Chapter 2
Eve
I wake up as the light filters through Robert’s standard-issue-IKEA bachelor blinds. I am far too hot. The heatwave we’ve been promised is finally taking root, and Robert’s naked chest is stuck to my back like cling film. His hand is clasped around my boob, like it’s a port in a storm.
I prise his fingers off me and peel myself away, sliding quietly from under the duvet. My clothes are in a pile in the corner, and I bundle them up, hunting for my handbag. I dig through the shadows of unwashed socks and damp towels before I find it, tossed atop a half-folded exercise mat.
I fumble with the door to Robert’s ensuite and step inside, curling my hand back through the gap to turn the light on so I don’t wake him up. The shower is big and completely filthy, with conditioner-matted hairs — blonde, I note, and clearly not belonging to Robert and his chestnut short-back-and-sides — clinging to the glass screen. I step inside gingerly, scrubbing myself, and then use last night’s clothes to pat myself dry. In the zipped area of my work bag is a fresh top, skirt and a pair of knickers and tights. I dress quickly, slick my hair into a tidy bun and then deftly swipe on some mascara and concealer. A quick spray of Robert’s deodorant and I’m ready.
I’m about to step back into the bedroom when I hear the mattress creak. I freeze. The sound stops, but I can’t take any chances, so I sit down on the toilet lid and pull out my laptop, spending twenty minutes going over this morning’s numbers. When the silence has dragged on long enough, and my presentation is up to date, I unlock the door, tiptoe past Robert’s bare arse, and leave.
* * *
‘Really glad the sunflower thing worked so well, Eve.’ One of the marketing assistants says after I’ve wrapped up my briefing. I step aside to let people pass.
‘Me too.’ I smile. ‘It was a great idea, keep them coming.’
She nods and I leave, emerging into the open-plan office area and checking my watch. Three hours, that meeting took. We could have done it in two had Brenda spent less time talking about her broken drainpipe and more time chairing like she was supposed to. All in all, though, it was a success.
I let myself into my office and scan through my Outlook calendar, checking for any gaps. There’s one between 8 p.m. and 9 p.m. this evening, so I enter ‘Exercise bike’ and ‘Review expo visuals’ to fill up the slot. I pull out my paper calendar and copy the entries in there, too, using yellow pen for ‘extracurricular’.
A shriek from beyond my office door catches my attention, and I look through the glass wall to see Jess launching herself at Kirsty, who is trying to direct a weekly briefing. I count to three before there’s a knock on the door.
‘Eve?’ Brenda slinks in, her boggling eyes trained on the wall behind me. ‘I don’t want to be a party pooper, but this is the third time now.’
‘I know, Brenda. I’ll have a word.’
‘I love the open culture of this office as much as the next person, but if your friend wants to keep visiting she really is going to have to tone it down a bit.’
‘I’ll talk to her, don’t worry.’
‘It’d be a shame for everybody to lose their privileges because of one person.’
I stand up and walk around my desk, sticking my head out of the door. ‘Jess, Kirsty’s in the middle of something. Come in here.’
Jess releases Kirsty, who returns to her meeting, and bumbles over to the door, her dreadlocks swinging. ‘Hey! How was last night, you minx?’
Brenda’s eyes bulge.
‘Good chat, Brenda, thank you. I’ll deal with it.’ I begin shutting the door and she shuffles backwards until she is officially out of the room, and the conversation.
‘Jess, you’re making everyone hate me.’ I sink into my chair. ‘Can you tone the screeching down a bit?’
‘Shit, sorry.’ She covers her mouth with her hand. ‘Was I really loud?’
‘A bit. Just come straight in here next time.’
‘Alright.’ She rustles around in her tote bag and produces two steaming boxes of noodles. ‘How was last night, anyway?’
I glance at the door; Brenda is still silhouetted behind it. ‘I’ll tell you in a bit. How’s Johnny?’
Johnny is Jess’s latest ‘boyfriend’. About six months ago, she attended a yoga convention with work and met a throuple who made such an impression on her that she decided to go polyamorous. It’s been a tumultuous time.
‘OK, I think...’ She tucks one leg underneath her and her Birkenstock leaves a brown skid across the white leather of the chair. ‘He’s been seeing her a lot.’
‘His girlfriend?’
She rips the lid of her noodles off with force. ‘ I’m his girlfriend, Eve.’
‘Wasn’t she his girlfriend first?’
‘If you want to get technical about it, then yes, I suppose so.’ She pouts into her lunch and I ready myself. Jess can only do anger for about eight seconds before she implodes. Her eyes fill. ‘It’s just like, am I not enough? What am I missing?’
‘Nothing, there’s nothing wrong with you.’ I fork a piece of broccoli and blow on it. ‘You’re totally fine.’
‘Then why does he keep running back to her?’
I chew slowly, taking my time before I reply. ‘It’s not for you, Jess.’
‘What isn’t? Johnny?’
‘Polyamory.’
‘Yes it is!’ She swipes a tear from her cheek. ‘Sharing love is the like, essence of who I am. It’s the most spiritual thing you can imagine.’
I’m saved from responding by the arrival of Kirsty, who perches on the edge of my desk and starts demolishing a salad. ‘What are we talking about?’
Kirsty is my second-in-command and work bestie. Since Jess visits for lunch a few days a week, they’ve become quite close, and with my office serving as a multi-function oasis for bitchy catch-ups and solitary desk lunches, I haven’t seen the inside of the staff canteen for over a year now.
‘Jess is having some issues with Johnny.’ I raise my eyebrows.
‘It’s not me who’s having issues, it’s him and that weasel he keeps running back to.’
‘Weasel?’ Kirsty splutters. ‘Aren’t you guys supposed to all be in a relationship together?’
‘And how would that work when I’m straight?’ Jess looks at Kirsty like she’s lost the plot.
‘But you said that sharing love was what—’
‘I know what I said!’ Jess slaps her fork down, tears forming in her eyes again. ‘It’s very complicated.’
Kirsty widens her eyes at me, and I shrug. There is no getting through to Jess. My phone vibrates on the table.
Robert: Did u just leave????
I sigh, and tap back a response.
Me: I left four hours ago
Robert: Nice of u 2 say bye
Me: Didn’t want to wake you
Robert: Y u being cold??
Me: Look, I had a nice time, but I think we should leave it here
Robert: WTF? Why?
Me: I’m not in the market for a relationship
Me: Plus, we don’t have much in common
Me: Also, I hate Marbella
Robert: U said you’d never been 2 Marbella??
Me: I haven’t
Robert: WTF????
‘Who is it? Is it the guy from last night?’ Jess leans over the desk and peers at my screen. Kirsty reaches across and plucks the phone from my hand, her fork wedged in her mouth. She scans through our conversation.
‘I’d give you my usual speech about being picky, but this one really does seem quite dry.’
‘Yeah, but you never know!’ Jess yanks the phone from her hand and scrolls through. ‘He could just be shy? Or maybe you just need to get to know him more, see what he’s really like under the bravado.’
‘Am I losing my mind?’ I ask. ‘We literally have this conversation every week. I’m not looking for a boyfriend, so what does it matter?’
‘But what if you’re binning off someone really incredible?!’ Jess gawps at me.
‘I don’t care if I’m binning off Tom fucking Hardy, Jess, I’m not interested,’ I snap.
‘He seems to really like you.’ Kirsty sticks her bottom lip out at me. ‘Meanie.’
My phone vibrates in Jess’s hand. ‘Oh, he’s messaged again!’ She reads it. It vibrates again. ‘ Oh .’
‘What? What does it say?’ Kirsty takes the phone back. It vibrates once more. I eat my noodles. ‘Oh, Jesus. What a complete arsehole.’
I snatch the phone out of her hand and read what he’s written.
Robert: Giving me the silent treatment now??
Robert: Gud luck getting anyone else 2 shag u
Robert: U look like a cauliflower anyway wouldn’t touch u with a bargepole
I smile sweetly. ‘You’re right, guys. I should definitely give him a chance.’