Chapter 20
Dawson
My head throbbed in the harsh, afternoon sun and sweat slid down my temples as I called out the play.
The feel of the ball hitting my hands usually snapped me into action, but my focus was all over the place.
I moved around the pocket, trying to find the right opening before the bubble of safety around me collapsed.
A shoulder caught me in the side and I went down, hard.
I rolled onto my back, wishing like hell I could just lie there and bake into the ground. Coach’s whistle blew and he shouted at a few of the offensive players before barking at me.
“Hayes! Get your ass up and run it again!”
I groaned and attempted to roll to my feet, but a hand reached into my field of vision. I grabbed it, allowing whoever it was to yank me up even though my ribs protested the movement.
“Hey man, you alright?” Corvin asked. All week I had managed to ignore him during practices. It had been awkward as hell to see him again, especially with visions of him and Theo together screwing with my sanity.
“Yeah, just got the wind knocked out of me,” I rasped, coughing from the effort. My side was on fire and I could almost feel the bruise developing.
And yet that will still hurt less than being this close to the guy who had his mouth around Theo’s—ugh, fuck. Now I’m gonna be sick too. Fucking delightful.
Corvin’s brows zipped together and when he opened his mouth to say something, I rushed to cut him off.
“We better get back to it before Coach flips out. Thanks for the hand up.”
I hobbled over to the line and got back in position. My head was already a chaotic jumble without hearing what he had to say and I needed to get my ass in gear before Coach reamed me out.
By the time practice ended an hour later, I was soaked through with sweat and a headache pounded in my skull. I kept my head down in the locker room, avoiding any attempts at conversation and taking the world’s fastest shower, more than ready to head home and pass out for an hour or ten.
Of course, the universe chose that moment to give me an enthusiastic middle finger as I was leaving the practice facility.
“QB, wait up!”
I contemplated acting like I didn’t hear Corvin, but my less dickish side prevailed when he caught up to me.
“What’s up?” I asked as casually as I could.
“I’ve actually been meaning to talk to you for days, but kept chickening out.
I owe you an apology for what went down at your house.
” He fiddled with the strap of his gym bag, shoulders hunching up around his ears.
I forced myself not to bolt even though there was no topic on earth I’d rather discuss less than this.
“Don’t worry about it, man.”
“No, seriously,” he pressed. “I’m a huge jackass.
I know shit happens at parties and whatever, but I wouldn’t want anyone boning in my room either.
That wasn’t right of me to disrespect your space like that.
We’ve always gelled well on the team and I don’t want to screw that up. I’m really sorry, Hayes.”
I blinked at him, my brain shorting out. He thought I was upset that I’d caught him in my room? I mean, it wasn’t not an issue, but that was microscopic next to the fact that I’d caught him with Theo. My fucking Theo.
Not your Theo. Not then and still not now. How’s that for a nice slice of reality with a scoop of “fuck you” on top?
“Thanks, Corvin. I appreciate that. We’re all good,” I forced out through a tight smile.
The tension left his shoulders and his features relaxed into an easy grin. “That’s good to hear. You got any plans this weekend?”
“Other than a lot of sleep and a slightly torturous ice bath, not much. You?”
“I think me and some friends are gonna hit up a few bars on Sixth Street. It’s always a pretty good time. Why don’t you come with us?”
As nice as his extended olive branch was meant to be, I had no desire to be in his presence longer than required. I forgave him because I didn’t need the drama, but I was only human. There was still a part of me that wanted to go all Misery on his ankles for touching Theo.
“Thanks man, but I’m exhausted. Maybe next time?”
“For sure. Hey, this is probably weird, but do you know if Theo is back on campus yet?”
The question was a blitz attack, hitting me so abruptly I nearly tripped over my own feet. “Uh no, not yet. Why?”
“I thought I’d text him and see if he wanted to come out with us, but it’s cool. I’ll text him later. See you at practice tomorrow, yeah?”
I nodded in a daze as he took off in the opposite direction.
Knowing Corvin had a line to Theo was a sour reminder I didn’t need.
I wondered if Theo would take him up on his offer.
Corvin had already triggered his manic urges once before.
What if it happened again? I was the one who’d said he needed time, but did that mean Theo would wait for me or would he want to explore his options?
What if I was only the comfortable option? The safe choice?
My mood plummeted and my brain kicked up a maelstrom of anxiety. Nate was with his family and for some reason I didn’t really want to be alone like this. I tugged my phone aggressively out of my pocket and shot off a text.
ME
Mind if I come hang out for a bit?
Within seconds, I received a reply.
BASH
Anytime, D. Micah said lunch is almost ready and get your ass over here lol.
I ordered a rideshare to their off campus apartment, making it in record time. I hurried across the foyer, but intrusive images of the last time I was there shoved in. The time we’d all stumbled across Theo walking his…overnight guest out.
Ugh, why the fuck do you do this to me, brain? Haven’t I been good to you, fed you well, treated you to top-tier porn on occasion? Is this payback for that concussion?
I reached their floor and came up on their unit, but froze when grunts and gasps reached me from inside. Bash’s dirty words filtered through the door and it was all I could do not to gag.
I pounded my fist on the door loudly and took great pleasure in their startled voices and frantic footsteps. Several moments passed before the door opened on Bash’s flushed features and painted-on smile.
“Hey dude! We, uh, didn’t think you’d get here that fast.”
“Clearly,” I smirked as I spotted Micah wiping off his mouth in the kitchen before coming over to greet me with a hug. I pointed to the corner of my mouth, unable to resist fucking with him. “You missed a spot…just there.”
Micah’s eyes sprang wide and he swiped at his lips before realizing my joke.
“You dick,” he chastised without any heat. “Come on, I made pasta. It should be ready by now.”
We dug into lunch, talking about upcoming classes, football, and other mindless stuff. I had hoped coming here would distract me, but my focus was split, registering only a fraction of what they were saying.
“You doing okay, D?” Bash asked, drawing my attention back.
“Sure, just tired. Six days of practice have kinda kicked my ass,” I said, picking at the food on my plate.
“Sooo, how has it been going with Theo?” Micah asked tentatively. Bash muttered something under his breath to him. “What? I’m curious! I figured that might be why he’s all mopey.”
“I’m not mopey,” I rolled my eyes. “And he’s fine. We’re fine.”
“That gives me literally nothing,” Micah complained. “Are you guys dating again yet or are you still deluding yourselves into thinking you can be ‘just friends’?”
“Dupont, control your man.”
“No way. He’s your problem right now,” Bash snickered, rubbing the back of Micah’s neck and I half expected him to purr. Yuck.
“We just want you to be happy, Dawson.”
“I am happy.”
“If that’s your happy face, then that’s just appalling,” Micah complained. “For real, what’s going on?”
I blew out a heavy breath, nearly second-guessing my decision to come over. But then I remembered why I had thought to come here of all places to deal with my hang-ups about Theo.
“Uhh Bash, would you mind if I talked with Micah about something…privately?”
Bash’s brows shot up and his gaze bounced between us. “Sure, no problem. I promised Mom I’d call her soon anyway, so I think I’ll go do that.”
He placed a kiss on Micah’s forehead before closing himself up in their bedroom. Micah gave me a quizzical look, sipping at his wine as he waited for me to speak.
“You’re a psych major, right?”
“Yep, clinical psychology. Why? Thinking about changing majors?”
“W-what do you know about…bipolar disorder?”
His features quickly lit with recognition, empathy and understanding bleeding through.
“I know more than the average person. It was actually part of a major project I did last year.”
“Yeah, I thought I remembered Bash saying something about that. Hypothetically, what would the risks be in dating someone who is bipolar?”
Micah pursed his lips in a tiny frown. “Well, for one, it’s best to say that they have bipolar disorder, to show that’s not all they are and it doesn’t define them.”
I winced lightly and my stomach clenched with embarrassment, but he gave me a gentle smile.
“Honestly, the risks really wouldn’t be that different in dating someone who didn’t have a mental illness. It definitely has its challenges, but there’s no reason you can’t be a healthy, functioning couple. What risks are you worried about exactly?”
I couldn’t really answer that without betraying Theo’s confidence, but I also trusted Micah’s discretion.
“You promise this stays between us?” I asked and Micah nodded in agreement.
“I want to be with Theo. More than fucking anything. But something happened between Theo and Corvin at my party, and it really fucked with me. Now I can’t shake this overwhelming fear that one day he’ll get these urges again and… cheat on me.”