Chapter 15
Chapter Fifteen
Gray
I was in serious trouble because I was absolutely falling in love with Mal.
If I hadn’t already. It was all very overwhelming and confusing and terrible and wonderful.
I hadn’t experienced this intense pain and pleasure in my chest when I looked at someone before.
Not even with Alina. Yes, I had loved her, but not like this.
Nothing had ever been like this.
I’d stumbled my way from a hookup to a liaison and now what I really wanted was everything. I wanted meals after work and waking up together and her being Dandy’s other mom and doing Christmas together like this every year.
It was too fast. It was too much. I knew that, but that couldn’t stop my silly little heart from choosing Mal.
It was an effort to hide it. About fifty times a day I had to stop myself from blurting out “I love you.” It was one of the hardest things I’d ever done, and I didn’t know how much longer I could manage it.
Tally had been checking in with me and had heard all of my panicking while I’d been sitting next to Mal on the couch or lying next to her in bed.
Tally had decided she was Team Mal and told me to go for it, which surprised me.
Tally: You’re happy, Gray. I’ve never seen you like this. She’s good for you, and I think you’re probably good for her too.
I didn’t know about any of that, but what I did know was that I was going to blurt out those three words and then everything was going to change. I wanted to put that off as long as possible.
Our Christmas Eve was sweet and calm for the most part.
Mal dragged her trunk of toys over to my apartment so we’d have them on hand.
We watched movies and our favorite holiday episodes of shows in the light of my lesbian Christmas tree and ate even more cookies.
I made her my famous cocoa and forced her to dance a little to one of those classic Christmas songs.
All in all, not a bad Christmas Eve at all.
We went to bed early, but not to sleep. Mal had this ridiculous idea about trying to make me come with every single one of her toys.
We were on toy number five out of thirty or so.
I was dubious that I would survive this little experiment, but that wasn’t going to stop me from letting her do what she wanted with me.
I swallowed those three words as she kissed me. As she touched me and caressed me and told me how good I was. While she edged me until tears rolled down my cheeks that she licked and kissed away.
All of it was perfect and good and sweaty. I’d never had transcendent sex before, but that was what this was.
This time she’d snuck her hand down and touched herself as she drove me to my own climax, and we came almost simultaneously.
The words were right there, clogging the back of my throat. It hurt to hold them back.
Mal snuggled with me as we caught our breath. We both needed to take a quick shower and get ready for bed, but I was comfortable right where I was.
“I have no idea if this is the right time to talk about this or not, but it’s been on my mind. Are we…are we dating?”
It took my sluggish brain a few seconds to figure out what she was asking me.
I lifted my head from where I rested it on her chest so I could see her face.
“Oh. Um.” I couldn’t seem to make the right words come out of my mouth.
“It’s okay if the answer is no. We can continue to liaise. But I just… We gave each other our door codes and that feels like a dating thing. You know?” Instead of looking at me, she played with my fingers.
Ugh, she was all nervous and it was cute as hell.
I clutched her hand and brought it to my lips.
“Yes, Mal McCoy, I would love to date you. Be your girlfriend. Do allllll that shit.”
She snorted. “All that shit, huh?”
“Yup. It’s gonna be awesome. Get ready because I’m actually really good at being a girlfriend.”
Her eyebrows went up. “Are you now? Well, you’ll have to be patient with me because I haven’t been a girlfriend for a long time and I’ve never done this… I’ve never felt like this about anyone.” The last part she whispered. As if she was scared of it.
“Me neither. It’s the best and the worst, right?”
That made her smile. “Yeah it is.”
Eventually, we made it to the shower where we proceeded to do more making out than showering.
“One of these days I’m going to help you wash your hair,” I told her. She hadn’t let me yet.
“Maybe.”
“Hey, that’s definitely a girlfriend duty,” I told her as she pulled her hair out from under the cap she wore so it didn’t get wet. The fact that it took hours and hours to really dry was wild to me.
“I suppose,” she said with narrowed eyes.
Dandy was in the middle of the bed when we returned, so I had to gently move her, an offense that she was very upset by until she decided to snuggle between us for maximum pets.
“Merry Christmas, baby,” Mal said, scooting closer to me.
“It’s not Christmas yet.” It wasn’t even eleven yet.
“I know. But this has already been the best Christmas I’ve ever had. Just so you know.” She kissed my nose and I giggled.
“Same,” I whispered back.
Dandy was our wakeup call the next morning because she didn’t know what Christmas was. I got up and made sure she was fed and came back to bed to find Mal holding a box in her lap with a bow on it.
“What’s that?” I asked, pointing to it.
“Your Christmas present. I couldn’t wait to give it to you. So I guess I’m giving it to you now.”
She bit her lip and her cheeks were pink. I dove back onto the bed and held my hands out.
“Gimme.”
Her present was under the tree, but I didn’t feel like going to get it yet.
Mal laughed and set the present into my hands. I didn’t need x-ray vision to decide that it was probably some sort of jewelry.
Ripping into the paper with enthusiasm, I tossed it over the side of the bed for Dandy to play with. She was going to have so much fun today with all the trash around.
Inside the box was a silver necklace with the tiniest little blue stones spaced between the chain. It was delicate and gorgeous.
“Oh my god, Mal. I love it.” It was exactly something I would have looked at in a shop and decided was too nice to buy though.
“Really?” Mal asked. “You really like it? It’s not too much or anything?”
I set the necklace down on the bed between us and grabbed her face with both hands. “I didn’t say I liked it. I said I loved it.”
And I love you.
Those words were still inside me, waiting for their chance to come out. Eager and insistent.
Mal relaxed into me and then pulled back.
“Good. I was stressing out about it. Because all of this is new, and I had no idea what was appropriate for a liaison-turned-girlfriend and I’m just really glad you love it.”
“I do love you. It. I mean.” Shitttttt.
The words had seized their opportunity to make a break for it.
Mal’s eyes went wide and I knew I had fucked up.
The words had betrayed me.
“I mean—” I made a bunch of sputtering and stressed-out noises like a defective lawnmower.
“Hey,” Mal said, taking my hands while I considered throwing myself off the bed and rolling under it and fading away with the dust bunnies.
“Hey,” she said again, forcing me to look up at her.
“Don’t pretend you didn’t say what you said.
Because you’re not the only one who feels that way.
I’ve been…I’ve been kind of losing my fucking mind about you ever since we met and I know that things are moving fast, but every holiday movie has taught me that declarations of love you make on Christmas are meant to stick.
So. I love you, Gray. I do, and it scares the fucking hell out of me. ”
The last part was whispered while she pressed her forehead to mine.
“Holy fuck,” was my only response because what?
What was even happening right now? This gorgeous, smart, funny, sexy, unbelievable woman was in my bed and giving me pretty necklaces and telling me she loved me on Christmas. This was dream-come-true shit. Complete romcom nonsense. Whose life was this?
Mine, apparently.
Squealing, I dived forward and pinned her onto the bed, straddling her and smiling.
“Gray!” she yelled.
“Sorry not sorry.” I leaned down and kissed her, not caring about anything else but this.
“I love you,” I said in between kisses.
“I love you,” she responded.
Best. Christmas. Ever.