27. London
Wednesday morning as I pulled my car into the B and B parking lot, my phone beeped several times, almost frantically.
There was something about the rapid-fire text notifications that sent a shiver down my spine as I switched off the engine and reached for my purse.
I rummaged through it for the device and reluctantly withdrew it.
The dread in my gut was validated at the sight of the unknown number texting me.
Heart in my throat, my anger mingled with fear as I tapped on the screen to open the thread.
You think I’m scared of your government dog?
Haven’t you learned your lesson yet?
No one can touch me or my family.
You think because I haven’t come for you yet that you’re off the hook?
That cunt is mine and soon I’m going to tug on its chain.
If I find his scent on it … I’m going to kill him. And his daughter.
And I’ll make you watch.
I’m coming for you.
You’ll learn to be a good girl again.
I love you so much.
Suddenly the air in the car seemed too thin.
I shoved open the door, gasping for air as my chest tightened and tightened, suffocating me.
The world spun, my vision going in and out as my body heaved for breath.
For oxygen. My heart raced too fast. Too hard.
I couldn’t focus. I couldn’t see properly.
I was dying.
I’m dying.
Oh my God, I’m dying.
“Spoon! Spoon!”
“London!”
I was only vaguely aware of their voices at first, splodgy shapes across my broken vision.
“Just breathe with me, London,” a deep familiar voice commanded.
Cool hands cupped my cheeks and Ramsay’s face suddenly came into focus. “Breathe, London. In and out,” he instructed calmly, and then he inhaled and exhaled slowly. “Focus on me and on your breathing.”
Like my body knew before my brain did that it needed to follow his lead, I started to inhale and exhale slowly on autopilot. In a while, the fast heaving of my chest calmed, and the world started to come back into focus.
My butt was cold and uncomfortable because I was sitting on the gravel ground, my back against my car, Nee and Ramsay knelt in front of me. Nee’s face was pale, her eyes wide with worry. Ramsay was stoic as always, but I saw the glimmer of concern in his expression.
“Spoon, what happened?”
There was sticky wet on my cheeks, and I reached to touch them, realizing I’d been crying too. It took a minute for it to come back to me, and I was seized by that sharp compression around my chest.
“It’s all right.” Ramsay reached out again to squeeze my arm. “Whatever it is, you’re safe. You’re safe. You had a panic attack, London. You’re going to do your best not to have another, aren’t you?” He gave me a small wink that was so unlike him, it actually did reassure me.
“M-my phone. In my car.” I hadn’t wanted Nee to know about Nick, but I didn’t know how else to explain the panic attack.
Unfortunately, Nee stood and reached into the car first. She backed out, standing tall, my phone in her hand. And my best friend knew my passcode.
I’d left the text thread open.
Her breathing grew quicker, sharper. “What the fuck is this?” She gaped at me. “Is this Nick?”
“Let me see.” Ramsay stood and gestured for the phone.
Nee handed it over and then knelt next to me. She squeezed my knee. “Has he been bothering you?”
Fresh tears trembled at my eyelids, blurring my vision. “I didn’t want to stress you out when you’re pregnant.”
She huffed. “Then you should have told Ramsay.”
“She did,” Ramsay confessed. “That’s what the prick means by ‘government dog.’” His gaze moved to me.
“I was going to tell you today. He’s been trying to pull strings to get immigration to investigate you, but I managed to squash it.
And I’ve been told by someone I trust to back off completely for now.
Something big is coming for the Hustons.
I can’t say what it is, but I’ve been assured Nick and his whole family won’t be an issue for much longer.
” Ramsay waved the phone, his lip curled in disgust. “He’s pissed off because he can’t get to you. And this is just meant to scare you.”
“Job well done,” Nee spat angrily. “You’re sure he’s not a threat?”
Ramsay shook his head. “He’s been cut off from his so-called friends in power here in the UK.” He looked me directly in the eyes. “He can’t touch you, London. Every bit of power he had is about to go up in a puff of smoke. He will never ever get near you again.”
A sob gasped out of me before I could stop it because I wanted to believe that, but there was always this fear. Like Nick was the monster in my closet. Nee pulled me into her arms and I cried, apologizing to her because I was so worried my shit was stressing her out.
“Stop apologizing,” Nee hushed me. “I’m okay and you’re okay. I love you.”
Ramsay eventually got us both up off our feet, and he left us in the B and B kitchen once he was sure we were okay. I think he knew Tierney and I needed to talk this out.
Emmy, Nee’s seasonal manager, seemed to sense something was going on, and she made herself scarce, preparing for guests to wake up.
Before doing anything else, I slugged back a huge gulp of coffee. It had been an intensely emotional couple of days.
As I prepped for breakfast, Nee helped and we talked.
“I felt a distance between us,” Nee confessed. “I just thought it was the baby.”
I gaped. “No, Nee … no, I am so excited to be an aunt. I’m so excited for you.”
“Good.” Her chin wobbled. “I’m overly emotional right now.”
“Hey, I just had the emotional breakdown of the century. No judgment here.”
At that she hesitated as she sliced the bread we’d ordered from the bakery, so I didn’t have to worry about making fresh bread on top of everything else. “I … um … is that how he used to speak to you? I mean, I saw it a little for myself that day in New York, but …”
“Do you mean psychotic?” Now my chin wobbled. “He never shouted. He used to say these awful things in this quiet, rational-sounding voice, which just made it scarier. But you know what scared me more?”
“What?”
“I think I would have killed him to defend myself.”
“That’s called survival instinct. It doesn’t make you a bad person. It makes you strong.” Nee gave me a fierce look.
“Am I, though?”
“Yes. Nick underestimated you, London. He thought he had you where he wanted you and he didn’t, and it eats at him because he’s been told his whole life that he can do, have, and be whatever he wants without consequence.
And he can’t believe you walked away and that there are actual consequences raining down on him.
So he lashes out at you, trying to control you from within the prison of his own making.
Every time you ignore him and live your life, you win. ”
Love for her suddenly flooded over me in an overwhelming wave. “I’m sorry I kept it from you.”
“I understand why you did.”
“I love you so much.”
Nee smiled tearfully. “To the moon, Spoon.”
“Do you think Baby McRae will grow up calling me Aunty Spoon instead?”
She laughed at my deliberate attempt to ease the intensity of the moment. “It would be cute.”
“I think I like it.”
“Except …” Nee raised a questioning eyebrow. “You are technically a Shaw now.”
“I haven’t legally changed my name.” I hadn’t because I knew the marriage wasn’t real and I didn’t see any point in investing energy on all that paperwork for nothing.
“Are you going to?” Nee’s question clearly held more to it.
Sighing, I thought about yesterday at the house.
Murray had disappeared on Monday afternoon before Kelly could know he’d overheard her emotional purging.
After the lesson, I’d returned to my room, hoping maybe he’d come knock on the door.
I tried to read a book and gave up and watched a comedy on my laptop.
Instead, Kelly knocked on my door later that evening and asked if I wanted to help her make dinner.
Encouraged by her wanting my company again so soon, I ventured into the kitchen because she was more important than whatever weirdness existed between me and her dad.
Murray and I had been cordial to each other while we ate and then he’d gone into the music room to play the guitar.
Kelly had followed him in there to play the piano and I returned to my room to give them some alone time.
Tuesday morning, Murray had already left the house before I woke up.
There was a note on the kitchen counter, asking me to wake Kelly just before I left, that Fiona would arrive to take her to school.
He stayed late at work leaving me and Kelly to eat together alone.
This morning, he didn’t come out of his room before I left early for work.
I had to wonder if he was deliberately avoiding me at this point.
“Ladies, first order up!” Emmy bounced into the kitchen, full of energy and positivity.
The Canadian postgrad seemed to love running the inn, but I had a feeling that was because she knew it was only temporary.
I was a little ashamed to say I didn’t know much about her because I’d been wrapped up in my own life lately.
However, what I did know was that she had a postgrad degree in hospitality management and had decided the best way to build an impressive résumé was to work her way around the world, in different kinds of establishments, growing her experience and having a great time doing it.
I thought it was kind of genius.
She’d also told me when she realized who Nee was that she was in awe.
Tierney might have walked away from her family’s hotel legacy, but it still followed her around.
Emmy thought Tierney was a badass for taking on the Silver Group and holding them accountable for her parents’ deaths.
And she wasn’t wrong. My best friend was a badass.
She was also the most considerate, loving person I knew, and I’d missed her. I hadn’t realized how much keeping this secret about Nick and my worries over my marriage with Murray had created a wall between us.
Emmy’s interruption meant Nee couldn’t continue to ask me about what was up with me and Murray, though, and I was glad for the brief reprieve.
This morning, Nick’s texts blasted me back to the worst period of my life. The panic attack had drained me, and I needed what little energy I had left to serve the breakfast room some good food.
“We are going to talk about this,” Nee promised sternly, however. “And about your birthday on Friday. I hope you told Murray. It’s your thirtieth, Spoon.”
At my slackened expression, Nee paused at the kitchen doorway. “You forgot? Your forgot you’re turning thirty this week?”
Unbelievably, I had. With everything else going on, I’d totally lost track of dates. “I forgot.”
“Well, I didn’t. Remember to tell Murray, okay? He’ll want to know it’s your birthday.” She disappeared to see to her guests, and I filed away telling Murray about my turning thirty this week.
Within seconds, it was drowned out by everything else flooding my mind.