marks. “She went to bed with you willingly ?”
“Kari—”
“Does she know about us?” She steps around me, angling toward the house. But she doesn’t start that way. She doesn’t take off and leave me behind just yet. “Did you tell her about our history?”
“No, I?—”
“Don’t.” She turns back and looks me up and down. For the first time ever, she regards me the way she would the gum on the bottom of her shoe. “I never mentioned us. And you never mentioned us. Britt was seduced by the man who has the power to ruin lives. It’s hardly even her fault.”
“Kari—”
She slaps my hand away again, spinning toward the house. “I have to live with her, Luc. Whether in the city, or back here. There’s no need for this to ever be mentioned.”
“Kari!”
“I’m going back to school in the morning. Please don’t come looking for me again.”