18. Gavin
EIGHTEEN
GAVIN
I was at my door, waiting, as soon as I got the text from Penny a few minutes ago, asking if she could stop by. After texting her back, I gave my living room a quick scan and ensured it was clean. Not like it’d ever bothered her before, but this was different. Her entire reason for being here was different.
It had nothing to do with Josie, nothing to do with dinner or my family or being a good neighbor.
This was about us, hopefully, starting something. Something I knew at least I’d been denying since the moment I saw her. She was bundled up, winter coat wrapped up tightly around with her hood-lined fur pulled up to cover her head. With the boots on her feet and gloves on her hands, I cursed myself for the way I treated her earlier.
I’d kissed her on the porch. With the freezing weather and another threat of snow on the horizon, I hadn’t even considered she’d be cold. Hadn’t been cold myself until I’d climbed back into the heat of my truck.
I hadn’t gone there with the intention of kissing her, not like that. But as soon as I saw her, I couldn’t help myself.
Thank God she hadn’t said no.
Thank God she’d wanted it, too.
She hurried down the street, checking for cars, and as the wind hit, I bit back a laugh and stepped onto the porch. She’d changed from a pair of jeans and sweater earlier, and while I didn’t know what she wore on top, her pink and purple flannel pajama pants billowed in the wind where they were haphazardly tucked into her boots.
She hadn’t changed into something nice to come see me.
She’d thrown on whatever she had or was wearing while she hung with her sister.
Which meant when she reached my porch and glanced up, I was there, smiling down on her. “Hey.”
Her answering smile faltered with nerves and then almost blinded me with its brightness. “Hey yourself.”
“Want to come in?”
“I think we should get off the porch this time, yeah.”
I reached back and opened the door so she could go first. She stomped off her boots and stepped inside.
As she shrugged out of her coat and boots and gloves, I offered her my arm for balance and received a soft but still nervous thank you.
“I’m glad you’re here, that you came,” I told her once she was done and still holding onto my arm. “Want to sit? Watch a movie?”
“A movie?”
“Help me out here.” I chuckled. “It’s been a while since I’ve invited a woman into my home.”
Never had, actually, and my brows puckered with my own hesitation and worry, but I pushed through it as her blue eyes widened.
“No way.”
“Never.” I shrugged it off like it was no big deal, but maybe I’d missed out. I’d been so focused for so long on Josie, which was a good thing, and my career, also a good thing, outside my family, I’d essentially excluded myself.
“Really?” Penny asked and her voice went a little high-pitched.
I grabbed a couple glasses and was filling them with water when she met me in the kitchen. She slid onto the stool on the opposite side of the counter and waited. “You’ve never had a woman in your home?”
She’d already given me honesty, so much more than I deserved, it wouldn’t be fair to hide anything from her, even if I was at risk of embarrassing myself over it.
“There was one girl, a woman, when I was twenty. It lasted a summer, but I was still with my parents then, so no, Penny. I’ve never had a woman here, or anyone around Josie for that matter since then.”
“Wow,” she breathed, chest expanding and then falling with the weight of it. “That’s, well… okay.”
“Is that bad? I mean…”
“No.” She shook her head. Almost frantically. “It’s good. Or, well, it is what it is, but it’s not bad. Not at all.”
There was something there, hiding in her eyes, building a little ball of worry in my stomach as I watched her eyes dance all over the kitchen but not landing on anything.
“I didn’t want you to come over here tonight, and I didn’t show up on your porch today for some kind of one-night stand, you know.” If that was what she thought of me, this might be over before it could begin.
“What?” Her gaze jumped to me and landed. “I don’t. It’s not that, Gavin.” She finally sighed and chewed on her bottom lip. “I wasn’t thinking that, but I’m nervous. Okay? I’m just nervous.”
“Me too.”
I was. Desperately so. To not screw this up. To not end up hurt. To not have Josie end up hurt. There were so many directions this could go, both good and bad, but I’d spent far too long calculating the cost of only the potentially bad outcomes.
“Come here, Penny.” I held out my hand and when hers settled in mine, I tugged her off the stool and around to the couch. I avoided the longer section and took us to the corner where there was a chaise lounge. It was wide enough for two adults, with space, so we’d be close and touching but hopefully not uncomfortably so.
Fortunately for me, she fell easily down with me, me in the corner, slightly angled toward her so she could sit back, legs up.
I plucked at the sleeve of her short but fitted and hot pink shirt. It was also worn and had a white kitten on the front, meowing, with a thought bubble that said, Give me coffee or give me death. “Nice shirt.”
“Not my best look.” She leaned away to set her glass down on the coffee table. “Tell me about the woman, when you were twenty.”
There wasn’t much to tell, only more frustration with a bit of hilarity. Penny would like that part. “It was summer. Ella was home for the summer from college and a year younger than me. It was a rare night I was out with friends who were also back in town, and we hooked up at a Fourth of July bonfire. Spent a few weeks together. We had started talking about keeping things going when she went back to school and then it ended.”
“Why?”
“Josie threw up on her,” I deadpanned, but I wasn’t joking.
Penny barked out a laugh and covered her mouth. “What? She didn’t. How?”
“Josie and I were at the park and Ella met us there. But I’d also taken Josie to the county’s annual fair and carnival before, so she was loaded up on corn dogs and funnel cakes.”
“All the deep-fried fair necessities.” She nodded seriously.
“Exactly. So we were at the park, and I wanted her to meet Ella. I was pushing Josie on the swings, Ella in front and off to the side, and out of nowhere, Josie hurled.”
Penny started giggling and it was difficult not to follow. The rest of the story was jumbled over my own laugh at the memory. All that fried food vomit. It not only looked gross, but it smelled worse. “It landed right on Ella’s legs and feet, and she was in sandals. I thought she was going to throw up.”
“Oh my gosh,” Penny said through her laugh. “What’d she do?”
“Screamed and ran off and texted me later and said she wasn’t ready to be a mom or anything and we should call it off.”
Her smile wiped away. “I’m sorry. I mean, the story is funny and you can’t really blame her?—”
“I don’t. I didn’t.”
“But it hurt.”
“To know the best thing to ever happen to me in my life might be the reason I never found a partner? A wife someday? Yeah, that sucked, Penny.”
She leaned closer, pressed her palm to my cheek, and like earlier, that fervent need bloomed hard and fast. “You’re a good dad. A really great one, especially for protecting Josie from the opposite. I hope you know that.”
I did, but maybe not to the extent I now understood about how differently I could have chosen to live my life. Penny had, for all intents and purposes, been a Josie, and her life had gone so differently.
“Thank you,” I murmured and dropped my head. I hadn’t meant to go for a kiss, not really, only comfort, but she turned and this time, Penny was pressing her lips to mine.
It was soft, tentative, but as my mouth opened, hers responded with a quiet hum of pleasure and then her hand on me was pressing with more force. She kissed me back as we gained confidence in what each other liked, and soon, I was leaning toward her, pushing her back into the couch. I was hard beneath my sweatpants, and I tried to be a gentleman, tried to keep that part off her, tried to give this time, but it’d been so long since I’d felt the touch of a woman like this, felt this desperate need inside of me that had nothing to do with the erection straining against my boxer briefs.
This was deeper. Went far beyond the physical pleasure I received from her as she took from me.
She scooched down on the couch, and I followed her until I was braced on an elbow, leaning down and kissing her. My free hand went to her side, rested at her ribs, and as my thumb brushed against the soft, exposed flesh of her stomach, the most glorious whimper fell from her lips.
Yes , give me more. More of those sounds. I wanted to say, but instead, I kissed her harder. Showed her how much I liked what I was doing to her, what she was giving me with my tongue, mouth, and hand that I forced not to wander too high or too low.
I pulled my mouth off hers, drawing back far enough to see her eyes flutter open. Her cheeks were flushed, lips wet, and her eyes glazed over with a desire I knew had to match mine. She leaned up for more, but I brushed my lips over hers before changing direction.
I wanted to memorize every inch of her with my lips and my hands, but I focused on her jaw. The soft column of her throat that smelled like her sweet, floral perfume, and then back to her ear. As soon as I scraped my teeth over her ears, she bucked up against me.
“Oh,” she whimpered, hips moving, curling, arching. Her hands were at my hips, running up my sides and to my shoulders before her nails dragged back down my sweatshirt.
Next time we did this, I’d be wearing a thinner shirt so I could feel that better.
I took a risk, brushed my thumb along the waistband of her pants, and then slipped my fingers beneath.
She froze instantly and flinched.
I leaned up on my elbow. “You don’t want that.”
It wasn’t a question, but a statement. Her reaction was obvious and as I pulled my fingers out and slid them back to her hip, she wrapped her hand around my wrist.
“It’s okay, Penny. It’s okay not to want that right now.”
“You should know something.” She bit her bottom lip. I tugged my gaze off that and back to her eyes that were now swirling with a mix of desire and nerves.
“What? It’s okay.” I went to push off, to give her more space, more room, but she held me right where I was with her hand at my wrist and her other still at my back.
“No, don’t go. I just… I need a second. But I like this. You here.”
Okay. Her gaze dropped to my throat, to the space between us where her breasts were barely brushing against my sweatshirt.
“I’ve never done this. Well, I mean… I’ve never…”
I twisted my hand that was in hers and slipped it off her waist to cup her cheek. I shoved up on my other arm to my hand, so I was hovering over her, more space between us.
“You’ve never made out with a boy on his couch?” I teased, only to lighten the moment, erase those nerves growing in her sky-blue eyes.
“Um… no, actually, I don’t think I have.” She huffed a laugh and grinned. “But mostly, yeah. I mean, I’ve kissed a few boys and there was some awkward fumbling and touching, but that’s it.”
My head dropped and I brushed my nose over hers. “You’re a virgin,” I guessed.
She swallowed and a whispered, “Yeah,” escaped her. “I never wanted to be my mom.”
That I understood. Completely. “Come here, Penny.”
I sat up and pulled her with me until my back was against the couch and she was straddling my lap. I cupped her cheeks with my hands and held her close, leaned in and kissed her. It was quick but soft, and I pulled back before I could lose myself in her all over again.
“I’m sorry,” she said, and I shook my head.
“There’s nothing to be sorry about. I understand why you’d make those choices, and you have to keep something in mind.”
“What?” Her brows arched.
“I had a kid at fifteen and spent a lot of years angry and pissed off and not wanting anything to do with a woman who would betray me like Monica did. Plus, I had a little girl to take care of. And then I had a few weeks with Ella. I’m not exactly riding the guy with the most sex experience train.”
She chuckled and fell toward me. “I liked what we were doing, but I wanted you to know before it went further. In case…”
“There’s no in case. You couldn’t turn me off if you tried, and I’m glad I know. We’ll take this at your pace.”
Her gaze seared me, like she was inspecting me for lies or trickery, but I was as open with her as I’d ever been with anyone. I meant every word. I might have wanted to explore things in greater detail, but I could wait. It’d be torture, but I had no doubt the rewards would be exquisite.
“Come on.” I ran my hands up and down her back. “Let’s get you home.”
“But—”
I kissed her, pressed my mouth to hers, and stole her breath as my own went ragged. Her hands dug into my hair, holding me against her and soon, we were a mess of heavy breathing, hands wandering over each other’s bodies over clothes. I was hard again, never really softening, but as she rocked herself against me, I bit back a groan and stilled her hips.
God, I wanted that. For her to keep rocking. For her to find her own release as much as my body screamed at me to take mine.
Not this way. Not this first night, and not while we were clothed and rushing.
“Stop,” I moaned, and I couldn’t believe I was putting the brakes on this. “That’s enough.”
“But…”
“But I don’t want to finish in my pants like I did when I was a teenager. I want to take my time with you, Penny. Want to do this right.”
A soft smile curled her lips. “Okay. I should go then.”
I lifted us and set her on her feet. “We’ll have more nights like this, and soon. I swear it.”
I walked her to the door, waited while she redressed herself in boots and gloves and hat, and once I opened the door for her to leave, I kissed her.
“Text me when you’re safe in bed.”
She glanced at her house. “You’ll be on the porch until I get inside, Gavin.”
And so had Isaiah with Ava not even a week ago. “Humor me.”
Her smile flatlined, along with the tease in her tone. “Okay. If that’s what you need.”
“I do. For now.”
She rolled to her toes and kissed my cheek. “Then you’ll have it. Sleep well.”
“I’ll sleep better tonight than I have in years,” I called out to her, quietly given the night, and her response was that blinding, beautiful smile that could light up all the darkness in all the world.
I waited until she was in her house. Waited until she turned off lights and waited until she texted me that she was safe, and the doors were locked.
Only then did I go inside, locked my own house up and closed it down for the night.
I climbed into bed but didn’t go to sleep, not immediately.
I took my time, remembering the feel of her body, the sounds she made, and how much she seemed as desperate for me to touch her as I’d been to do the same. I fantasized about all the things I could teach her, all the things we could learn together, and it was then… once I was done … that I was able to finally fall asleep.
And then, I absolutely had the most amazing night of sleep in my life.
I rose with the sun before it fully crested and the morning sky was light with oranges and pinks, brushing awake the dark of night. Usually an early riser due to Josie, I threw on a pair of jeans and a shirt. After I got up and got moving for the day, I needed to head to the ranch. I’d promised Dalton I’d help him with some work around the land before Thanksgiving, so I didn’t need to get ready quite yet.
Thanksgiving. It was a day to be thankful and after last night’s events, I was thankful for more than my family this year.
I poured a cup of coffee I’d had set to brew the night before, ready before Penny ever came over, and jumped at the harsh, shrill sound of my doorbell going off. Repeatedly. Like it was an emergency.
I rushed to the door, expecting to see Penny on the other side, maybe desperate for a morning kiss. I had no problems with that.
Instead, it was her sister. Same ebony hair as I’d briefly seen last night. Her cheeks were pink, eyes still sleepy and darker than Penny’s, but other than that, they were pretty much mirror images of each other.
“Is she okay?” I barked. Why else would she be here? I leaned back inside to grab my boots when Maize laughed.
Laughed at me, and then turned to the side and stepped into my home.
Uninvited.
And seemingly unbothered by my panic.
“She’s fine. I wanted to talk to you.”
I stepped back because I had no choice and closed the door behind her. “Does she know you’re here?”
“Nope.” She popped the P and scanned my house. I had the sudden sense this was a test, there’d be a grilling to come, and she was ferreting out exactly what kind of man I was.
“Penny told you about us, I take it.”
“She’s told me lots of things, about you, the town, your family…” she trailed off and wandered into my home.
The nerve of this woman to be so blasé. I followed her and settled in for the reason for her visit.
“Penny’s sleeping,” she finally said, resting her hip against my kitchen island. “Nice house. Feels homey. I like it.”
I grabbed my coffee and slid it toward me. “Happy to meet your approval.”
“She came home last night, late. I assume she snuck out and came here?”
“I wasn’t aware she snuck out from anyone, but yes, she was here.”
“Good.” She nodded and then pointed at my coffee. “Mind if I get one of those? I did the same and snuck out as soon as I woke so I could talk to you.”
“I thought older sisters were supposed to be the overprotective ones,” I grumbled but went to the cupboard above my coffee pot and grabbed one for her. And since my mom would kick my ass for not being a gentleman, I asked, “Cream or sugar?”
“Black like my soul is fine,” Maize quipped.
“Nice.” I set the coffee mug down in front of her. “You have things to say then?”
“Penny said she told you about our mom.”
I leaned back against the counter, facing her. “She did.”
“She’s distorted that image of her to make her seem better than she was.”
That was entirely possible. I figured everyone, especially their children, wanted to see the best in their parents. But given what she’d said about men, I tensed. “She told me none of the men hurt her, Penny I mean.”
Maize shrugged, the move so similar to Penny it was uncanny. “That was probably my mom’s only success as a parent.”
“Good.”
“Yeah, except Destiny Starr—that’s my mom’s stripper name, by the way, but the only name she went by—is a horrible, wretched, and broken woman.”
“I would think being kicked out at sixteen when you’re pregnant would leave its mark on anyone.”
“And I get why, given your age and own experience, you could sympathize with that, but it wasn’t what she did to raise us, or Penny really, it was how .”
Point made and taken. I sipped my coffee and let the woman speak. She’d clearly come for some reason.
“Our mom, from what I remember, was always selfish. If someone wasn’t standing right in front, she forgot their existence, and that’s not an exaggeration. She wouldn’t give Penny money to take care of me. Penny stole it from her purse before she could cash in her tips at the bank. She didn’t take us with her to her club so we could hang out and play with makeup like Penny likes to imagine. She would get pissed when we wanted to go with her because we were too scared to stay home by ourselves. It was things like that, that for some reason Penny has sugarcoated.”
“I understand the difference, but I’m not sure why it matters? Let Penny think her mom tried. What’s the harm?”
Maize scoffed. “Because when those men started coming around and hurting our mom? She gave up completely. I wouldn’t be alive if it weren’t for Penny and it pisses me off that she doesn’t see all the great things she did, but she shouldn’t have had to do any of them. And Penny doesn’t know how much worse things got when she left, or what I had to do to make sure I was safe. Our mom now lives at the bottom of a vodka bottle, barely able to make money to take care of herself, and when her tips are bad or when she’s had some bad months, guess who she goes to for help?”
Oh. Damn. “Penny.”
“It’s not often, at least I don’t think it is, but once or twice a year, maybe? And Penny doesn’t have that money to give, but she always does. Our mom is a taker and a leach, and I’m tired of Penny being the person who gives to every single person around her, yet she receives nothing in return. She deserves better than that, and I don’t want to see her hurt, not when she finally made a choice to do something for herself.”
I took that to mean moving here, getting away from it all. Maybe that was part of the appeal for Penny, to put distance from a woman she clearly loved, who had never done right by her, but she still couldn’t manage to stay away from.
“Understood,” I finally said. I couldn’t force Penny not to help her mom, but maybe if she saw healthier relationships at work, she’d see how toxic hers was and come to the realization herself.
It was too damn bad today wasn’t the day I could take her home. Not with the family and house so tense.
“I know I’ve been rude, and I won’t apologize for it, but I came today to beg you not to hurt her. I swear, you give her a chance and she’ll have you so happy you’ll feel like you’re floating on air for the rest of your life. That’s what she does. She gives everything to others. But don’t take it all either, and don’t start something unless you’re serious.”
“I am,” I interrupted. If there’d been doubt before, I damn sure knew it now. Penny was too damn special to ever feel otherwise. “And so you know, the days of her giving everything to everyone and getting nothing in return are over.”
“Good. I knew I liked you.” She gave me a fake salute before draining the rest of her coffee and moved toward the front door. “See you around, Gavin Kelley.”
I met her there and stepped out onto the porch. Like Penny, I’d make sure she got home safely too.
“Oh, one more thing.” Maize turned around on my driveway. “Her birthday is in ten days and she’s never had a birthday party. I bought her cupcakes when she turned eighteen and you’d have thought I gave her a million dollars. You throw something for her, and even I will love you forever.”
Done. Absolutely. Jenny Kelley knew how to throw a party, and even better, that was close to Josie’s. She wouldn’t mind sharing one time.
“How about I do you one better and fly you back in for it?”
She gave me a look of approval and then a nod. “You just keep getting better.”
That was the plan, at least in Penny’s eyes. But if I won Maize’s approval too, it’d only help.