CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Raina took a moment to sit with Pepper. Her friend downed a flute of champagne and crossed her legs while Raina studied her.
‘Everything all right, Pep? You seem a bit off.’
Pepper thrust the empty glass into Nick’s nearby hand and told him to refill it. Raina had to smile at how flabbergasted he looked. Nevertheless, he obeyed.
‘I’m having a marvellous time,’ Pepper insisted, baring her teeth in what she probably thought was a convincing smile.
Raina nudged her friend gently with her foot. ‘What’s going on?’
‘Did you confront the writer?’ Pepper asked pointedly.
‘Not yet.’
‘I’m happy to do it for you.’
‘Hey,’ Raina chided softly. Tenderly. ‘Stop. What’s going on with you tonight?’
Pepper’s eyes shone with something close to fear. ‘I can’t talk about it, Rai.’
Raina stared, a little unnerved. She opened her mouth to press a little more, but Pepper suddenly shifted on the sofa, clapping her hands ceremoniously.
‘Let’s play Truth or Dare!’
Raina looked over at the door to see Nick coming in with Pepper’s drink. Solana and Tom followed, her sister moving to the window while the latter stood imperiously by the exit.
‘I hate that game,’ Raina laughed quietly.
‘Sol,’ Pepper said briskly, her eyes wild and her smile forced. ‘Truth or dare?’
Solana giggled, her eyes flickering across everyone in the room. ‘Truth.’
‘Who’s the best-looking person in this room?’
Solana’s eyes darted to Tom Branimir but shot away just as quickly. She openly assessed Nick and Matt, making sure her dissatisfaction showed on her face. Finally, she glanced at Dina, an old workmate of Raina’s.
‘Probably you,’ she said appraisingly.
Dina did a small victory dance on the spot and her friends laughed. Raina smiled adoringly at her sister. Pepper waved away the answer, vaguely satisfied and ready to move on.
‘Raina,’ she said dramatically. ‘Truth or dare.’
‘I don’t like this game,’ Raina reiterated, laughing nervously. ‘Can we switch to charades. Something more age-appropriate, now that we’re creaking towards our thirties and forties?’
‘Fine,’ Pepper said, her voice high and strained. ‘Not charades, though. Never Have I Ever.’
Raina threw a glance at Tom Branimir, expecting to see disdain on his face. Instead, he was watching Pepper with amused interest, as if she was finally doing something that he found intriguing.
‘So, take your drink in hand,’ Pepper ordered, like a bejewelled drill sergeant. ‘Drink if you’ve done the following!’
People scrambled to gather up their glasses. Nick and Matt exchanged wary glances. Tom stepped further into the room, and Solana sat down on the carpet next to Dina.
‘Never have I ever,’ Pepper spoke grandly, ‘had a threesome.’
She took a speedy sip as soon as the words were out, as did most of the room. Raina could feel Tom’s eyes on her as she kept her glass firmly on her lap. She wasn’t in the habit of revealing private information through the medium of a sleazy parlour game.
‘That was an easy one. Fine. Never have I ever cheated on a partner.’
Raina winced, staring at the back of her friend’s neck in confusion and a little bit of revulsion. There was something off-kilter about Pepper tonight, something a little deranged. Every inch of her body was on edge and prepared to pounce.
Raina was unsure of who her prey was.
‘Never have I ever . . .’ Pepper was now standing, a little unsteadily. She turned and gestured to Raina, her face warming with love, as she allowed the real Pepper out for a mere moment. ‘Been nominated for two major awards during my first year as a podcaster.’
Raina looked up at her friend and smiled.
She wasn’t sure what was fuelling this behaviour.
It wasn’t alcohol. Raina had seen Pepper drunk many times; it usually made her more liberal with her affection and nothing more.
Now, she was spiky. She was dancing on the verge of cruelty – Raina could sense it.
Nevertheless, she took a quick drink, acknowledging the compliment. Pepper beamed and a few people in the room whooped and cheered.
‘Maybe someone else should have a turn,’ Raina said softly.
‘Never have I ever,’ one of Pepper’s acquaintances piped up, ‘wanted to sleep with someone in this room.’
Her cheerful delivery of the unsubtle challenge provoked loud and delighted cries from most of the room. People glanced around, in pantomime, invoking more laughter. Raina stared down at her living-room carpet and hated how stupefied she felt by all of it.
She looked over at Tom, only to find him watching her. He took a small but deliberate sip of his drink, meeting her gaze with an expression that made her want to crawl over to him. Instead, she glanced away and put down her glass.
‘My turn again,’ Pepper said, and while the mirth in the room didn’t lessen or die, Raina instinctively knew that the killing blow was on its way. She watched Pepper down her own drink and cast the flute to one side, her face showing a mix of instability and barely contained rage.
‘Never have I ever,’ Pepper said, her voice full of champagne and venom, ‘taken a relationship with the most incredible human being on the planet, defiled it, humiliated her and then thrown away the only shot at a decent partner I will ever have.’
A stunned silence fell over the group, with only a couple of unsure titters piercing the air. People glanced fearfully at one another, trying to piece together what was happening.
Raina knew. She knew as she watched Pepper stare down Matt Fletcher with quiet hatred simmering under a pot lid about to cascade to the floor.
‘Never have I ever,’ Pepper went on, ‘found myself with the most amazing girl, only to treat her like absolute trash. Never have I ever let my friends treat my girlfriend like shit. Never have I ever let the love of a really good person delude me into thinking I can find better.’
Pepper and Matt stared at one another.
‘Did you find it?’ she added, her voice a rasping, angry whisper. ‘Did you find better than my Raina?’
A part of Raina wondered if Pepper’s anger was being influenced by something else.
She’d always felt revulsion for Matt, the genuine kind – not a cover for the substance of hidden attraction.
But something made Raina think of the man Pepper always sent invitations to.
The one who would never respond, but whose silence never caused Pepper to remove the photograph she kept of him.
It probably had far less to do with her and Matt than it seemed. Maybe even nothing at all.
‘Okay, Pep,’ Matt said, his face a grimace and his eyes full of disfavour. ‘You’ve made Raina’s day all about you, well done. Try not to ruin her night completely.’
‘Did you really think she wanted you here?’ Pepper shot back, her voice a cold and chilling sound.
‘Are you that deluded? After everything you did. Texting another girl while Raina was in hospital. Making her beg for scraps of affection? Letting your stupid friends treat her like she was nothing. You’re disgusting. ’
‘That’s enough,’ Raina said quietly, getting up and brushing non-existent lint from her dress. The action busied her trembling hands. ‘Stop. Stop it now.’
Pepper glanced over at her, and Raina watched as her friend’s face moved from anger to disbelief. Then shame. As if she hadn’t meant to do any of it. As if it had been a psychotic episode.
‘Raina,’ Pepper breathed.
‘No,’ Raina said. ‘That was awful, Pep. Stop. Enough now.’
Raina was alone in a room full of neurotypicals, and for once, they were the ones unable to endure eye contact.
She staggered to the doorway, painfully aware of the man standing there.
She could hear Solana sharply orchestrating a change of subject while turning the music right up.
She could also make out Pepper, Nick and Matt, all raising their voices in a confrontational debate.
She wanted none of it.
She stumbled into the kitchen and dived for the fridge, hauling it open so she could bask in the cool.
‘Him? That’s the guy? The one you left East London for?’
Tom thundered into the room, closing the door decisively behind him. He’d shut everyone else out; the two of them were completely alone in the kitchen.
‘They both deserve each other,’ he all but spat.
‘What?’ Raina shut the fridge door and leaned against it, staring at her writer with whatever dregs of composure she had left after that performance.
‘That!’ he said darkly. ‘That nasty display. I could kill both of them.’
His indignant anger, seemingly on her behalf, made her body heat up all over again. She turned her back and started busying herself with some glasses, reorganizing the unused dinnerware on the kitchen counter.
‘Pepper’s upset about something deeper,’ she said, her voice shaking a little. ‘She’s overprotective and she never liked Matt, but there’s something else going on.’
‘Don’t do that.’
‘Don’t do what?’
‘Don’t excuse what she just did in there. It isn’t excusable.’
‘So . . . what? You think she did that to hurt me. She didn’t. You don’t know her. She’s just out of control at the moment, and when I work out why, I—’
‘Who cares! You don’t actually have to do that, you know. You don’t have to look for the reason behind the abominable behaviour. You’re allowed to just be angry. Or hurt.’
‘She’s my best friend. In her own way, she thinks she’s avenging me.’
You don’t understand, she thought. I have such a hard time keeping friends, I’m not throwing away the one that’s actually there for me.
‘But she embarrassed you! She wanted drama, she wanted attention, and fuck, she got it!’
She turned to glare at him. ‘Why do you even give a fuck? Seriously, what are you doing in here? Wasn’t that a perfect little scene for you to write about? If you want to see me crack, you may not have long to wait.’
She could do no more with the glassware, so she moved to the kitchen island, grabbing onto a small purple bag.