17. Penny
SEVENTEEN
PENNY
“Dang, sis-sis, your place is really nice.”
Maize poured a glass of wine—wine I’d picked up because I knew she was coming to town and would want one as soon as she arrived—into the only wineglass I’d bothered purchasing and took in my small little house that was all mine.
She’d gotten in a half hour ago and we’d spent that time unpacking her car and then her suitcase. We hadn’t stopped talking since.
Since today was an optional teacher workday, I’d chosen the option to stay home, clean, and get ready for Maize’s arrival. Granted, it left me with a lot of time on my hands and little to do considering my house was small and naturally tidy, but I’d spent most of that time in between thinking of Gavin.
Wondering how his family was doing.
Thinking about that moment we shared. That moment when he’d leaned in and almost kissed me. “Can I?” His question had bounced around in my brain for two days, not only due to the gravelly tone of his voice when he’d asked, the need in it, but the fact that shortly after Josie declared herself done and I helped her clean up, Gavin had not said much to me at all.
There’d been smiles and kindness, no look of instant remorse as far as I could tell, but there hadn’t been that need I’d seen earlier either.
Maybe it’d been a mistake. Maybe a decision made in the moment I wouldn’t have again. Regardless, his family was going through a lot, and I wasn’t going to push him. Josie stayed home Tuesday as well, but I figured that had more to do with the family needing to be together. News of Ava’s attack had broken on the national news outlet and their family’s pictures were posted on television so frequently, I finally turned it off and kept my Netflix on. No doubt that had something to do with the fact I’d barely seen his truck in the drive since Monday.
“I like it here,” I admitted, with only a small amount of guilt in my voice.
She rolled her eyes like she always did. “And you sound so sad about it. How dare you go do good things with your own life.”
“That’s not what I meant.”
She held her wineglass at her bottom lip and arched a brow. “Isn’t it?”
“Ugh. Fine. A little. There’s been drama going on here, and it’s made me think of Mom and you and us, and fine. I still feel bad for leaving you.”
She snorted and set down her drink. “I’m twenty years old, Pen. I’m an adult. I don’t exactly love school, but it doesn’t suck like I thought it would, and I’m doing well. You should be proud of that. And I’m only going to say this one more time in my life, so you better listen to me.” She paused and gave me a scolding look she undoubtedly learned from me.
“Fine.” I flipped my hand out. “Let me have it.”
“Live your freaking life the way you want to. You spent your entire life raising me, taking care of me, protecting me from Mom and all the shit she pulled. And you did it well . I’m not like her. But I’m not like you, either. I have my own decisions to make and my own life to live, and you have yours. I’m glad you’re here, doing that. But don’t sacrifice another moment of yours for me. I’ll hate you if you do.”
She glared at me.
I chuckled. “Big words from such a little human.”
At five-four, I was short, but Maize was still shorter.
“I mean it.” She scowled. “You’ve done your job. I’m not a waste of space like Mom and you should be proud of that and make decisions for yourself, like this one.”
“She’s not?—”
“Don’t,” Maize snapped, and I jerked back in shock. We didn’t agree about Mom, but she’d never been so vehement about it before. “Don’t glorify her into a woman she wasn’t. She might have given us money to keep a roof over our heads, but that’s all she gave us, and you know it. You might want to look back and see a woman who loved us, but all I know is that she didn’t love us enough. And now she’s a gigantic loser with her vodka and rotating bed of even bigger losers to keep her company and she deserves it.”
“Maize…” I started, but at the look in her eyes, I stopped.
What she said wasn’t wrong, but we could have had it so much worse. I still remembered the days before the men who hurt her hadn’t completely destroyed her, before she turned to booze and probably worse to handle herself. But we’d had this argument before. No amount of defending Mom would make a lick of difference.
“Fine. I’ll live my life. Happy now?” I might as well have stuck my tongue out at her for as pouty as my words came out.
“No, but I will be once I use the bathroom, change into pajamas, and we move on from this, and you start telling me about this town and all the shit I’ve heard the last couple of days.”
“Pass on that last one.”
“Ugh. You’re no fun.”
She stomped past me and into the guest room while I laughed.
We were grown adults, still young maybe, but adults all the same and when we were together, we still acted like kids.
A heavy, quick succession of thumps hit my front door and I hurried to it. There was only one person who could show up at my house this late at night. One person whose knock would sound so angry.
Still, I was small, and this week’s news had reminded me how unsafe I could be, even here, so I peeked through the narrow window next to my door and threw my door open.
Gavin was pacing my front porch, his back to me, hands in his hair. He wore short sleeves and no coat and had to be freezing. Goose bumps immediately pebbled down my arms as the cold, icy wind slammed into my face and my sock-covered toes curled into the rug at my feet.
I crossed my arms over each other and rubbed them to heat my own body. “Is everything okay?”
He spun, looking as frazzled and bedraggled as he had from the back.
“I’ve been reminded lately that life is short. And difficult. And we should live without regrets.”
“Okay…”
“I haven’t been mad at you because of anything you’ve done, and I haven’t been rude to you because you deserve it.”
Well, this was not at all how I thought our conversation would go the next time I saw him. I shook my head. “I’m not sure I understand.”
Gavin groaned and swiped a hand down his face. His body was tight, muscles bulging on his arms, and his chest heaved with frustration. “I’ve been pissed and confused because for the first time since Monica disappeared, I felt something and haven’t handled that uncertainty well.”
“You make that sound like a bad thing.”
“I’m terrified. But I want to try something.”
“What?”
“This.” He took one large stride and was right in front of me. His hands were at my cheeks. His fingers, cold from the frigid night, made me shiver before they warmed against me, and as his thumb brushed down my jaw, a tremble rolled through me that had nothing to do with the temperature.
“It’s been a while,” he said and chewed on his bottom lip.
“For me, too,” I admitted. Years since I’d felt a man’s kiss. Fumbling early on in college before I decided it wasn’t worth it. But this was different. Gavin was different.
“You can tell me no.”
There was no way I was doing that. No way I was denying myself that. I reached up and wrapped my hands around his wrists. “I won’t.”
A small, weighted chuckle escaped his beautiful lips and then he was leaning forward. His head dipped to the side. I tilted mine to the other.
And then his lips, surprisingly warm, pressed against mine. My eyes widened in surprise at that first brush and then melted closed as he kissed me deeper. Harder. He teased my bottom lip and a whimper escaped my mouth before he sealed his lips over mine and prodded at my lips with his tongue.
I opened, felt that first glorious brush of his tongue against mine, and leaned in.
“Pen—oh! Sorry!”
Gavin jerked back, gaping at the stranger in my doorway, and my sister, with wide, humored eyes, burst out a laugh.
“Oh, I’m sorry. So sorry!”
She slammed the door and vanished behind it.
Gavin was still gaping at the door.
I chortled. This could only happen to me.
The sound I made drew his attention back to me, and a wide, not only embarrassed but exasperated smile filled his face. “I’m never going to get to kiss you properly.”
I couldn’t help it. I busted out with my own laugh and my forehead slammed to his chest without thought, without hesitation.
His arms wrapped around my shoulders and his lips pressed to the top of my head.
“That’s your sister, I take it?”
“Maize, yeah. She just got here a little while ago for break.”
“I was so desperate to get to you I didn’t even think about the car at the curb. That’s my bad. I should have called.”
I pulled back and pressed my hand to his cheek. “I’m glad you didn’t, interruption aside.”
He gazed down at me, and my toes were now curling for an entirely different reason. There was heat in that look. Desire that this time couldn’t be missed. “Josie is at my parents’ tonight. She wanted to help with Thanksgiving tomorrow. I’d invite you and your sister over again for it, but everything considered…”
“It’s okay. And I should get inside. I’ll have some explaining to do.”
He chuckled again, but it ended quickly. “Will you stop by? Later if you can?”
“I’ll see. But I’ll call and let you know.”
“I’ll be waiting.” He leaned in again. This time he kissed me softly but no less desperately, and right as I was ready to say screw Maize and her visit and spending the night with her, he pulled back. “Tell her I said hello.”
He jumped off the porch and hurried to his truck. In my concern about the knock and getting to him, I hadn’t realized he’d parked in my driveway. The lights were still on, beams lighting up the porch.
He hadn’t bothered turning the truck off to get to me.
The thought made me smile as I turned and went back inside.
My back fell against the door and my fingers brushed against my lips.
Maize popped her head around the corner, glass of wine in her hand and a wicked smile on her face. “So… no hot guys in town? You little liar!”
“Shut up.” I laughed. “It’s a long story.”
I went to the fridge and grabbed a sparkling water. Maize tapped her fingernails against the countertop while she waited impatiently, but no less happy given the smile she couldn’t wipe off her face.
I let her stew in her impatience and pulled out a charcuterie tray I’d prepared earlier in the day.
She followed me to the living room, fuming with her need for gossip and watching me squirm. Her gaze never left and she let loose the quietest growl of frustration once I sat down, curled my feet beneath me, twisted off the top of my sparkling water, and popped a cheese chunk into my mouth.
“You make me wait any longer and I’ll tackle you to the floor,” she finally said.
I huffed. “Like you could take me.”
She moved to prove herself, but I shoved a finger in her direction.
“Spill that red wine anywhere and you’re dead to me.”
“Spill your news. Now.”
“He’s a student’s father, Maize, and up until two days ago, I was certain he hated me.”
“Love and hate are a fine line.”
“He’s also a part of that family you wanted all the gossip about, so…”
“He’s a Kelley ?” She said it like he was a Hemsworth brother.
“You’ve heard of them?”
“Well, no. Not until this week.” She climbed up onto the couch opposite me and tucked her feet beneath her. We were practically mirror images of each other save for her ebony, silky hair, she had to have gotten from her father… a man neither of us knew his name. “But I heard it since, and when the news hit yesterday and I heard New Haven mentioned, I did some digging. They’re crazy popular. And like, mildly famous? Which one is your new daddy?”
I tossed a pillow at her. My sister, the gossip queen. “He’s not my daddy, and you should consider changing your major to communications or journalism.”
“I’m dropping out actually.”
“What?! Maize!”
“We’ll get to me later.” She flipped a hand in my direction.
“Uh. No. We absolutely will not move past this. What in the hell are you talking about?”
She sighed but leaned forward enough to set down her wine. “Don’t kill me. I swear I have a plan.”
My anger and fear were growing by the moment. “Maize…”
“I want to be a flight attendant. I swear, I’m not quitting quitting school, but I keep thinking about all the places I want to travel, and it’d take years to save that kind of money. And flight attendants make good money. The travel will suck for a while, but at least I’ll be getting out of Missouri and seeing more places.”
Okay. A flight attendant wasn’t bad. But this was all a surprise. “You’ve been talking about how much you love school.”
“I mean, not the learning part, but I’m going to tough it out through the end of the year and work hard in case this flight stuff falls through, so I still might have to go back, but if I get a job I won’t. I don’t know how to explain it. I just have this itch to go explore, and this gets me doing it.”
“Well, fine.” Tears burned the backs of my eyes, and I blinked them away. I’d had a hard enough time leaving Missouri and being a couple hours away from her. This would change everything. “You could have told me at a better time.”
“Like not right after I caught you making out like a high schooler getting dropped off from a date?” She leaned forward and slapped my leg and then grabbed her wine. “My news is done with, so let’s get back to you and daddy .”
“God,” I muttered. “You have to stop calling him that.”
“If the shoe fits.”
I loved my sister. She was all energy and had a joie de vivre I would never have even on my best and freest days. But this was also why I loved her. Why I envied her.
“His name is Gavin Kelley,” I finally told her. “He’s the fourth Kelley, out of six, I think?” I did the quick math from the stories Faye and Dolly told me and shook my head. “No, the fifth. And he’s a single dad. Had her when he was a teenager. And, like I said, up until this week, he hasn’t been all that nice, at least not consistently.”
I told her about the first night I offered him help with Josie if he needed it. Him walking me home from the bar, and then I reiterated how pissed I was about the car and how he’d handled it. The dinner at his house where I was basically kicked out. I told her everything, like I always did in the past, and when I was done, her wine was forgotten, and she was grinning at me like she was bursting with a secret she couldn’t wait to share.
“That man doesn’t hate you, hasn’t for a single moment,” she said. “That man has been dying to jump your bones and was pissed he couldn’t.”
“Please,” I drawled out.
“It’s amazing how na?ve you can be. You seriously think he saw his daughter’s new teacher and decided to hate her on sight? Please yourself, and then go take a look in the mirror. You’re freaking gorgeous. He was probably pissed there were adults in the room so he couldn’t take you over your teacher desk or something.”
I fought against imagining that and failed. I’d never look at my teacher desk the same way again. “You’ve been reading too many romance books.”
She snorted. “That’s not even a possible thing in life.”
Point conceded. I didn’t spend a ton of time reading, but when I did, it was something with a romantic theme, fantasy or otherwise. “Fine. Whatever. But you must understand why I’m nervous.”
“Only if you’re scared of that dusty, rusty V-card finally being taken, and I can tell you, sister, it really does only hurt the first time.”
I gaped at my sister. The girl I loved more than myself laughed.
“It’s not dusty or rusty, and how did you know?”
“Please. You have virgin written all over you. Come to think of it” —she tapped her chin with her fingertip—“that’s probably why he was rude to you that first night. He was probably overwhelmed by your virgin pheromones, and you scrambled his senses.”
I definitely knew that was impossible.
“Can we stop talking about my V-card?”
“Depends.” She grinned with teeth. “You going to let him have it?”
I took a page out of her own book. “Only if he begs nicely.”
“Now we’re talking.” She got up from the couch, snagging her wineglass on her way. “Just make sure he says please and thank you.”
Sisters. Couldn’t live with them. Couldn’t live without them.