Chapter 24
Jen
Iwalk down the hallway focusing on my phone, squinting under the horrible fluorescent lights.
I don’t want to come across as needy, but also, what’s the point of having two boyfriends if they’re only available at the same time?
Things with Luke only seem to move forward when Sloan is home.
He and I need to find common ground if we’re going to make this work.
I can come to you this time?
Okay.
He sends me the address and a gate code to his condo complex but gives little else away. I can’t read Luke’s headspace via text quite yet. Sloan is all exclamations and emojis whereas Luke is one or two word sentences. It must be the military officer in him.
With Sloan back on the road, I’ve done my usual schedule overload to keep myself busy but today I’m feeling antsy and after a lengthy conversation with Emma and a text to Sloan, I was encouraged to reach out to Luke.
I’m so busy trying to analyze Luke’s last text that I almost slam into a man coming out of one of the patient rooms.
“Oh! I’m so sorry,” I say automatically before looking up and seeing a man who looks to be about Sloan’s age.
I can’t help but notice the way he eyes me appreciatively.
When I step around him, not even sending a flirty word or a second glance his way, I know I’m falling harder for Sloan and maybe even beginning to stumble for Luke as well.
I barely have the door to my Camry shut at the end of my shift before I’m calling Emma back.
“Hey, Jen!” The smile in her voice brings out my own. Ryan has been so good for her and even better to her. As he should, unless he wants to face my wrath.
“Em, what does one wear to her boyfriend’s house when they both know they’re going to get naked for the first time without their other boyfriend there?” I ask. “I mean, nothing new, right? I feel like I should wear something Sloan has seen before so he doesn’t feel like he’s missing out.”
Emma giggles in the phone. “I think you’re overthinking it. Wear whatever you want because as you pointed out, it’s most likely coming off quickly anyway.”
“This feels weird,” I admit. I called because I’m out of my element here and I need more than wardrobe advice.
“Weird because Sloan isn’t there?” she prompts.
“Yeah, I think so. I mean, Sloan texted me big smiles and kissy faces and told me to have fun. And God, Luke is sexy as hell…and ugh…I can’t believe I’m about to admit this out loud.”
“You’re in love with Sloan.” It’s a statement. Not a question.
“Yes,” I finally admit. “I’m in love with Sloan.”
It feels kind of good to say it out loud. It actually makes me want to say it to him. Suddenly, I’m giddy with the realization.
I flip my turn signal on and merge onto the highway toward Sloan’s house to get ready to go to Luke’s while continuing my rant.
“But this is new territory for me. I don’t usually do feelings at all, and now I’m in love with one man…
and maybe even developing feelings for another one…
at the same time, although it’s still early on that front.
” Emma’s cackle in the phone makes me start giggling. “What’s so funny?”
“That’s appropriate since you’re also getting dick from those same two men…at the same time.” She laughs harder, causing me to follow suit.
“Em-ma,” I gasp through my laughter. “How do I do this alone with Luke tonight without feeling like the scale is unbalanced without Sloan?”
Finally growing serious, Emma says, “Why don’t you and Luke FaceTime Sloan while you’re together so he’s included too? He’d probably get off watching you and since he’s the link between you two, I bet it’ll be more comfortable with him there, even if it’s just through the phone screen.”
“Em!” I yell. “Why didn’t I think of that?” Hell, we even talked about it at dinner the night the three of us got together.
“Because you’re too busy over there planning your outfit like you’re going to the Grammys and not about to get dicked down by half of your man-harem.”
“Can you grab coffee tomorrow?”
“I will cancel every plan just to make sure I’m available.”
“So, you have no plans,” I laugh.
“Correct. Other than seeing my nephew. Care to dish to all the girls?”
“Probably easier just to say it once anyway.” Our group is so intertwined that they would eventually hear the story one way or another.
Might as well just tell it to everyone so all the details are right, otherwise it’ll end up as one, giant, fucked up game of telephone where the last person is going to think I’m pregnant with one twin belonging to Luke and one belonging to Sloan and we’re running away to join a commune.
“Truer words have never been spoken. Enjoy your night and I’m always just a phone call away if you start freaking out again.”
“Thanks, Em. I’ll fill you all in on how it goes tomorrow.”
I pull into Sloan’s garage a few minutes later to shower and change before hitting the road to D.C. Usually exhausted after my shifts, the adrenaline of this new relationship has me wide awake and alert.
I shoot Luke a text to let him know I’m on my way which has my nerves firing on all cylinders, but I like it.
Luke calls me when my GPS says I’m twenty minutes out.
“Hey,” I answer.
“Hey,” he parrots. “I’m going to swing by for some dinner on my way home. Make yourself comfortable. There’s a keypad to get in. The code is seven-four-seven-eight-star.
For some reason, his trust sends warm fuzzies fluttering through my chest, and I ruin the moment by opening my stupid mouth.
“Wow, you already trust me with the code to your apartment?”
Forget the warm fuzzies, the low chuckle that comes out with his answer shoots pure fire straight between my legs. “Considering you were present the first time I ever kissed another man and the fact that we’ve already slept together, yeah, I trust you with my door code.”
His mention of our tryst sets me at ease, happy to know we aren’t going to dance around it. “Right. See you soon.”
After giving my name to the gate attendant, I park in a visitor spot and easily navigate my way to Luke’s condo grateful for a chance to explore and go pee without him being home quite yet. Maybe he’ll have some wine in the fridge.
His condo building is swanky. Instead of stairs with outdoor entrances, this looks more like a posh hotel. There’s a lobby with a bank of mailboxes next to two sets of gleaming elevators.
He didn’t tell me what floor his unit is on but I’m guessing since his address is 824, he’s on the eighth floor.
As the elevator doors ding, alerting me to their arrival, I step inside with my mouth agape.
The back of the elevator is glass, just like the back portion of the elevator shaft.
Behind this building is a manicured lawn and a small, but beautiful lake with what looks like a walking trail around it.
People are walking dogs, going for a jog, and pushing strollers.
It seems like a nice place for the affluent to live.
Mental note: never invite Luke to my apartment.
Don’t get me wrong…I’m proud of it. I found it, applied for it, qualified for it, and pay for it all on my own, but apparently Luke either sells government secrets or grew up as a trust fund baby like Ryan.
When I reach the eighth floor, I scan the numbers outside each condo until I’m certain I’m in the correct spot and give myself a mental pat on the back when I’m standing outside the door to unit 824.
I punch in the code and smile when I hear the lock release.
Sloan isn’t a slob, especially considering he lives alone in a bachelor pad.
He sticks to a pretty strict routine and even though he could literally pay people to do everything for him — including move him to a bigger house with a full staff — he only has someone do his grocery shopping and mow his grass, and he keeps the rest of the cozy, un-fancy house respectably clean and organized all on his own.
But this…this is bougie. A wall of windows overlooks the same little lake I saw on the elevator ride up.
Luke’s walls are white and although the condo is sparsely decorated, it’s tasteful.
There are plaques and framed photos of Luke shaking hands with various service members.
Medals and pendants hang in framed boxes on the walls.
There’s a dark gray couch, oddly similar to Sloan’s, but this one is less tattered and is an L shape instead of only having four cushions straight across.
A television is mounted over a white brick fireplace and an area rug is under the glass coffee table.
It's painfully clear there are no pets or small children that frequent this space. It kind of intimidates me.
I quickly locate the guest bathroom and freshen up. On my way back to the kitchen, a framed medal stops me in my tracks.
Luke’s purple heart. I saw the puckered scar from the bullet he took for Sloan. How am I supposed to compete with that? Starting to feel uneasy, I pull my eyes away from the award and head straight for the fridge.
Please let there be wine. Please let there be wine. I pray silently as I open the door.
No wine.
What kind of monster…
“Jen?” I hear Luke call from the doorway.
I peek my head around the corner of the small kitchen.
“In here, Lu…oh.” I don’t know why I was so nervous.
Hot guys are literally my jam, and Luke is one of the hottest. “Why, hello, soldier.” He’s in his camo fatigues today, sharply reminding me that along with protecting his patients, he protects this country.
I see him fight a smile as I saunter over to him being my absolutely ridiculous self, trying to lighten the tension I’m carrying.
“Battlefield training simulations today,” he explains, a hint of uncertainty in his deep voice. I catalog every striped bar on his shoulder wanting to know about them all.
“Sounds interesting. I’d love to know more. Also, you have no wine.”
He holds up the bags in his hands, giving me an offended look. “What kind of monster do you think I am?”
“Oh, thank God.” I laugh as I try to take the bag but he moves away from me, raising the bags over my head and out of my reach.
“I also have Chinese food, Mexican food, and burgers.”
“Christ, Luke. How much food do you think I eat?” I laugh, looking down at my waist for emphasis. “Unless,” I smirk looking up again, “you got reinforcements because you’re going to fuck thirty thousand calories out of me?” I ask playfully.
His smile returns but his words don’t sound like he’s joking. “You really are insatiable, aren’t you?”
“Only for the things I crave.”
Luke reaches in the cabinet for the glasses after setting the bags on the counter. “I’ll pour, you pick which meal you want.”
As I’m opening lids, surveying my options, Luke starts again.
“Jen, I hope you’ll forgive me if I’m not quite sure what tonight looks like.
I’m not nearly as suave as Sloan. He always did the talking.
I’m pretty sure I only ever got action because I was Sloan’s wingman.
I’d never admit this to his face, but he’s actually quite impossible to compete with. ”
Luke’s vulnerable honesty causes my heart to open even more for him.
“I don’t expect you to compete with him, Luke. I’m attracted to you because of you. Not because of who you are to Sloan. You shine in your own right, you know.”
The pink tint to his cheeks tells me he isn’t used to such compliments.
“That’s kind of you to say.”
Not wanting to embarrass him further, I turn back to the boxes of food and begin to put the meals on plates. I take the enchiladas for myself. “Which one will you be having?”
He glances over to see what’s left. “I’ll take the Chinese food.”
Once the wine is poured and our meals are served, I ask the question I’ve been burning to know. “How long have you been in love with him?”
He chokes on the bite of sesame chicken he just stuck in his mouth and even knowing it won’t help, I pat him on the back as he coughs it up.
Finally, he takes a hearty sip of his wine after stalling for another ten seconds by swirling it around his glass as if it holds all the answers to my question.
“Our first night of basic training, I had something akin to a panic attack. Self-doubt over whether or not I would make it in the military, regret over my choice to enlist, and an overwhelming sense of loneliness had me hyperventilating and clutching my chest thinking I was having a heart attack. Sloan climbed out of his bunk, grabbed his guitar, sat next to me, and started singing. Just focus on the sound of my voice, he’d said.
He sang until I could draw a full breath almost an hour later.
What I felt emotionally far exceeded gratitude, and what I felt physically, well, I spent the next ten years pretending I had no physical reaction every time he was near me. ”
The pinch of Luke’s brow is full of shame and regret and suddenly a thought occurs to me, raising my hackles. Along with jealousy, possessiveness is another foreign characteristic for me, but I feel it rising to the surface now.
“Luke, you can’t use Sloan as your coming-out experiment. He wouldn’t survive that.”
Luke sets his fork down and turns to face me, taking on a possessive tone of his own.
“I appreciate your concern for him. I really do, and I can’t even say it’s unwarranted.
But even though I’ve struggled through this more than I’d like to admit, I can promise I’ll never be the reason he hurts ever again.
If he asked me to slit my wrists just so he could watch me bleed, I’d do it.
Whatever you two have, I won’t get in the way of, and I promise to be here for you too, but I’m not leaving unless he tells me to go.
Watching Sloan walk away is the worst thing that can happen to a person.
And I wouldn’t survive it again either.”
The vehement conviction in his voice catches me slightly off guard. Like he’s ready to throw down over his place in Sloan’s life being questioned.
It figures just as I realize I’m developing my own feelings for Sloan, someone else would waltz right in fuck it all up. Although I was the one that pushed to get these two together, I couldn’t have known it would be at the expense of my own budding relationship.
Before Luke and I can take this conversation any further, his phone rings.
Sloan’s calling him on FaceTime. My heart sinks. Sloan called Luke on FaceTime while my phone stays completely silent.
Picking up my wine glass, I wrestle with the possibility that Sloan needs Luke more than he needs me.