26. London
Ahumongous cloud the color of gunmetal throbbed angrily over the sea. As I sat at the piano, I watched it break, rain lashing in a sideways slant, bouncing off the waves that crashed against the coastline. Even on a day as dreary as this, the view from the music room was awe-inspiring.
I waited on the piano bench for Kelly to show. Or not.
There was barely any sound of the weather outside, the insulation and windows were of such high quality.
It made me feel safe and privileged to have such a beautiful home to shelter in while the sky sobbed.
I desperately wanted to enjoy the strange tranquility of the moment. Yet my mind raced with all my worries.
While there’d been no more texts from Nick, there was also no update from Ramsay.
Therefore, I was left wondering what could happen next.
It was like knowing someone was about to play a prank and I constantly had to anticipate which doorway they might suddenly pop out of.
Except this prank included the threat of real harm and danger, so it was that feeling on steroids.
Then there was Murray.
Friday night at the Lantern there was a moment, a stupid moment, when he kissed me and my heart leapt with hope that his kiss might be real.
However, he’d abruptly pulled back, his visible tension reminding me the kiss was for show.
Yet, afterward, he’d gone and confused me by getting all sexy about the smell of my hair.
Just when I thought I wasn’t imagining things, he’d fled the Lantern and then fled me as soon as we returned home.
I did not imagine his rejection. And I knew I hadn’t because when I returned from the B and B yesterday in the early afternoon he and Kelly weren’t at home.
They didn’t come home until after dinner.
A dinner I’d cooked and they’d missed because they’d gotten fish and chips.
They hadn’t called to see what I was doing for dinner or if I wanted fish and chips. I was forgotten.
That was fine. I knew he and Kelly needed time together.
But a text would have been nice. I couldn’t help but feel like this was a deliberate reminder that I was not, in fact, a part of their family.
If I’d known they would be out all day and most of the evening, I’d have stayed to help Nee out at work.
It felt like she and I hadn’t seen much of each other outside the guest house lately, and I wanted to check in, make sure she was feeling good in the pregnancy they still hadn’t told anyone else about yet.
I’d left Murray and Kelly to clean up the kitchen and the many leftovers of linguine with green olive sauce and breadcrumbs (it was delicious).
Then I locked myself in my room. Murray had knocked on the door a few minutes later, but I’d pretended I couldn’t hear him over the movie I was watching on my laptop.
Sunday, I didn’t come home from the B and B.
I stayed to do extra prep for the continental breakfast we served on my days off.
After, Nee had plans with Ramsay so I hung out with Cammie at Pages and Perks until we migrated to the Lantern for dinner and drinks.
We didn’t go home until the Lantern closed.
Murray didn’t text me once and he and Kelly were already in bed when I returned.
In all that had happened in this fake marriage, the events of the weekend had damaged a little of my trust in Murray. I didn’t understand what was between us, but I’d never expected him to ignore or forget my existence. To be made to feel like I was a guest. Not by him, at least.
This morning I’d waited until Murray and Kelly departed for work and school before I left my room to grab my yogurt and granola from the kitchen. I’d showered, read, and watched a little TV until it was time to meet Kelly in the music room.
No matter what was going on between me and her dad, I wasn’t going to let it affect us.
I reached for my phone on top of the piano to check the time. I’d heard her come home from school fifteen minutes ago. Deflated, I saw the text notification from Nee.
Just wanted to let you know we told Quinn and Taran at breakfast this morning *pregnant blond emoji*. So I called Cammie to let her know too.
I texted back:
Yay! You have no idea how many times I’ve almost slipped up in front of people.
Now we can all celebrate!
Baby shower!!
Grinning, I switched my phone to silent and placed it face down on top of the piano.
“What’s so funny?”
Relief shot through me at the sight of Kelly wandering tentatively toward me. She changed out of her uniform and wore her socks pulled high over her pajama joggers. Her black T-shirt was cropped and had the words “In My Showgirl Era” scrawled across it in orange glitter.
A genuine smile stretched my lips not just because of Nee’s amazing news but because Kelly was here. She showed up!
“Tierney’s pregnant. She just told everyone.”
Kelly’s lips twitched. “That’s cool.”
“It’s really cool. She lost her parents a few years back and outside of me, they were her only family.” Tears brightened my eyes. “I’m so happy she’s making a new one.”
Kelly considered this as she stopped at the piano. “You’re really close, aren’t you?”
“Yes. There is nothing better than a best gal pal.”
She wrinkled her nose. “I wouldn’t call her that. You sound ninety.”
Chuckling, I scooted over and patted the bench. “Sit. Let’s start.”
The teen looked at the space beside me and I held my breath, wondering if she was going to reject me already. Thankfully, she let out a little sigh and plopped her butt down next to me.
“So … what do you already know about playing?”
She shrugged. “I can read music and I know what all the keys are, including the raised flat notes.” She pressed her finger down on middle C. “Middle C.” And then her forefinger on the raised black key between C and D. “C sharp. D flat. Do you need me to prove I know more?”
I shook my head, trying not to laugh at her deliberately snarky tone. “That’s wonderful. So, you just need me to help you get back into practice?”
Kelly shrugged. “I suppose so … you said you’d teach me ‘All Too Well.’”
Glancing down at her T-shirt, I tried not to smile too hard.
“I’m a big fan too.” When I didn’t get a response to that, I explained as I placed my right hand on the keys, “Thumb on middle C, pinkie on G. So, it’s C, G, and then we move down for an A minor chord, thumb on A, middle on C, pinkie on E.
” I did it a few times and then gestured for Kelly to try.
She did it with such ease, I sped up a little as we moved through the opening verse.
Growing more comfortable as I saw Kelly enjoying herself, I started to sing the lyrics to help her find the right melody. After a clean run-through of the first two verses, Kelly turned to look at me speculatively.
My lips twitched at her comically surprised expression. “What?”
“You have a really nice voice.”
Pleased, I nudged her with my shoulder. “Hey, thanks.”
“You and Dad’s voices would probably complement each other.” As she said it, she frowned down at the keys.
I wasn’t quite sure how to respond to that.
“Nothing bad happened,” she suddenly said before I could speak.
“Nothing bad?”
Kelly looked up, her gaze darting from mine to out the window. “I know Dad and Nana are worried that maybe something bad happened to me at Mu—at Jill’s.”
I didn’t comment on the fact that she’d called her mother deliberately by her name. If that’s what she needed to do, then she should.
“The police asked me questions like that.” Kelly shrugged, her lips twisting as pain strained her features.
“But one, I never trusted Mum not to let something like that happen, so I used to barricade my bedroom door all the time. And two, one of the guys who was always hanging around Dorian used to really creep me out.”
“Creep you out how?” My heart picked up speed.
Kelly’s expression tightened with remembered fear.
“His name was Connor. He used to try to talk to me all the time and even Dorian told him to back off me one day because he kept touching my hair and my arm. If I saw him coming, I’d run to my room and barricade myself in.
The night I called Dad, it was him who was trying to break in. It was Connor.”
I felt sick to my stomach. “Do you know his full name?”
Kelly shook her head as she met my gaze.
“I know you know what it’s like to have a parent not care about you …
” Her lips trembled as she continued, “But you don’t know what it’s like to have a mum who doesn’t just not care about you but couldn’t care less if someone hurt you.
I’ve heard and seen things I wished I’d never seen. ”
My heart thundered in my chest with anger and empathy. “What things?” I asked, not to torment her but to give her a space to purge it.
“I saw them snorting and injecting drugs … I saw and heard s-sexual stuff.” Kelly shrugged almost violently.
“Like, I grew up on an island with farm animals. It’s not like I didn’t know some stuff.
I’m fourteen. Some kids in my class have already had sex.
So I know some stuff. Connor would say things that I didn’t understand but I knew, felt, were wrong.
And … him, Dorian, the other guys that were around, they treated Mum and the other women like …
like that’s all they were to them. Objects to have sex with instead of human beings.
It was … it was totally degrading,” she spat as her tears finally spilled over.
“Who lets their daughter see and hear that? Like, what is wrong with her? Why does she hate me?”
At her final sob, I wrapped my arms around her, my tears leaking free at the way her harsh cries caused her body to shudder and jerk against mine. Kelly clung onto me, her nails digging into my back, but I didn’t care. I just held on for as long as she needed.
As she calmed a little, I stroked her hair and bent my head to whisper, “I can’t answer those questions, sweetheart.
But I can tell you that for every day you’ve felt unloved by her, your father, your grandmother, this entire village, has loved you beyond imagining.
You are so loved, Kelly. So deeply, deeply loved.
And I know it can’t soothe the hurt your mom has caused, but I need you to know you are never alone.
Your dad loves you more than life itself.
And you have me. I will always be here for you,” I vowed, because I would.
No matter what happened with me and her father, I would keep this promise.
Kelly nodded, sniffling as she finally eased away.
She wiped frantically at her tears and laughed sadly when I tucked strands of hair that had gotten stuck on her wet cheeks behind her ears.
She drew her forearm over her nose, looking so much younger than her years in that moment, and I couldn’t help but feel heartbroken for her.
For all my parents’ neglect, Tierney and I had avoided the crowd at school who were into destroying their own innocence early.
I hadn’t been subjected to extremely adult things too young.
I knew girls who had, though. I knew how cynical and hard they’d become because of it.
And I’d never wish what Kelly had gone through and was going through on my worst enemy, let alone this beautiful girl. I didn’t want to see it change her.
“Sorry.” Her shoulders slumped as she sniffed several times. “Didn’t mean to break down on you.”
I stroked her cheek. “I think you needed to let it out. You can break down on me anytime.”
To my relief, Kelly giggled. “Okay.” She exhaled. “Can we learn the pre-chorus and the chorus now?”
The way she looked up at me, with a renewed light in her eyes, made me feel a hundred feet tall. It made me feel … useful. Like I’d done something right and good for once.
Somewhat overcome, I nodded. “Of course.” I leaned over to press a kiss to her temple and caught movement in my periphery.
As I pulled back, I looked over at the doorway and saw Murray standing there, eyes bright with emotion.
He lowered his chin, expression filled with gratitude, and I gave him a tremulous smile before I turned back to the piano and my lesson with Kelly.