Chapter 9
Chapter Nine
Giovanna
‘ H ow did you find Valletta. Giovanna?’ my mama questioned.
Hearing my name, I looked up from the act of pushing food around my plate to find hers and Peter’s eyes on me and awaiting a response.
‘Sorry,’ I answered quickly, feeling their questioning gaze.
‘I asked how you found Valletta?’ she repeated.
‘Oh.’ I shook my head and smiled, ‘It was beautiful, unassuming, captivating…’ I paused as I, for probably the hundredth time, imagined how it felt to have Dante in such close proximity, ‘and equally surprising,’ I added.
‘It is all of those things.’ I watched as my mama held a hand to her heart. I realised that I’d never seen her so animated and even passionate about anything, even her three children.
‘I think I could go out on a limb and say it’s possibly your mama’s most favourite place in the world,’ Peter added, before taking his wife’s empty hand and placing it to his lips.
‘Correct, Malta is my favourite place,’ she gushed under his attention, but it was ridiculous, almost too much and I had to stop my face showing how completely sickening I found the two of them. ‘Home is where the heart is,’ she carried on. ‘Although, Peter…’ She always said his name abruptly, like she was calling a member of staff. There was never a term of endearment from either of them. ‘Rome comes a very close second.’
‘I know… you make sure we come to Malta every chance we get… and if not here, you demand to be in Rome,’ he agreed.
I watched the two of them with a sickening feeling beginning to develop in my stomach, as they fawned over each other in what was starting to feel like they were playing their roles as husband and wife, and lovers. I even stopped myself from shaking my head, as just as quickly their affection for each other ended abruptly and they turned their attention back to me, as though I was watching a well-rehearsed play.
‘Are you not feeling well, Giovanna?’ It was Peter’s turn to question me.
For the first time that evening, my mama turned her head to truly look at me.
‘You do look a little pale,’ she agreed.
Understanding that this was the exact moment I’d been planning since I’d poured myself into the tight fitting, backless, metallic copper dress earlier, I took my opportunity to push away the food I had known I would never be able to eat and let out a long, pained sigh.
‘Honestly, I’m not sure. I don’t feel quite right. Maybe it’s all the sun I’ve been out in today. Or maybe I’m coming down with something?’ I placed a hand over my mouth for effect and opened my eyes wider at the two of them. ‘I think maybe I need an early night and perhaps to rest in my stateroom tomorrow?’
I saw the fear in my mama’s eyes and was instantaneously transported back to when I was child. She didn’t do illness, as though it was something that would not be tolerated, and heaven help if any of us had been sick. We were instantly placed into the hands of the women our family employed to look after us. She would then disappear for a couple of days, voicing that she had various functions to attend.
‘That sounds like a good idea,’ Peter replied. ‘I, for one, have some business to attend to tomorrow, and you resting here would be a good plan.’ I could see my stepfather working out in his head that it would be easier all round, security wise, if I was onboard and in my room. I could only imagine just what the poor man had promised Salvatore.
‘That’s a shame, I was looking forward to going shopping with you tomorrow. Never mind, I can shop for the two of us,’ my mama added with a flourish, looking strangely relieved and almost gleeful.
‘Thank you,’ I offered, as I placed my napkin on top of the plate in front of me.
Accepting my signal, one of the waiters rushed behind me and began to pull the ridiculously heavy, gold chair away so I could stand.
‘I just hope I can get some sleep. I’m not sure my body has regained its land legs yet.’
‘Are you not sleeping?’ Peter asked looking concerned.
‘Not really.’ Standing tall, I placed a hand onto the back of the chair to steady myself.
‘It could be tiredness then, Giovanna,’ my mama added.
‘I don’t know.’ Once again, I added a sigh.
‘I have something that could help you.’ She finished speaking and clicked her fingers in the air. One of the waiters behind her came forward and she gave him her instructions. Just as I’d planned she would, after seeing the collection of drugs she kept in a special leather holdall a few days before. It appeared my dearest mama was taking uppers and downers to function in daily life. I’d fleetingly thought about what was so bad in her life that she had to do that, but thinking back to how Salvatore had demanded she left our family home and the way she had lost my papa, I figured that would be enough.
‘Off you go,’ she instructed. ‘One of the staff will be with you shortly with a sleeping tablet. I assure you that if you take one, you’ll be asleep within the hour, possibly even thirty minutes.’
‘Thank you, Mama.’ I gave her the title even though I didn’t feel she deserved it.
‘I’ll come and see you tomorrow,’ she added.
Twelve hours should be plenty of time.
‘Feel better, Giovanna. And if you require anything, anything at all, just ring for one of the staff.’
‘Thank you, both.’ I smiled at them before turning to walk gingerly away.
Knowing one of the staff was following me, I walked with added care to my stateroom and waited for him to open my door. The second he closed it behind me, I smiled broadly at my reflection in the mirror hanging on the wall opposite.
‘That was almost too easy.’
Turning around on the spot, I studied myself, and then released the tight chignon I placed my hair into earlier that evening, knowing Dante liked my hair loose. In response, my hair unravelled, slowly at first and then ever quicker as the sheer weight of it carried its movement on. Finally, my hair bounced at the small of my back, gently caressing my bare skin with its loose strands and I gasped out loud as I imagined his touch in its place.
‘You stupid fool, Gi,’ I admonished. ‘He’s not even here.’
I moved my hands up and down to smooth my dress, and my body went onto high alert. Gently, I caressed my exposed throat, knowing that with only the memories I still held of how his fingers felt against my skin and the knowledge that he was so close by, I could easily touch myself and give myself the relief I craved.
Just how he taught me, in what felt like a lifetime ago.
Tipping my head back and closing my eyes, I let one hand travel to my breasts, which were braless yet perfectly confined within the beautiful and expensive dress. My other hand I allowed to hook under the hem, a hem that only just covered my backside, and let my fingers brush gently across my thighs at the edge of my dress. A small gasp left me.
Hearing a sharp knock sounding at the door directly behind me, my hands instantly dropped and my eyes opened. I knew it was only my imagination, but all I could see was a flash of brilliantly coloured, bright blue eyes, as they looked on in amusement.
‘Just coming,’ I answered the knock, and hearing my reply I cursed. ‘Damn you, Dante,’ I whispered.
Offering a small smile of thanks, I took the single yellow tablet that was being presented to me and then closed the door, making sure that this time I locked it, before leaning against it and letting the cold I found against my back cool me down. Checking the time on the antique, silver bracelet watch my grandfather had given me for my confirmation, I understood I had at least an hour and a half before I could execute the next part of my plan.
Time to worry about all the what ifs.
What if my hastily thought up plan didn’t work, and I couldn’t get off the boat?
What if I found him and he didn’t care what I had to say?
What if I was caught, and Salvatore was once again involved?
But mainly, what if my past refused to let me go; if I found out I still loved him, and I had nowhere to go with that love.
Because I understood only too well how much it hurt when you know you must let go of someone, but you can’t, because inside the depths of your heart you’re waiting, wishing, and hoping for the impossible to happen. The agony of loving someone who had been using you for their own ends, knowing that your love would never be reciprocated, was almost too much to bear.
But I had to ask him the questions I wanted answers to, and he owed me the truth, even though I doubted I was strong enough to live through it all over again.