CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Tom’s clothes felt uncomfortable. Too tight on him.
Only when Raina had walked away from her ex and returned to him did he relax a little, his hands gripping her hips in a way that was quickly familiar and the beginning of an escalation.
The events in the kitchen had both quietened and ignited something in him.
He would have sworn before meeting her that he wasn’t a possessive person.
In fact, he’d always considered work to be the only real lover in his life.
Now he was thinking about setting off the fire alarm to evacuate everyone from the house. He also didn’t mind the idea of shoving Matt Fletcher out into the gutter.
It was so unlike him. Or perhaps, it had never been awoken in him before.
‘Just tell me how to get rid of them all,’ he murmured, pressing his nose against her hair.
He felt her sigh and he pulled her closer.
‘Pep’s upstairs,’ she finally whispered against his neck. ‘She shouldn’t be alone.’
Tom would have found it hard to care under normal circumstances, let alone these. ‘She just hurt you.’
‘Yes.’
‘So, screw her.’
‘Hurt people hurt people.’
Tom knew Raina didn’t see it as a case of choosing between the two of them. Mostly because he was aware of how devoted to her toxic best friend she truly was. She seemingly did nothing by halves, including friendship.
Nevertheless. ‘Stay with me, Raina. Please.’
He’d never begged in his life.
She moved into the kitchen, brushing his fingers as she did.
He followed, subserviently. Once they were alone, he opened his mouth to try to dissuade her from leaving the party for Pepper, but the words were delayed.
She pulled him into her and they were right back to where they’d been before.
Queen was playing in the front room and a drunken chorus of ‘Somebody to Love’ ghosted through the house, but Tom was consumed by her.
She slipped her hands under his shirt, her nails against his back.
‘I like you a lot more like this,’ she said teasingly, earning a smirk from the slightly desperate writer.
‘I like you a lot,’ he retaliated.
He watched openness and guardedness fight across her beautiful face. The latter won, especially when a loud sound could be heard from the room above them. A clear reminder of the slightly unhinged person Raina wanted to check on.
‘She can have you tonight,’ Tom allowed. ‘But I’m coming back here tomorrow evening. I’m making you dinner. I’m going to be good to you because you deserve the fucking world.’
He kissed her. Once, fiercely, and then he was gone.
Raina cut herself a large slice of blue birthday cake.
She could hear Solana saying goodbye to the last of the guests and giving them directions, while she scraped the pastel-coloured sponge onto a plate.
When her sister returned, Raina told her she was welcome to stay in the spare bedroom.
They bumped cheeks and then Raina began her somewhat heavy ascent to her bedroom.
She swung the door open and peered inside the dimly lit room. The bed was brightened in the darkness by a few fairy lights. Pepper was laid out like a starfish on the large mattress, staring up at the ceiling with mascara smudges on her pink cheeks.
‘Hey,’ Raina said softly, holding out the plate of cake with its two dainty gold forks. ‘Eat this.’
Pepper sat up, a little jerkily. She stared at her friend with eyes full of horror and contrition. ‘I don’t deserve to eat.’
‘Don’t be stupid. Everybody deserves to eat, even when they’ve done something evil. Eat.’
Raina sat on the foot of the bed and placed the plate between both of them. She broke off a large piece and ate it in one smooth bite, eyeing her friend the whole time. Eventually, Pepper relented and took her own morsel, making sure not to enjoy it too visibly.
‘So, what happened?’ Raina asked softly.
Pepper sniffed. ‘Raina. There’s no one I love more than you.’
‘Tell me why you’re upset,’ Raina persisted, taking another mouthful of cake. She nudged her friend with her foot. ‘I’m not neurotypical, I can’t read your mind. Just tell me straight.’
‘I can’t, it’s too fucked up.’
‘Pep, I’m going to be honest,’ Raina said, before giving a strained and hollow laugh.
‘I really wanted to sleep with Tom Branimir tonight. Like, so bad. I was so ready. We had a moment in the kitchen, and I wanted to let him have me right there. But I needed to take care of you. Ergo, I let him go. So, please. Don’t waste my fucking sacrifice, okay? Hit me with it. I want to help.’
Pepper gaped at Raina in astonishment and a shocked silence hung between them before they both broke into loud, raucous laughter.
‘Rai, I can’t with you,’ Pepper finally gasped. ‘You’re such a dainty one until you’re not.’
Raina’s smile softened. ‘What happened?’
Pepper felt things in such powerful blasts.
She sometimes reminded Raina of her mother.
While Meggie Lewis could be icy and passive-aggressive, she displayed her anger in loud, volcanic bursts that swept everyone around her away in emotional lava.
However, as soon as the eruption was over, she settled into a serene calmness; almost as if none of it had happened.
Pepper was the same way, Raina thought. Like her name, she got up people’s noses and made them sneeze out whatever was inside.
Her emotional detonations could devastate, but more often than not, any victims fell under collateral damage.
Raina was reminded of superhero films, where the hero would knock down skyscrapers full of people in order to defeat the villain.
If people got hurt during one of Pepper’s episodes, she never seemed to think it worth crying over.
‘I’m someone’s Matt Fletcher.’
The words were uttered so brokenly and so quietly, Raina almost missed them completely. ‘What?’
‘I’m somebody’s Matt—’
‘What does that mean?’
Pepper exhaled. ‘Dex Sinclair.’
The man she would send an invitation to every year. ‘Dex Sinclair?’
‘The one that got away. Well. The one who was absolutely forced away, with no reason to stay.’
‘Tell me.’
‘We knew each other. Late teens, early twenties. He worked for the caterer my parents liked to use for their soirées.’
Raina rolled her eyes. ‘So relatable, Pep.’
‘I know,’ Pepper said, her voice tinged with a loathing that alarmed Raina, who’d made the remark in humour. ‘We were . . . friends.’
‘Uh huh.’
‘Well, you know how it goes. He was the hardworking, ambitious one with lots of raw talent and drive.’
‘And you were?’
‘The spoiled brat. Treated him like crap. Didn’t deserve him. Drove him away.’
‘Okay,’ Raina said, speaking gently. ‘What’s this got to do with my ex-boyfriend?’
Pepper met Raina’s eyes, and they were shimmering with remorseful, unshed tears. ‘He didn’t deserve you, Rai. You’re the best person in the whole world.’
‘That is . . .’ Raina was uncomfortable. ‘So untrue.’
‘No. It’s not. He had the best girlfriend. You loved him unconditionally. I saw it, Raina. I saw you giving everything.’
‘Yeah, well.’ Raina’s eyes darted about the room.
They found patches on the ceiling. Cobwebs in the high corners of the room.
They wanted to settle anywhere except on the face of her friend who was, for once, being vulnerable in a way that scared them both.
‘That’s what it is, isn’t it? Relationships.
You just . . . show up. No matter what.’
She pinched Pepper lightly on the leg. ‘Even when they embarrass themselves.’
Pepper shuddered and shrunk back a little. ‘I really did, didn’t I?’
‘Sure did. And you embarrassed me.’
‘You wouldn’t take your revenge, Raina. You didn’t punish him.’
‘Oh, Pep.’ Raina kicked off her shoes. ‘You didn’t do this for me. I love you. But be accountable. You did this because you had a ton of hurt you needed out, and you hate him.’
Raina could see the last little sliver of fight slip away from her friend. ‘Yes.’
‘What triggered it?’
‘I thought it would go differently.’
Raina wasn’t sure if she believed that, but she didn’t comment. Her revenge fantasies were swift and sweet. They fluttered through her mind before she went to sleep or while she was waiting in line at the post office. They never lingered for long.
Grandiose acts of retribution seemed attractive at first, but after twenty years of being outside of the tribe, Raina no longer felt the need to stand at the window and gaze in. The neurotypical party could rage on in the house; she would explore the grounds.
Also. Her fantasies of late were only and always filled with someone else. Not Matt Fletcher. Someone who was haughtily clever. Someone who was quick.
‘I’m sorry, Raina. I’m so sorry. I’ll never do anything like that again.’
They waited. Raina wondering if she could really forgive this so easily. Pepper, the rich girl who sometimes treated her friends like little paper dolls, realizing that she might have gone too far this time.
Raina took another tiny bite of cake and looked sternly at her friend. ‘Eat this cake with me. Say sorry again. Stay sorry. Promise me you’re going to go back to therapy.’