Chapter 49 Theo
Theo
Mercury,
Well, this is it. My last day. It feels like I’ve spent a lifetime here.
Dr. Kay thinks I’ve made enough progress to move to outpatient status a couple of days early. I personally think a little Christmas spirit went into that decision, but who am I to argue?
Is it crazy that I’m actually fucking terrified?
I tried so hard not to think of this day when I first got here because it seemed so far off, but the last few days it was all I could think of. I’ve had so many questions on my mind that I gave myself a headache.
Would I feel different when I left? Would everything around me feel different? Would everyone treat me weird or walk on eggshells around me? Would I lose all my progress once I wasn’t here? Would you be proud of me?
Would you still want me?
Will you still be there when I come home to you?
God, I hope so. I miss you so fucking much it’s hard to breathe.
But if for any reason you haven’t waited…
if things have changed for you, I need you to know that you are the best thing that has ever happened to me.
You are the other half of my soul. You loved me unconditionally and I will love you endlessly.
Infinitely. Even when the blood dries in my veins, I will still be loving you.
But I also need you to know that I’ll be okay.
You gave me strength until I found my own and showed me that I’m so much more than this illness.
It’s not all that I am and I won’t let it have power over me again.
Even if I sometimes need help, I will still be okay because of you and what you’ve done for me.
Thank you for saving me, for loving me, for being my lifeline and my home. I love you, Dawson.
And if you’re there waiting for me, I’m never letting you go again.