Chapter 38
Dawson
Ifelt like an idiot after pounding on the front door for a solid minute without an answer. I could have scaled the old oak tree up to his bedroom window, but the polite part of me thought it’d be better to give him a chance to answer the door first.
Then the asshole part of me quickly said fuck this noise and I started marching around the side of the house towards the backyard.
I peered into the darkened living room through the glass doors like the creeper I was, but there was no sign of Theo.
I skirted the pool, the inlaid LED lights giving off a dark blue hue that helped light the way.
The massive oak that stood sentry at the far corner of the house felt like an old friend I had lost touch with. How many nights had he watched me climb his knots and branches to reach Theo’s window? Theo used to joke that the tree was on our side and liked being part of our story.
“It makes sense, doesn’t it? You’ve never fallen off or broken anything while climbing him to get to me, so I think the old guy is rooting for us…get it? ‘Rooting’ for us?”
A breathy laugh escaped my nostrils as his teasing lilt echoed in my memory and a pang hit my heart. God, I needed to see him. I notched my foot in the familiar spot and grabbed onto the lowest branch, ready to haul myself up when a thud and bit-out curse reached my ears.
I looked around until movement above me snagged my attention and my heart dropped into my stomach. One of the windows led out onto the lower roof and ran the length of the backyard where Theo was shuffling around on the roof’s incline.
“Holymotherfuck,” I gasped, gripping my hair in panic. I stopped from shouting his name out, terrified of startling him and possibly causing him to lose his unsteady balance.
He looked around as though searching for something, letting out a triumphant noise when he noticed the brown bottle in his hand.
He took a long pull of the drink, belching noisily before it slipped from his fingers and somehow caught on the gutter, unbroken.
He giggled drunkenly and dread snaked down my back.
“Theo?”
His head swiveled around until he saw me and a bright, goofy grin split his cheeks.
“Baabyyyy!” he slurred happily. He took a step towards me instinctively and stumbled slightly. I sucked in a sharp breath, torn between dashing upstairs to pull him back inside and not wanting to take my eyes off him for a second.
“What are you doing up there?” I called out, my voice shaking as badly as the rest of me. He tilted his head back and pointed up at the sky lazily.
“I was looking at the stars and I wanted to see them up close. I can almost reach them from up here,” he said in a tipsy voice.
My pulse was rioting and my breathing quickened with each movement he made, every one of my muscles tensing painfully in anticipation of the moment this all went tragically wrong.
If the height wasn’t enough to kill him, the fall to the concrete below would.
A quick glance at the pool showed me it was too far for him to jump into, especially in his condition, so that wasn’t an option.
“Baby, listen to me. I need you to go back inside for me. Can you do that?”
Theo’s head dropped back down in my direction, his brows drawn together and his lip jutted out in a tiny pout.
“But why? It’s sooooo pretty up here. You have to see it, Mercury. It’s like—like on that wheel thing. I’m on top of the world!”
He flung his arms out wide and he turned in a slow, awkward circle on the tilted surface, ending up closer to the edge.
Curses flew out under my breath as I tried to think of a way to get him down safely while keeping him in my sights.
Theo began singing “A Sky Full of Stars” at the top of his lungs, oblivious to my turmoil as I tried not to lose my damn mind.
Jesus, I fucking hated myself for not rushing over here the instant my gut said something was wrong.
Suddenly, a lightbulb went off in my head and I whipped out my phone to call Dani. I practically vibrated with impatience as it continued to ring.
“This better be good because I’m watching—”
“I need you to come to Theo’s house right now,” I rushed out.
“What? Why do you—”
“No questions, Dani, just do it. Please! I’m by the pool.”
“Okay, okay. I’m coming now.”
“Hurry!” I hung up and mumbled to myself that it was going to be okay. Everything was going to be okay. He would be fine. He had to be fucking fine.
Theo’s singing cut off abruptly as he stared at the pool behind me.
“Babe, look…” he whispered loudly with an awed tone. “The stars…they fell in the water.”
I glanced behind me for a split-second to see the lights had timed out in the pool, leaving the water dark and glossy with the calm surface reflecting the starry sky.
“Yeah, it-it’s beautiful,” I agreed placatingly. “Why don’t you come down here and enjoy it with me?”
Theo didn’t seem to hear me as he stared almost longingly down at the water. “Have you ever wanted to swim in the stars? Get lost in them? Do you think it’s possible?”
The words took on a morose quality that stiffened my spine even more. My attention was riveted on him as I fought not to blink, even as stinging tears threatened.
“I don’t know,” I croaked.
“Come swim in the stars with me, Mercury,” he softly pleaded. He teetered on the edge of the roof, raising his arms slightly for balance.
“No no no no! Don’t move, baby!” I cried, holding out my hands uselessly as though I could push him back by sheer will. Dani’s loud gasp cut across the yard and I frantically waved her over.
“Keep him talking and try to get him to back up. Whatever you do, do not take your eyes off him,” I told her firmly before calling to him. “Theo, I’m coming up. Don’t move an inch!”
She nodded her agreement and her teary gaze clawed at my chest. I heard her start talking to Theo, but couldn’t make it out as I bolted for the door, thanking all the fucking heavens above that it was unlocked.
I bounded up the stairs to the smaller third floor, my chest heaving as I pushed myself as fast as my legs could carry me.
I made a beeline down the hall, finding the unlatched window that provided access to the roof.
Dragging myself through the narrow frame wasn’t as easy as it was when I was a kid, but I managed to crawl out and steady myself on the sloped shingles. I heard Dani’s watery voice as she begged Theo to be careful, and I turned my head in time to watch him sway too far forward.
I let out a strangled shout, fear paralyzing my limbs as Theo pinwheeled his arms to stay upright. His eyes met mine when he found his footing and my heart splintered at the misery that crossed his features.
“You’re here,” he breathed, barely audible across the space between us.
“Always,” I forced out past my chattering teeth, trying to control the shivers that racked my body. “I’ll always come for you.”
Theo’s shoulders fell and he seemed to sag with an invisible weight. His face was drawn with pain and my chest stuttered with shaky breaths as I inched closer to him.
His lips turned up in the saddest smile that trembled at the corners. “I’m so sorry you had to love me…I wish I had been better for you.”
“W-what are you t-talking about?” My face grew warm and my throat constricted around a painful knot that refused to go down.
“You didn’t deserve this. I just wanted to make you happy…so happy…”
“Don’t you talk like that. You do make me happy!”
My lungs were on fire even as my blood ran cold.
Terror blanketed me as I felt him slipping away with each word, each second that he wasn’t safely in my arms. I was still several feet away, but it felt as though every step I took did nothing to close the distance separating us, and I realized he was slowly backing up as I crept forward.
“Why are you talking like this?” I choked out. “You c-can’t…you just—”
I clamped my lids shut to stem the wave of tears that rushed to the surface and drowned my words. I blinked rapidly to clear my vision as Theo let his own tears fall.
“Will you sing for me, Mercury?”
The softly spoken question broke me and I clenched my jaw against the sob caught in my throat. I pulled in a gasping breath, denial blaring in my brain that he was talking like a man at the end of his rope, at the end of all options.
“Don’t do this…please don’t leave me again…”
The smile that had graced his sweet lips fell, his features clouding over as more tears slid down his pale cheeks.
“I don’t want to be like this anymore, Dawson. I just want it to stop.” The despair that laced his words almost brought me to my knees, my legs quaking from the effort to hold me up.
“No! No, you don’t mean that,” I argued desperately, hot tears streaking down my skin. “You p-promised me…don’t break your promise, p-please. I didn’t give up on you, so don’t give up on us! Come back to me, baby…just come back to me.”
Theo’s face crumpled and he wrapped his arms around his middle as shudders rippled down his frame. “Why do you even want me? Why do you want someone like me? You could find someone so much better…someone who isn’t a mistake.”
“You could never be a mistake. You are my whole fucking world, and I can’t lose you again! Don’t take this away from us…stay with me and fight through this because you deserve it. Don’t let this thing take everything away from you. We’ll find a way together, just like I promised.”
“Don’t make a promise you can’t keep…”
“I’m not. If you keep your promise, then I swear to you I’ll keep mine,” I said, holding his gaze intently. “I’ll do whatever it takes to keep you fighting and give you a reason to stay.”
“You…” he whispered brokenly. “You’re my reason, Mercury. And I don’t—I don’t want to die. I just don’t want to be broken anymore…”
I rushed forward as he collapsed in great, heaving sobs.
I wrapped him in an iron grip and tugged him backwards so he was lying beside me, his face buried in my neck.
Theo clung to my shirt as he cried and fell apart, and I rocked him gently in my arms. I couldn’t stop my hands from running over his hair, his shoulders, his back, any part of him I could reach.
I gripped his hand and pressed a soft kiss to our tattoo, the touch cementing the fact he was safe and that I would never let him go.
“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry…” he wailed as I tried to soothe him. I petted his hair and whispered calming words in his ear, telling him over and over how much I loved him.
His anguish shredded me down to my core, tearing at the threads holding me together until there was nothing but our broken pieces scattered across the roof.
I didn’t know what to say to make any of it better.
I wasn’t sure what he needed to hear to convince him that a life with me was worth every ounce of fight he had in his bones.
A hum started in my chest, growing stronger and morphing into an aria carved straight from my heart.
I started to sing to him, low and shaky from my dwindling tears, but eventually Theo’s sobs quieted and his tremors slowed.
His fingers dug into my side and he hugged me tighter as the song filtered in through his pain and recognition hit.
There was nothing I could say better than what the music conveyed for me. I crooned our song to him, our chosen melody, hoping beyond measure that he took it as my solemn vow, my unbreakable promise that I would stand by him.
That we would build a beautiful life from the heart-shaped wreckage surrounding us.
That there was no better choice than the one he made to survive.