Chapter 15 #3
“I played like my life depended on it. As my C.O., needing his approval had already been ingrained in me by that point, so I played the last song the guys and I had written before I left for basic training. Ironically, it was about living a life true to yourself. I sang the lyrics like my soul was on fire. I guess Grant read between the lines though because I didn’t even make it all the way through the song before he reached out and took the guitar from me.
He placed his palms on my cot on either side of me and said, you made a believer out of me.
I think you’re something special, Sergeant, and right now I want to break every rule there is if you’ll let me.
When he kissed me, it felt like my heart was beating for the first time.
Like I could finally pull oxygen deep enough into my lungs to satisfy every capillary.
His hands were rough but his touches were soft and slow.
I think he didn’t want to scare me off, but I already knew I was bisexual and Grant was…
god, Grant was everything. Smart, determined, loyal, intimidating as all fuck, a solid leader, and well on his way to becoming a general.
Things with he and Hailey took off when we got back and the closer I got to them, the more Luke pulled away.
Or maybe it was me that became distant, but either way, Luke grew to resent the time I spent with the Tomlins.
He knew I was with them, even if, at first, he didn’t know why.
“It took about six months for him to catch Hailey and I, and it was on our next deployment that he caught me with Grant. He went above Grant’s head with the information as soon as we got home.
I was transferred out of the unit, Grant was demoted and put on probation.
He knew he’d never make General with that in his file, so he killed himself during a training jump.
He put the chute on, he just never pulled the cord …
and I’m so fucking angry at Luke for backing Grant into a corner where he felt like that was his only option. ”
“But part of you is still in love with Luke, aren’t you?” I ask, taking advantage of his pause, lost in thought.
“I don’t want to be. But I’ll never forget his shy smile the day we met or what it felt like watching his blood stain the dirt as he bled out in front of me.”
“Ohmygod! What happened?”
“We were under heavy gunfire with not much cover. He was trying to…buy me time to get behind a wall…and took a bullet to the chest.”
The look of agony that flashes across Sloan’s face prevents me from asking any follow up questions about that day. Obviously, Luke pulled through. That’s what matters.
“I think you should talk to him about all of this, Sloan. You said you feel yourself changing, maybe he’s changing too?
He didn’t exactly pull away from that kiss,” I point out, trying hard to ignore the flutter of my heart at the prospect of not only these two healing, but maybe getting to keep them both.
“For what it’s worth, Sloan, I think he’s in love with you too.
” It’s risky saying it out loud, but after hearing the whole story, my heart hurts immensely for them, and if there’s any chance Sloan and Luke can repair this, I want to help.
This is definitely beyond the realm of “easy” and I’d have to be a sadist to consider this level of pain “fun”, but maybe Sloan isn’t the only one changing, even if it could possibly end with him choosing Luke over me, I want him to have what he needs.
Sloan kisses the top of my head. “Well, add it to the list of reasons you shouldn’t make out with him then.” His tone tells me he’s teasing, the heaviest portion of the story is over and he’s ready to move on.
“Oh, no,” I sass. “He’s definitely into me too. Hell, I’m the comfort zone. Think of me as the bridge,” I chuckle. “He needs me in order to be comfortable getting naked with you.”
“So, you’re saying you’re the gateway to gay sex?”
“Exactly!” I think about what he just said and laugh. “No, wait. Not like having sex with me will make him only want gay sex,” I try to clarify.
“Oh, please, keep talking.” Sloan smiles and my heart expands to twice its current size.
Turning serious, I do what I do best and throw it all out there.
“I mean, what if you talk to him and offer for you both to have sex with me? Then everyone wins. He can test the waters of his newly found gayness, I get to fuck you both, and you get to see if you can overcome your past and finally have your cake and eat it too. Maybe you can recover what you lost.”
“Maybe,” he finally concedes, albeit slowly. “But that needs more thought. I don’t like feeling like I’m using you as bait.”
“I’m the one who suggested it,” I remind him, still coming to terms with my growing feelings for Sloan and for them as a couple.
“Still, it leaves a weird taste in my mouth. If we were to pursue him together that’s one thing, but he needs to know we come as a package deal.
Regardless of what he considers his sexual orientation to be, I don’t know that he can handle this lifestyle.
I don’t know that you can handle this lifestyle. ”
I want to buck at his words simply because I don’t like being told I can’t do something. But before I allow myself to respond out of immature habit, I take a second to recognize the seriousness of the situation.
“That’s fair, just don’t take too long or you could lose him again. I think he was really stripped raw by that kiss.”
“Speaking of stripped and raw…” Sloan says as he rolls on top of me and pushes inside. We’re already naked — hence the word stripped — and Sloan has been fucking me without condoms for months —hence the word raw.
I groan as he slowly slides himself in and out, resting on his elbows, his fingers laced on top of my head, giving himself leverage to seat himself as far in me as my body will allow. He angles his hips hitting a spot that makes me see stars.
This is the first time I’ve felt like Sloan and I are in the kind of relationship where his problems are my problems, and my stress is his stress…I don’t hate it. In fact, I’m starting to like it.
Emma’s voice rings in my head as Sloan fills me to the brim: that’s because you’re in love with him.