Chapter 29
Dawson
“No. Absolutely not. Pick something else.”
“Bro, it’s my turn to pick. You don’t get veto power.”
“And I’m telling you I will veto the TV out the fucking window if you pick it.”
“Uh, I’m like, eighty-five percent sure that’s not how a veto works. Also fuck you, I’m picking it anyway.”
Nate plucked the remote from my hand with a triumphant little sneer and I let out a small growl of annoyance.
“Fine…but only the first one or you don’t get to pick the movies for the rest of the semester.”
“What?!” Nate squawked loudly. “You can’t stop at just one! What kind of emotional blackmail is this?”
“One or none, dude. And I’m like, one hundred percent sure that’s not how blackmail works.”
“And I’m one hundred percent sure I hate you,” Nate grumbled, scrunching his face into an exaggerated pout.
I cracked a smile at the ridiculous expression and shouldered him until he caved and grinned back.
That was one of the best things about Nate.
He never stayed mad or upset long, always snapping back to his golden retriever setting pretty fast, pouring sunshine into everyone’s lives.
It was how he’d gotten through to me when I’d been an angry, heartbroken jackass rolling into freshmen orientation.
He’d dropped into the seat next to me, all floppy platinum hair and bright eyes, talking up a storm about how excited he was to be there.
It was such a gut punch seeing him, bouncing in like we were going to be the best of friends, reminding me so much of another sweet, guileless boy who blew into my life much the same way.
It had hurt to look at him. The scars from Theo’s disappearance were still open and raw at that point, so I’d almost changed seats to escape the reminder.
But I couldn’t. Something inside pulled me toward him, telling me I needed someone like him in my life. Nate helped me find joy again and for the first time since I met Theo, I had someone who I felt I could be myself around.
“Alright, I give,” I sighed deeply. “Lord of the Rings marathon, it is.”
Nate let out a whoop and tackled me to the couch happily. It wasn’t exactly what I had planned for the day, but making him happy was worth it. Hell, I owed him a lot. Ten hours worth of movies was the least I could give him.
“Where’s Theo, by the way? Did you invite him?”
“He went to see his dad for the weekend since I had an away game yesterday. I thought this was a good time for us to hang out, one-on-one. It’s been a while.”
“That happens when you get yourself a hot boyfriend who can sex you up all the time,” Nate grinned wickedly.
“Yeah, but that’s no excuse to not spend time with you, man. I missed you, weirdo,” I teased.
“Aww I missed you too, Dawby-Bear!” Nate lunged, smacking a wet kiss on my cheek. I groaned and shoved him off, wiping at the gross feel on my face, but couldn’t wipe my smile off with it.
By the end of the second film, my ass was numb and my eyeballs were dried out. I had tried not to text Theo during the day to let him enjoy time with his dad and focus my attention on Nate, but I was itching to hear from him. I eventually caved and pulled up our text thread.
ME
How’s it going over there?
THEO
Pretty great. I think we’re finally getting back to how close we used to be before everything.
ME
That’s awesome, baby. It was good you went to see him.
THEO
It was.
But I still miss the fuck out of you. Are you spending the night with me tomorrow?
ME
Try and stop me
THEO
Not a chance in hell, beautiful
Your bye week is coming up soon, right?
Shit, I’d almost forgotten that was in a couple of weeks. It was the one week that we didn’t have a game, a blissful reprieve from the stress of the season.
ME
Yeah, the weekend of the 19th. Have any ideas for us?
THEO
You + me = naked on the beach
ME
…is that it? Is that the whole plan?
THEO
What, you need more than that? I thought that was an A+ plan.
But if you’re gonna be needy…
ME
THEO
Ok, ok. I saw your Mom today feeding Stella and I might have asked if we could use the beach house for the weekend…interested?
That…was actually a great idea. I hadn’t been down to our Port Aransas vacation place in forever. I bit my lip thinking about having Theo all to myself with no interruptions, no football, no classes. Nothing but us in our own little world.
Things with Theo had been a lot better since our night at the carnival.
He and I had scheduled therapist appointments a couple of days later, and from what Theo had told me, he was feeling good about it.
It’d been three weeks since he had another “dark episode” as he called it.
He still felt like he was wading through molasses some days and his schooling was harder to keep up with, but he was dealing with it.
I’d just had my third session this week and I’d been able to unload some of the abandonment and jealousy issues that lingered.
It wasn’t that I didn’t trust Theo, but when wounds ran deep enough, they didn’t always heal as fast beneath the surface.
The biggest issue I had yet to confront was that constant, nagging worry in my gut about Theo’s depression.
All that played on a loop in the back of my mind was what he’d told me the day I found out about his diagnosis—the plan he’d once had. The medication that was supposed to help had pushed him to the edge, made him think there was only one way to end his pain.
Theo told me repeatedly that this time was better and that he had a lot going for him that he didn’t have back then.
He had his dad back, new friends who cared about and included him, and he had me.
He said I couldn’t save him, but that wasn’t entirely true.
I didn’t have the power to cure him and in some ways, I was helpless when it came to easing his struggles.
But I could, in some way, save him. I could help keep his heart beating by giving him something to fight for, by showing him how beautiful and worthy his life truly was…by loving him. I had loved him through every season of his life so far and would love him until the world stopped turning.
And I had to trust that would be enough.
ME
Let’s do it