Chapter 11
That night, there was only one thing on Ylva’s mind as she ate, sitting at the table opposite Ulf.
This was to be their last evening together, their last night.
And she wanted to spend it in his arms. Only, not like they had outside the hut or after their day at the beach, not merely lying in his embrace.
She wanted to do something she had never done with a man, something she wasn’t sure she would have the courage to do, but something she was desperate to try.
Later, as they were getting ready for bed, she walked up to him. He froze, his undershirt still in hand, when she planted herself in front of him.
“What are you doing?”
“Looking at you,” she said simply, though he would have seen that for himself already. Admiring you. “So that’s your arm ring. It’s beautiful.”
It was an arm ring such as the one she had taken to Mildred as proof of her supposed murder of Steinar.
She had not thought much of the piece of jewelry at the time.
It had just been a bit of metal, and her mind had been full of Judith.
Now that it was on Ulf, it was definitely more than a bit of metal…
It was nestled between his round shoulder and his bulging bicep, looking almost like a part of him, almost sacred.
The design was masculine and bold, the perfect choice for him.
Her fingers were itching with the need to touch it.
He hadn’t been wearing it that day at the beach, she now realized.
Not used to seeing men with such rings, she had not thought it odd not to see one.
She remembered him saying the day they’d met that Norsemen never removed them if they could help it, but perhaps he had not wanted it to get damaged in the salty water.
What was certain was that she would not have failed to notice such a beautiful ornament because it was…
well, very arousing, like the screaming proof of his masculinity.
“To tell you the truth, I always felt something was missing from the ring,” Ulf said slowly, his voice deeper than usual.
Was he as affected as she was by their proximity?
She hoped so, as it would help her in her endeavor.
“But I’m not sure what. Only, it feels less personal than the ones the men in my family have. ”
As she had not seen the other rings, she could not comment, but she knew she liked this one. “I think it’s perfect.”
Perfect. Just like him. Her hand landed on his left flank, just below the place where she had stabbed him that day in the forest. Had it been only a week since that fateful day?
Somehow it seemed much longer. Thankfully, the wound was no longer bandaged, and it didn’t seem to have suffered from their dip in the sea.
She wanted to trail her lips along the fresh scar, then her tongue. Instead, she brushed a light finger.
“I’m so sorry,” she said on a breath.
“I’m not. Because without this attack we would have never met.”
This had to be the sweetest thing anyone had ever told her.
Ylva brought her hand up to Ulf’s pectoral and sighed.
She really wasn’t ready to be parted from this man who fascinated her more than anyone she had ever met.
When her forefinger started to trace circles on his skin absentmindedly, he trapped her wrist in his long fingers and looked deep into her eyes.
“Ylva, stop doing this. Or else I’ll…”
“You’ll…?”
“I’ll do this,” he growled, tumbling her onto the bed.
The suddenness of the move, as well as the ease with which he had swept her off her feet and then lain her under him without hurting her, left Ylva breathless.
To her surprise, though she could have felt trapped, she didn’t panic.
He was careful not to crush her and he was looking at her with desire, not aggression.
Before she knew it, she placed a hand on his cheek.
His blue gaze holding hers, Ulf purred. “I want you, she-wolf. I’ve wanted you ever since you kissed me in the sea, or perhaps even before. And having you touching me like this is… It’s driving me insane. But I think you might want me, too.”
The words sent sparks flying all over her skin. Yes, she wanted him too, that was what she had established earlier, why she had gone to him, why she had started to touch him.
But, unfortunately, it was not that simple.
“You should know that I— I’m…untouched,” she said after a long moment.
Damnation, why had she said that? That was not really the problem, as she was not shy about baring herself to him—as she had proven at the beach—and she had no hesitation about surrendering a maidenhead that was not particularly precious to her.
No, her being untouched was not an issue here, not in the way it might have been with another woman who wanted to save herself for her future husband.
The problem was elsewhere.
Despite the desire she felt for Ulf and the certainty that this was what she wanted, she was scared by the pain his possession would cause her and she thought it better to explain the reason behind her fear before admitting to it.
Ulf needed to understand where it came from if he was to accept it had nothing to do with him.
“You’re a virgin?” He sounded incredulous, not surprising considering what she had told him the other day at the beach, that she had already lain with someone and was not new to pleasure. “But I thought you said…”
Ylva flushed. “I said I had lain with someone and I have. Only, it was not a man. I am untouched in…that way.”
She had never felt a man’s member invade her, and, as someone at the mercy of a cruel person’s whims, the notion that she could be used thus had always petrified her.
For years, she had lived in the fear of hearing Mildred order her to service one of her friends or having the slave trader sell her virginity for a high price.
Judith’s assault the previous week had only made her fears worse.
Yet she knew that what she was feeling right now, potent and hot, was desire.
She wanted Ulf, that was not in doubt. She was merely worried she would not be able to act on that desire.
“Not a man… Judith then,” Ulf said as understanding dawned. “I had wondered how you could have met a man, as a captive.”
“Yes. Judith.”
The two women had found, first comfort, and then pleasure in each other’s arms. Their habit of sleeping entwined together as children had evolved into something more as years went by, something far more intimate.
It had been the best way to cope with a dire situation, their own private world, an escape from the harsh reality.
They weren’t in love, but still they had needed one another.
The pleasure they shared had made their lives just about bearable.
“I have lain with her, many times. And I have explored my own body, as I told you. But I have never been possessed by a man.”
How would he react? Would he be horrified, disgusted by her confession? Would he leave the pallet and run? Or would he still want her?
He gave a small, almost reluctant smile. “Well, it seems that we have more in common that we thought. As you know, I too, have only ever been with one woman.”
Relief flooded through her. If this was all he had to say then he was not judging her, he was accepting her for who she was.
Because of his understanding, perhaps she would be able to deal with her fear.
She was confident he would show her the patience she needed when the moment to possess her finally came.
She waited, certain now he would pounce on her.
He did not. Instead he sat back on his haunches and looked straight at her. “You’re afraid of being taken but you want pleasure, pleasure you know you are capable of feeling.”
“Yes.”
“Show me then.”
“Show you w-what?” she stammered.
“How you explore your body. How you are used to being touched, how you experience pleasure on your own.”
Ylva’s breath caught in her throat at the unexpected request. Instead of taking her, he wanted her to stroke herself while he watched?
Surely she would never dare do such a thing?
She would never be able to do it. The thought was scandalous.
It was impossible, the last thing she had expected him to want, the—
The most arousing thing she had ever heard or considered doing.
Everything within Ylva relaxed. There was no need to be scared just yet. This, she was familiar with, this, she knew would bring her pleasure.
Slowly, she reached to lift the hem of her shift and exposed first her calves, then her knees, and finally her thighs.
There was the slightest hesitation before she bunched the material up around her waist, baring her most intimate place to a man’s scrutiny for the first time.
The time at the beach didn’t count, Ulf had barely glanced at her.
Her legs were pressed close together and, throwing all caution to the wind, she allowed her knees to fall to the side.
After a shaky inhale, she reclined onto her elbows and waited for Ulf to order her to start. She knew she would find the courage to do what he wanted, but somehow she needed him to demand it of her. Hearing the words would send her arousal to dizzying peaks.
“Are you usually naked when you touch yourself?” he rasped, his gaze wandering all over her body, as if deciding where to look first. “So you can caress your breasts as well?”
“Yes.” She blushed. How had he known that? And was there no limit to what he would make her admit to? Apparently not.
“Take it all off then. Let me watch what you do when you’re on your own.”