31. Aisling
THIRTY-ONE
Aisling
PRESENT
“Finn?”
His head pops up from where he’s been seated at the kitchen island for the last five minutes, his face buried in his phone. This isn’t an abnormal sight for my CEO boyfriend. What is abnormal is how he keeps looking up at me with this nervous expression.
“Yeah?” His eyes are a little too deer caught in the headlights. As if he can somehow hear my thoughts, his face instantly rearranges itself, and he smiles. “Did you say something, Ash?”
I give him a blank stare and tilt my head. “What’s going on, babe?”
His brow quirks as he takes a long sip of coffee, which has been sitting in front of him for at least an hour. He grimaces and quickly sets it down on the kitchen counter. “Nothing’s up. Why do you ask?”
My blank stare morphs into something that resembles that emoji with a straight line for a mouth. Yeah, I’m not having this. He’s been like this for days. Twitchy and weird, and at first, I thought maybe he was just overworked. It’s been a busy month, and sometimes, I feel guilty over everything he juggles on a daily basis.
After I moved into the building, I thought there was a chance he was working all those late hours to avoid me.
He wasn’t.
That man is like a sexy Energizer Bunny. He just keeps going and going. With his sixty-hour work week, a full-time girlfriend, and the site visits he insists on accompanying me to, I’m amazed he hasn’t keeled over by now.
“You’re acting super weird,” I inform him. I suddenly freeze. “Oh god, you want to break up with me, do you?”
“What the fuck?” He hops off his stool to close the distance between us. His hand comes to rest on my hip. “No, mo chroí.” He exhales in defeat. “Christ. Okay, I’ll admit it. I’ve been acting a bit peculiar.”
“Understatement of the year,” I mutter. “I walked into your office last night, and you slammed your laptop down so quickly that you almost severed a few of your fingers in the process.”
“That would have been a tragedy indeed.” He flashes an impish grin as those same fingers begin to travel south.
I press my palm against his chest. “Oh no, buddy. There will be no distractions until you explain why you’ve been acting like a man with something to hide.”
“Okay, you’re right. It’s probably better if I tell you now, rather than waiting until I originally planned. In hindsight, this isn’t something I should spring on you at the last minute. Just in case I completely messed up the whole thing and you?—”
“Finn?”
“Yeah, darlin’?”
“What’s going on?”
“Right, yeah.” Why does he look so nervous? I’ve never seen him so…squirrely before. God, is he sweating? “I’ve planned a sort of a surprise this weekend.”
“ This weekend? It’s Saturday.”
“Yeah, I—” He grips the back of his neck. “I packed a bag for you while you were showering last night.”
“I’m gonna need to inspect that before we go,” I say as a side note, making him laugh. “Where are we going?”
“Ennistymon.”
“What now?”
He chuckles. “It’s in Clare.”
“All right, and why are we going to Clare for the weekend?”
He takes a deep breath. “To meet your family.”
“My what?—”
“This is where you can tell me if I’ve overstepped,” he says, taking my hands and leading me to the couch in the living room. I feel as though I misheard him. Family? I don’t have any. “I remember your mam mentioning that her father was from Clare and that she believed she still had family there.”
I nod. “Yeah, she always told me he came from a large family, but that’s all she knew.”
“She never tried to find any of them?”
I shake my head. “She was too scared they’d want nothing to do with her. She said there was a big falling out when my grandfather left.”
“That was what I was told as well, but when I spoke with his grandniece on the phone, she didn’t know any specifics. Her grandfather, his brother, never spoke about it.”
“Grandniece? You actually talked to them on the phone?”
“Of course I did. Did you really think we were just going to drive down there and wander the streets until we stumbled upon someone with the last name Farrell?”
“I don’t know what to think. I can’t believe you did all this,” I say, gripping his hand. “How did you manage to pull this off?” How did he even know my mom still used her maiden name?”
“Rian.” He shrugs. “He truly is a tech genius.”
“I don’t know whether to be impressed or terrified.”
“Today, let’s go with impressed.”
“All right.” I laugh. The puzzle pieces made a little more sense now. I didn’t know him well, but I knew enough to know he was an evil genius in disguise. “So, we’re really going to do this?”
“Only if you want to. If you’re not ready, we can go later or?—”
I kiss him. My mouth swallows his surprised grunt as I launch myself at him. I wrap an arm around his neck while he pulls me into his lap.
“How on earth did you manage to pull all this off with everything you have going on?”
He gives a nonchalant shrug. “I have my ways.”
“You’re amazing.” I kiss him again, and this time, I use my mouth and tongue to express exactly how I feel.
It has been six weeks. Six weeks with this man, and I don’t think I’ve ever been happier. He has brought joy back into my life. I hadn’t realized just how much grief had taken from me until I found Finn again.
The hole my mom’s death left will never fully heal, but the love I’ve found with Finn dulls the ache.
I love him.
I wish I could find the courage to tell him.
It’s not that I doubt his feelings. He’s referred to me as my heart after knowing me for a week. But yet, every time I go to say those three little words, I find myself suddenly unable to speak.
He pulls back to look at me, smoothing his hand over my hair. “It’s important to me that you find your support system.” What about you? I want to ask. Where’s your support system, Finn? But I let him continue. “When you told me about your mom being sick and how lonely you felt through it all? I don’t want you to ever feel alone again, Ash.”
I flinch, suddenly considering his motives for today. Is he doing all of this just out of love, or to soothe his guilty conscience when we end things in six weeks?
I offer him a reassuring smile, even as I attempt to dispel my own fears and doubts.
This is the real reason I haven’t said those three words: I worry that, at the end of the day, I’m still the only one who wants this to work.
The only one who wants forever.
* * *
Finn
“I love this town, Finn.”
My lips twitch in amusement as I watch her looking out the window. We have a lovely view of the Cullenagh River, and she’s been staring at it for an age.
The late afternoon sun seems to envelop her like a blanket, making her coppery blonde hair almost glow as it cascades down her back. Her name means vision, and at this moment, she embodies one.
“You mentioned that about almost every village we passed between here and Dublin, darlin’.”
“Well, I love this one the best.” Because it is where her family is.
We met them earlier for lunch at her great-aunt’s house. Her grandfather was one of four siblings. He was the oldest, followed by a younger brother and two sisters. Only the youngest sister, Lonnie, remains.
Lonnie is in her eighties but still sharp as a whip.
When we arrived at the house, I swear Ash almost turned around a dozen times as we walked to the doorway. She was so nervous. But I assured her it would be okay and that despite her mother’s reservations, no one held any ill will.
The minute the door opened, I was proven right.
Aisling was nearly mulled over in hugs. She was fussed over as nearly a dozen Farrells looked her up and down, showering her with compliments.
“She’s a ginger, just like her granda, ” her great-aunt practically hollered. She may be sharp as a whip, but her hearing was pretty nonexistent.
“It’s not ginger. It’s blond, you ninny!” her husband yelled back.
And on and on it went.
There were great-nieces, nephews, and cousins. So many names were tossed around that it made my head spin. The house was small and old, with stone walls and appliances so outdated they could belong in a museum. Yet it was filled with warmth and love, and I know Ash would have loved to share this with her mother.
I hadn’t broached the subject of her ashes. Today was overwhelming enough. Besides, I had a feeling we’d be back soon enough.
Or at least one of us would.
Our three-month deadline was looming, and I didn’t have a clue what I was going to do. Did I want things to end?
Fuck no.
Did I have a solution?
Fuck no.
For the past two months, I’ve been pushing myself to the point of exhaustion, and so far, I’m holding it together. However, it isn’t sustainable, and even I’m not that good.
Things are slipping through the cracks. I am losing focus at meetings or forgetting them altogether. I feel like a cheating boyfriend, sneaking out of bed in the middle of the night to spend extra hours in front of my laptop.
Eventually, something has to give.
The worst part is I can’t tell her any of this because once I do, it will be like admitting defeat.
I told you this would never work.
The company will always come first.
I’m just like my father.
I push off the wall and walk toward the large window where she still stands. The urge to be near her feels suddenly unbearable. With each passing day of uncertainty between us, every hour feels like sand slipping through my fingers.
Brief and rushed.
She turns, greeting me with a warm smile. “Did you want to go grab something to eat?”
“Not yet,” I say roughly.
I feel too much. I’m overwhelmed with thoughts of our future and emotionally drained from the day we spent with her family. I need her.
Just her.
“Come here.”
She doesn’t question it; she just steps into my embrace as my palms cup her ass, and I lift her into my arms. Her legs wrap around me, and I carry us to the bed. When I set her down on the edge of the mattress, I make quick work of my shirt.
“You’re stunning,” she says, leaning back on her elbows as she admires me with her ocean-blue eyes.
She’s still wearing the green dress she wore to lunch, but she ditched her shoes the moment we walked in here. The dress is demure, with long sleeves and a knee-length hemline, but the way it pools around her upper thighs is nothing short of decadent. “I was about to say the same thing about you.”
The urge to strip us both bare and fuck her raw is so strong my hands are shaking. I feel almost desperate to be inside her, but I force myself to go slow.
There’s still time, I remind myself.
Still time to figure things out.
And if I can’t…
I put that thought aside as I work my belt buckle and unzip my jeans. My shoes are also by the front door, so I quickly slide off the denim, leaving only my black boxer briefs behind.
“The dress, Ash.” I point to it. “It needs to go.”
She sits up obediently and, in a single sweeping motion, lifts the stretchy fabric over her head. It is added to the growing pile on the floor.
“Christ,” I curse. Ever since that first morning when I woke up with Ash in my bed, I swear I’ve never seen her in the same undergarments twice. She blames me for my affinity for ripping them. I think she just likes seeing my eyes glaze over when she takes her clothes off. Either way, it’s a win-win for both of us. “This new?”
She nods as my eyes sweep over her body and the delicate green lace that adorns it. “Don’t ruin it this time.”
I slowly sink to my knees. “No promises.”
She licks her lips in anticipation, and I’m almost tempted to switch places and put those eager lips around my cock, but I need to taste her.
To remind myself she’s mine.
I slip her panties off, keeping the precious lace intact, and she opens herself for me. Spread out before me, she looks insanely beautiful like this. Her pink pussy is practically dripping, and it makes my mouth water.
I drag the tip of my tongue up her center. Her back arches and she lets out a breathy moan. “I love the sounds you make when I touch you.”
I love you.
I’ve wanted to say those words to her since the day I walked into that conference room and saw her sitting there. But saying them feels like a promise, and I’ve already broken too many of those with her. When I tell her I love her, I want it to come with the certainty that this time will be forever.
“Don’t stop,” she begs, her hips rocking against my face. Her nails drag into my scalp as she grips my hair.
“I’ve got you, mo chroí.” I slip two fingers inside her tight pussy and slowly start pumping them while I swirl my tongue over her swollen clit. I know she’s close when her movements become more frantic, and her breath becomes ragged. “I’ve always got you.”
“God, Finn. I’m so close.” She starts panting. I give her clit a hard suck, pulling it into my mouth just as I curl those fingers forward, hitting that spot that sends her spiraling.
She erupts, screaming my name while her body writhes under my touch. It’s the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen—watching her unravel. I’ll never grow tired of being the lucky bastard who gets to take her there.
I ride out every last wave and aftershock with her and then finally rise to my feet. She gazes up at me with an appreciative smile as she watches me shed my boxers and crawl onto the bed. Her breathing is still heavy from her orgasm when I start kissing my way up her stomach. It grows uneven when I reach the sheer lace covering her breasts.
“I normally prefer you naked, but since you’re so attached to this,” I say, closing my mouth over the lace and giving her nipple a hard suck. “You can keep it on while you ride my cock.”
I grab her waist and flip us over. She lets out a gasp of surprise as she settles on top of me. Just when I think I can’t get any harder, I feel her wet pussy slide along my dick.
Fuuuuck.
Despite being in a relationship for six years, I’ve come to realize that Aisling’s experience in the bedroom is fairly limited. I can’t quite describe how that makes me feel. On one hand, I’m angry that that fucker of an ex didn’t treat her right, often making her feel broken for a disability she couldn’t control.
But, on the other hand, the caveman in me is more than happy to make up for inadequacies.
She starts to slide down my body. I arch my brow. “That’s not what I told you to do.”
She looks up at me with a bemused sort of grin. “I’ve never been great at following directions.” Then she bends down and wraps her lips around me.
“Fucking hell, Ash.”
God, that tongue. It swirls around my tip as she lets out a soft moan. She sucks slow and deep until I’m almost delirious. Her tits brush my thighs as I watch her cheeks hollow and her head bob. When I catch a glimpse of her hand reaching between her thighs to touch herself, I lose my last shred of self-control.
“Is that turning you on, darlin’? Sucking me off?”
She stares up at me and gives a little nod.
“Show me,” I order. “Come sit on my cock and show me how wet you are.”
This time, she complies with my request, slowly crawling up my body until she straddles my thighs. She lifts up and takes me in her hand, aligning us, and then, without breaking eye contact, sinks all the way down.
Our hands intertwine as she begins to slowly roll her hips. Her eyelids flutter, and she lets out a moan. She looks like a fucking goddess, and I have no idea how I got so damn lucky to be the man she’s chosen.
Now, I just have to figure out a way to keep her.
I watch her work her way into a frenzy. Soon, her tits are bouncing, and she’s fucking me in earnest. “Rub your clit. I want to feel you come all over my cock.”
She makes a sound that says she’s wholeheartedly on board as she slides her hand where our bodies are joined. She rubs slow circles, eliciting a deep moan. Her head tips back in ecstasy, and she comes, her inner wall squeezing my dick as she screams so loud the entire hotel probably knows my name.
Nice.
Before she has a chance to blink, I have her on her back. I press her knees to her chest and slam into her so hard the bed rattles against the wall.
“Okay?”
“Yes,” she practically moans.
“Good.” From this angle, I can see how our bodies are joined, and fuck, if that doesn’t make me a little feral. But it isn’t enough. I push her legs apart and lean down to kiss her, needing the connection. Her lips against mine are hot and hungry. Everything about it matches the way I’m fucking her. Dirty and raw.
“Come with me,” I demand.
“I can’t.” She’s breathless, but her eyes are already rolling back, and I know she’s close.
“Yes, you can.” I reach down and grab her ass, angling her hips so I can go deeper. My pubic bone hits her clit at just the right angle, and that’s all it takes. Her tight body convulses around me as white-hot pleasure blurs my vision, and I come with her name on my lips.
And forever etched in my heart.