Chapter 13
13
The next few days were filled with so much work, they didn’t have much time for anything except eating and sleeping. When they were again finished with swimming the wreck, Sadie again took care of all the gear. When she approached Twister, he was busy with Dagger, and she automatically started cleaning his gear. Dagger’s eyes widened, and Twister turned around. His mouth tightened, and Dagger immediately excused himself.
“What the fuck are you doing?” Tension filled the space between them, the bad kind, the kind that made her insides shrink into a hard, cold knot. Experiencing the almost strangling sensation of dread unfolding in her, she wrapped her arms around her torso and watched him, every muscle in her body braced for a blow.
She stiffened at his angry tone. “I was?—”
“I know what you were doing, but I don’t need you to clean my gear. I can clean my own gear. I prefer to know that it’s done my way.”
There was an awkward silence, and suddenly, the companionship they had shared seemed like a distant memory. “I’m sorry. It’s a habit.”
His expression didn’t change. “I don't think that it is.”
She let the words wash over her, not wanting to absorb their full meaning, knowing there was no way she could avoid it. Her chin lifted, his reaction and words suddenly making her angry, but she couldn’t quite pinpoint why. “What is that supposed to mean?”
His hard expression softened. “You are a kind, warm, and generous person. Some people see that and take advantage.”
It took a moment before she was able to frame the words, her voice numb when she whispered, “And I let them?”
“You do. Everyone needs validation, but you don’t have to kowtow to people to be respected.”
“What do you expect me to do?”
“Say no. Just fucking say, no, deadbeat. Clean your own fucking gear. Get your own dive mask. Fill your own goddamn tanks. You’re a fucking Navy diver, not some lackey who’s responsible for those jobs, Sadie. You have skills and abilities that are already valued by the Navy. They don’t have to say it. They give you jobs that are tough and difficult because you are successful at them. Goddammit. Why can’t you see that?”
Ever since he had been so harsh with her, she’d retreated, simultaneously resentful and angry at him for chewing her out, her emotions drowning out any rational thought or serious consideration for what he had said. The fear inside her twisted and turned, tying her up in even more of a tangle. To face head-on what she was feeling, what she needed, was just too threatening to the precarious foundations she’d adhered to for so long, foundations that had been built on specific beliefs, reinforced over the years by…herself.
She was hurt to her core. She’d only been trying to help. After they docked, she made sure she rode in a different van while the SEALs did their security check, trying to understand why this whole thing was upsetting her so much. Once back at the compound, she got some food and secluded herself in her room to lick her wounds, trying to figure out why Twister’s words dug so deep. When there was a knock about half an hour later, she didn’t answer, nursing her anger and fear, needing time away from all his masculine energy, all the sexy things that made him so irresistible. She didn’t want to be overwhelmed by him before she knew herself and why she was withdrawing when she really didn’t want to, geez. She was just trying to help. She was a team player. He should understand that. Sadie thought back to Dylan and their work relationship. Was she the one who was always helping, always supportive? She tried, but she couldn’t remember a single time he cleaned her equipment or stored her gear. She did remember getting to the equipment room late and Dylan sitting there playing a game on his phone—and then ribbing her about being late. Deep down, Sadie knew she’d done everything she could to make Dylan’s life easier, at work and in their personal lives, because she wanted his approval. And he’d taken advantage of her most vulnerable need—to be enough, to take care of the ones she loved. He changed her, molded her to his desires and needs.
But that wasn’t the feeling she was getting with Twister—absolutely the opposite—and delving into herself was the only way she was going to get answers. But for the next few days, she stubbornly stayed out of his reach, punishing them both, knowing with a sickening drop in her gut that he was only telling her the truth, but she couldn’t deal with examining any of it.
She turned to her homework, which she’d fallen behind on since she’d met that infuriating, enigmatic man. Her laptop open, the screen filled with what was nothing but meaningless data she couldn’t focus on. Then the machine started chiming, and she jumped. It was her one-on-one communication app. Her mom.
She sighed and answered. “Mom.”
“Hi, Sadie. I was just calling to see how you were doing. It’s been a bit.” She hadn’t said a thing to her family about the Kittiwake or the possibility that her great-grandfather’s remains were part of what they had recovered. There was so much more work to do, but the bones they had discovered so far were being examined in their lab. To spare her family any disappointment or despair, she held back the information.
“You look tired, honey. Always working so hard for everyone else.”
“Well, I had to. You were working, Dad was working, and there wasn’t anyone else old enough to handle the family. You never noticed how hard I was working, school, cooking and cleaning, and handling the twins. It was utterly exhausting. ” The words came out of her mouth before she could stop them, and something inside her bubbled up to the surface.
The shock on her mother’s face made Sadie pause. It was true that she had never asserted herself when it came to what she needed from her parents, not even when it came to exhaustion and desperately needing a break. A lot of her behaviors were beginning to make sense to her—wanting to feel important, feeling pride in being needed, and focusing so minutely on relationships. Her fear of becoming a burden on others and driving them away suddenly was real. She remembered the way she had gone overboard for Jeff’s daughter Allison’s birthday, how she jumped at the chance of diving the Kittiwake , even though it would have been best to rest and recover before her crucial service for MDSU-2. But her pride at helping Jeff with his daughter and being asked to dive overrode her common sense. That same pride kicked in when Jeff praised her for being a savior, and again when she realized her great-grandfather’s remains would finally come home and she would be a hero to her family because of it. That little dark undertone to her personality she wasn’t liking too much right now.
“Sadie—”
A sharp knock on the door distracted her, and she bit her lip. “Mom. I’ve got to go. We’ll talk later.”
“We will. Don’t put it off.”
She disconnected the call and slipped off the bed, her stomach in knots. “Who is it?”
“Sadie, it’s me. Please open the door.” His deep, weary voice hit something so chasmic in her, she immediately felt immature and out of touch with herself for acting the way she had, but then that was her knee-jerk reaction, wasn’t it?
Rejection wasn’t the end of the world, and she was finally getting it that some people just wouldn’t like her, and that was starting to feel okay…it didn’t diminish her in any way. But this man was so special, and she knew it in her bones. She loved that he was the opposite to her with his admirable tenacity, his high volume of energy, strong opinions, and direct communication.
Yes, he’d been clear about how he felt about her cleaning his gear, but what she had overlooked in his statements were the compliments mixed in with his response.
She swayed a bit, hammered by this welling of feeling that sprang up in her like a rushing river after a rain…love. The real kind, not the kind she had fantasized about getting when she was too terrified to even search for the substantial, messy, vulnerable, and unpredictable kind that was happening between her and Twister.
That’s when it hit her like a ton of bricks. Twister was right. She was beginning to realize that she’d spent her adult life as if she was still under her parents’ thumbs. It didn’t have anything to do with fitting in. She fit in damn fine. But her old way of thinking had run roughshod over her, and she thought she had to pick up any slack, do all the work, and sacrifice herself to duty. Not true, not after experiencing intimacy with Twister, something she’d never allowed herself to do with any man, but he was overwhelming her senses, and she was finding herself in all that emotional upheaval. She had a right to find happiness and balance, and she definitely had the right to say no and stand up for herself.
“Didn’t you tell me that I could say no?” She was trembling at the revelation that swept over her like a rush of heat. She was truly in love with Shane “Twister” Reeves, and it had come on the heels of his reaming her out, not because he was rejecting her, but because he cared about her.
He huffed out a short, wry laugh. “You know that only turns me on…a feisty woman throwing my words back at me at the opportune time.”
She walked to the door and pulled it open. God help her. He was the most beautiful man she’d ever seen. He always looked…dangerous, not just that warrior quality about him, but that intensity that radiated from him in a tangible sense of heat and power. A man who thrived on risk and adversity. His tousled black hair and the dark stubble shadowing his lean jaw only added to those tantalizing qualities. But to her, he was so much more, emotionally honest when she sensed that was something he struggled with, strong and determined to do not only what needed to be done no matter the personal cost to him, but doing the right thing in all matters, and the way he stood up for her and supported her, silently, vocally, and intimately.
Those stunning, piercing, burnished eyes of his had the ability to read her, tempt and arouse her, and soothe her.
Sadie sighed, and as if he knew exactly where her thoughts had traveled, a slow disarming, now not-so-rare smile tipped up the corners of his sensual mouth, punctuating that awareness that coiled low and deep in her belly and her heart. Her attraction to this man was undeniable, like nothing she ever experienced before.
I love him , she whispered so quietly to herself, marveling at what that meant, the richness, the wholeness of her feelings nearly overwhelming her.
“This is the opportune time,” she said, moving back as he crowded her into the room, then nudged the door closed with one broad shoulder.
He caught her under the chin and forced her to look at him. He winced when he saw her face, then caught her by the neck and pulled her into his embrace—a warm, safe embrace. Sadie turned her face against him and fought the feelings of rejection, of fear, of loneliness.
Twister tucked his head down against hers and tightened his hold, then slowly rubbed his hand up and down her back. “I’m sorry, Sadie. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I just can’t stand it when people take advantage of others. It makes me crazy.”
He just held her, his face tucked against hers. His warmth and physical closeness diffused the negative emotions, and Sadie clung to the solidness of him, her eyes tightly closed, and her jaw clenched.
“Thank you for being so tough on me. I needed it.”
“And the opportune time?”
“I’ve just discovered that I’ve been so locked up regarding my upbringing and having to do everything for my family because they needed me, and I easily, willingly, and unconsciously carried it all over into my adult life. I would probably be doing everything the same if it wasn’t for you pointing out my flaws.”
“Sadie—”
“No, that’s what they are, and I should understand and embrace them. They’re part of me, part of who I am…was…evolving into. I always felt so?—”
“Trapped.”
Of all the things he could have said, nothing could have been more devastating, more wrenching. It was as if he knew exactly what kind of emotional trauma she was experiencing right then and was there to lift her out of that morass. She shivered and pressed against him, her arms caught against his chest, and Twister tightened his hold.
“I know what it feels like to not have an outlet for all those pent-up feelings of having no choice in how you spend your time, and always giving and giving until you feel there’s nothing left for you, and somehow you can’t help feeling selfish and unworthy.”
Her teeth clamped against the well of unshed tears, and she nodded her head, getting lost in his support and empathy. She looked up at him then, and he met her gaze. The intent look in his eyes was like he was touching each piece of her and examining her with great care and tenderness.
“There’s freedom in letting go of what everyone expects of you, babe, including yourself. Focus only on your internal dialogue about who you want to be. Fuck everyone else.”
Fighting against the swell of tears, Sadie pushed free of his chest and slipped her arms around his neck, a soft sob wrenching loose when he gathered her up, holding her just as tightly. Neither one of them said anything as she worked her way through the pressure now releasing inside of her, and she was starting to understand what he meant about that freedom.
“Look, we’re getting a few days off schedule to get rid of this nitrogen build-up in our bodies. What do you say to a trip into the city? We could get a hotel room, go snorkeling around these amazing reefs, and just relax and talk.”
“Talk?” He was trying to be so open and accessible, and she loved that about him, unable to resist teasing him just a bit.
“Yeah, like bond and stuff.”
“Bond and stuff?” She giggled.
“What’s so funny?” he said with a sweetly dangerous edge to his tone, the look on his face was so startlingly vulnerable, though he swiftly masked it, she immediately felt bad for teasing him. It was difficult to think of this man as remotely vulnerable, and the idea that he was, with her, flustered her, even as it stirred everything sweet and wonderful for him inside her.
“When did my ferocious bear turn into a teddy?”
He stared at her, and she could tell by the expression in his eyes that he didn't know whether to be amused or ticked off over her implication. “Are you calling me…cuddly?” he growled, his tone mock offended, and she smiled.
“If the Care Bear shoe fits.” She giggled again. So damn cute, especially with that intimidating scowl. “Let me see if there is a pretty rainbow on your tummy.” She went to lift his T-shirt, but her mouth only went dry at the hardness of his rippling abs instead. Damn, she was caught in her own tease.
His body stilled, and he looked at her, his eyes narrowing dangerously, a glint of reprisal appearing. He continued to watch her with that dark, heavy-lidded look, then, the husky timbre of his voice loaded with gravel, he said, “I don’t do pretty, but I’ll get one tattooed on my ass if you want some hard, fucking rainbows.”
“I’m sure there’s a tattoo parlor around—” She squealed, noting the devilish twinkle sparking to life in those burnished depths.
“Woman, you are going to have to pay up for that.”
“Oh, really? You're going to need your whole team to—” A half second later, she was on her back, on her bed, another squeal of surprised delight whooshing out of her as Twister’s weight pressed down on top of her.
“I don’t need any team to battle oh-so-tough with you,” he said, thrusting his hips against hers, and her thoughts scattered as he held her gaze for the longest moment, then he dropped his head, and she completely got lost in him.
Sadie woke before dawn, tucked into the curve of Twister’s body, his arm secure around her waist, his breath warm against her neck, and she let her eyes drift shut, loving the feel of waking up in his arms. She couldn’t have had more than three hours of sleep, but she was feeling surprisingly rested. They had ended up talking into the night about their childhoods, and she had found out more information about the way he both loved and resented his father. He confessed that he didn’t often talk about his dad, not wanting to fall under his shadow. He’d also told her he was from Bethlehem, New Hampshire, a small town in the White Mountains with lots of winter sports, rock climbing, hiking and old-fashioned festivals, outdoor concerts, and art shows. He said his mom owned an antique shop, and she was a genius when it came to turning other peoples’ junk into treasure.
But now it was morning and the sun would be up soon, and her PT waited for no man or daybreak. Softly rubbing the back of his hand, Sadie shifted and looked at the clock. She lifted his arm and eased away from him. As soon as she moved, Twister rolled over onto his stomach. Smiling down at him, she pulled the sheet up to cover him, and her stomach dropped. She’d felt it a couple times when she’d run her hands over his back, a circular-shaped scar. Now she realized it was a bullet wound healed over.
She took a hard breath, realizing that if it came to any kind of violence, this man was going to be her shield. Feeling that sober thought all the way through her, she dragged her gaze away and covered him, then leaned down and lightly kissed his temple. Stars, she hoped she had made things better for him like he had done for her. She had a lot of work to do to overcome a lifetime of skewed thinking, but she felt she was on the path to a better understanding of herself for sure.
Once she was out running, she kept experiencing this feeling of being watched. Breathing hard, she stopped and turned, just catching a glimpse of a man who disappeared from view, but her heart lurched a bit. David Burton.
She was sure it was him because he was wearing that goofy Jiminy Cricket T-shirt they had gotten at Disneyland when they’d visited it in dive school while on leave. Dylan had insisted, because he’d joked that David wanted to be his conscience, and it had been an uncomfortable situation.
Feeling strange at the thought that David was watching her, she finished her run and entered the building.
“Petty Officer Tompkins,” a man called, and she turned to find Special Agent Beck. “Could I have a word with you?”
“Of course,” she said as sweat slipped down her temples and cheeks.
“After talking with Petty Officer Lancaster, he revealed that you had a relationship with Petty Officer Mercer in dive school and that it caused a rift between the two men. Has Petty Officer Burton been acting strange at all?”
“It’s true we had a relationship, and David was totally against it to the extent that he tried to break us up. As for acting strange…he has been hostile to me on several occasions.”
Before she could tell the agent what had just happened, he asked, “Have you seen or heard from Petty Officer Burton?”
From the look on his face, she got the feeling this wasn’t a casual question. “Um, yes. I just saw him on the running path.”
“When?” he asked sharply.
“About ten minutes ago. I think he was following me.”
“He’s currently AWOL, and he’s wanted for questioning in Petty Officer Mercer’s death at this time,” he said, motioning to Special Agent Berenger. “If he approaches you or you hear from him, please urge him to turn himself in.” Then he and Agent Crawford were gone.
Shaken, she walked back to the room. Was the whole world going crazy? She thought Dylan had been killed by a terrorist group. How and why did he have information about Dylan’s death? A shiver went down her spine, and she didn’t want to think about it, but Twister’s words came back to her. He has the hots for you. Had Dylan and David argued over her again? Had David seriously been jealous enough to have murdered Dylan? Those thoughts were mind-boggling.
Once they were officially on leave, Twister still felt he couldn’t let down his guard. David was still gone, somewhere on the island, and he was fixated on Sadie. After what Sadie told him yesterday regarding the fact that David had been following her, and he was wanted in questioning regarding Mercer’s death, he almost canceled their outing, but he realized that Sadie would be very disappointed, and if David thought to do harm to Sadie, he probably already would have.
She was safe with him. They took a taxi through Denpasar's bustling city, seeing much of the residential and urban parts, most of it filled with greenery and ancient temples. Their hotel was located to the south of the city near the ocean, so they could go to a few snorkel places, avoiding scuba diving altogether to flush the nitrogen from their systems. There was heavy congestion during the late morning hours running up to lunch.
After they checked in and dropped their bags into the room, they opted to go out of the hotel for lunch to experience the Balinese cuisine. They chose a fresh seafood restaurant that had an ocean view and was within walking distance of the hotel. The catch offered up for consumption had been caught by locals and grilled using a traditional method of cooking on a coconut husk.
They weren’t going to dive until the next day, spending a leisurely time having lunch, doing some shopping, and then crashing at the end of the day by the pool.
Twister was looking forward to a nighttime stroll with Sadie.
When they were seated, they ordered, and just as their drinks were delivered, Sadie stiffened.
“What is it?” Twister asked immediately.
“I think I saw David again.” She swallowed hard, turning to look at him, and Twister wanted to wring David’s neck for spooking Sadie. She needed a break.
“Where?” he asked.
“Over there in that crowd on the beach. He’s still wearing that goofy T-shirt I told you about. He’s easy to spot.” Twister rose and she gave him an anxious look. “Be careful,” she whispered.
He jogged over there, searched amongst the people lounging around, but didn’t see Burton. He was ready to rend the man in two if he posed a threat to Sadie. She didn’t deserve this kind of animosity from anyone. As far as Twister was concerned, it was Burton’s problem. He turned and went back to the table. Reaching out, he clasped her hand. “He’s no longer there. I’m sorry he’s upsetting you.”
She nodded. “The thought that he might have been responsible for murdering Dylan because of me is disturbing to say the least.” She toyed with the hot pink umbrella in her fruity drink.
He nodded. He wanted her to relax, and he spent the time during lunch humoring her out of her unsettled mood into one that was more carefree. After spending all this time with Sadie and discovering how they meshed and all that they had in common—she was a complement to him in so many ways— he was discovering not only her deep, emotional layers hidden away, but she was instrumental in him coming to terms with dying, and these panic attacks that had seemed to recede in the last few days. His dreams were less disturbed, but he wasn’t sure if that was because he was lying next to her.
He was in over his head with her. Way deeper than he’d ever intended to fall for the sexy Navy diver who he had been assigned to protect. It made him think, yearning for some kind of future together with her.
That thought made his palms sweat and his heart race. It might have started off hot and heavy in the sex department, but along the way they had found an intimacy and openness he’d never known he wanted or thought he could achieve.
And now, he didn’t want to lose any part of that or her. He would just have to wait for the right moment to bring up a discussion of what kind of future they could have…whether she even wanted it.
And that scared him most of all.