Chapter 15
15
Twister’s words knifed through her, especially that note of hope in his voice and the warm glimmer in his unique eyes. This man…this amazing man of his caliber wanted her in his life, and that was the first time she’d ever felt humbled by another person. She wanted to rise to the level of her best self in order to be his equal in a partnership with him. Right now, this minute, she wasn’t there. She acknowledged that with some deep pain.
“Sadie?” he said, that note of hope wavering, and her heart squeezed so hard. The thought of hurting Twister made her feel charred inside. She looked at him, and he held her gaze for just a moment, a flicker of hesitancy in his eyes.
“Shane,” she said, her throat constricted.
Bracing his back against the headboard, he reached over and turned on the light, then angled his body so that they were face to face. “Talk to me, babe.” His eyes narrowed a fraction, and he stared at her, his gaze suddenly dark and serious. “I’ve got all these scenarios running through my head.”
She made a soft sound, trying to comfort him with her eyes. He reached out, brushing the loose wisps of hair from around her face, then drew her toward him. She tried to brace herself for what she had to say, but nothing was going to soften the hard, cold reality of her words. “My first instinct is to agree wholeheartedly, jump at the chance to be with you for the long term, but all that you’ve brought out in me recently is putting up a strong roadblock.”
Twister’s mouth tightened in disappointment, and she so wanted to backpedal, but she couldn’t. It was too important for both of them.
“So the answer is…no?”
“ No . God, no,” she said in a rush. His expression somber, he reached out and took her hand. Grateful for that one small gesture, Sadie locked her jaw against the intense ache filling her chest, her eyes welling up. Tightening her fingers around his in a death grip, she nearly broke down when he folded her hand between both of his. His head bent, he rubbed his thumb across her fingers in solemn preoccupation.
“Maybe you can explain to me what it is then. I’m not going to sugar-coat how I feel about you to ease any of this between us. I’m an all-in kind of guy. That’s the bottom line. I might be a juggernaut when it comes to most things, but with you, I find that I have an infinite amount of patience. I want you to feel good about this. So tell me how you’re feeling, and do me a favor. Don’t fucking sugar-coat it for me. I don’t need that shit. I take everything straight.”
His response released so much tension in her body and mind that her heart was suddenly too big for her chest. He cared about her. He truly did, putting her before his own desires, leaving her free to sort through all this morass, not exactly alone, but there was some breathing room. He had truly discovered himself, and that made her so happy and eager to get to the bottom of her own issues and problems, so she could reach for the life she wanted.
She slid her arms around him and hugged him hard. She hung on to him another moment. Then, she physically pulled herself together. He had so earned her trust and an explanation.
“You’ll take it straight…” she said, her tone wry.
He chuckled and gave her a tight squeeze. “Just spill, woman, and spare me.”
She sighed and said, “I’m sure I’m not alone in saying that I adore men who say what they think and are straightforward about it. It’s refreshing and very sexy.”
“Sexy? I’m just being me.”
“Yeah, exactly . You’re so confident…that’s sexy.” She sighed and ran her hand down his bare chest, loving the feel of him. “It’s not a full-blown wall, but just something to make me stop and think before I leap…” She took a hard breath. “And I want to leap right into your offer. But I want to make sure that I’m not trying to please you, sacrifice my own feelings and needs to fulfill yours.”
She was weak right now. So weak. She thought she loved him, but she wanted to make damn sure it wasn’t because he’d needed her so intensely and that, in turn, fed her desire to be needed.
“Ah, so you just need time, then, to figure this all out.”
“Yes, that’s all.”
“Hmm, that’s all.” He turned that gorgeous torso of his and turned off the light. “Then we better get some sleep.” A thousand feelings washed through her, and she sagged against him, her face pressed to his neck. Twister stroked her back, molding her closer, his touch firm and reassuring. “We’ve got to get back to it tomorrow, and you’ve got some thinking to do. But not tonight, Sadie. Just relax and let it all be for now.”
She tightened her arms around his neck and nodded, focusing on the warm scent of him, the weight of his arms around her. Those were real and solid. And secure. He bent his head and kissed her, making her senses swim and her body go weak. And Sadie sank into it. Dragging his mouth away, Twister pressed her face back to his neck. “Go to sleep,” he whispered gruffly.
“I have one more thing to say to you.” She raised her head, and the muscles in his jaw bunched.
“Give it to me, babe. I can take it.”
The pain in her chest was intolerable, but it was some of the first real and strong feelings she’d felt, and she held on to them, knowing that she could tell him anything. “Your ability to drop the pretense of your tough guy attitude and power through your emotions, getting in touch with them, humbles me right down to my core. You’re putting yourself out there, being open, being vulnerable, and I’m so damned impressed you gave me your real, authentic self, the one you’d buried just like I have for so many freaking years, it became second nature to adopt that person.” Her voice was thick with admiration, hope, and tears. “And in my case, the need to twist myself into a pretzel, overextend myself, embrace the inability to say no, and to work so hard to be indispensable. You make it so hard not to want to just say yes.”
As if sensing the change in her, Twister caught her by the back of the head and tightened his hold, his embrace suddenly rife with tension. “If and when you do come to that conclusion, I’m never going to let you go, and I’ll cherish everything we have between us.” His gaze warm and intimate, he stared at her, his eyes alive. Then something flickered in his eyes, and he looked away, his expression suddenly strained. “But, right now, it’s important to have the space to process your own feelings.”
Those words hit her hard. With his understanding, she felt she was almost halfway there. This was Twister showing up, putting in an effort, and making space for her…for them. Her gratitude was off the charts.
It was up to her to sort out what she truly wanted, and her impulse was to agree, to jump in with both feet, but she’d done that in her past, and it hadn’t served her well. This time she was going to think about herself first, because it wouldn’t be fair to Twister if she didn’t give this deep thought and consideration. He deserved all that and more.
Sadie woke to an empty bed the next morning. She vaguely remembered the warmth of Twister’s hand against her face, the feather-light brush of his lips against her cheek, before he eased his weight from her. But that had been just before dawn, when first light seeped into their room. It disturbed her that she hadn’t sensed his absence.
Tucking the sheet around her, she sat up, resting her elbows on her raised knees as she dragged her hair back from her face, a flutter of both hope and dread stirring in her belly. Today they were going back to the compound, back to work. There was still time on this assignment, and with that thought, some of the dread eased just as Twister let himself back into their room. He was sweaty and sexy, dressed in his running clothes. Just like divers, SEALs were never really on vacation.
“One of these days,” she said softly, “we’re going to have to sleep in and see what it really feels like.”
He grinned, stripping off his clothes and heading toward the bathroom. “Sleep in? What are you going on about, woman? I don’t know those words.”
She grinned back at him, watching as his taut backside slipped out of view. Well, if she couldn’t sleep in with him, she had other options. Before she could act on them, he poked his head out the door, his expression soft and tender.
He was staring at her, his wrist braced high on the frame, his face taut. Every single muscle in his body was delineated by the sheen of perspiration on his skin, and he looked male, aroused, restrained—and hot. Her knees got weak, then weaker. His voice low and strained, he said, “Have a shower with me, babe.”
After eating a solid breakfast, she found that Twister had sent their shopping bags and stuff to the compound so they could walk back through the city. She appreciated that, wanting to enjoy strolling with him hand in hand through the historical and bustling city. Their progress was quick until they encountered a growing mob who seemed angry. They were shouting at some people near a café.
Then the chanting started, now in English.
“Go home, tourists! We don’t want you here!”
Twister tensed beside her, and something happened that she hadn’t seen before. He changed into a warrior right before her eyes—all those heavy muscles tightened as his senses heightened. His eyes went steely and seemed to take in and assess everything in close proximity, and everything about him looked harder, deadly, professional. She saw him reach to his lower back, then drop his hand, and swear under his breath. It was instinct, a warfighter’s reflex to reach for his weapon. Her own adrenaline kicked in and started buzzing. She wasn’t exactly a commando, but she knew how to defend herself.
But it was woefully lacking when it came to Twister’s training. It hit home that this was a part of him she hadn’t seen, the part she knew was there, but seeing him in action hit home that he wasn’t just someone who did bodyguard work. This man had been part of the tip of the spear, had seen and experienced more than she could ever comprehend.
She cleaned ships, replaced equipment, heavy, dangerous equipment, braved the deep sea and the risks that were inherent in defying the mysterious and unpredictable ocean. Her job was about engineering, dive tables, going into dark places and retrieving lost and damaged items, vehicles, and the remains of what had once been fighting men.
With Twister, her world expanded, and she thought she knew men. She’d worked with them, trained with them, took the same risks as they did.
But she’d had blinders on.
But now they were lifted, giving her a look into the man who transformed into the big, bad wolf.
People milled around, pressing in on them, and Twister grabbed her hand, his gaze never leaving the crowd. “Stay close to me.”
She nodded, trembling at the swiftness of danger surrounding them during their romantic walk through such a sunshiny day. She did as he told her, stayed close to him, and he made his way through the crowd toward the other side, where the street continued onto the compound.
She looked over her shoulder and spied that damn goofy Disney shirt. She stopped, and her startled reaction wasn’t lost on Twister. He turned toward her, and then an object flew at them from the crowd, from the vicinity of her Jiminy Cricket sighting.
Twister moved so fast it left her breathless. He pulled her back, his body leaning as the object, a rock, sailed past them, making a terrible thumping sound.
A woman screamed, then started calling out, “Bradley! Brad! Oh, my God, someone call an ambulance.”
She turned and focused on the man on the ground. Twister jerked her forward as he knelt down to the guy. Sadie had the sense to keep calm. She wasn’t one to panic in a crisis. If she did that below the surface, she was dead. She pulled out her phone as he glanced back at her, approval on his handsome face. He started attending to the man, soothing the woman as she placed the call.
She turned back to the crowd and glimpsed the shirt. Anger licked through her, her whole body trembling with that emotion, suddenly enjoying the feeling of something so pure and true inside her—anger, and other emotions that had evolved over time to keep humans safe. Especially in the fight response, which evolved so she could defend herself from an enemy or danger, and in this case, David was now her enemy. Her focus sharpened, and her eyes narrowed as another surge of righteous anger flamed through her.
That bastard! He’d thrown the rock at them. She was sure of it. Before she had a chance to think about her state of mind, she reacted. Darting through the crowd, she sprinted across the street, anger compressing her lungs and swear words escaping her lips. She had to make sure it was him. She had to know. God help her, she had to confront him, tell him he was wasting his time on her, and threatening them like this wasn’t going to work out very well for him. He should turn himself in, fess up to whether or not he murdered Dylan, and give her some peace of mind.
His career with the Navy was already in jeopardy. She was floored that he had given up all that work, training, and striving for master diver. It was incomprehensible to her that he desired her when he’d been nothing but nasty and undermining. Dodging a group of gaping tourists standing on the curb, she saw that shirt dart into an alley. She flew down the sidewalk, careless of obstacles in her way, disregarding the danger she may be courting. If David got away before she could catch him, she would never know what the hell was going on with him. And she didn’t want to be looking over her shoulder for the rest of her life.
The light was obscured in the dank space between two towering buildings, but she wasn’t going to be deterred. She could hear the sirens in the distance, and at the scuff of a foot, she turned, but it was too late. An arm came around her neck from behind.
“Come away with me, Sadie. We’ll make a new li?—”
She elbowed him in the gut as hard as she could, but before she could turn around and confront him, he pushed her hard, and she fell to her knees against the grimy pavement.
“We’ll do this the hard way,” he growled, his voice almost indecipherable. Something hard hit her in the back of the head, stunning her.
Then she heard Twister roar her name, and David swore savagely, then she heard his running footfalls until they faded in the distance. Strong hands and Twister’s fierce face came into view.
She inhaled and breathed deeply, then shifted. “Ow,” she said, lifting her hand to the back of her head. “I guess the freaking honeymoon is over,” she muttered.
“Slow down there, daredevil,” he said, pulling her closer and examining the back of her head. His jaw bunched and his eyes went even steelier, if that was possible. “Fucker,” he whispered, probing her gently. She didn’t like David’s odds if Twister got his hands on him.
“Ow,” she said again.
“You’ll live. No stitches needed,” he said wryly. “What the hell was going on up there? Chasing after David is my job. I’m supposed to be protecting you.”
“He threw that rock,” she snapped, then softened. “I saw it, and I just got so angry that he would threaten you. I reacted, and I’m not sorry for it.” A sick feeling remained in her gut. He was out of control and thought she would actually run away with him. He was delusional.
He blinked, his burnished eyes softening with concern. “Okay,” he chuckled. “Noted. I was worried about you. Is that allowed, ballbuster?”
Her temper deflated a bit, and with humor in her voice, she said, “Sorry. I’m pissed.” She took a hard breath. “How is that man?”
“He’s okay, just glanced off his temple and stunned him for a moment, but they’re taking him to the hospital to make sure.”
He helped her to stand, her balance wavering for a moment, but Twister supported her, always strong and solid. They walked back out to the street. The crowd had thinned considerably, and Twister flagged down a cab. Sadie didn’t protest.
Once they reached the compound, Twister wasted no time in heading toward the NCIS agents. He related everything that had happened, and they were both grim-faced. The afternoon was filled with questions about her, so many questions.
“Most of the time, men just seem to disappear on me. I’ve dated several at MDSU-1, but they didn’t go anywhere. Neither David or Dylan contacted me while I was stationed in Hawaii. Just Neil. He was always interested in what I was doing.” She smiled. “He was a good friend all through training and afterwards.”
Griffin’s eyes narrowed. “What do you mean the men you dated disappeared?”
“After a couple of dates, they ghosted me. Maybe getting involved with a Navy diver was too impermanent.” She shrugged.
“Maybe,” Griffin said.
Finally, they let them go and Sadie unpacked and did some laundry. Twister was with his team by then, and as it got late, she headed up to bed. When he didn’t show up immediately, she once again tried to focus on her homework.
There was a knock, and she rose to open the door. Twister was on the other side, but when she went to open the door, he didn’t come inside. His serious expression gave nothing away, but there was something in his eyes that made her pulse jump into overdrive. The hint of regret instantly faded, replaced by a glint that was more heated, far more potent, far more intent. Far more male.
“Aren’t you coming inside?” she asked, her question breathless. The man made her crave.
“No, babe. I’ve been thinking about what you said last night, and I think that crowding you isn’t the best situation for you to work things out. What do you think?”
The man simply overwhelmed her, all the time, and as much as she wanted him beside her, she realized that he was right, and she couldn’t stop the flutter of emotions that cascaded through her. His thoughtfulness being at the top of the list.
“That sounds like a terrible time for both of us, but I see the wisdom in the suggestion. Okay, with protests.”
He drew her firmly against him and smoothed back her hair, his touch not quite steady when he kissed her mouth. “This is for you, Sadie. Sort things out and take your time. I want you so badly, but not to the detriment of your peace of mind in knowing who you are and where you want this to go. That has to take precedence,” he whispered roughly.
Tightening her arms around him, Sadie pressed herself deeper into his embrace. Her voice catching on raw emotion, she struggled to get out the words. “Thank you for being stronger than I am.”
He went still, then released an unsteady sigh and slid his hand under her hair and up the back of her neck, spanning the base of her head, then squeezed gently. Stepping back, looking like that move took every ounce of strength he had, he released a long sigh. Then he turned and walked away from her.
That left her stripped and hurting, but it was for her benefit even though it didn’t feel like it. With all that energy, the man filled up a space full to bursting, taking her attention and leaving her wrung out.
She forced herself to do homework, then she got ready for bed. After turning off the light, she felt tired, but sleep eluded her. It had been hard to let him go back to his bunk. Especially after what they had shared. She’d discovered an astounding physical intimacy with him that had empowered her, and he had uncovered a sensuality in her that she hadn’t even known she possessed. And he had made her feel things she hadn’t thought possible.
Emotions, feelings, dreams, hopes, and the future. Certain levels of stress and anxiety pushed her to perform at a high level. Sadness could be cathartic, filling her with appreciation for what she had lost while signaling to others the support needed to recover and heal. Then there was what she felt for Twister. How could she know it was love?
Her body stilled. He wanted her to be happy, and he cared about what happened to her. He wanted to know what she was feeling. He sacrificed for her, and right now it wasn’t the sex she missed with him…it was the way he held her when they slept.
Her throat filled, and she took one more step closer to figuring out what she wanted. She could easily contrast that to the way she felt about Dylan. She had learned a hard lesson with Dylan. She had agreed to everything he’d said, and it wasn’t until he’d brought up children and her responsibility to provide them to him without even considering her feelings in the matter that she got angry. She could quit her job, she could let go of her dreams, she could become his wife, but with conditions. She had almost settled for less than what she really needed and wanted in that relationship. Now she realized that she had believed that being appreciated for what she did for others was the only way she could get satisfaction in life, totally unaware of her own true needs and desires.
But now that was ending…and Twister was giving her the freedom to explore it. Her breathing slowed, and she dropped into sleep, confident in the knowledge that he was important to her, and for him, she was willing to examine her blind spots and feel any pain that came from acknowledging them. All she had to do was get in touch with them.
The next day, after getting ready for the dock, she could hear the clamor in the hall. Those SEALs were leaving the bunkroom, and Sadie hurriedly pulled open her door. He was just coming out of the room when she got close. When he looked over and saw her, his eyes lightened. “Good morning, Petty Officer.”
The husky intimacy in his tone set off a wild flutter inside her, and she tucked her hands in her pockets to keep from touching him. “Good morning.”
“Um, Petty Officer,” Flash said with a smirk. “You’ve got your T-shirt inside out.”
Sadie looked down, feeling like a fool. Damn it, how had she managed that? Oh, right, too much of a hurry to put it on to get out into the hall to see him. Restraining a sigh, she gave Flash a level look. “I like wearing it that way.”
He grinned and looked skeptical. “Yeah, right.”
Twister grinned at his brother, and she was so conscious of Twister watching her, the intimate gleam in his eyes making her heart flutter.
“I think,” he said, just loud enough for her to hear, “that you’re lying through your teeth, Petty Officer. But I’ll take him out back and kick his ass if you’d like.”
She wanted to hug him so much that she could hardly stand it, her senses overdosing on the scent of him, on his closeness.
That pretty much set up all the ribbing she got from all of them, and she really felt a part of the boys. When they came back from the dive and hit the dock, gunfire peppered the wooden decking, Twister spinning and going down.
Without hesitation, she sprinted toward him, grabbed his vest, and pulled him out of the line of fire. When she looked down, her hands were covered in blood.