Chapter Eighteen
Bryce
If a person could sleep for negative hours, I would say that’s how I feel.
I’ve had many sleepless nights over the years, but last night felt like the longest night ever.
I waited in the living room for Bodie to come home , hoping he’d just gone to another bar with Emmett and gotten drunk after he left us at The Garden.
By five in the morning, I gave up the idea that he’d be walking through that door.
I’ve drunk five cups of my decaf tea that usually helps me relax, but still, sleep evades me.
I guess it’s for the best, though. With the stress from last night and Bodie not being here to sleep next to, I can only imagine how bad the nightmares would’ve been.
I check my phone for the hundredth time and only find text messages from Calisse and Kasey.
Calisse
I heard what happened. I’m glad Drew got what’s coming to him. Just wish I could’ve been there to watch and maybe hit him once myself.
Kasey
Are you feeling okay? Need anything?
I honestly don’t know how to feel about last night or Bodie’s reaction.
On one hand, I get it—I wouldn’t want someone kissing him, and I’d probably do whatever I had to do to stop it.
On the other hand, the ice in Bodie’s glare when he finally stopped hitting Drew and then the way he dismissed me in the parking lot all felt like he was blaming me for everything that happened.
It was so sudden and I was so stunned that I didn’t even have a chance to get Drew off me before Bodie showed up.
Bodie still hasn’t texted me—nothing but silence. It’s almost one, and I just can’t wait any longer.
Me
Hi
Are you coming home today?
I throw the phone to the other side of the couch so I don’t stare at my messages for the next hour. He probably won’t respond right away anyway. I lie down and turn the TV volume up to at least keep me awake.
I’m ten minutes into the second period of the game when I hear the lock click open. I bolt upright, and as soon as our eyes connect, I go to him.
Twenty seconds later he backs away, and his bruised and battered knuckles graze my cheek.
“Can we sit down?” He clears his throat mid-question, and I don’t like the sadness in his tone.
We walk to the couch side by side, sitting next to each other as close as we can get until he leans forward with his elbows on his knees.
“So, um, are you okay?”
“Are you okay, Bodie? You scared the shit out of me last night.”
“Yeah, about that. I, uh, probably could’ve handled that better than I did.”
“You think?”
“Don’t make this harder than it is, please.”
“Bodie, you beat the hell out of a customer. How easy do you expect this to be?”
“I’m more concerned about him kissing you and what that meant, Bryce.”
“Do you seriously think it meant anything? Do you know me at all?”
“I thought I did, but there are obviously things you’ve kept from me for a long time. It’s fucking with my head.”
I can’t believe he’s going there now. “Bad timing to bring that up, Bodie.”
“I’m sorry. It’s not what I’m trying to do. I don’t know why I said that.”
He stands and starts to wear down a hole in the carpet as he paces from one end of the room to the other.
“I’m sorry I hit him. I shouldn’t have done that at your job, or at all. I could’ve ruined my career. I could’ve gotten you fired.” He stops in his tracks. “Wait, did I get you fired? Why aren’t you getting ready for work?”
“I wasn’t fired. After you left, I convinced Drew not to press charges.”
“How did you do that, Bryce?”
“I don’t like the tone you’re using, Bodie.” I stand and walk toward him. “All I did was tell him I’d press sexual assault charges against him for touching me.”
“I didn’t mean anything by that. This is all coming out wrong.” His words come out fast, laced with frustration. “Can we just start over?”
“How did you mean it then, Bodie? Because you’re doing a terrible job at apologizing.”
I see the stress taking hold of him when he sinks down on the couch, and his fingers scrunch into his curls.
“Okay, let’s take a step back.”
His panicked eyes shoot up to me. “What do you mean? Are you, like, breaking up with me?”
“No, Bodie. But that can’t happen again. I understand jealousy. I had my own bout of it with your teammate.” I’m embarrassed to be lecturing Bodie about this now that I mention it. “But I also didn’t beat his ass in a bar full of people.”
“I’m sorry, and thank you for making sure he doesn’t press charges.”
“I saw the videos. Did you get in trouble at work?”
“Sort of. It can’t happen again.”
“Will it?”
“I don’t know.” He raises his voice unexpectedly, startling me. “I never thought I’d do something like that before, but for some reason, being with you makes me…I don’t know.”
I take a seat next to him. “I get it, Bodie.”
“Do you?” His voice turns soft. “Because I’m thinking maybe I wouldn’t have reacted that way if we were just friends, and that scares me a little.”
“What are you saying, Bodie?”
“I’m saying, I don’t usually act like this, and if us being more than friends makes me act this way, is that a good thing?”
“So, this is my fault?”
“No, it’s not your fault, Bryce. I’m sorry it happened. I reacted too quickly, but I couldn’t control myself when I saw that asshole’s lips and hands on you.”
“But you think we should probably just be friends again?”
“I didn’t say that.”
“You didn’t have to, Bodie.” I stand and head to my room. I can’t think clearly on such little sleep.
“Don’t walk away from me, Bryce.”
“I’m not walking away; I’m just tired. We can talk later.”
He doesn’t let me close the door. “Don’t do this. Please.”
“Don’t do what? The damage is done, isn’t it?” We stare at each other through the small space that Bodie’s foot wedged in the door allows. “I just want to sleep.”
I die a little inside the second his foot frees the door to close. I hold his gaze until the gap disappears, and then I’m left in my room alone, like I asked for, as regret rears its ugly head.
Bodie has avoided me for almost a week. I thought by now he would’ve come home to talk, but he’s been at Emmett’s place while they’re in the playoffs.
They’ve won every round so far and only have one finals round to go before the cup.
He’s played great games all season, and the playoffs have been just as good.
I texted to tell him how proud I am of him, and all I got back was a simple ‘thank you.’
“Are you going to apologize?” Calisse asks for the third time today.
“When you tell me what I have to apologize for, then I’ll answer your question.”
“Bryce, you know damn well that man doesn’t want to be just friends with you in this fucking lifetime or the next.”
I walk away with a huff because she’s not wrong, but she’s also not right.
“Don’t roll your eyes at me, Bryce. He’s not debating whether he wants to be with you or not. He fears how much he loves you. And then with you hiding shit from him, it’s all making him do things out of character. That’s it. Shit, do I have to spell everything out for you two?”
“Thanks, Cali.”
“You’re welcome. Now get the fuck out of my house and go talk to him.”
“He’s not home. Hasn’t been in days.”
“Then text him, dumbass. Geez, you two are going to drive me to drink.” She points her finger at the door, and I know I’ve worn out my welcome. I kiss her on the cheek and say goodnight.
Driving home knowing he won’t be there seems lonelier than usual. The past few nights, I’ve rushed home hoping to see him there—tonight, I don’t feel the need to.
As I expected, the apartment is dark when I get home. After grabbing water, I head down the hall and stop by Bodie’s door when I hear the TV on inside. Before my knuckles even touch the door, it opens, and I’m face-to-face with him, my best friend I’ve missed so much it hurts.